


(Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, Clarke) Please Don't Take Him Just Because You Can

by QueenoftheWallflowers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Artist Clarke Griffin, Babies, Background Poly, Bartender Bellamy Blake, Bellarke Bingo, Clarke and Josie are family, Confession, F/M, Gabriel and Bellamy are friends, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Jolene (Dolly Parton), Jealous Clarke Griffin, Jealous Echo, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, One Big Happy Family, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Character Death, Past Sexual Assault, Running Away, kiss in the rain, manipulative Echo, the cardigan makes an appearance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2020-09-25 02:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 84,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20369206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheWallflowers/pseuds/QueenoftheWallflowers
Summary: Bellamy and Echo are happy, then Clarke Griffin comes back and everything falls apart.~Inspired by Dolly Parton’s Jolene ~





	1. 1.  He Talks About You In His Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> [ ](https://imgbb.com/)
> 
> _ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_  
_I'm begging of you please don't take my man_  
_ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_  
_Please don't take him just because you can_  
\- Dolly Parton's Jolene

The first time she had laid eyes on Bellamy Blake, he had been working behind the bar at Grounder’s, serving drinks on a Wednesday night, flirting with patients, and busy chatting with a busty blonde woman and a tall man with a beanie.  
He was tall, with broad shoulders, and a head full of dark curls.  
She was very much interested in finding out how the curls would feel and look in between her legs.  
Echo had just moved to Arkadia and after a long first few days at her new job, she had decided to check out her neighborhood bar before heading home to bed.  
Ideally, she wouldn’t be going home alone.  


Seeing the curly-haired bartender only told her that she had made the right choice.  
She admired his dark curly hair which she wanted to run her fingers through and admired his big strong hands and when he smiled at her, she pressed her legs together.  
She tilted her head and fingered her shirt, undoing the first few buttons of her shirt. His eyes flickered down and she smiled.  
She opened her mouth to flirt with him, but his coworker cockblocked her.  
"Blake!"  


The bartender turned and she took the opportunity to admire his backside as he walked away from her, not sparing her a second glance.  
She watched as Blake spoke to the couple at the bar across from her and as and as the man with the beanie took off with a wave, the blonde, however, didn’t leave her seat.  
She watched Blake pass the girl another drink and a bottle of water before he went to serve another patron.  
Echo had tried flirting with Blake the few times he gave her a drink and he had smiled and flirted back but at the end of the night, he left with his arm around the blonde girl, who she heard him teasingly call "princess."  
She frowned disappointed but not surprised as his attention has been on her for most of the night.  


She went home to an empty apartment and her vibrator which died halfway through leaving her unsettled.  
She had come to the bar a few times since then, only to see him laughing and talking to the blonde in between serving drinks.  
She figured the busty blonde was his girlfriend and settled for simply admiring him from afar.  
After all, there was no harm in looking and if he ever broke up with the blonde she was definitely going to make a move.

* * *

Her day came three months after she had moved there. She had stopped going to bar every weekend as work had begun piling up and she began to make friends.  
That particular night, she had finished work late and all she wanted to do was have a drink or two and find someone to take home and relieve some stress. She had been coming home from work late and was too tired to recharge her vibrator and most mornings she would be running late to remember to plug it in. It was a sad and vicious cycle.

He had been sitting at the bar, all alone, several shots in front of him, hand around a beer, shoulders hunched, and it had taken her a moment to recognize him because she was used to seeing him on the other side of the bar, serving the drinks. She was used to seeing him attached to the busty blonde.  
But the busty blonde was missing and he looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.  


And she had always found him cute, with his freckles and curly hair so she approached him, unbuttoning the first few buttons of her shirt and shaking out her hair from its ponytail.  
The bartender behind the bar frowned at her but she paid him no attention, she was not trying to get his attention. She slid into the seat next to the curly-haired bartender.  
"Rough night?"  
He turned and looked at her gave her a smile that made her toes curl despite his sad eyes.  
"Rough week." His voice was deep and hoarse and she shivered.  
She placed a hand on his arm and tilted her head invitingly.  
"Let me buy you a drink?"  
She could see the hesitation on his face and she wondered if he and the blonde had split up. She didn’t mind being the rebound if it meant she got to find out what his head in between her thighs felt like.  
She could see him thinking it over and she smiled warmly.  
He held out his hand.  
"Bellamy Blake."  
"Echo."  
“Just Echo?”  
“Just Echo.” 

That was the beginning.  
One drink became two which became four and then he was kissing her against the wall of the bar after they had been kicked out at closing, the bartender frowning at her he spoke to Bellamy in a hushed voice. She observes the two and watched Bellamy shove the skinner boy away angrily before he turned to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. The bartender looked frustrated.  
“Bellamy.”  
Bellamy ignored him.  
“Sorry about that. Murphy doesn't know how to mind his own business.”

Bellamy called them a ride and he kept his hand firmly on her thigh during the car ride, squeezing and letting his fingers drift up and down her leg, a promise as to what is to come.  
The second they entered her apartment, he had dropped to his knees and pressed her against the wall, his hands lifting her skirt up, (and it was even better than she imagined it). They barely made it to the bedroom, clothes were scattered all over her apartment. When she woke up, it was to find him making breakfast and apology in his eyes. She laughed as his eyes widened when she came out of the room naked. She could get used to this.  
He left her house but not before she got his number and a date.  
That date leads to a handful of other dates which lead to them dating for what was now going to be four months.

* * *

__  
_Your beauty is beyond compare_  
_With flaming locks of auburn hair_  
_With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green_  
_Your smile is like a breath of spring_  
_Your voice is soft like summer rain_  
_And I cannot compete with you _  
_Jolene _  
_He talks about you in his sleep _  
_And there's nothing I can do to keep _  
_From crying when he calls your name _  
_Jolene _  
__

* * *

She really liked Bellamy Blake and when she had met him that night she had thought he had seemed heartbroken but he had never told her why he was at the bar that might or who had broken his heart, not that she dared to ask. She didn’t have to.  
Since the moment he had brought her to Sunday brunch, a month after she had taken him home, all eyes were on them, and through overhearing whispered conversations, she had learned a lot about who the busty blonde girl Bellamy used to hang out with was.  
Her name was Clarke Griffin, his best friend, former roommate, and according to his sister, his other half.  
Echo had only heard her name said in whispers.

__  
_Remember when Bellamy and Clarke…_  
_That’s Clarke's spot. Why is she sitting in her spot!_  
_Bellamy and Clarke… Dad and Mom of the group_  
_I have never see my brother look at someone they way he looks at Clarke._  
_Clarke misses him. _  
_Bellamy misses Clarke. _  
_They love each other... just too stubborn. _  
_She broke his heart. _  
_He broke hers. _  
__

Her boyfriend hardly spoke of her and the few times he did, his eyes would shine bright. Eventually, however, as time passed, he no longer avoided saying her name, at least around the others. He had yet to bring Clarke up to her. But Echo knew how much she meant to Bellamy, sometimes she would hear him call out Clarke’s name in his sleep and it always brought tears to her eyes. He would always reassure her that it was just a bad nightmare and she stopped asking. 

She told herself that she didn't mind. Clarke and Bellamy were best friends but there was a part of her that hurt whenever she would see how happy Bellamy was thinking of talking about his best friend or whenever she saw how upset the thought of Clarke made him.  
She didn’t understand how Bellamy could burn so brightly talking about the girl who had up and left him months ago.  
He never mentioned Clarke to her directly but the few times she had been brought up by his friends he either had a soft smile or dark sad and angry eyes and this bitter smile that did things to her, and eyes that made her want to confront Clarke, but the truth was that both of Bellamy’s reactions to Clarke’s name made her jealous.

She had seen pictures of Clarke.  
She was everywhere, all over Octavia’s social media- smiling and blowing kisses, on Miller and Jackson’s fridge- Santa hats on her and Bellamy’s head (her heart had dropped when she saw the holiday greeting card) , on Murphy's dresser- her in his back, graduation caps on their heads, and on Bellamy’s bookshelves, in his room, on his social media, as his profile picture. She was everywhere in Bellamy’s life.  
Blue eyes, blonde, busty, petite, and curvy. She was beautiful and from what everyone else had said, she was kind and smart and stubborn and a fighter.  
She was Bellamy’s Princess.

They had known each other since middle school, they had gone from enemies to best friends.  
They had gone through a lot together and for what she told they had been inseparable. They had moved into together, were each other’s emergency contacts, they took care of each other and took care of their friends. They were Bellamy and Clarke, joined at the hip, the head and the heart, until they weren't.

No one knew what had happened and Bellamy was tight-lipped as to what had gone down between them. Which of course led to everyone speculating and whispering, which lead to Echo overheating them. No one could really agree on what had happened but what they all agreed on was that Bellamy was in love with Clarke. The fact that they used present tense wasn't lost on her but she told herself that Clarke was gone and that Bellamy was with her. He was dating her. She worked hard to ignore the voice in her head that grew louder every time someone brought up Clarke and Bellamy in the same sentence.  
Clarke was gone.

But despite her being gone, she was still very much present. She had asked him once about Clarke and he had said nothing more than that they best friends and when she tried to pry for more, he had shut down on her. It doesn't escape her notice that the few times they had argued it was about Clarke.  
Two months into their relationship. she had gone into Clarke’s room and had gone through it an found a sweater which she wore to brunch. Octavia had called her out on it. It had caused an argument when they go home, he was furious at her for snooping and she had apologized but she didn't see the big deal. But she had learned her lesson. She never brought Clarke up again. (She had tried to sneak into the room once only to find it locked.  
She really liked Bellamy. She would not let the blonde girl mess up their relationship.  
She and Bellamy are happy.  
They are happy.

* * *

That happiness was short-lived when Clarke came back, she had been gone for six months (she and Bellamy have been dating for four and a half months). She would never forget the look in Bellamy’s eyes when he laid eyes on the blonde as she entered the bar for the first time in six months.

"Clarke?"  
Echo watched as everyone took in the blonde girl and the way she twirled a strand of hair nervously. 

Then Jasper jumped out of his seat and scooped the girl up. Clake threw her head back, laughing and then the others went to say hi.  
Jasper, Murphy, Emori, Harper, Miller, and Monty all greeted her with hugs.  
(Murphy’s hug lasted a full minute which surprised Echo as she had never seen him show so much emotion to someone besides Emori).  
Octavia and Clarke gave each other a look and then Octavia hugged her, pressing a kiss to her cheek.  
Raven gave her a curt nod, she had taken Clarke’s absence the hardest after Bellamy and she and Echo had bonded as Raven had been the first one to give her a real chance.  
Jackson squeezed her shoulder.

But Echo’s eyes were on Bellamy. He looked so angry and surprised to see her but as Clarke hugged everyone his eyes never left her and Echo watch him soften. She watched his shoulder relax and he seemed lighter. He took a step toward her and then paused and Echo held a breath.  
Clarke turned away from the others and she froze when she saw him. She bit her lip and Echo watched her boyfriend’s eyes drift downward.  
"Hi, Bell."  
Clarke brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.  
"Hi, Princess."

There was a brief pause and they both laughed at each other and Echo watched them throw themselves at each other. Clarke rose to the tip of her toes and he hugged her tightly, lifting her up slightly, she watched as they buried their faces into each other’s necks. She freezes when she sees Clarke’s lips press against his bare skin. She has the urge to rip them apart. She felt uncomfortable watching them hug, which was too long for her taste.

Across the booth, she saw Raven frown and Murphy and Miller exchange looks, Octavia looked at her and then at the hugging couple and ordered a round of shots.  
When he placed Clarke on her feet, he wrapped an arm around her waist, keeping Clarke close to his side. As if Clarke was his girlfriend and not the girl who broke him. Echo could feel anger in her veins but she pasted on a smile. 

Echo took the girl in. Dressed in a simple pair of blue jeans and a white tank top she was gorgeous. Her blonde hair was long past shoulders and breasts. Her heels matched her red lipstick and all she could see was that Clarke was way prettier in person.  
Pictures didn't do her justice. Everyone’s description of the girl didn't do her justice. 

Clarke raised an eyebrow when her eyes landed on Echo, the girl looked vaguely familiar, and she looked at Bellamy, who face flushed and he looked away from Clarke, his arm fell from her waist, and he scratched the back of his neck. Clarke felt worry sweep through her. 

“Clarke, this is my girlfriend Echo.”  
“Echo, this is Clarke.”

Clarke’s heart dropped and she could feel nothing but ice in her veins. She was frozen. 

Clarke’s eyes flickered and the light in them dimmed but then a few seconds later, she was reaching for a shot, bumping shoulders with Jasper. She didn't look at Bellamy but Echo saw the way Bellamy looked at her, sad and wistful. 

So she wrapped an arm around him and kissed him softly.  
But Echo couldn’t get the way Bellamy had called Clarke princess softly, or the hurt look in Clarke’s eyes when Bellamy said that she was his girlfriend. She kept an eye on Clarke, watching her drink every time she placed a kiss to Bellamy’s lips.

Echo smirked, she had seen the look in the girl’s eyes when Bellamy announced who she was.

Clarke’s eyes flickered and the light in them dimmed but then a few seconds later, she was reaching for a shot bumping shoulders with Jasper. She didn't look at Bellamy but Echo saw the way Bellamy looked at her, sad and wistful.  
So she wrapped an arm around him and kissed him softly.  
But Echo couldn’t get the way Bellamy had called Clarke princess softly, or the hurt look in Clarke’s eyes when Bellamy said that she was his girlfriend. She kept an eye on Clarke, watching her drink every time she placed a kiss to Bellamy’s lips.

Bellamy wasn’t complaining but she could tell that everyone else was aware that she was marking her territory. Octavia was glaring at her and Murphy was giving Clarke concerned looks. Miller and Jasper both took her out to dance and Echo watched Bellamy track her movements until she distracted him with kisses.  


When Clarke left, drunk and stumbling, Miller’s arm wrapped around her shoulders, she counted it as a win for her. But as she watched Bellamy’s eyes follow Clarke out the door, she wasn’t so sure of her victory.

* * *

Clarke was at brunch that Sunday.  
Echo shouldn’t have been surprised, brunch was a tradition that Clarke and Bellamy started in college after a hungover Jasper tried to make toast and nearly burned down the kitchen.  
It became a weekly thing and eventually, once college was over, everyone took turns hosting it.

She knew that Bellamy was angry at Clarke for leaving but also happy that Clarke was back. But she just didn’t expect to see them act like them.  
She had heard from the others how the two used to act.  
Raven had told her that “Bellany and Clarke just knew what the other was thinking, sometimes they didn’t even speak to each other.”

Jasper had told her once about how “Clarke had lost her keys, couldn’t find her shoes, or sketch book and was running late to brunch with her mother and Bellamy was like ‘your shoes are under the sofa, but the red heels would look better and piss off your mom and those are in my room, your sketchbook is on the countertop and I sharpened a few pencils for you and here are your keys’ all before she could even ask him!” 

She knew they were ridiculously close but she figured that Clarke leaving for six months would put tension in their relationship but clearly she was wrong, she thought bitterly, watching the two roommates. 

Raven handed her a mimosa and she raised an eyebrow as she accepted the glass and took a few sips. Bellamy was not the type to serve mimosas for breakfast.  
Raven shrugged.  
“Jasper felt like celebrating and Bellamy was cool about it.”  
That didn’t sit well with Echo and she threw her head back and chugged the rest before she reached for another one.  
Raven raised an eyebrow but before she could say anything Octavia called out,  
“Are you making chocolate chip pancakes?”  
“Absolutely, we are celebrating.”

Bellamy called out and Echo turn to see Bellamy pull Clarke into a side hug, pressing his lips to her forehead before he let her go so he could grab the ingredients. 

Echo froze as she watched Clarke hop onto the countertop, legs swinging as Bellamy smiled up at her as he hands her a bowl and she begins to make pancake batter as he fries bacon.  
No one batted an eye and Echo realized that this behavior was normal for them. 

Everyone else didn't seem to realize how unusual this was but all she could think about was the time Bellamy told her that the counter was for cooking and if she could please get off it. Or how whenever she offered to help him make brunch on his turn, he always refused. 

Yet here was Clarke sitting on the counter, her long legs swinging under her pink dress. Her long hair was braided into a crown and she looked every inch of a princess, of Bellamy’s princess.

“It’s as if Clarke never left.”  
She turned to see Murphy leaning against the wall looking at them. She frowned at him, he had not warmed up to her completely, despite her friendships with his girlfriends. 

Echo shook her head and stepped into the kitchen, needing to stake her claim.  
“Hey Bell!”  
She could Clarke shift away from Bellamy, her shoulders tense. Bellamy turned to her and gave her a smile.  
“Hey Echo, when did you get here?”  
“A few minutes ago. Raven gave me a mimosa. Have a taste.”  
Then cupping her boyfriend’s jaw, she pressed a kiss to her boyfriend's lips, before she slipped her tongue in.  
When he pulled back, she turned to look at where Clarke was sitting to apologize for the kiss. She had planned on saying something like ‘Sorry, I just have a hard time keeping my hands to myself when he’s around.”

But a quick glance, told her that Clarke had left, the bowl sitting abandoned waiting for Bellamy. She turned to look at Bellamy to see that Bellamy was looking around the room for Clarke and when she followed his gaze, she saw Murphy frowning her.  
She gave him a little smirk and he rolled his eyes at her.

She watched as Clarke sat on the edge of the couch talking to Miller. Miller gave her a smile and she watched him relax around her. It wasn’t long before Octavia joined them and she watched them laugh.  
She turned to her boyfriend and offered to help him but he waved her off, already busy at a task.

When everyone gathered around the table, she watched Bellamy slide Clarke a mug of hot chocolate and gave her the last strawberry. Clarke, in turn, saved the last slice of bacon for him and gave him the yolk in her hard-boiled eggs. 

After brunch, normally everyone would leave but Jasper had argued for a movie as Clarke had missed their bi-monthly movie nights.  
Echo watched Clarke and Bellamy argue over what movie to see, teasing smiles on their faces.  
When they couldn’t agree, Octavia took over and with a sinking heart Echo watched the two best friends make a movie date to watch their picks.  
Echo pretended not to hear Jasper whisper to Monty “how some things never change” as they head to their spots.

She buried herself close to Bellamy side and when he turned to look at her, she kissed him softly. He pulled away and looked at her confused since she has never been one for a lot of pda. 

But then he turned away and tossed a pillow at Clarke who was sitting in between Jasper and Monty on the floor, who are making her laugh.  
“Bell!”  
“Sorry Princess.”  
He blew her a kiss and Clarke turned red and Echo spent half the movie watching her boyfriend watch Clarke. 

When Clarke laid down on her stomach he got up and threw a blanket over her and she turned to give him a smile and Echo’s stomach dropped.

* * *

Jasper was right.  
It was as if Clarke had never left. 

Clarke moved back into her room and Bellamy canceled their date to help her unpack. 

She would go over to Bellamy’s to find them cooking, flour on Clarke's nose, or to find Bellamy watching a documentary and Clarke sketching.  
Bellamy would go to her apartment to hang out instead of having her over.  
She would find them whispering at the bar or on the same team during game night.  
She watched them hug and touch and simply be with each other.

Echo could tell that Clarke was in love with Bellamy and while a part of her felt bad for the girl a bigger part of her was jealous.

Her jealousy came from the fact that everyone said that Bellamy loved Clarke and that she was scared that Bellamy would leave her for Clarke.  
In Echo’s mind, all Clarke had to do was give Bellamy a sign and she would’ve out of a boyfriend.  
And Clarke was giving out plenty of signals. (This was not true, in reality, Bellamy was a good boyfriend to her and extremely loyal and Clarke was respectful of their relationship even though it broke her heart. ) 

Bellamy was her boyfriend but it seemed like Clarke was forgetting that.

Maybe it was time she reminded Clarke which of them was dating Bellamy.


	2. Your Voice Is Soft Like Summer Rain, And I Cannot Compete With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Echo stakes her claim and has a conversation with Raven that causes her to remember something.  
Echo makes a move to remind Clarke of her place.

Clarke had an art show three months after she came back. She had been planning it for a while but didn’t want to say anything until it was a sure thing.

When she told them, she was bouncing on her toes, twisting a strand of hair nervously, but there was excitement in her eyes.  
Everyone had agreed to come and Clarke had beamed when Bellamy said he wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

Echo watched as Bellamy plugged the date into his phone calendar as he pressed a kiss to Clarke’s hair and wrapped an arm around her waist.  
She watched Clarke close her eyes, a content smile on her face and when Clarke opened them, the love Echo saw in them made her take a step back. 

She could feel the stir of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. 

Bellamy was her boyfriend, not Clarke’s.

* * *

It hurt.

Seeing how in love Clarke was with Bellamy hurt her. 

Every bit of Clarke screamed her love for Bellamy and Echo had no clue how Bellamy had not picked up on it. 

But it also hurt how much Bellamy loves Clarke. 

He was spending as much time as he could with Clarke, making up for the six months they had lost.  
The two roommates were at a standstill, they had fallen back into their old ways without talking about the six months that Clarke had left.  
Neither of them wanted to start a fight. Bellamy seemed happy to just have her back, despite his curiosity as to why she left. And Clarke was just as happy to be back and she wasn’t ready to have that particular discussion with him. 

And then with Clarke’s upcoming art show, the time Bellamy spends with Clarke increased.  
Bellamy was constantly reminding Clarke to eat and he needled her about her sleeping habits and about how taking breaks were important. 

Every time Echo goes to Bellamy’s or joins the others for brunch on Sunday or movie nights she would find Clarke with her head in Bellamy’s lap, his fingers in her hair as she slept, paint on her fingers and cheek. No one bats an eye except for Raven who after a brief and loud disagreement with both Clarke and Bellamy didn’t bring it up again. It doesn't stop Echo from feeling jealous, seeing how caring and soft he is with Clarke. 

However, Raven’s interference did cause Clarke to withdraw from Bellamy a bit. She began to distance herself a bit and it makes Echo happy which makes her feel guilty when she sees how miserable Bellamy is.  
That guilt goes away when Bellamy starts to message Clarke during their time together. It annoys her that Bellamy sends food reminder texts and random praise texts to Clarke. 

Clarke is an adult woman, why does Bellamy take care of her so much?  
How can he let her back into his life so easily?  
How can they all let her back in?

* * *

She brings it up during lunch with Raven a few days later.  
“I just don't get how he can forgive her, how any of you can forgive her for leaving without a goodbye.”  
Raven shakes her heard her ponytail swinging behind her. 

“First of all I haven’t forgiven her. She didn't just leave Bellamy, she left me. I was her best friend and she didn’t even tell me what was going on and that hurts. She didn’t trust me. I don’t plan on forgiving her until she apologizes for leaving without a word, and not trusting me. But I don’t want to ruin brunch or movie nights or trivia. It’s not fair to bring that all up and well you saw what happened last time Clarke and I spoke.”

Echo frowns, thinking of how Bellamy was quick to jump to Clarke’s defense.  
“I get why you are mad Rae, but if Clarke owes anyone an apology its Bellamy.”  
“She was my best friend!”  
Raven slams her fork down Echo raises an eyebrow.  
“From my understanding, Octavia is her best friend too.”  
Raven snorted.  
“Octavia being mad at Clarke for leaving would make her a hypocrite. Considering she left her brother.”  
Echo looks at Raven with wide eyes.  
‘Wait what? Why?”

This was news to her. The siblings were close, she had a hard time believing that Octavia would up and leave her brother.  
Raven bit her lip as she thought.  
Then she shook her head.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this, but as his girlfriend, you should know. This requires drinks.”

She flagged down a waiter and got two margaritas and Echo took a sip even though she knew she would regret it later during work. 

“Okay so, Octavia got married young, she was only 19.”  
“Nineteen? And Bellamy didn’t throw a fit?”  
“He did, but Clarke talked him down, it helped that Lincoln was crazy about Octavia. Anyway, she and Lincoln were married or not even a year when he died. Lincoln was a firefighter and there was a bad fire. There were kids inside and Lincoln, he didn’t even think. He.got the kids out and went back in. The building collapsed on him. Octavia was a mess. She destroyed Bellamy’s apartment and then took off, without a word. Bellamy was worried sick. She didn’t call until eight months later. Came back after two years.”  
“So Octavia getting pissed at Clarke for leaving would make her hypocritical since she did the same.” 

Some things began to make sense to Echo. Mainly, Octavia’s support of Clarke despite the fact that it hurt her brother. 

“What about the others? Why aren’t they mad? I mean you just said you were. I mean Clarke up and left them.”  
Raven rolls her eyes, taking a big sip of her drink before she began listing everyone off on her fingers. 

“Well I can't speak for the others but Miller has always been more of Bellamy’s friend than Clarke’s, plus when everything with Octavia went down, he supported her decision, so he’s in the same boat as Octavia. Can’t be mad at Clarke when he supported Octavia for making the same decision. Monty isn't capable of hating anyone, he’s a pacifist. Harper is fine, she and Clarke went to a kickboxing class and they duked it out. Murphy is pissed but he and Clarke have a weird history together, so he forgives her. Emori is on the fence, she's angry but she's sure that Clarke had a good reason for disappearing. And Jasper, well Jasper is in the same boat as Octavia.”

Echo leans forward intrigued. She orders two more margaritas and Raven laughs.

Raven shakes her head out of her ponytail, her hair falling past her shoulders and Echo reaches to undo her bun and Raven grins as leans forward across the table and Echo does the same.  
The margaritas are working their way through the girls' bloodstream.  
Echo feels like a spy, getting information she shouldn’t know.  


“So Jasper had a girlfriend, Maya. Head over heels for her. But then Maya got sick. Cancer, found it too late. One minute she was there then she was gone. Jasper was a mess. Drinking, doing hard drugs, and partying. He od twice and after that Clarke dragged him to rehab, she paid for it at all. Said that she wasn’t going to let him die. ”  
“Wait she paid for it?”  
“Clarke’s family is rich, like a house in the Hamptons rich.”  


Echo’s eyes widen.  


House in the Hamptons.  


Blonde girl.

* * *

_Echo is pouting._  
_“This is boring. I don’t want to do this.”_  
_ Her father sighed._  
_“I told you, we need all hands on deck. It’s just for a few hours then you can head out with friends.”_  
_ The twelve-year-old stomped her foot._  
_“Enough!”_  
_ She pastes on a huge smile as the group approaches them._  
_ Leading the group is a blond-haired girl with a pretty pink dress._  
_ Echo hates her on sight._  
_“Come on Wells!”_  
_ The boy next to her laughs as she tugs on his hand._  
_ They clammer up the boat as she follows them._  
\------  
_“I want a picture with the whales for Bell and O!”_  
_ The girl’s father Jake laughs._  
_“Sure thing princess.”_  
_ The girl poses and Echo rolls her eyes._  
_ She can’t remember being that annoying at eight._  
_“Can I call them when we get back?”_  
_ The man nods and the girl smiles wide._  
_ When they get off the boat, she tugs on her father’s hand._  
_“Let’s go. I want to call them and tell them about the whales.”_  
_ Echo watches them go._  
_ Her mother gets sick a year later and she moved in with an aunt._  
_ Four years after her mother’s death she moved back to their little house on the Hamptons when her father meets the woman who will end up as her step-mother and marries her._  
_ She’s not the same twelve-year-old girl._

* * *

“Echo? Echo?”  
She jerks away from a memory she didn’t even know she had.  
“Sorry Rae. I was just thinking.”  
The Latina girl rolls her eyes.  
“It’s fine, you only zoned out for like a minute or two.”

Raven takes a few more sips of her drink.  
“So yeah she paid for Jasper’s rehab, visited him when she could in between classes. And that's why he can’t hate her, she literally held him during the worst time of his life.”

“And Bellamy, do you think he actually forgives her?”  
Raven snorted.  
“He always forgives her and she always forgives him. It's their thing, they love each other. But one of these days is going to all come out. He's not going to be able to keep his curiosity at bay forever and when he does Clarke will break. That’s how they are. They hold their anger in and then just explode. It happened once.”  
Raven reached for her margarita and took a few more sips before she chugged it down. Echo plays with the umbrella in her drink, deep in thought. 

“Hey, Raven? Do you think Bellamy loves me?”

Raven stares at her friend in shock. She had never seen the girl act so unsure and she feels a brief spark of anger towards Clarke, for coming back and messing up her friend’s love life. 

“Of course he does! Bellamy doesn’t bring just anyone around to brunch or movie nights, from the second he brought you to meet us, I knew you were something special.”

Echo grins and Raven reaches for her hand, squeezing it.

“Listen Echo Bellamy loves you. He’s dating you, not Clarke. He’s with you.”  
“I want to ask him to move in with me. But I'm afraid it might be too soon.”

Raven gasps and she smiles.  
“Oh my god! Really! Not it’s not too soon. I told you, Bellamy loves you, he’s dating you. Plus it makes sense, you two do spend a lot of time together at your apartment.” 

Raven gives her a smirk and Echo finishes her drink. 

But she doesn’t tell Raven the truth. That while Bellamy has been hanging out at her apartment more often since Clarke started devoting more time to her art (and shutting him out), he has not taken her out on an actual date since Clarke has gotten back.

* * *

They are at trivia when Octavia talks about her date with Jasper where they went laser tagging with Miller, Jackson, Monty, and Harper.  
Echo studies the girl. 

She has a hard time picturing the strong woman as the type to marry young. Octavia seemed like the type to want to wander the world, with no obligations, no ties to anyone other than her brother.  
But what really baffles her is Octavia’s relationship with Jasper.  
They made no sense together.  
They shouldn’t work.  
Octavia’s is blunt and strong, Jasper is smart but goofy.  
She doesn’t understand it.  
But Echo figures that the tragedies they had faced in the love department have given them something to bond over.

But their cute date gave her an idea.  
A way to remind Clarke of her relationship with Bellamy and a way to call her boyfriend out without being seen as insecure of jealous.

She jumps in.  
“That sounds like so much fun! We should do something like Bellamy! It’s been a while since we left my apartment. We have to come up for air some time.”

Raven winks at her while Bellamy ducks his head, bashfully. Echo watches Clarke freeze at her comment and she ignores the glare Octavia’s sends her way.  
“We could all go laser tagging after the show.” Bellamy scratches the back of his neck and Echo frowns.

Clarke slams her glass down on the table and all eyes turn to her.  
“Don’t be ridiculous Bell. Take your girlfriend out. I’m a grown-ass woman. I’m 99.9 % sure that I can reminder to feed myself and I know the difference between paint water and drinking water. I don’t need a babysitter and while the texts are nice I don’t need constant reminders. “

Bellamy looks hurt at this comment and he agrees to take Echo out.  
She beams and kisses him, and when she pulls away Clarke is talking to Jackson, but she sees Bellamy looking at her, confusion and hurt in his eyes.

Bellamy takes her out to a fancy dinner the next day.  
She is excited to get all dressed up and when he looks her up and down slowly she smirks.  
She and Raven had gone shopping and the end result is a sleek body-hugging black dress.  
Tall red heels and wild loose hair complete the outfit.  
For the first time in a long time, she feels like she has her boyfriend back, the Bellamy before Clarke came back.

They head back to her apartment and despite the fact that the sex they have that night is hot and passionate it doesn’t change the fact that his mind is elsewhere.  
Or that he sends Clarke a message later that night.

She didn’t know what he sent her but she sees her response.  
**Princess 👑 ** : Love you too Bell 💋****

** **** **

It shouldn’t bother her.

She knows how affectionate the whole group is with each other.  
She has had Raven drunkenly declare her love to her whenever they go out and Monty tells Jasper he loves him every time he leaves the room.  
Miller and Harper both cuddle and on several occasions, Octavia will sit on someone’s lap.  
Even Jackson (who is not one for PDA) will squeeze shoulders as a sign of affection.

But seeing the message bothers her.  
It digs into her skin.

Bellamy is so open with his love but he has yet to tell her. 

How can he love Clarke who left him without a word for six months, who hurt him, but not love her? The one who has been by his side all this time? 

She needs to do something.

She needs to remind Clarke that Bellamy has a girlfriend.

* * *

So Echo starts to show up at Bellamy and Clarke’s place after work more often.  
She brings take out and doesn’t call ahead so Bellamy can’t suggest that he comes over to her place instead. 

Afterall, how can she remind Clarke about her existence, how can she remind Clarke that she is Bellamy’s girlfriend if she’s not there? 

It’s petty. But it works.

Clarke always looks uncomfortable whenever Echo is around especially when Echo gets flirty and handsy with Bellamy. It doesn’t take much to get Clarke to leave the house to get inspiration elsewhere. After the first few times, Bellamy stops questioning Clarke disappearance and brushes it off as nerves for the art show that is a month away. 

Seeing how much it bothers Clarke is gives Echo a sick kind of pleasure. 

So she takes every chance she can to make sure that Clarke knows that she is Bellamy’s girlfriend.  
She kisses him and sits on his lap whenever Clarke wakes up from her nap and leaves to get water or check her phone. She likes seeing the look on Clarke’s face when she realizes how effortlessly Echo takes her place in those few minutes that she was gone.

(For Clarke it hurts her to see how good they look together. They fit, both tall and gorgeous. Both smart. They fit in a way that she and Bellamy never will. )

Echo comes over and joins them on the couch, cuddling with Bellamy and she smiles whenever Clarke leaves the room, calling out that she’s tired. 

Echo also starts to stay the night.  
She relishes the look on Clarke’s face the first time the blonde sees her in Bellamy’s shirt drinking from Clarke’s mug.  
She looks like a kicked puppy and Echo watched Clarke spin around and a few minutes later the blonde is out the door, calling out that she has a breakfast meeting. Echo watches her boyfriend’s shoulders drop as he puts the hot chocolate container off to the side.

So Echo starts to do it more.  
She steals Bellamy’s clothes and wears them to Sunday brunch or when they have their game nights. Raven always grins and whistles when she sees Echo which makes Bellamy blush. 

But it is not enough.

* * *

Bellamy cancels on her last minute and when she calls him it goes straight to voicemail. He doesn’t message her until two hours later.

**Bellamy ♥️ **: Sorry Echo. Something came up and Clarke needed me****

She doesn’t respond and he doesn’t message her back.

* * *

_Your beauty is beyond compare _  
_With flaming locks of auburn hair _  
_With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green_  
_Your smile is like a breath of spring _  
_Your voice is soft like summer rain _  
_And I cannot compete with you _  
_Jolene _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the positive feedback has made me so happy, so here's this chapter, several days early than I planned.  
Thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks, and comments!


	3. I Have to Have This Talk With You, My Happiness Depends on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Echo has a conversation with Clarke. Her plan is already in motion.

_I had to have this talk with you _  
_My happiness depends on you _  
_And whatever you decide to do _  
_Jolene_

* * *

Echo is very aware that she is about to do is wrong and the voice in her head tells her that Bellamy would never forgive her if he ever found out about what she is about to do but she ignores the voice as she switches the date on Bellamy’s phone for Clarke’s art show.

Then she mutes Clarke’s notifications on his phone. 

Then setting the second to last step of her plan into motion, she goes to see Clarke at the art gallery. 

When she gets there, Clarke is hanging up a canvas, she has her hair pulled up into a messy bun, held together with color pencils. She’s dressed in jeans and a simple paint-splattered tank top. 

They couldn’t be any different. 

She’s in a black skirt and a green button-up shirt and a pair of black heels. Her hair is pulled up into a neat and sleek bun.  
She’s is a professional, Clarke is an artist.  
They are worlds apart. 

Echo pauses, studying the painting. It is beautiful. As much as she hates to admit it, Clarke has a lot of talent. Her show will be a success.  
It’s a painting of a man’s bare back, leaning over a porch railing, overlooking a sunrise. The drawing has the man in view from a window where part of a table and a black mug can be seen. It’s as the viewer is watching the man watch the sunrise. 

It should be a relaxing picture but Echo recognizes the male’s back and his curls. 

And all she can feel is anger in her veins.  
All the worries and doubt she has is gone.  
All that is left is a need to put Clarke in her place.

A need to remind Clarke which of them is dating Bellamy.

* * *

"Clarke ?"

The blonde turns around in surprise and her eyes dim when she sees that it’s just Echo but she excuses herself from the tall man standing next to her.

“Excuse me Reilly.”

The man walks off leaving them standing in the middle of the gallery. Clarke pushes back a few messy curls from her face.

"Echo?"  
"We need to talk."

Clarke eyes her but nods and gestures for her to follow her.

Echo follows her to an empty office.  
Clarke turns around, twirling a strand of hair that has escaped her bun around her finger, eyes wide with concern.

She can’t think of any reason as to why Echo would want to talk to her. The girl did not bother to hide the fact that she did not like her at all. So Clarke thought it was best to steer clear. She did not want to cause an issue in Bellamy’s relationship. It meant less time with her best friend but on the plus side, it meant she didn’t have to see them all over each other. Her heart and eyes could only take so much. 

"Is something wrong with Bellamy?"

Hearing the concern in Clarke’s voice is all it takes for all the anger in Echo to come rushing out.

Before she could stop herself she was moving.

Echo stalks toward Clarke, forcing the girl to move back against and Echo slams her hands on either side of Clarke, pinning her against the wall and Clarke flinches. 

Echo leans in close.  
Clarke swallows hard, she can hear her heart pounding and she fights the urge to run.  
Echo smirks, she can tell that Clarke is on edge. 

"Echo?"

“Bellamy is my boyfriend. “

“I know.”

Echo chuckles bitterly.  
“No you don’t. He’s my boyfriend. Yet you keep throwing yourself at him. " 

"I--"

"I see you Clarke, batting your eyes, flirting with him, all but throwing yourself at him. He's a taken man yet you don’t even care. Which I guess, isn't a surprise, according to a little bird, getting with taken men is sort of your thing." 

Clarke looks like she been slapped across the face but Echo is on a roll.

"Bellamy is my boyfriend Clarke, not yours. He’s dating me. He loves me. He is going to marry me." 

Echo smiles as she drops the bombshell.  
Clarke’s reaction does not disappoint.  
Hurt and shock cross her face and Echo can see her heart start to break, but Echo is beyond the point of caring.  
If she is going to go this far, might as well go all in.

The silence fills the room as the two girls look at each other. 

Clarke eventually finds the strength to open her mouth.

"How…”  
"I found a ring. " 

She watches Clarke close her eyes.  
Clarke can’t breathe.  
All she can focus on are those four words.

_“I found a ring. I found a ring. I found a ring.” ___  
_Bellamy is going to marry Echo. Echo is going to become Mrs. Bellamy Blake._  
_Her best friend has fallen in love and is going to marry someone else, someone who isn't her._

All Clarke wants to do is run.  
But she has already done that.  
And she came back, missing her best friend more than anything else in the world.  
She's not sure what's worse: Bellamy marrying Echo or leaving him again.

When Clarke opens her eyes Echo is still in front of her.  
She is no longer crowding her against the wall but instead is simply staring at her. 

So Clarke tilts her chin up and meets her gaze.  
Clarke can see that Echo is not done talking to her.

Echo looks at her and the fact that Clarke is meeting her gaze upsets her.  
She has made grown men cry, yet Clarke, small, soft Clarke has the audacity to look in her eyes right after she just shattered the girl’s heart.  
She hates to admit but she admires the fact that Clarke has the guts.

But Echo isn’t done with Clarke just yet.

"Doesn’t that say something to you, Clarke? He's going to marry me and we have only known each other for such a short amount of time. It’s only been six months and he knows I’m the one. You on the other hand, you have known him for years and he never looked twice at you. Never has and never will. You need to stop throwing yourself at him. It’s sad and pathetic. You need to back off. Hr knows how you feel and it makes him uncomfortable but he’s too nice of a guy to say it to you, the sweet fragile spoiled perfect princess. Used to getting your way. Not this time. Bellamy is mine. He isn’t into you never has been and never will be. Every time you throw yourself at him, all you are doing is just embarrassing yourself. I mean look at us Clarke, we aren’t even in the same league. ”

Clarke looks up at her, and her eyes are glassy.  
Her confidence torn into pieces as Echo had spoken.  
Eco notes in satisfaction that Clarke’s fingers are trembling.  
She has Clarke right where she wants her.  
Hook, line, and sinker. 

Clarke licks her lips.  
“He knows?”

Clarke couldn’t believe it. Bellamy knew how she felt and had never said a word. She wondered how many of her other friends knew and had kept quiet. Clarke was devastated.

Echo felt a wave of pity hit her at the look on Clarke’s face (she had seen that devastated heartbroken face too many times in court) and then she thought about how Clarke acts around the Bellamy and the way he is around her and then she thought about how he had canceled her date without even an explanation beyond the fact that Clarke needed him. If she didn’t nip the issue in the bud, it would grow into an even bigger mess later on. 

The pity and guilt that she felt briefly was gone.  
She had to push through.  
She had come this far, it was too late to back out now.  
The plan had been set, the wheels were in motion.

“Yes he knows and it makes him feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t know how to let you down easily.”  
Echo can see Clarke’s heart shattering into a million pieces. It’s all over her face. 

“Oh….”

Clarke can’t finish her sentence so she swallows.

”Oh “ 

Echo drops her voice and places her hand on Clarke's forearm.  
“I’m sorry Clarke, I know this hurts but I wanted to give you a heads up and tell you that you need to stop. You need to stop. He’s my boyfriend, not yours. He loves me, he’s going to marry me and you need to respect that and back off. “

Clarke shakes her head crying.  
“ I can’t. I can’t. I can’t lose him. I can’t walk away from him. I love him. I love him Echo.”

Clarke’s love confession is what makes Echo snap.

Before she could stop herself, she has Clarke pressed against the wall, hands on her shoulders. 

“Look, Clarke, I didn’t have to come here. I cam here to give you a heads up, as any decent person would, but as his girlfriend, it makes me uncomfortable to see you act this way. I get it, I know how important you are to Bellamy and I want to be your friend but how can I when you made it very clear that you want nothing more than to steal my boyfriend and given your history... how can I trust you? I don’t have to be nice to you, Clarke. I came here, out of courtesy because despite how you feel and how that makes my boyfriend feel, you are a part of his group. But let me make it clear. This is your one and only warning, back off Clarke. Bellamy is my boyfriend. He’s dating me, not you. He’s going to marry me and you need to get that through your head so either you back up and back off and support him the way a friend should or I will make you back off and I won’t be as nice as Raven was when everything went down with Finn.”

“For fucks sakes, Echo what do you want me to do? I love him. I can’t just turn my feelings off. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to walk away and stop being his friend stop coming around, stop living with him, stop being a part of his life, stop loving him?I can’t do any of that. I can’t, never again I spent six months without Bellamy. I can’t spend the rest of my life without him. He’s my best friend and I have been nothing but supportive of you two. I’m sorry if it comes off as flirty but Bellamy is my best friend, regardless of how I feel. ”

Echo doesn’t even realize that her hands are around Clarke’s throat. her thumbs pressing into her esophagus. 

She hisses.  
“Yes Clarke. That is exactly what I want. I want you to leave, I want you to stop showing up and throwing yourself all over him.. Stop cooking brunch with him, stop making movie dates, stop laying your head on his lap and to stop being his trivia partner, stop coming to things. You need to back off and get it through your head. He doesn’t love you, he loves me, he chose me, he wants me. It will never be you. The way you act is so pathetic and it’s affecting everyone. When’s the last time you and Raven had a girl’s night? When’s the last time Harper invited you out to lunch? Bellamy is trying hard to be your friend but you need to stop flirting with him. Give him some space. Your feelings are messing everything up.”

Clarke pushes Echo away panting.  
Her eyes are red and Echo’s thumbs stand out on Clarke’s pale skin.

“Clarke, if you can’t respect our relationship than maybe it’s best if you do walk away, for good this time.”  
It’s a warning, the threat in her voice. 

For Clarke, it’s the final straw.  
Fight or flight finally kicks in and Clarke pushes past her and runs out of the room, crying.

Echo lets out a loud sigh. She regrets the fact that it got physical but at least her message got through.

She actually did it.

But she’s not done yet. 

She’s got one more step in her plan.

Echo ignores the voice in her head that is telling her that she just made a huge mistake. That she will regret it. That this will come back to haunt her.

She did what she had to do. 

She had to protect her relationship.

She had to protect Bellamy.

Bellamy is her boyfriend, not Clarke’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah that happened.  
This chapter was one of the first things I wrote for this fic and I am super excited to see what you think.  
I know a lot of people will be upset with my characterization of Echo so I am prepared to deal with the backlash for that.  
Thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks, and comments!
> 
> AN:I edited the tags, I removed one and added one that fits better in its place and in the story.  
AN2: I do most of my editing on the train going to class. However, I do have some papers due, sorority recruitment, and a wedding all within the next two weeks, so if I do updated soon just know and assume that I'm procrastinating from my other responsibilities.


	4. This Is Really Going To Mess Her Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Echo's plan is finally revealed and put into motion.  
Bellamy makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Some say that we'll be over before we begun _  
_And I can't let it be over_  
_I gotta have one_  
_Listen to you love like crazy _  
_Time should make this easy_  
\- Mess Her Up by Amy Shark

Clarke doesn't come home that night. 

By 7:30, she hasn’t responded to Bellamy’s or anyone else's text messages.  
Echo curls up on Bellamy’s lap and presses her lips to his pulse point as Murphy and Raven argue over a movie.  
She feels safe around Bellamy and she reminds herself that this is the feeling she is trying to protect.  
She is protecting her relationship with Bellamy. 

She tosses his phone onto the table after the third time he checks it during the movie. 

“Bellamy. Clarke is a big girl. She’s probably at the gallery or who knows maybe she went out and met someone.”

Bellamy’s hand tightens on her knee so she threads her hand through his hair and tugs him down for a kiss.

When they pull away he smiles at her and presses his forehead against hers.  
“What would I do without you?”  
It’s not an ‘-I Love You’ but is close enough.

Echo sees Raven beaming at her from where she is curled up with Murphy’s head in her lap and Emori pressed next to her. On the floor in front of them is Harper and Monty. 

She is surrounded by friends, by people who care about her.

This is another thing she is trying to protect.

* * *

Later when the movie is over and Bellamy and Murphy are cleaning up she wraps her arms around Raven.  
Raven hugs her back surprised at the sudden affection.  
“What is it?”  
“Thank you, Raven, for giving me a chance. I don’t know what I would do without you. I never have had a friend like you.”

Raven presses a kiss to her cheek and smiles brightly.  
“I’m glad Bellamy is dating you. I like having you around Echo. Thanks for listening to me talk.”  
“That’s what friends are for.” 

The girls break away and they lean against the kitchen counter.

“Speaking of Bellamy, I have a favor to ask….”

Raven raises an eyebrow.

“Our anniversary is this weekend and I need your help to pull my surprise off.”

She leans in and whispers her plan to Raven whose smile gets bigger.  
Raven squeals and throws her arms around Echo hugging her tightly.

“He’s going to love it! I can't wait to tell Emori and John. Also Monty and Harper are your best bet. Harper likes you since you been tackled that 5k with her. Jackson works long hours and he can't call off and well Octavia and Jasper are out of the question since Octavia hates you.”

“Will you talk to Harper?”

Raven smirks.  
“Don't worry, I got your back. Bellamy is going to love it.”

* * *

Clarke doesn’t make it brunch on Sunday and it’s the final straw for Bellamy.  
No one misses brunch.  
Ever.  
Not unless you are sick in which Bellamy or Clarke will send food to you or you have a work obligation you can get out of.  
The last time Clarke wasn’t at brunch was when she disappeared. 

Echo tries to ignore the way her boyfriend looks at the door, every few minutes, when he’s not looking at his phone and the way his smile falls when Murphy announces that Clarke isn't coming to brunch because she overslept at Reilly’s and she had a meeting with the owner of the art gallery.

Bellamy is crestfallen wondering why his best friend is avoiding him like crazy. He is also confused because Clarke has never mentioned a Riley before. 

Octavia glares at Echo sure she has something to do with the blonde's disappearance but she knows better than to confront her brother’s girlfriend without any evidence. Anger management has been key to keeping the relationship between the siblings from souring.  
There was just something about Echo that rubbed her the wrong way.  
She didn’t know how to explain it. 

But Octavia knew Echo had to have done something. She had noticed the girl’s behavior whenever Clarke entered the room but the one time she brought it up, Bellamy had gotten upset claiming that she was looking for reasons not to like Echo. He told her that Echo was his girlfriend and that she could at least try to get along with her.  
Easier said than done. 

A few nights ago, Clarke called her asking her if she wanted to grab a drink because she had a shitty day.  
Clarke had been quiet, her eyes red, and she had been knocking down shots like crazy.  
It took her and Jasper to get her into their apartment.  
Clarke had curled up between them in bed mumbling that she loves them.  
Octavia and Jasper had exchanged looks over her head and both curled closer to her.  
Clarke was never the type to tell them what was wrong, she was the mom of the group, sharing things with Bellamy.  
They couldn’t give her what Bellamy could but they could give her affection.  
The next morning she was laughing and smiling as if nothing was wrong, hands curled around a mug, but her eyes were sad. It was then that Octavia had seen the thumbprints on Clarke’s neck. She had opened her mouth but Jasper shook his head at her and she didn’t say a word. After Clarke left, she had burst into tears in Jasper’s arms. There was something wrong with her best friend and she didn’t know how to help her. 

* * *

  
_Alright, I'm ready to shake things up to God_  
_This is really gonna mess her up_  
_And I keep on praying that I'm strong enough_  
_It's a lot for love, it's a lot for love_  
_Alright, I'm ready to shake things up to God_  
_This is really gonna mess her up_  
_And I keep on praying that I'm strong enough_  
_It's a lot for love, it's a lot for love_  
_It's a lot for love___

__

* * *

That next night as Bellamy is sprawled out on her bed, Echo puts the final part of her plan into motion.

She straddles his back and leans over to wrap her arms around Bellamy and kisses the back of his neck. 

“Hey so I have a surprise for you. I know you are worried and stress. So I figured you forgot our anniversary is this weekend.”

He jerked his head up and she presses a reassuring kiss to his shoulder.

“ So I took the liberty of booking us a cabin to celebrate. And Murphy, Raven, Emori, Harper, and Monty are coming with us!”

One minute she as on his back and the next she is on the bed and he leaning over her, a huge smile on his face.

“I love you.”

Echo's response is to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

She is so happy.

Everything is falling into place.

* * *

The morning of their trip, a few days later, she has everyone hand over their phones and declares the vacation a phone-free one, it's a technology detox. Bellamy is hesitant but eventually, he puts it into a box and she locks it. She slides the key over her neck and smiles.  
Everything was going to plan.

It’s a long drive and she rented a van, so they spend the drive singing along to music and Murphy groans from the backseat where he is trying to sleep.  
Echo looks over at Bellamy as she drives, he looks so happy, so carefree, and a smile appears on her face.  
She loves him.  
And he loves her.

When they get to the cabin Harper whistles at the view.  
The cabin belongs to her step-mother’s second husband. Echo has never been here but she has seen pictures of her stepbrother here and she knew it would be perfect. 

As the others walk in, Bellamy tugs on her hand, a smile on his face.  
“Thank you.”  
He kisses her softly and then they walk hand in hand. 

Inside Murphy, who had been complaining about the trip, was fawning over the kitchen. Raven was examining the movie collection and while the other three were claiming rooms. 

They make a bonfire that night and Echo relaxes into Bellamy’s embrace as everyone drinks and tells stories.

The next day they go swimming in the lake and she suntans with Harper, the two girls planning out their next 5k. Monty and Murphy play chicken while Bellamy reads. They make sandwiches and roast marshmallows for dessert. 

They play drinking game after drinking game and she and Bellamy stumble into bed.  
When he wraps his arms around her she mumbles into his neck.  
“Move in with me.”  
He is quiet and Echo’s heart is beating quickly.  
She starts to move away but then his arms tighten around her.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow when we are sober?”  
It’s not a yes but it’s not a no.  
She nods and he presses a kiss to the forehead before turning around and falling asleep.  
Echo doesn’t say a word.  
She had never been the type to fall asleep curled up in someone’s arms for long periods of time and she had told him so a while back. But today, she can’t help but wish that his arms were still wrapped around her.

* * *

They spend Saturday nursing hangovers and lounging around the house. They all watch movies and play video games. Raven and Emori kick Murphy out of their room so they can get her ready for her date. Harper paints her nails and Emori does her hair while Raven tackles her make-up. 

When they are done, Raven whistles and the girls spend 10 minutes taking pictures. 

Echo takes in Bellamy who is sitting on the couch waiting for her.  
He stands up when he sees her and hands her a bouquet of pink and white roses.  
Her smile dips, she had been hoping for red roses but then she reminds herself that Bellamy had just told her that he loved her a few days ago.

They go eat at a fancy restaurant at a nearby town. Echo sips her wine as she runs her foot up and down Bellamy’s pants as they talk.  
She tells him about a court case and he nods but she can tell he is thinking about something.

“Bellamy, what’s on your mind?”  
“I think you should move in with me.”  
Echo pauses, surprised.  
“You want me to move in with you?”  
Bellamy nodded.  
“I have the bigger apartment.”  
“You also have a roommate.”  
“Clarke won’t mind.”  
“Have you asked her?”  
Bellamy is quiet.  
“Not yet, I’ll talk to her when we get back. But after the art show. I don’t want her to worry about anything until after the show.”

Echo feels a stab of guilt when she thinks of the art show.  
Bellamy sounds so happy, so proud of the show, of Clarke.  
Yet, he doesn't have the same enthusiasm when she talks about her court cases.

* * *

Their last day is spent in bed. They aren’t due to leave until later that night. 

Bellamy had protested but Raven told him that she had messaged Miller the day they left that they wouldn’t be at brunch.  
Bellamy wasn’t too happy, expressing his desire to see his sister and to check up on Clarke. 

Echo tries not to roll her eyes.  
Bellamy had brought up Clarke a few times during their vacation and it bothered her.  
Why was her boyfriend thinking of another girl when he should have been celebrating their six month anniversary with her? 

Echo shakes her head, trying to get all the thoughts of Clarke out of her head. She rolls over and kisses him and mutters against his lips.  
“Let me help you relax.”  
What she doesn’t say is that she’s the one that needs to relax.

The fact that they are leaving, going back to the real world bothers her.  
Here in the cabin, it was like they lived in their own bubble, just the seven of them.  
But once they go home, everything will be different. 

These were the thoughts that had popped into her head during their weekend. 

The thoughts were there on Friday watching Bellamy drink and laugh at Murphy, not aware of the shit storm heading their way once thy head back. There are there when Monty looks at the setting sun and makes a comment about how Clarke would love how pretty the sky was. They were there when Emori, Harper, and Raven helped her get ready. They were there when she and Raven had gone skinny dipping one night, drunk and bored.

She had meant what she said to Raven. She never had a friend like Raven before.  
Living in the Hamptons meant that she was surrounded by rich girls, and most of them didn't want to befriend the girl whose father gave tours on the ocean and whose mother worked at a bar. Echo wasn’t in the same league as the rich girls of Hampton, she wasn’t in the same league as Clarke.  
She was a loner. She hadn’t actually had a friend until her father remarried and his wife had two kids. She and her stepbrother didn't get along but she liked her stepsister. They shared the same tastes in clothes, men, and had the same ruthless ambition.  
But besides her sister, she didn’t have anyone. 

Until she began dating Bellamy.  
Now she had Raven, Emori, and Harper.  
But she was the closest to Raven.  
And she didn’t want to lose Raven.  
Will Raven still stand by her, if what she did gets out?

As they get ready and pack up the car, Echo wonders how bad the fallout of their weekend will be.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Yes,I know I said that I wouldn't update I had a babysitting gig... also in case anyone's curious my paper isn't done yet. But I will not post another update until its done.  
Which is good, since the chapter after the next one isn't written out yet... I just decided to add it yesterday.  
This chapter was supposed to be longer, but I wanted to drag out the suspense a little longer. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, comments, subscribes, and bookmarks.


	5. Things Fall Apart, But Nothing Breaks Like A Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout of Cabinkru's vacation.  
aka  
Octavia yells a lot.
> 
> Bonus- Cabinkru's feelings afterwards.

It's bad.

Murphy reaches for the box where his phone is as soon as they get to the car and she has no choice but to open it and when he turns it on, his notifications go off.

Emori laughs.  
'Don’t tell me the bar fell apart with you and Bellamy."

Murphy doesn't say anything staring at his phone screen in shock, face pale.  
Then he slams his hands on the steering wheel.  
“Fuck!”  
"Murphy!"  
Bellamy snaps at him and Murphy shakes his head, face grim. 

He looks up at Bellamy and says softly but firmly.  
"Turn on your phone Bellamy,"

His tone is the most serious anyone has heard in a long time.

"John?"  
Emori and Raven don't know what to do. They had never seen their boyfriend act like this. 

"Check your phones."  
Murphy says, his voice loud and commanding. 

Harper hands out the rest of the phones and they all turn them on.  
The sound of notifications fills the car. 

Echo watched everyone’s reaction to their phone screens.  
Harper hisses. Emori gasps and Raven swears in Spanish, Monty is already on his phone dialing, but Echo’s eyes can’t leave Bellamy's face. 

When the notifications went off he just looked wide eye at how many there were. His face goes from concern at seeing all the missed calls to shock seeing all the texts. And then guilt and desperation cross his face.  
Echo isn’t the only one looking at Bellamy at this point. Monty is staring at him as he holds his phone to his ear. Raven is checking her phone trying to make sure she doesn’t miss a text as she watches Bellamy. 

“Bellamy?”  
It’s Emori and she reaches for his hand, her fingers stroking his arm. He ignores her. 

Echo watches as Bellamy reads all the messages and then as he holds the phone to his head, hand trembling, muttering to himself.  
_“Please please please.” _

He curses when no one picks up, so he tries again.  
And again.  
And again.  
And again. 

"Bellamy?"  
“Bellamy!”

He looks up at them, eyes wide and wild. He looks desperate and in pain.  
Echo hates the look on his face.

"She’s… she’s not picking up. Clarke isn’t picking up her phone. Fuck. Fuck. I really screwed up. She’s never going to forgive me for this. How did this happen I had her art show on my calendar, it was set for next week I double-checked! I promised her I wouldn't miss it, I promised her."

Emori squeezes his hand but he shakes her off and buries his head into his hands.  
Raven pats his shoulder but he took shakes her off.  
Monty sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, Harper switch with Murphy and drive us home. No offense Murphy, but I don’t think you should be driving. Bellamy it’s going to be okay, you and Clarke have always forgiven each other. Let's just go home and we can sort out this whole mess there."

Harper switches with Murphy and Bellamy moves up a seat so Murphy can sit with his girlfriends.  
Harper drives in silence as Emori, Raven, and Murphy sits in the back seat, both girls clutching his hands.  
Murphy has his head on Emori’s shoulders, guilt on his face.  
Monty sits next to Harper checking in on Bellamy from the mirror while trying to get a hold of Jasper or Miller.  
Bellamy is going through all the texts and then once he has read them all twice, he goes through his voicemail.

The car is so silent that everyone can hear the pain and hurt in Clarke’s voice, the desperation to reach him, the anger in Octavia’s and Well’s, and the disappointment in Miller’s and Jasper’s.

After he listens to the calls, he listens to Clarke’s again.

And again.

When they get home, they all pretend not to notice how red his eyes are. They head into Bellamy’s apartment in silence, ready to face the music.

* * *

Octavia is waiting for them.

Her eyes flash when she sees them and she jumps to her feet.  
She rushes at Echo and shoves her hard.  
Echo’s back hits the wall and it takes her a second to recover but then she shoves Octavia back.

“You fucking bitch..\”

Octavia slaps her across the face and Echo lunges for her but Murphy is there, lifting a screaming Octavia away.

“ I’m going to kill you. Murphy put me down!”

Murphy puts her down but his arms are around her restraining her.  
Octavia shakes her head her hair flying around her face.

“What the hell!”  
Raven stalks forward but Harper grabs her arm and shakes her hand to stop.

“You’re next Reyes.”

Octavia hisses and Murphy grips her arms tighter.  
Bellamy cups Echo’s face running his fingers over her pink cheek. 

“Sorry about that.”  
He presses a kiss to her forehead.  
Then he turns to look at his sister angrily arms crossed over his chest. 

“O.”

Octavia ignores her brother and instead hisses at Echo.

“I don’t want you in my house. I don’t want to see you anywhere near my home or near Clarke. I don’t like you. If you ever come near me or Clarke I will make you pay.”

“Echo didn’t do anything! She’s just your brother's girlfriend.” 

Echo is grateful that Raven is jumping to her defense. 

Bellamy runs a hand through his hair.  
“This behavior is unacceptable O. You can’t just slap my girlfriend or no reason!”

Octavia glares at Echo.  
“Murphy let me go.”  
Murphy shakes his head  
“Murphy let me go.”  
Her voice is firm and cold and she turns her head so their eyes meet.  
Something passes between them.  
Murphy waits for a second before he releases her. 

"O."

The two siblings face each other their body language mimicking the other.  
Octavia shakes her head sadly. 

"Don’t there’s nothing that you can say that can fix this. There is nothing that you can do to fix this. We thought something had happened. We thought you were dead or in the hospital. Four days and you couldn’t even call to say where you were? We were worried sick."

"O."

"The look on Clarke’s face when she realized that you weren’t coming. God,I can't get it out of my head, she was going to leave her own show to check up on you but Miller came instead. He checked all of your apartments and Grounders. The look on her face, when he told her that he couldn't find any of you, the look on her face as she made phone after phone in between talking to people, the look when she realized that you weren't coming at all, I have never seen someone look so broken before.” 

She spins around, running her hand through her hair again and then slams her hand against the wall. 

Bellamy stands in the middle of his living room, frozen. 

"O, please ."

Bellamy reaches for her. He needs to make it okay with his sister. He can't lose her again. There's a chance he already lost Clarke, he can't lose his baby sister.

"O. Please ."

She spins around eyes flashing and in another lifetime this would be the part where Octavia would hold a sword to his neck.

"No Bellamy! There is nothing that you can say that is going to make this situation okay, I’m not angry at you. I'm angry about the fact that you didn’t call, I’m angry at the fact that you didn’t go to the art show like you promised, it was Clarke’s first show, in which she was the main artist, and you, her best friend wasn't there, not even for an hour. Miller was there and he hates art. Jackson came in scrubs to see the show. Monroe, who no one has seen in years, stopped by. Gina, your ex-girlfriend stopped. Even Wells, Roan, and Luna, who’s five months pregnant mind you, made the drive down to see her show, hell even Finn and Lexa made an appearance, they all knew how important this show was to her. You knew how important it was, you knew how nervous she was and you didn’t go. When you didn't show, Clarke she was so scared that something had happened, she spent half the show worried sick and if I hadn’t been there to calm her down she might have taken off to go find you. The look on her face, Bell, god I wished you had seen the look on her face when the show ended and she realized that you hadn’t come. Where were you Bellamy, where were you that you couldn’t go to your best friend’s art show? She spent the night at my apartment sobbing, Bell, not crying, sobbing. You broke her heart. Nothing I did, nothing Jasper did, nothing Miller and Jackson, who spent the night at my apartment but the way, helped. Wells couldn’t even get through to her.”

Octavia is breathing hard and Bellamy is staring at his sister.  
She looks at him sadly.

“She hasn’t stopped crying.”

Bellamy closes his eyes and Echo sees Murphy sink onto the couch and bury his head into his hands.  
Raven is gripping Harper’s hand and Monty and Emori are just standing there in silence, guilt on their faces. 

"Where were you?"

Bellamy swallows hard. 

"We- we were at a cabin. Celebrating Echo and mine’s six months anniversary. "

Octavia snorts and her eyes trail over everyone in the room but when her eyes get to her, Echo shivers if looks could kill, she would be dead ten times over.

Octavia let out a low whistle in disbelief and ruffles her hair. 

"Camping, you all went camping and got drunk. You missed Clarke's art show to go camping and get drunk. Wow “

She snorts and grabbed her purse, her jacket, and a gym bag. 

“Well, I hope it was worth it."  
She slams the door on her way out. 

There’s silence and then Murphy runs a hand through his hair.  
“We fucked up.”

Monty gives them a tight smile.  
“It’s Clarke. It will blow over.”

No one mentions that neither Jasper or Miller had yet to reply to any of his messages. 

The others leave quickly, leaving her and Bellamy alone. 

"Bell." 

She reaches for his shoulder but he shrugs her hand off.

"Go home Echo." 

He grabs his phone dialing Clarke’s number again, brushing her off and she feels anger and sadness. He's ignoring her in favor of a girl who left him, a girl who broke his heart. 

She's the girlfriend but as always Bellamy seems to care about Clarke more. 

Nothing has changed.

* * *

Harper lays in bed as Monty tries calling Jasper for the tenth time in a row.

“Babe, he’s not picking up.”

Monty turned to her tears in his eyes.

“He hates me. My best friend hates me.”

Harper sat up and wraps her arms around him.

“Hey, Jasper doesn’t hate you. You are his best friend.”

“We missed the art show.”

“Let’s go to bed and then tomorrow we can try again. He’s probably busy calming Octavia down. She left in a huff.”

Monty nods tired and the leans back and rubs a hand through his hair and he settles his head on her chest.  
“Bellamy…”  
Monty trails off and Harper had to blink back tears.

“He and Clarke work things out. Bellamy mixes up the dates it happens.”  
Harper doesn't know who she is trying to convince, herself or her boyfriend. 

“How didn't we know? We have the flyer on our refrigerator.”

As soon as he says that he bolts out of the room.  
Harper follows him and sees him looking at the flyer in disbelief.

"This isn't the flyer."

Harper grabs it.  
"Monty' this is the exact flyer Clarke gave us."

Monty shook his head.  
"No, it's not. Clarke drew little versions of us on the back. I remember asking her to sign it and I made a joke about framing it."  
"Okay, if this isn't the flyer, then where is the one Clarke gave us and how did we get this?"  
The couple exchanges a look. Monty licks his lips.  
"Echo did invite us to the cabin this weekend."  
"She wouldn't. She knows how much Clarke means to Bellamy. She wouldn't do that to him. Echo loved Bellamy."  
"Then I don't know."  
Harper runs a hand through her hair and then reaches for Monty's hand.  
"Let's go to bed and then tomorrow we can go see Miller. Because no offense, but I'm sure Octavia will kill us if we step foot on her porch tomorrow."  
Monty nods and they head to their room.  
Harper wraps her arms around her boyfriend, know he needing the comfort that comes from being the little spoon.

* * *

Emori curls up around Raven in the middle of the bed, trying to ignore the missing third body from their bed.  
Raven squeezes her fingers.

"Did he ever tell you how he and Clarke got so close."

Emori signs and presses a kiss to her girlfriend's neck.

"I asked him once. He said that when he had no one, Clarke was there. He said that if it weren't for Clarke he wouldn't be here."

Raven sighs.  
"I know I shouldn't feel jealous..."

"But you do. It's Clarke and you have a history with her and Finn. But you know Murphy and Clarke would never do that to us, to you."

Raven turns to look at Emori, and cups her face before kissing her softly.  
"I know, I do."  
The girls fall silent and Raven waits for Emori's breathing to even out before she whispers.  
"But sometimes I wish she hadn't come back. She's a stranger wearing my best friend's face."

Raven can hear Murphy in the kitchen and she joins him ten minutes later.  
He's baking so she slides onto the counter and watches him.

"Chocolate?"

"Clarke's favorite."

Raven nods and watched him frost a cake.

"John."  
"Raven, don't. I can't."  
'You never can."

He looks at her, sadness in his eyes and walks over to cup his face.

"One day. I promise."

He kisses her and Raven kisses him back, tears in her eyes. 

When he pulls away she pulls off her shirt and his hands grip her waist as he steps in closer and his lips trail down her neck. She reaches for his shirt and it falls to the floor.  
He mutters " I love you" as he thrusts into her.  
When they climb into bed, Raven curls up between Emori and Murphy.

* * *

  
_ You could have your choice of men_  
_But I could never love again _  
_He's the only one for me _  
_Jolene _

* * *

Echo lays in bed by herself. She has never felt so alone or cold.  
She thinks about the look on Bellamy's face and she hopes to never see it again.  
She wonders if Clarke will stay away.  
She wonders if she made the right choice.  
Did she do the right thing?  
She got the job.  
She got the friends.  
She got the family.  
She got the boy.

But why did she feel this way?

She opens up a drawer and looks at a picture of her and her parents from when she was young.  
She thinks of the smiling girl who used to collect shells on the beach and make necklaces out of them for extra money. She looks at the simply green dress in the picture. That was the last time she had worn a dress, much less got a new one. 

She grabs her phone and scrolls through Clarke's Instagram.  
As she scrolls through, looking at pictures of Clarke and Bellamy, of her and her friends laughing, of Clarke in fancy dresses that cost more than she can ever imagine she tells herself that she did the right thing.  
Clarke is a spoiled princess who never had to work a day in her life for anything.  
She, on the other hand, worked her ass off to get to where she was now.  
Clarke can have her choice of guys, but Bellamy is hers.  
She won't give him back without a fight.  
And she knows that Clarke won't fight.  
She won't say anything.  
Clarke loves Bellamy, she won't hurt him.

* * *

  
_By thunder crashing in the dark (crash in the dark) _  
_And this broken record _  
_Spin endless circles in the bar (spin 'round in the bar) _  
_This world can hurt you _  
_It cuts you deep and leaves a scar_  
_Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart _  
_Mhmm, but nothing breaks like a heart_  
_But nothing breaks like a heart _  
_Mhmm, but nothing breaks like a heart._  
\- Miley Cyrus

* * *

Bellamy sits on the couch. He doesn't have the energy to go to his room. 

He had gone into Clarke's room earlier to find several of her stuff missing.  
As he looked around the room, he saw them.  
Them at prom, laughing.  
Them raising beer bottles.  
Polaroids of them laughing and having fun.  
He found drawings of them on her desk.  
She was his best friend.  
How did they end up like this?  
Why did she run?  
How did he forget about her art show?  
When did they get so messed up?  
He doesn't want to think about that so he hightails it out of her room and grabs some beers and bunkers down on the couch.  
He takes out his phone and listens to her messages again.

_ 1\. Bellamy? Where are you? The show is starting soon. _

_ 3\. Hey are you running late? Can you text me so I know you are okay? _

_ 6\. Bell, Gina's here. She's asking for you. Where are you? _

_ 13\. Bell, I'm scared. Where are you? I'm really worried. Will you please call me. _

_15\. Bellamy Blake! Pick up your damm phone! Octavia and I are worried sick! Can you please tell us that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere _

_ 20\. Bellamy the show is half over. Where are you. Miller says you aren't home _

_23\. You aren't coming are you_

_25.You promised Bell. You promised. Please, I need you. I want you. _

_ 27\. Bellamy please _

_ 28\. Show's over Bell. _

_ 30\. You promised. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
Announcements:  
1\. The next chapter (which is not yet written as it is a last-minute late-night addition) will not be in Echo's pov. I don't think anyone will be disappointed about it but this is also your only warning that I will begin to write a bit from character's pov, just to give some insight on their feelings or what is going.  
Expect to see their povs: Raven, Murphy, Octavia, and a few special characters who have not been introduced into the story yet.
> 
> 2\. I am sorority recruitment this upcoming weekend so I don't think I will have time to update since I will either be at recruitment, sleeping, or trying to get work done. But I do plan on trying to do some editing between rounds and on my commute. Writing is a stress reliever and recruitment is so stressful. But I do plan to have an update to two up by Friday if not sooner. 
> 
> 3\. Thank you do everyone who has subscribed, left a comment, kudos or simply took a chance on this fic. It means a lot to me.


	6. The Gift of a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's rewind!  
Clarke gets drunk.  
Octavia and Jasper worry.  
Jactavia cuteness.  
Octavia is suspicious  
Octavia and Clarke being best friends  
.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Someone who knows when your lost and your scared _  
_There through the highs and the lows _  
_Someone you can count on, someone who cares _  
_Besides you where ever you go _  
\- Demi Lovato's Gift of a Friend

Clarke sits at bar, fingers tapping on the glass. She had texted Octavia asking her to join her for drinks. Clarke didn’t, could be alone.  
If she was alone then all she could hear was Echo’s voice. 

_Bellamy knows. _  
_Bellamy knows how you feel. _  
_He’s going to marry me._  
_He loves me._  
_I’m his girlfriend, not you Clarke. _

Clarke tossed back another shot. 

She jumps when Octavia slides in next to her. 

“Started without me? You look like you been run over by a truck and then stabbed into heart.”

Clarke laughs bitterly and pushes a drink towards Octavia.

“Start drinking.”

Octavia’s tosses back two shots before they head to the pool table. She wins the game which isn’t unusual, she had learned her skills from Murphy after all but Clarke didn’t even try.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke ignores her best friend and instead orders another drink.  
Octavia frowns and looks at the bartender who slides her a glass of water.

“She has four shots and four drinks. She’s been mixing.”

Octavia grimaces especially when she realizes that Clarke probably forgot to eat.

She pulls out her phone and messages her boyfriend.

* * *

****

**Octavia 🍑 : Hey Babe Can you pick me and Clarke up? She’s really drunk. **

****

**Jasper 🐙: Where are you? Grounders? **

****

**Octavia 🍑 : No, The Bunker **

****

**Jasper 🐙: What are you doing there?!? That’s not safe. **

****

**Octavia🍑 : Clarke picked it. Hurry **

****

**Jasper 🐙: already on my way. Be there in 10. **

****

**Octavia 🍑 : its a 45 min drive **

****

**Jasper 🐙: You girls are worth getting pulled over for **

** **** **

**Octavia 🍑 : I Love You **

****

**Jasper 🐙: I Love You More **

* * *

Octavia puts down her phone and slides Clarke as a glass of water.

“Clarke drink water.”

Clark sips it slowly.

“Do you want to talk about it now?”

Clarke shakes her head and placed her head on the bar and Octavia runs her hand through her friend's curls.

She looks at the bartender, his name tag says Shaw.

“Did she say anything?”

He rests his arms on the bar top.

“She came ordered a double shot. Her eyes were red like she had been crying. She said something about Narcissus?” 

Octavia’s furrows her brow.  
Why did that sound so familiar?  
She looked at Clarke and sighed.

The bartender looked at them for a bit.  
“Can I have your number? She’s been here a few times but this is the worst I have seen her. Just want to make sure I have someone to call if this happens again. I know I would want someone to call me if my sister of girlfriend were in a mess.”  
Octavia nodded and gave him her number.  
“I’ll call you in she ends up here again.”  
She nods and he leaves to serve another customer.  
A hand on her shoulder startles her and she turns to see Jasper.  
He looks at Clarke concern in his eyes.  
“I have never seen her like this.”  
He wraps an arm around her and Octavia takes her other side and between the two of them, they get her out the door and into the car.

To her surprise, Jasper takes them straight home.  
“I don’t think she should go home. Bellamy would freak if he saw her like this and I don’t want Echo near her if Clarke can’t protect herself.”

Octavia leans over the car console and kisses him. She puts everything she wants to say to him in her kiss.  
_ I love you, You are my best friend. Thank you for caring about Clarke. Thank you for supporting me in that Echo is bad news. _

When she pulls away he gives her a goofy smile.  
It says _ I love you, I believe you, and I support you. _

They help Clarke into their apartment and Octavia strips her down and climb into the shower with her and helps her wash off.  
Clarke has done the same for her, for Jasper, even for Miller. 

She gets Clarke into one of Bellamy’s shirts and then she and Jasper get Clarke into bed and they both curl up next to her, keeping her safe as she finally falls asleep. 

Octvas reaches for Jasper’s hand over the covers and laces their fingers together.

“The bartender said that she has been there before but that today she was saying something about Narcissus. The name sounds familiar but I can’t remember where I heard it.”

Jasper thinks about it for a minute before he gasps.  
“It’s from one of the stories Bellamy used to tell you. Narcissus was the man who fell in love with his reflection… wonder what Clarke meant by that.”

Jasper yawned.  
“We can ask her tomorrow.”

Octavia sighs and scoots closer to Clarke burying her head into the blonde's shoulder. 

Octavia wakes up to find Jasper gone and Clarke facing her. In the morning light, Clarke looks young, angelic. It’s easy to see how fragile Clarke is.

Octavia finds Jasper standing in front of the coffee pot grumbling.  
Octavia laughs and wraps her arms around his waist.  
He looks down at her and blows a raspberry.  
“I hate mornings.”

Octavia laughs burying her head into his shoulder pressing her lips onto his skin before she lets him go to grab some eggs. She bends down to grab a mixing bowl to make pancakes and jumps when a hand smacks her ass.  
Jasper grins at her and she smirks.  
They engage in a quick battle of teasing that ends with them jumping into the shower for a round of sex before venturing out into the kitchen to make breakfast. 

Clarke stumbles out later, Bellamy’s shirt huge on her. Octavia hands her a mug and Clarke savors its warmth.  
That’s when Octavia sees it.  
Two thumbs prints- a reddish-purple- dark against Clarke’s pale skin.  
Octavia opens her mouth but Jasper shakes his head and gives her a look.

When Clarke leaves, she bursts into tears.  
Jasper is quick to hold her tightly.  
“She’s my best friend. Who would do such a thing? Why hasn't she said anything?”  
Jasper runs a hand through Octavia’s hair rocking her gently.  
“She’s going to be okay, she has us.”  
“We have to tell Bellamy.”  
Japer cups her face.  
“We can’t. If we tell Bellamy, Clarke will never forgive you. You have to let her tell him herself.”

Octavia wipes her tears away and sighs, she knows he is right.  
He leads her to the couch and throws a blanket over them.  
She spends the morning watching cartoons with Jasper, trying not to worry about her best friend.

* * *

Clarke doesn’t come to brunch and the next day Octavia goes to see Shaw.  
“Has Clarke been here?”

Shaw is wiping some glasses.  
“She was here two nights ago, with some kid. They were arguing. He left in a huff and she crashed at my apartment. My girlfriend is out of town on some business conference but apparently, she and Clarke know each other?

“Who’s your girlfriend?”

Shaw gives her a grin.  
“She asked me not to say anything. Wants to surprise you and Clarke at her art show.”

Octavia grins.  
“It will be great to see you there.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I have seen her in here, sketching a few times. She’s talented.”  
He starts to wipe down the bar top. 

Octavia bites her lip, a thought on her mind.

“Does the name Narciuss mean anything to you?I know you said Clarke it and it sounds familiar but I can't remember why.”

“It’s the story about a guy who falls in love with his reflection. There was a girl who loved him… I think her name was like Earth? Echo?”

“Did you just say Echo?”

“You could just google it.”

Shaw says it amused when Octavia blushes.  
She had completely forgot she could google it.  
She had meant and had forgotten to ask her brother at brunch, busy worrying about Clarke. 

Echo.

Clarke had to have been talking about Echo the night she had been drunk.

Was Echo the one who was responsible for the bruises around Clarke’s neck?

Octavia balled her fist. She was dying to confront her but she knew that she needed more evidence before she accused Echo of anything.

* * *

Jasper finds his girlfriend sitting on the kitchen counter, typing away on a laptop.

“Having fun?”

“Do you know there is no record of Echo existing before college?”

“Octavia.”

“Narcissus fell in love with his reflection, there was a nymph named Echo who fell in love with him. Clarke had to have been talking about Echo.”

Jasper sighs, he loves her, he really does, but she’s stubborn.

“O. Look I don't like Echo but you do realize you’re reaching at straws.”

“You see the way she is. Before Clarke came back, they weren’t a PDA couple. But then Clarke comes back and suddenly Echo is into making out with him everywhere?”

She shoves the laptop at him and he scans the document, raises an eyebrow the further he scrolls down.

“This proves nothing but that you spent way too much time watching Echo and your brother make out. I think you need a hobby. But it also shows that Echo is seriously jealous of Clarke. But it's not enough.”

Octavia throws her hands over her head in exasperation.

“Look aren't you supposed to go with Clarke on Thursday to get dresses for the art show, maybe invite the other girls and pick their minds.”

Octavia grumbles. 

“Leave it to Clarke to leave as something as important as her dress for her art exhibition to the last minute.”

Jasper placed the laptop on the counter and then scoops her up, throwing her over his shoulder and dumping her on their bed, both of them laughing.  
He jumps on the bed next to her and faces her.

“Look in all seriousness wait until after the show before you make any accusations. Don't ruin Clarke's big night.”

Octavia nods and ducks under his arm and Jasper buries her head into her neck.

* * *

She had meant to text Raven and the other girls the night before but Miller had come by telling her that he was worried about Clarke.  
He had found Clarke leaving the gallery at midnight, half asleep. She had been about to drive when he found out her.

“Jacks is worried about her. She’s not getting enough sleep. She could have had an accident. “

“I think she and Bellamy are fighting.”

“I’m worried, their fights have never been this bad.”

“I want to call him but I don’t want to start a fight before her art show and I don’t know what exactly is going between them. ”

Miller sighs and Octavia hands him a mug of coffee before she responds. 

“If things aren’t better after the show then we talk to him. But they can’t keep doing this. Not talking about things. They haven’t talked about why Clarke left or about anything else. And they need to before it explodes and causes a bigger mess. ”

Miller nods in agreement. 

“Have you heard from your brother?” 

Octavia shakes her head.

“Not since brunch, I figured it was best to give him space. He looked ready to fight when he found out Clarke was at Riley's.“

“Anyone going to tell him that Riley is a 19-year boy.”

Octavia winks at him.  
“That takes the fun out of it.”

Miller stays for dinner and then he and Jasper play video games for a few hours and then once he leaves Octavis stumbles into bed, Jasper behind her. 

Octavia wakes up to find a text from, Miller.

** Miller 🍩: Raven just sent me ‘We won’t be at brunch Sunday."**

Octavia frowns but figures they probably have plans after the show.  
She is about to text Raven when she sees the time and realizes she is late to meet Clarke to go dress shopping. Octavia finds her dress quickly- a short dark green number with small white dots. It shows off enough skin to drive Jasper crazy. 

Clarke’s dress is harder. Clarke wants something casual but Octavia is looking for something fancier, it is her art show after all.  
All attention should be on Clarke and her art.

Finally, the girls reach a compromise and find a dress.  
It is long, like Octavia wants but simple like Clarke wants.  
It’s red with a low dipping neckline, a side slit, and backless. 

“All eyes are going to be on you.”

Clarke has to choke back a giggle and then her eyes widen.

“Octavia.” Her voice is hushed.

“My art show is in two days.”  
The amazement in Clarke’s voice brings tears to Octavia’s eyes.

Octavia hugs her best friend.  
“I’m really proud of you.”

“Do you actually think people will come?”  
“I know they will.”

“Which reminds me I should probably text everyone tonight to remind them.”

“As if everyone doesn’t have the date memorized.” 

“Need I remind you that Murphy once forgot his own birthday? Plus everyone has been super busy the last few weeks that a reminder wouldn't hurt. Besides, I forgot to tell you all to come beforehand. Sneak preview for the people I love the most.” 

They go get their nails done and Octavia tries not to pry as Clarke talks to her about the art show and about the other's relationships. She asks briefly about Bellamy and Echo and Octavia tells her about her dislike for the girl which makes Clarke smile. 

As the day goes on, Clarke seems happier, lighter than normal.  
She’s excited about her art show.  
She's excited and nervous for her work to be seen.  
Seeing her like this makes Octavia really happy. 

As they drive home, Clarke asks if she can spend the night and Octavia frowns not being able to keep silent. 

“Clarke what is going on between you and…”

“It’s nothing.”

Octavia gives her a look and Clarke shifts uncomfortably.

“Look once the show is over I’ll deal with it.”

Octavia lets out an annoyed sigh but lets it go.  
The girls have a movie night complete with wine and pizza and Octavia smiles as Jasper heads to their bedroom once he gets home to give them space. 

As the girls stumble into bed, Octavia looks at her best friend and smiles.

Somethings wrong with her and she doesn’t know how to help Clarke but at least she’s home.

Her best friend is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.
> 
> 1\. How do you feel about the pov switch?  
2\. This is more of a sweet filler chapter because the next chapter is the ART SHOW!  
This was supposed to include the art show, but it was taking me a lot longer to write it (because a lot happens) and because of the art show itself as on now its like 5 thousand words and counting.  
3\. I really wanted to get an update out by Friday so I can read everyone's comments during recruitment (when I'm stressed.)  
4\. JACTAVIA! is one of my guilty ships, so I wanted to add a bit of them.  
So let me explain the backstory to the emojis behind Jactavia (cause it's cute and funny)  
Jasper is 🐙, becasue he was the only one willing to pee on Octavia's leg when the jellyfish stung her and he was her hero.  
Octavia is 🍑 because Jasper likes her ass (plus I can totally see Jasper making a Nemo reference the first few times which Octavia will deny she found adorable.  
5\. So someone pointed a flaw in my story in which Cabinkru didn't anyone know about them leaving.. which is unrealistic so I'm going to add how that was possible in a later chapter... but here's a timeline that requires a bit of an imagination to work...oops.  
Timeline for Art Show week  
Friday- Echo confronts Clarke. Clarke gets drunk  
Sunday - Brunch- no Clarke  
Monday- Echo tells Bellamy about vacation/Octavia goes to see Shaw  
Tuesday-Miller and Octavia talk  
Thursday morning- Cabinkru leaves+ first day/ Raven texts Miller about missing brunch/ dress shopping  
Friday- Cabinkru gets drunk  
Saturday- Hungover Cabinkru/Echo and Bellamy's date/ ART SHOW  
Sunday- brunch is 'canceled'/ Cabinkru comes home/Octavia yells
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks, shares and likes (on Tumblr). It means a lot. 
> 
> Next Chapter: ART SHOW ft. some new friendly faces!


	7. Waiting on Superman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of ART SHOW.  
New friendly faces appear.  
Octavia and Jasper worry.  
Octavia comes to a realization.  
Clarke learns a secret.  
Clarke's heart breaks.

The day of the art show Clarke is a mess.

She heads to Octavia’s to get ready and Octavia pampers her, curling her hair, doing her makeup, trying to get her to relax.  
As Octavia dances around the room, pop music blasting from their laptop and Jasper lounges on the bed, Clarke feels like they are in college again getting ready for a frat party. 

Clarke looks at her phone, brows furrowed.

Bellamy has yet to text her all week which was a surprise in itself but she figured he was giving her space to work on the show but still a part of her expected a message from him wishing her good luck or to find him making her a good luck breakfast. 

But there was nothing.

Octavia caught Clarke’s worried look and gave Jasper a look and he left, grabbing his clothes to get ready.  
“Relax my brother wouldn’t miss the show even with you avoiding him. He knows how important it is.”

Clarke signs and stands up to look at herself in the mirror.

“Things are different. He’s trying and I'm trying not to fight but it feels like we are on the verge of one and I don’t want to fight. He has Echo over all the time and it bothers me but I don’t want to make a big deal because he’s happy and that’s what matters the most. Whoa. “

Octavia watches as Clarke’s rant stops as she takes herself in. 

“Is that really me?”

Octavia steps next to her and wraps an arm around her waist.

“We look hot..”

They exchange a look and then laughing, they go down the stairs. 

Octavia sees the back of Miller’s head and realizes he must have just arrived.  
Miller looks up to see him and he gives them an approving nod that makes Clarke blush.  
Jasper’s jaw drops once he turns to see them and they pause at the top.  
Two seconds later he snaps into action taking millions of pictures, telling them to look at the camera.

Miller is laughing at his antics before Jasper glares at him and Miller rolls his eyes before he grabs his phone to snap pictures and take videos.  
Jasper calls out ridiculous things in fake accents.  
The two girls begin to pose, blowing kisses and kicking their legs up before the walk down the stairs.

Jasper dips Octavia kissing her soundly and Clarke laughs especially when she sees Miller snap a picture of it.  
She picks up her polaroid camera and points it at the couple and decides to give it to them the next day. 

Miller wraps and arm around Clarke’s shoulders.  
“Looking good Griffin!”  
“It’s just a dress!”  
”Trust me, it's not just a dress.”

Their moment is interrupted by Jasper who commands them into doing several poses before Octavia joins them.  
Then Miller switches with Jasper and the Octavia with Miller. 

They all (except for Jasper) take a shot of courage and talk while they wait for the others but no word from them.

Clarke’s smile dips as the hour passes and they all exchange looks of concern. 

Miller steps outside to make a phone call an Octavia squeezes Clarke’s shoulder.  
“Let’s head to the show. They will meet us there.”

Clarke nods and they slide into Jasper’s car as he was designated driver. 

The radio turns on and the two girls look at each other before breaking into song.  
Miller looks at Jasper from the front seat, Jasper shrugs before joining in and Miller shakes his head before he begins to film them.

He sends the video to Jackson.  
**Jacks: Wish I was there.  
** **Nate: Let it be known I’m here for Clarke. I hate art and my eardrums are bleeding  
** **Jacks: they aren’t even bad singers ?? **  
  
Miller rolls his eyes but he can’t resist joining in when the Backstreet Boys come on.

** **** **

Miller sees Clarke singing from the mirror and smiles.  
She looks so happy and beautiful, excited about her art show.

She is going to knock Bellamy off his ass when he sees her.  
He knows he should feel bad thinking something like that when Bellamy has a girlfriend but as someone who had seen them in college he knew what the two had was special.  
He couldn’t picture either of them with anyone else.  
Clarke and Bellamy had so much love to give.  
Plus he had seen Echo in court she was fierce but ruthless.  
He had seen more than one witness break because of her.  
Which wouldn't be an issue if her clients were innocent.  
Echo was cool but she was nothing compared to Clarke.

* * *

Miller holds out an arm.  
“Ready? “  
Clarke nods looking down at her phone and then takes his arm and they head into the gallery.  
Octavia checks her phone, no texts as they head inside.  
She forgets about the lack of response once she takes in the gallery.  
The first thing to greet them is a series of portraits: Jake Griffin, Lincoln and Maya.  
Octavia swallows taking in the face of her dead husband.  
Jasper squeezes her arm and she turns to see him looking at Maya.  
“Wow.”  
Clarke has drawn all three of them are in mid laughter, eyes full of love.  
Octavia feels a pang in heart. She misses Lincoln so much.  
“What do you think?”  
Octavia hugs her best friend tightly.  
“I love it. Thank you.”  
Jasper hugs Clarke tightly before he presses a kiss to Octavia’s head before he turns to Clarke.  
“ They would’ve all been proud of you.”  
Clarke nods and then she leads them to a table and hand them a glass of wine.  
“I have to do some last-minute checks but feel free to look around. Tell Bell I need to talk to him when he arrives.”  
Clakre leaves in a flurry of red and Octavia links arms with Miller who groans as they drag him around the room.

They are studying at a painting of a man on a porch.  
Jasper is saying that the painting is about watching a lover having a moment of space to themselves while Miller is saying that it’s about longing but before Octavia can say a word they hear footsteps. The three turn to look and Octavia gasps and runs toward the woman.  
“Luna.”  
The two embrace and Octavia screams when she pulls away and she sees the small bump.  
“Oh my god.”  
Luna holds a finger over her hips.  
“We want to surprise Clarke.”  
Octavia turns to greet Wells who swings her in a circle and then Roan who pick her off her feet.  
“Don't you guys live like four hours away?” Miller asks.  
“Six and half but who’s counting .” Roan winks.  
Wells smiles, “We couldn’t miss her show.”  
Octavia shoves her phone at Jasper while she and Luna pose for a picture.  


* * *

“O. Is Bell here?”  
Clarke wanders back into the room and her eyes fall on the three newcomers .  
“Wells?”  


She takes off at a run and Wells spins her around in a circle as laughter passes through her lips.  
She hugs him tightly.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Do you honestly think I would miss the show, especially one held in a gallery I own?”  
Clarke throws her arms around Roan next who lifts her up and whispers something in her ear as she hugs him.  
When he puts her down, her eyes are watery.  


Clarke looks at Luna who has a hand on her belly.  
Clarke’s eyes zoom in on it and she looks between the three.  
“No.”  
“Yes.”  
“Oh my god.”  
She hugs Luna before she drops down to press a kiss to Luna's stomach.  
Octavia notices that Jasper had managed to get the moment on camera.  


“So where’s Bellamy?”  
Clarke frowns and Octavia exchanges a look with Jasper and Miller and knows that Clarke can’t deal with more issues so she lies.  
“Not here yet, Echo,his girlfriend, got out of work late, they’ll be here once it starts.”  


“Oh, okay.”  
Clarke’s face drops and her shoulders slump, the light seems to drain out of her.  
Octavia hates herself for draining the light in Clarke’s body but she hates her brother more for putting her in this position.  
Wells raises an eyebrow at Octavia and gives her a what the hell look.  


“Clarke!”  
She turns towards the voice.  
“Roam around. I’ll be back .”  


She rushes off and Riley approaches them.  
“Roan, you got a minute?”  
Roan and Riley walk in the opposite direction of Clarke and start whispering.  


Miller turns to Luna and gives her a wicked grin.  
Jasper jumps in and wraps an arm around her shoulder.  
“Well Luna, Wells, maybe you can settle something.”  
“I think this is about love and Miller says it about longing. What’s your take?”  
Luna and Wells study the piece.  
“I think it’s more of a feeling of peace. The man is outside the window far, but always there. It’s supposed to make you feel at peace knowing they will always be there.”  
Wells shakes his head.  
“I agree except for me it’s more sad. The person is observing from the window. They are separated by something so small and simple but in reality, is a lot more complicated. The person inside has made peace with loving from afar.”  
Miller sighs.  
“So love or longing?”  
The couple exchanges a look.  
“Both?”  


Miller throws his hands up in frustration.  
“This, this is why I hate art. It’s so subjective. Where are my facts? Where my evidence?”  


Luna laughs.  
“Facts you hate art but you love Clarke. Evidence you are here.”  
Miller crosses his arms pouting.  


Roan rejoins them frowning.  
“What was that about?”Wells says nodding towards Riley.  
“Nothing that can’t be dealt with until after the show.”  
His voice left no room for questions and arguments.  


Riley brings out a bucket of champagne and water bottles for Jasper and Luna. As they all fill their glasses Octavia checks her messages to see no response from her brother. So she sends out a message to Raven and Harper. They raise their glasses up high and the photographer snaps a picture of them before they drink it. Clarke looks at them with a smile on her face. “I’m going to say something later but I wanted to say thank you for coming. It means the world to me.” There are tears in her eyes but Roan shakes his head. “No sappy stuff otherwise your mascara will run and the opening will be late. Knock em dead Griffin.” They clink their glasses. Octavia snags another glass of champagne and links arms with Jasper. “No word?” She shakes her head. “Nothing.” “Nothing from Monty.” They exchange worried glances before they paste on smiles and the doors open and people come in. 

* * *

Halfway through the show, Clarke wraps her arms around Miller’s waist and he pouts down at her.  
“Can I help you?”  
She smiles and shakes her head.  
“You do realize there are like four other people you can cuddle with right?”

They all share amused looks, they had all seen Clarke with a glass of champagne in her hand as she spoke to people.  
It was supposed to help with nerves but the absence of Bellamy wasn’t helping Clarke.  
As she finished one glass, she would take another, making her very bubbly.  
Clarke rolls her eyes but what she is going to say is interrupted by the sound of high heels.  
All eyes turn to see a blonde woman in a dusty pink dress. Behind her is a tall dark-haired man with a kind smile.

“Josie?”  
“Hi.”

Clarke rushes forward and the girls hug while the others exchange glances.  
Who were these people?  
Clarke pulls away from Josie to hug the man before she turns to them, fingers interlace with Josie.  
“Everyone this is Josephine. She’s my cousin. I spent some time with her when I was gone..”

The word cousin hangs in the air heavy.  
Clarke has a complicated family history. Dead father, overbearing mother she is no longer on speaking terms with.  
They were all Clarke had left but now Clarke has someone else.  
And the fact that this stranger, this cousin of Clarke had come to the show made her okay in Octavia’s book, for now.  
The fact that Clarke didn’t confide in her hurts but the fact that Clarke had someone makes Octavia.  
Josephine has been there for Clarke when she couldn’t.  
It’s enough for Octavia.

She steps forward and hugs the girl tightly.  
“It’s so nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of her.”  
Josephine hugs her back tightly and when they pull away Octavia turns to the man who holds out his hand.

“Gabriel Santiago, the fiancé.”  
“Octavia Blake, the best friend.”  
“Hey!”

They turn to look at Wells and laughter fills the room.  
Introductions are made and Clarke leaves to talk to some other people leaving them to get to know each other.  
Luckily Octavia, Luna, and Josephine take charge leading the boys to other paintings.  
They are having a good time analyzing the paintings.

But as Octavia chats with Josephine and Luna she is aware of the fact that her phone has not vibrated.  
No texts, no messages, nothing.

They enter a nearby wing and Octavia takes it in.  
She spins in a slow circle and suddenly her stomach drops.  
The charcoal sketch she’s looking at is her brother looking directly at her, glasses on his nose, book in front of him, a fond smile on his face. It sends shivers down her spine.  
She knows that look.  
Lincoln used to look at her like that, Jasper looks at her like that.  
She’s always had her suspicions but it isn’t until that second until the sketch that she realize the magnitude of it.  
Clarke is in love with her brother.  
And he is dating another girl.

* * *

Miller's eyes land on another drawing. The drawing is done in color pencils and is beautiful but it is also devastating it was drawn from the viewpoint of the same window as a one of the other paintings, looking out into a couple who are caught in an embrace. 

“I can tell you recognize the man is from the painting from.”  
Miller nods as Luna moves closer.  
“She loves him.”  
It’s a fact, not open to interpretation. 

“She loved him and he’s not here.”  
The anger in Octavia’s voice is clear. 

Octavia pulls out her phone and calls her brother.  
She can hear Jasper calling Monty and Wells is trying Raven’s phone. Miller dials Murphy’s phone and then Octavia calls Emori.

“No one’s picking up. Why is no one picking up? What is going on? They wouldn’t miss the show. My brother wouldn’t miss the show.”  
She’s babbling, worry in her veins. 

All she can in her mind is cars crashes and her brother in the hospital.

“Octavia they haven’t responded to messages all day.” Jasper reminds her softly.

“My brother would never miss Clarke’s show.”

She runs a hand through her hair and Miller sighs and places his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.  
“Octavia, Jacks get off work in an hour. I’m supposed to swing by and pick him up. How about I stop by and check everyone’s places out. I’ll see if Jacks knows anything at the hospital. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. You need to make sure Clarke doesn’t freak out.”

Octavia looks up at him, gratitude in her eyes.  
“Thank you so much.”

Miller nods and rushes out. 

Octavia takes a deep breath and Jasper hands her his water bottle.  
“Take a deep breath and drink some water.”

Josphine places a hand on her arm.  
“Clarke told me a lot about Bellamy. He wouldn’t miss her show unless something important came up.”

Octavia closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and opening her eyes, smiles at Josephine.  
“You are all right. Let’s go find Clarke. We need to keep her from noticing that Bellamy isn’t here yet.”

* * *

They walk back to the main gallery and Octavia’s jaw drops and her hands form fists.  
She begins to stalk forward before a hand wraps around her forearm.  
She turns to glare at Wells.

“Are you serious? Do you even see who she is talking too?” Wells nods tensely.  
“I do, but Clarke will hate it if you cause a big scene.”

“Who’s that?”  
Octavia turns to look at Josephine but it's Jasper who answers her.  
“That’s Finn Collins.”  
“The boy who cheated with her?”  
Octavia is surprised that Josphine and Gabriel know the story as it's not one of Clarke’s favorites to share.  
“Are you sure we shouldn’t intervene?”  
Gabriel is standing next to Jopshine, a frown on his face, body tense.  
Wells releases her arm.  
“Octavia, go with Clark.”  


Octavia’s blood is churning.  
She can’t believe Finn Collins is here.  
Where is her brother when they need him?  


Clarke spots them and raises an eyebrow and Finn pales when he sees her.  
“Octavia Blake. Nice to see you again.”  
“Finn Collins. Wish I could say the same.”  
“O! Be nice. Sorry, Finn.”  
Clark smiled apologetically at Finn and Finn waves his hand.  
“Oh no it's understandable. I was a horrible boyfriend to you I completely understand why Octavia hates me and why she doesn’t trust me.”  


He turns to Octavia.  
“I came here for two reasons, one to apologize to Clarke for the way I treated her when we dated and the second to support her art. She’s always been talented and I wanted to see how much her talent has grown. It's amazing.”  
“That means a lot, Finn. Thank you.”  
“Is Raven here? I owe her an apology.”  
“Haven’t seen her, I’ve been busy mingling.”  
Octavia can hear the stress in Clarke’s voice.  


Finn turns to Octavia.  
“I’m surprised that your brother isn't here.”  
Octavia watches Clarke flinch at the mention of Bellamy.  


Octavia has to think fast. “They got stuck in traffic. Bellamy’s girlfriend got out of work late.”  
“Oh, I figured he was the first one here.”  
Clarke’s looks down not wanting to see the pity in Finn’s eyes.  


Octavia can feel the tension surround them and she can feel the hurt coming off Clarke in waves.  
“So Finn congrats on your marriage.”  
Octava gestures to the gold band and he smiles.  
“Thank you, I'm really happy. Roma, she’s amazing.”  


Octavia almost chokes on her champagne. She turns to look at Clarke who is blinking at her innocently and Octavia realizes that Clarke knew who Finn was married too.  
“Roma? As is Bellamy’s ex-girlfriend.”  
Fin scratches the back of his head.  
“We bumped into each other on a flight and then keep bumping into each other and things happened. I'm really happy with her.”  
“That’s amazing!”  


Just then Roma appeared, wrapping her arms around Finn’s waist.  
“Sorry babe. Saw Monroe and had to stop and say hi.”  
“Monroe’s here?”

Clarke and Octavia exchange glances.  
No one had heard or seen Monroe since high school graduation.  
Both Octavia and Clarke could not believe that she was actually here.  
Roma turned to look at Clarke and gave them both a huge smile.  
“Clarke! Octavia! It's so great to see you! Clarke, I love your work!”  
Clarke brushes a curl behind her ear.  
“Thank you Roma.”  


They chat for a bit more before the couple takes off and Clarke sighs.  
She gives Octavia a look and reaches for her hand, interlacing their fingers for a few seconds.  
“Thank you for having my back.”  
“Anytime, You are my best friend.”  
“So Finn and Roma who would’ve ever thought?”

Clarke laughs as Octavia leads her to the others. Wells immediately wraps an arm around her waist and presses a kiss to her forehead.  
“You okay?”  
“I’m good. Just surprised to see him.”  


Jasper wraps an arm around Octavia’s waist and whispers to her.  
“Miller just texted. He went to Murphy, Raven, and Emori’s. No one is there and he said there a bunch of letters on the floor when he looked through the slot. “  
Octavia wasn’t sure what to do.  
Murphy was a good friend of Clarke, loyal to her.  
He wouldn’t miss her show and she knew that Clarke has texted him a reminder.  


Josphine placed a hand on Octavia’s arm and the brunette turned to look at the blonde.  
“We have another problem. Abby is here.”  
Octavia’s eyes widen.  


Clarke and her mother had a strained relationship.  
Abby Griffin had always been too busy working which had lead to Jake being Clarke’s favorite parent and the two being extremely close. When Clarke was 17, her father got into a car accident. Clarke was fine, Wells was badly injured and Jake Griffin was in critical condition. He slipped into a coma and Abby made the decision to take him off life support without telling Clarke. Clarke never forgave her and when she wasn’t with Wells, she was the Blakes, and if she wasn’t with either one, she was with Murphy. With Jake, Clarke was lost. She went to school and got a degree in psychology. Abby never forgave her for choosing a pseudoscience. The two women hardly ever spoke and when they had no choice but to be in the room together, they were like strangers.  
“How did she find out about the show?”

Josephine flicks her hair over her shoulder and then her eyes widen behind Octavia's back.  
Octavia turns around to see Abby Griffin stalking her way towards them.  
“Clarke!”  
Clarke turns around Wells arm around her shoulders as she does so. Her face drops and her shoulders tense.  
“Abby. Not here.”  
Clarke pushes past the two of them and walks out of the gallery and they hurry after her.  
“Abby. I don’t remember you being invited.”  
Clarke was calm, poise.  
Abby snorted. “I’m your mother.”  
“No you are the woman who carries me for 8 and ½ months and the women who murdered my father. The woman who lied to me about my family.”  
Josphine moves next to Clarke and links arms with her.  


Abby is pale eyes darting between the girls.  
“You didn’t listen to me Clarke! I told you not to get involved.”  
“Josie is my cousin! She’s more of a family hat you are!”  
“I’m trying to help you. Why won’t you listen to me? You never do! You choose a career with no future, no way to make a living or move up. Your friends are not the sort you should hang with it. You associate with the wrong sort of people.”  


That as when Clarke exploded.  
“The wrong sort? Those people are my family. They are the only family I have. Aurora Blake worked two jobs yet she made it to Octavia’s and I’s school play. She even went to my art show in high school, the one you didn’t even care about until I won a reward? Murphy was the one who held my hand during the funeral. Octavia is my best friend, she’s the one who was sat with me at the hospital while Wells and dad went into surgery. She’s the one who’s been by my side since the beginning. And Bellamy? He’s my best friend. My number one supporter. He’s the one who held when I found out about you pulling the plug on dad. He’s the one who drove for three hours to pick me up from a party that I went to. He’s the one who encouraged me and believes me.”  


Clarke was crying and Abby’s eyes went dark.  
“I’m your family. They are nothing. You mean nothing to him. Bellamy’s is your biggest supporter? Then where is he?”  


Clarke steps back as she has been hit and Abby smirks triumphantly.  


Roan steps forward.  
“I think it’s time for you to leave Mrs.Griffin.”  


Her eyes land on him and then on Wells who moves to his side. Her eyes then land on Luna and Jasper shifts slightly as to block her from view but then her eyes widen when they catch sight of Josphine next to Clarke, who is comforting her.  


Several emotions cross her face.  
“It’s time for you to leave.”  
Abby Griffin nods but as she leaves the room she tosses back.  
“I should have given you up and kept your sister instead.”  
Clarke whirls around to face her but she’s already gone, Wells and Roan with her.

Octavia looks between Clarke and Josphine, her mind whirling.  
There are enough similarities between them and she had seen the way Abby had looked at Josephine. 

“Clarke.” Josphine step towards her and Clarke shook her head.  
“I can’t. Not now. I need Bellamy. Please, I need Bellamy. Octavia where’s Bell? I need him.” 

Octavia is frozen.  
She doesn’t know what to say to her best friend.  
But she doesn’t have to say anything. 

“He’s not coming is he?”  
Clarke’s voice is so small, so soft.  
So broken.  
“Clarke.”  
Luna moves toward her but Clarke spins on her heels and runs out of the room.

* * *

_She's watching the taxi driver, he pulls away _  
_She's been locked up inside her apartment a hundred days_  
_She says, yeah, he's still coming, just a little bit late_  
_He got stuck at the laundromat washing his cape"_  
_She's just watching the clouds roll by and they spell her name like Lois Lane_  
_And she smiles, oh the way she smiles_  
_-Waiting For Superman- Daughty_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. We have familiar faces and several new ones! What do you think? Can I keep track of everyone's stories without dropping the ball?  
2\. Part 1 of The ART SHOW. This chapter was super long so I decided to split it up so I could give you all chapter for being so amazing and two, it means less editing for me to do in the long run  
3\. Are you all excited? 
> 
> 4\. If you have any questions about how the story is going, (whether it's updates or what you might think is going to happen, feel free to message me on Tumblr- https://queen-of-the-wallflowers15.tumblr.com
> 
> 5\. Recruitment is over, we have new babies. Now I just have a wedding and my schedule should be less hetic. 
> 
> Next up: More new people, more art show and


	8. Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miller has been keeping a secret.  
Miller steps up.  
Miller and Clarke talk.
> 
> (Not part 2 of the ART SHOW but important none of the less.)

_I look up from the ground_  
_To see your sad and teary eyes_  
_You look away from me_  
_And I see there's something you're trying to hide_  
_And I reach for your hand but it's cold_  
_You pull away again_  
_And I wonder what's on your mind_  
_And then you say to me you made a dumb mistake_  
_You start to tremble and your voice begins to break_  
_You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't your friend's_  
_They were my mate's_  
_And I feel the color draining from my face_  
_"Be Alright- Dean Lewis" _

* * *

Miller doesn’t want to worry the others but as he drives away from Murphy, Emori, and Raven’s place he feels guilt and dread and concern in his bones.  
He has a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and it had been there since the start of the show, since Clarke came back, since Bellamy first brought Echo to brunch.  
No it’s been there since Clarke called him asking him for a favor months ago.

* * *

_He had laying in bed with Jackson, hands intertwined as they basked in the afterglow. Jackson has fallen asleep about 10 minutes ago, exhausted after his day at the hospital. Miller was also tired but he couldn’t fall asleep and he desperately wanted to reach for his phone to read a book but he didn’t want to let go of his boyfriend's hands._  


_But that decision was taken out of his hand when his phone began to vibrate._  
_He didn’t answer it._  
_It rang again and again and by then he feels a sense of worry engulf him._  
_He picked up the phone and held his to his ear._  
_“Miller?”_  
_It was Clarke, and she was crying._  


_He and Clarke were friends through Bellamy. He liked her and the fact that she introduced him to Jackson gave her bonus points but he was always closer to Bellamy. He and Clarke were not the type to call each other at 1:30 in the morning unless it was serious._  


_“Clarke? What’s wrong?”_  
_“I need a favor.”_  
_He froze and then rolled his eyes._  
_A favor? She called him to ask for a favor?_  
_She must be drunk he thought to himself._  
_“Are you drunk?”_  
_“No. I wish I was.”_  
_He wasn’t sure whether to believe her or not._  
_Clarke was an honest and affectionate drunk._  
_“Where are you? Let me call Bellamy.”_  
_“No!”_  
_He sat up in bed, eyes wide at the panic in her voice._  
_“Okay. I won’t call him. Where are you?”_  
_“I’m at home. Please, Nathan. I need you.”_  
_Next to him Jackson stirred and he patted his arm._  
_“I’ll be there in 15.”_  
_He pulls away fro the call as Jackson tries to sit up. Miller pushes his boyfriend down gentry._  
_“Hi go to bed. Clarke’s drunk I’m going to take her home.”_  
_Jackson nodes sleepily as Miller shoved his feet his shoes and rushed out grabbing the car keys from the countertop._  


_He makes the drive in 7 mins._  
_Clarke throws the door open._  
_She’s in yoga pants a tank top and a Hoodie tired around her waist in her arm._  
_There is a suitcase behind her and a duffle bag on top of it._  
_“Clarke?”_  
_She throws herself into his arms and he stumbles back beige he hugs her._  
_He rubs her back and eventually her sob subside. She pulls away and looks st him._  
_Her blue eyes are bright and red-rimmed._  
_“I need a ride to the airport.”_  
_Miller grew quiet._  
_Clarke was trembling, fiddling with the sleeve of the hoodie which he recognized as Bellamy’s._  
_“Please Nathan. I can’t ask anyone else.”_  
_“Why isn’t Bellamy taking you?”_  
_She shakes her head._  
_“He’s at work. He doesn’t know. He can’t know. Please, Nathan.”_  


_He has never seen her like this._  
_So desperate._  
_She was literally begging him._  
_He could not say no._  
_Not when she was like this._  


_“Okay.”_  
_Her shoulders slump in relief._  
_“Thank-“_  
_“Don’t thank me. Bellamy is going to kill me.”_  
_“He’ll never find out I swear.”_  
_Miller nods and Clarke grabs her duffel bag and he grabs the suitcase. He watches Clarke look around the apartment and sigh._  
_They walk out in silence._  


_As he drives her to the airport she stares out the window, pencil in hand sketching absentmindedly._  
_“Are you going to tell me why I’m driving you to the airport at 2 am?”_  
_Her pencil stills and he looks over to see Bellamy on the paper._  
_“I’m going to my mothers.”_  
_“You hate your mother.”_  
_Clarke swallows her eyes on her drawing._  
_“ I have to leave. I need to leave. I swear I’ll be back.”_  
_“You are going to break his heart.”_  
_She doesn’t say anything and they keep driving in silence._  
_He walks her as far as he can go. _  
_He doesn’t know what to say._  
_He had always been closer to Bellamy but he can’t let her go without a word. _  
_“Be safe okay. Don’t, don’t let your mom get into your head. I don’t know why you are leaving but come home soon. We are all going to miss you. Be safe.”_  
_Clarke nods her eyes glittering with tears. She hugs him tightly and presses a kiss to his cheek._  
_“Thank you, Nathan. And Nathan, he already broke my heart.”_  


_With that, she crosses to the other side leaving him with the realization that she’s running and he helped her. _  
_Clarke leaving is going to break Bellamy’s heart._  
_But Bellamy already broke her heart. _  


_He goes home and crawls into bed with Jackson and tosses and turns, the guilt eating at him. _  


_Two days later, Bellamy sounds the alarm and Miller wants to tell him but then he thinks of Octavia and how she ran, of how Clarke helped Jasper get into rehab, and how in college she had helped him come out to his father, and he knew he couldn’t say a word._  
_Clarke had a reason for running._  


_So he kept silent, watching his best friend fall apart as Bellamy’s other half fell apart somewhere. _  
_He is there when Bellamy gets so drunk he can’t remember his name but all he remembers is Clarke’s. He takes Bellamy to the batting cages and says nothing as he hits the balls and yells out his anger. He tells Bellamy that it’s going to be alright and that Clarke will come back. _  


_Eventually, it becomes too much for him and he tells Jackson about it._  
_His boyfriend simply wraps his arms around him and Nathan Miller cries because he feels torn between two friends, worried about, not sure if he did the right thing,- keeping quiet and doing Clarke a favor. _  
_He cries because he feels guilty for keeping quiet but knows that his loyalty is something hsi friends admire about him._  
_He cries because he doesn't know if things will be alright._  
_If they ever will be. _  
_He cries because he hates them both, for putting him in this spot-torn between the two of them, unable to help without causing more hurt._  


* * *

Miller shakes his head as he pulls up to Monty’s and Harper’s. No one is home.  
As he’s heading out to the car he nearly bowls over someone.  
“Sorry!”  
The girl laughs.  
“It’s fine. You alright?”  
“Just looking for my friends.”  
“Monty and Harper? They went on some trip, saw them with a suitcase on Thursday I think?”  
“Thanks.”  
She hurries off and he climbs into the car, in shock.  


They wouldn’t have missed the show, none of them would have.  
So where were they?  
Why were they not at home?  
Why were they not at the art show?  


He heads to Bellamy’s place, already known with a sinking feeling in his gut what he’s going to find.  
He knows its wrong considering he works as a cop but he doesn’t care.  
He grabs his lockpicking kit from his car and gets to work on the lock. A minute later he is in.  


“Bellamy? This isn’t funny. Clarke is wondering where you are. If you and Echo are doing it, please stop.”  
There is no answer.  
The house is empty and he goes straight to Bellamy’s room.  
His duffle bag is gone.  
He dials Bellamy’s phone and gets no response.  
He closes his eyes and debates whether to call his father and ask him to track Bellamy’s phone.  
But he doesn't.  


* * *

Instead, he gets back into the car and goes to the hospital to pick up Jackson.  
Jackson slide into the car and not even the sight of his boyfriend in dinosaur scrubs is enough to make Miller smile.  
Jackson looked at his boyfriend in concern.  
“Nate? Babe, what’s wrong?”  
“Bellamy hasn't arrived at the art show.”  
Jackson frowned.  
“The art show started like two and a half hours I thought he would be the first one there.”  
Miller laughs bitterly.  
“You and everyone else. I went to Murphy’s and Monty’s and Bellamy's and no is there.”  
“Have you checked Echo’s?”  
“No, but Monty’s neighbor told me that she saw them leave with a suitcase. What am I supposed to do? How can I tell Clarke that Bellamy is missing and won't be at her art show? How can I break her heart?”  


He’s panicking.  
He can’t do this again.  
He can’t break another friend heart.  
He can’t.  


Jackson grabs his boyfriend shoulders.  
“Nathan listen to me. Hey, look at me. It’s alright It’s going to be alright. Let's go to Echo's and then the art show. Why don’t I drive?”  
Miller takes a few deep breaths and shakes his head.  
“No you been working nonstop I can drive.”  
Jackson nods but reaches for his boyfriend a hand and Miller relaxes.  
<

* * *

No one is at Echos and Miller closes his eyes.  
He doesn’t want to make the phone call but he needs to do.  
Jackson can see that is boyfriend is struggling so he grabs his phone and makes the phone call.  
"Wait. Call Jasper. Not Octavia. Please."  
Jackson pauses and then sighs, dialing.  


“Jasper?”  
Miller gives him a nod and concentrates in drive them home so Jackson can change.  
But the conversations distracts him.  
“No, we checked everyone’s place. No one is there.”  
“No didn’t find any notes.”  
“Wait! What? She said that? We will be there as soon as we can.”  
He handgs up and turns to his boyfriend.  
“Art show now.”  
“I thought you wanted to change.”  
“If people have an issue with my dinosaur scrubs than that's on them. We have more important things to worry about.”  


Miller switches on the turn signal and looks at his boyfriend who looks furious.  
“What happened?”  
“Abby made an appearance.”  
Miller thought about how Clarke had been willing to stay with Abby when she ran, he had thought that their relationship would have improved after that.  
Clearly, he had been wrong.  
“What happened?”  
“She said some things. Clarke ran out crying. Octavia’s freaking out. Luna is pregnant and stress isn’t good for the baby. And Josie is crying. Who is Josie?”  
“Clarke's cousin? She’s family.”  


Jackson is furious. His relationship with Abby was complicated. He had worked under her at the hospital before he relocated and started working pediatrics which he loved. Abby has called it a waste of his talent and he had broken ties with her.  


They get to the art show in 10 minutes.  
Riley greets them and leads them to a small office where Luna is sitting, a bottle of water in her hand as Wells sits next to her talking to her softly.  
Octavia has her arm around a blonde and when the girl raises her head, Miller sees she is Josphine and not Clarke.  
“Jasper, Roan, and Gabriel are mingling. “  
Jackson approaches Luna and begins to talk to her and Miller walks toward the two girls.  
“Did you?”  
Octavia shakes her head.  
“He’s my brother, my responsibility. But I can’t. I can't tell her. She's my best friend, I can't break her heart. Not tonight.”  
Octavia tears up and Josphine rubs her shoulder soothingly.  
Josphine looks at Miller, a sad smile on her face.  
“I tried to talk to her, she said she needed some time alone. Roan says she has a speech in 10.”  


Miller looks at Octavia and he knows that she is not in the right state of mind to tell Clarke that Bellamy isn’t coming.  
Nor should she.  
He was there when Clarke left and had been the one to watch Bellamy fall apart.  
It was only appropriate that he be the one to tell Clarke that Bellamy wasn't coming and watch her fall apart.  
“I’ll tell her. You two get cleaned up.”  


He walks away.  
He may not know Clarke to well but he knows enough about her through Bellamy to know where she is.  
He tries a few doors and eventually finds the right one.  


* * *

_It feels like nothing really matters anymore _  
_When you're gone_  
_I can't breathe_  
_And I know you never meant to make me feel this way_  
_This can't be happening_

_ When Your Gone- Avril Lavgine _

* * *

He finds Clarke sitting in the roof, legs dangling over the edge, cigarette in her hand.  
She doesn't say anything to him so he walks closer to her.  
“Can I have one?”  
She slides the box over to him and he takes one out.  
He sits down on the floor and looks up at her.  


“He’s not coming is he?”  
Her voice is sad and Miller’s heart hurts for her.  
He doesn’t confirm her worst fears.  
But he doesn’t deny them either.  
“There was no one home.”  


Clarke says nothing and he sits there in silence as they smoke their cigarettes.  
She starts to cry silently.  
“He promised he would be here. He promised me.”  
She cries even harder her cigarette falling to the ground.  


“It’s going to be alright. It’s going to be alright.”  
He tries to reassure her.  


After a while she stops crying.  
She lights up another cigarette and they sit in silence.  
He knows that she has a speech to give but he can care less.  
He’s no leaving until she's okay.  


Eventually, she snubs out her cigarette on the concrete ledge.  
She swings her legs over and stands up.  
“Let’s go, I have a show. It’s my big night.”  
Her voice trembles and her smile is fake and her eyes are sad but he admires her for putting on a brave face.  


He stands up and hugs her tightly and she buries her head into his chest and he promises himself that when everything blows up, he’ll be there for her.  


He lets her lead him down the stairs until they are back on the main floor where Jopshine, Octavia, and Gabriel are waiting for them.  
The girls take Clarke away to get her all fixed up for her speech and Miller grabs a glass of champagne and finds Jackson.  


He is admiring a painting not seeming to care that people are eyeing him and his dinosaur scrubs.  
Miller looks at the painting and smiles briefly.  


It’s a group of wolves standing a pile of rocks, the biggest wolf is dark and next to him is a smaller light color wolf, they are surrounded by other wolves. Farther from the other wolves are three wolves, a light color one, a baby wold, and a big wolf.  
Miller knows that the painting is them, it’s their family.  
This painting is not up for interpretation.  
It’s all of them. Even Josphine, Gabriel and a wolf that he will assume represents their kid.  
Jackosn wraps an arm around him and Miller kisses him softly.  
When he pulls away Jackson looks at him.  
“It’s going to be alright.”  


* * *

  
_It'll be alright _  
_It'll be alright_  
_It'll be alright_  
_It'll be alright_  
_It'll be alright_  
_"Be Alright- Dean Lewis_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I know I promised part 2 of the art show, but it's taking me longer than I expected to write it and this sort of flowed out easier so I decided to post this.  
Hope you aren't too disappointed.  
I got a wedding this weekend as well as a sorority thing so an update will be on Sunday unless I manage a miracle and get it done before or it might be pushed off to Monday depending on how tired I am and how much work I need to get done. 
> 
> Also, I created a playlist for this story in case you all wonder what I listen to as I write this. The playlist is by no means done (as I don't want to give out any spoilers so be prepared for some sad songs) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6z2ALnnFur29sBiFdgpfZt?si=T33VAPdTQNaH_hizlp72PA
> 
> Also, feel free to reach out to me on Tumblr, if you have any questions regarding this fic. https://queen-of-the-wallflowers15.tumblr.com
> 
> As always, thank you for your support. Thank you for all the comments, kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks, and to all the lurkers.


	9. Let Me Down Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of ART SHOW  
\- Jopshine and Octavia talk  
\- Clarke tries to keep a brave face.  
\- Someone unexpected comes to the show.

~After Abby’s bomb~  


Octavia doesn’t know what to do. Abby had dropped a bombshell and Clarke had ran off leaving a crying Josephine behind.  
Gabriel has Josephine crying in his arms while Jasper helps Luna sit down, a hand cradling her stomach.Octavia has never felt so lost.  
She knew that Abby could be cruel but never had she seen her use that voice before full of hatred and bitterness.  
Was Abby telling the truth?  
Octavia needed to know.  
“Josephine? Is there anyway?”  
The girl pulls away from Gabriel sniffling.  
“Maybe? I don’t know? There aren’t too many baby pictures of me and when my parents found out I was meeting Clarke they tried to discourage me. But I don’t pay too much attention to them. I’m not too close to them anymore. They they didn’t agree with my decision to stay with Gabriel when his sister died leaving him custody of Xavier. “  
Gabriel kisses her shoulder and Josephine closes her eyes.  
He mutters something in her ear and she nods and he leads her out of the room.

* * *

Josephine follows Gabriel blindly clutching his hand. Once they are outside of a balcony she takes a deep breath.  
“Can you just hold me? “  
He wraps her arms around her and Josephine sinks into her fiancé’s arms.  
She breathes in his familiar scent and then her tears start again.  
He doesn’t say anything but simply tightens his arms around her and he runs a hand through her hair.  
She doesn’t know what to think. Or what to believe.  
As Abby telling the truth?  
Was she and Clakre really sisters?  
Was it possible?  
She felt so confused and so lost.  
She was also angry.  
Angry at Abby, anger at her parents, angry at Bellamy for not showing up and being there for Clarke, angry at Clarke for running when the bomb was dropped. Angry at herself for letting the news get to her.  
This was supposed to be Clarke’s big night.  
But her big night was falling apart .  
Josephine's life was falling apart.  
She pulls away from Gabriel and he cups her face looking into her eyes.  
“Hi.”  
She let a small smile appear on her face.  
“Hi.”  
“I love you Josie, no matter who your parents are, no matter what type of blood you have, no matter what I love you, Josephine. That hasn’t changed and it won’t ever change.”  
He kisses her forehead and she sighs closing her eyes. When he pulls away, she pushes up on her toes to kiss him softly, her hands gripping his shoulders bringing him back to her.  
She pulls away and he brushes his thumb over her cheeks and lips. She gives him a smirk.  
“Have I told you that I fucking love you Gabriel Santiago.”  
Her hands wander to his belt buckle and he walks her back until she is pressed against the wall, his hands clutching her hips.  
He kisses her hard, his hand pulling her dress up and her finger struggling to get his belt open and then it opens with a loud distinctive click.  
She grins and he presses into her and she hurries her head into his shoulder and she hikes a leg around his waist.  
She can hear people laughing and talking and the thrill of being caught excites her.

* * *

Wells and Roan come back and fuss over Luna and Jasper and Octavia take advantage of that to slip away.  
They walk until Jasper stops in front of a painting of a girl with butterfly wings on her back but swords in her hand.  
Octavia swallows hard and Jasper wraps an arm around her.  
She doesn't want to cry.  
But Clarke’s night is falling apart. Her brother is still missing, Abby had caused a scene. Miller is out there.  
These are all things out of her control.  


“You are the strongest girl I know”  
She closes her eyes and rests her head on his shoulder.  
“I don’t feel strong right now.”  
“And that’s okay. You don’t need to be strong all the time. That’s what I’m here for.”  
“I love you Jasper Jordan.”  
Jasper presses a kiss to her forehead.  
“And I love you Octavia Blake. I love your loyalty to Clarke and to your brother, I love you ability to stay calm as the world falls apart, I love everything there is to love about you.”  


Octavia wonders how she got so lucky.  
She has managed to find two amazing men who love her with everything they had. How did she get to lucky to find love a second time?  


Octavia spots a photobooth nestled in a corner and even though everything is falling apart, even though her best friend is crying, she wants to be selfish for two minutes and take a picture.  
She drags Jasper into the photo booth.  


She sticks out her tongue and gives Jasper bunny ears.  
The one next one he is throwing a peace sign while she blows a kiss.  
The third has her leaning in to kiss him and the last picture is of her in his lap, his hand in his hair.  
They stumble out of the photo booth, smiles on their faces.  


Octavia spots Roan talking to a group of people and her smile disappears.  
“You should go find Clarke. I’m going to mingle with the guests.”  
Jasper squeezes her hand and Octavia sighs.  
It’s cowardly but she doesn’t want to seek out the blonde.  


So instead she calls Raven.  
“Raven, look up I know things are weird but where are you? Clarke needs you at the show.”  


Then she calls Harper and Monty and Emori leaving them similar messages.  


She then calls Murphy.  
“Murphy, where are you? Clarke, she really needs someone and Bellamy isn’t picking up his phone. Abby stopped by and she ran out. I don’t know how to help her. Can you please call me back and get my brother here. Clarke really needs him.”  


Octavia paces back and forth on the balcony before she dials her brother’s number again.  
“Bell! This is Clarke’s big night. Please don’t ruin it for her. whatever issues you were having with Clarke you need to put them aside for her big night.She needs you. She really needs you. Abby came and she ran off crying. Clarke really needs you, she needs you, please come. Or call please we are all worried.”

* * *

Gabriel approaches the brunette who is pacing.  
She spins around to see him and he holds out a hand and she nods, wiping away a few tears.  
He hand her a glass of champagne and she throws it back, he raises an eyebrow impressed.  


Then her phone rings and her face lights up but then it falls.  
“Jasper?”  


Gabriel steps closer to her and then Octavia drops her glass and it shatters on the floor.  
“Miller checked? Oh god. What am I going to do? This is going to break her heart.”  
Octavia shakes her head and covers her mouth.  
“No, I’ll tell her. I am- He’s my brother my responsibility. Leave it to me OK”  


She hangs up and she looks up at Gabriel, eyes watery, lower lip trembling.  
“Jackson called, Miller says that no one is home or answering their phone. How am I supposed to tell Clarke that my brother is not coming tonight? How do I tell her that her best friend isn’t coming tonight? That no one knows where he is? How can I break her heart tonight? It’s supposed to be her big night? He promised her.”  
She feels like crying again.  


Gabriel is at loss as what to say so he simply holds out his arms and Octavia falls into them crying.  
He runs a hand up and down her shoulder and she sobs, letting herself break in front of a man who she just met but reminders her of her brother in the way that she feels safe around him.  


Gabriel closes his eyes, thinking about Josphine who had gone to the washroom to fix her mascara and then about Clarke who had been missing for about fifteen minutes already.

His heart goes out to the both of them.  
To his girlfriend who had her life blown up and to Clarke who desperately needed someone only for them not to here there.  
His heart also goes out to the girl in his arms, who is torn between her brother and her best friend.  
Octavia's tears subside and she pulls away.  
“Thanks.”  
She tries to wipe away her tears and Gabriel grabs her hand and leads her back inside.  


They head back to the room and Josphine is waiting for them. Gabriel wraps an arm around her waist and presses a kiss to Josphine’s head.  
Josephine's and Octavia give each other watery smiles.  
“I was just going to find Clarke.”  
“I’ll come with you.”  
Gabriel squeezes Josephine’s shoulder before he heads off to talk with people.

* * *

They peek into the room to find Luna drinking water as Wells hovers over her.  
“We are going to find Clarke.”  
Wells gives them a sad look, torn between going after his friend and looking out for his pregnant partner.  
“Miller is on his way with Jackson.”  
The two girls wander around hand in hand looking for Clarke.  


“So tell me about Xavier.”  
Josephine laughs not expecting Octavia to ask her that question.  
She twirls a strand of hair absentmindedly.  
“Xavier looks like a mini Gabriel. He’s 13, a pain sometimes. He loves to read everything he can get his hands on. He likes to fix things. He once helped Gabriel made me a table for my birthday. I love him. I remember when Layla passed away and Gabriel found out he had custody. He was so scared and so was I. I was young, way too young to raise a kid but I love Gabriel and I love Xavier. I would not change it for anything.”  
“My brother raised me.”  
“Clarke mentioned that when we met. Every other word out of her mouth was about him. I thought he was her boyfriend until she told me that he wasn’t. I was hoping to meet him.”  
“I don’t know what I’m more scared of- breaking Clarke’s heart for finding out why my brother isn’t here. If it’s an accident it’s going to break Clarke’s heart of he forgot and made plans it’s still going to hurt her. I can’t win.”  
Josephine squeezes her hand and they stop in front of a door with the words Rooftop Access on it.  
“Of course. I should have known.”  


* * *

_It feels like nothing really matters anymore _  
_When you're gone_  
_I can't breathe_  
_And I know you never meant to make me feel this way_  
_This can't be happening_

* * *

They make their way upstairs.  
Octabia pushes the door to find Clarke pacing on the roof.  


Clarke is on her phone.  
“Bell I really need you. Where are you? I really need you. Please call me.”  
She hangs up and turns to them, tears streaming down her face, her make up a mess.  
“ That’s like the ninth message I left him”  


Octavia has never seen Clarke like this, so devastated so heartbroken.  
It hurts her to see her like this.  
It hurts her to know her brother is the cause of her pain.  


Josephine stands in front of her and cups her face.  
“Hey, none of that. Look at me. Look at me. It’s your big night. Don’t let anyone, not even a stupid silly boy ruin that for you.”  
“He’s not some stupid silly boy. “  
Josephine wipes away Clarke’s ears with her hands.  
“We know.”  
Octavia steps forward and Josephine moves over and Octavia grabs her best friend’s cold hands.  
“We know how much my brother means to you.”  
Clarke nods and sniffles.  
“I know you're right. I’m just worried about him. He always responds to my text and he promised he would come. He promised me and I just really need him. ”  


The three girls are quiet before Josephine sighs.  
“Look it’s your big night. I say we put off what Abby said and save it for another day. As for Bellamy… .” Josephine looks at Octavia and Octavia realizes with a sinking heart that she has to tell the truth.  


She needs to tell Clarke that her brother is missing and no one knows where he is or if he’s coming.  
She opens her mouth and closes it. She can’t do t.  
She should do it.  
Her brother, her responsibility  
But she can’t .  


“Miller went to pick up Jackson and they will swing in by your place to see if Bellamy overslept or something.”  
It’s s lie and a bad one but Clarke nods.  


She squeezes Octavia’s hand and reaches for Josephine’s hand.  
“Thank you, both if you. Josie I think if you can stay the night we could see if anyone can do a dna test tomorrow or Monday.”  
“Let’s worry about it tomorrow okay?”  


Clarke twirls a hair around her finger absentmindedly and Octavia watches Josephine as she does the same.  
Regardless of what their relationship is, there is no denying that they are related.  


“Let’s go fix your makeup.”  
Clarke shakes her head.  
“Actually I’m going to stay up here get some air, I just need a few minutes to myself .”  
Josephine nods and hugs her tightly. Octavia presses a kiss to her cheek and they leave her sitting on the edge of the roof.  


* * *

The two girls head over to the small room and find Wells and Luna who is rubbing her stomach.  
“She needs time alone.”  


They nod and Luna tried to get up but Wells pushes her down gently  
“I want to talk to her.”  
“The stairs aren’t safe and Miller will be here soon with Jackson who can give you a quick check-up.”  
Luna rolls her eyes but gives in and Wells takes a breath of relief.  


A few minutes later Miller arrives and offers to talk to Clarke and Octavia has never been more grateful for him.  
“I’m going to look at some more art.” Octavia’s murmurs to Josephine.  
“I’ll go with you.”  
The two girls head off pausing to talk to people as they look at the paintings.  


They eventually meet up with Jasper and Gabriel who are talking to Monroe.  
“Monroe?”  
The girl spins around and gives Octavia a huge smile.  
The girls hug each other and Monroe steps back and eyes her.  


“You look good. I’m sorry I couldn’t be at the funeral. I had some business.”  
“What do you do?”  
Monroe gives Octavia a wicked grin.  
“FBI agent.”  
Octavia’s jaw drops and Monroe laughs.  
“Everyone gets that look when I tell them what I do.”  
“It suits you.”  
“So where’s Clarke? I haven’t seen her.”

“She’s around here.”  
Just then Octavia gets a message from Miller and she drags Jopshine off to help Clarke fix her make-up.  
They rejoin the group, which nows includes Luna, Wells, Miller, and Jackson. Monroe and Miller are talking while Wells laughs with Luna as Roan joins them.  
Monroe smiles when she sees them.  


“Octavia. Where’s everyone else? It would be nice to say hi.”  
Octavia freezes and everyone quiets down.  


“Monroe, my brother, he’s not coming.”  
Monroe raised an eyebrow.  
“What do you mean he isn’t coming? He would never miss her art show.”  
Octavia shakes her head as Jasper reaches for her hand. Miller clears his throat.  
“Bellamy isn’t picking up his phone nor is he at home.”  
“Has anyone told Clarke?”  
Genuine concern is in her voice and she looks around for the blonde.  
“I did, she took it hard. But it’s Clarke, she got back on her feet.”  


* * *

_Could you find a way to let me down slowly? _  
_A little sympathy, I hope you can show me_  
_If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely_  
_If you're leaving baby let me down slowly_  
_ Let Me Down Slowly- Alec Benjamin_  


* * *

A hush fills the room and all eyes find Clarkes standing in front of everyone.  
She looks amazing for someone who had spent the last half hour crying, having her heart ripped out of her chest.  
Not a hair out of place, her dress is smooth, her makeup flawless.  
She clears her throat.  


“I apologize for my late speech. I simply lost track of time. Thank you to all of you for coming here and supporting me. I never thought I could do this. But my best friend, he inspired me. He is always inspiring me. He pushes me to do better, to do more. He sees things in me that others, including myself, don’t see. I could do this, I wouldn’t be here without his endless support and love. I know that as long as I have in him, anything is possible. This work is called Head and Heart and it’s a testimonial to the people I love, to the people who fill my heart. “  


There is a round of applause but Octavia can’t breathe, she can’t move.  


This art show is all about Clarke’s love for them, for Bellamy.  


Clarke is surrounded by people instantly but Octavia makes her way towards her the others on her heels.  


Suddenly, she stops.

"Mom?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
Please don't be too mad but it was the perfect place to end the chapter m. Sorry that's so short but it was the perfect place to end it. If it all goes well, the next chapter should be the last and final chapter of the ART SHOW and it should be longer. After that all the other good stuff will happen.  
Plus I wanted to get an update up before I get too drunk and decide to do it later (which is not a good idea) and before the wedding. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos, comments, and subscriptions. Means the world to me.


	10. I Look Around And I Don't See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of the ART SHOW  
\- Clarke sees a lot of old faces  
\- two exs makes an appearance  
\- Clarke's heart shatters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Art Show Opening Night Takes place over 3-hour span

Octavia couldn’t believe her eyes as she took in the woman hugging Clarke tightly.  
Long brunette hair, freckles on her cheeks, bright yet tired eyes. Simple black dress with modest heels.  
It was her mother.  
Aurora Blake.  


Aurora turns towards her daughter and smiles widely.  
It’s the same smile she sees on her face every time she looks in the mirror.  
“Octavia!”  
She hugs her and Octavia melts into her mother’s embrace.  
She never knew how much she needs her mother until then.  
With her mother there, things feel okay.  


Aurora reaches over to hug Jasper and Octavia looks at Clarke who is staring at Aurora shock in her eyes.  
Aurora let’s go of Jasper and turns to look at the Clarke who blurts out.  
“Aurora what are you doing here?”  
Aurora reaches for Clarke’s hand and squeezes it.  
“Sweetheart, did you honestly think I would miss your show?”  


Clarke’s lip trembles and then she throws her arms around the older brunette woman.  
Octavia watches as her mother runs a hand through Clarke’s blonde curls soothingly.  


Aurora’s eyes meet Octavia’s and she mouths.  
“Bellamy?”  
Octavia shakes her head and Aurora closes her eyes and tightens her arms around Clarke.  


Monroe squeezes Octavia’s arm and leans in to whisper to her.  
“I’ll come say hi later.”  
Monroe wanders off.  


Aurora finally lets go of Clarke and smiles at the girl.  
“Show me your work?”  
Clarke smiles and drags Aurora off to one of the paintings and begins talking about it.

Seeing the change in Clarke as she talks to Aurora explains the drawing or painting or the sketch and the inspiration behind it is amazing.  
Aurora Blake may have been an absentee mother to her children but there was no denying that she loves her children.  
And Clarke is just as much as hers as Octavia and Bellamy are.

* * *

The group separates as Roan does have to work promoting Clarke’s work and getting her a few commissions. Wells and Luna wander the art gallery and they try to ignore the whispers when people recognize Wells. Josephine and Gabriel step outside to call Xavier’s babysitter. Miller and Jackson wander off hand in hand, Jackson nodding as Miller rants about art interpretation as people stop to stare at his dinosaur scrubs.  


Octavia and Jasper follow Aurora and Clarke as Clarke leads her around the gallery explaining the idea behind certain pieces and how she created them. Octavia wonders if her mother is aware of Bellamy’s importance in Clarke’s paintings. She and Jasper exchange looks every time they see a painting that is clearly about her brother and hear how Clarke explains it while not directly mentioning Bellamy.  


Aurora gushes over each painting and Octavia feels the tension in her chest slowly disappear as Clarke’s mood lightens up.  
Clarke laughs and talks with people as Aurora stands next to her, smiling as Clarke hands out business cards or sells a few paintings.  


Someone remarks about how Aurora must be a proud mother and before Clarke can open her mouth to correct the man Aurora cuts in smoothly.  
“I’m very proud of my daughter.”  
Clarke’s eyes widen and Octavia can’t help the smile on her face.  


She leans into Jasper and he wraps an arm around her waist. A photographer asks them for a family picture and Aurora poses with both Clarke and Octavia saying that she wants both of her daughters in the picture.  


Aurora pulls Octavia aside about ten minutes later as Roan approaches Clarke to have her meet with a potential client.  
“Where is your brother?”  
Octavia shakes her head.  
“We have no clue. He and the others are not picking up their phones. Miller checked their apartments and the bar where Bell works at.”  
Aurora frowns, running a hand through her hair.  
“That doesn’t sound like Bellamy. He would never miss Clarke’s show.”  
“Well things between him and Clarke haven’t been good.”  
“I know, your brother he called me a few weeks after Clarke left, he was a mess. Clarke wasn’t doing any better.”  
Octavia jerked her head up.  
“Clarke was with you?”  


Aurora grew quiet and Octavia could see that she was thinking her answer through.  
“Just for a few days. She went to her mother’s and they got into a huge fight. I found her drunk at the bar took her home and she stayed with me for about a week or two before she went to Sanctum to meet a Josphine Lightborne? I think she’s Clarke’s cousin.”  


Octavia’s mind was trying to process all the information her mother gave her but she remembers the bomb that Abby dropped earlier.  
“About Josephine. There’s a chance that she is Clarke’s sister. Abby came by earlier and they got into an argument with Abby and she said something about how she wished that had raised the other girl instead.”  


Aurora raises a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide with concern.  
“What kind of mother says that to… Poor Clarke. Poor Josephine.”

* * *

Both Blake women eyes land on the girl who is smiling up at a dark-haired man.  
He turns to the side and that’s when they see her.  


“Is that Gina?”  
Jasper asks, the question that is on everyone’s mind.  
Octavia blinks, not quite believing her eyes.  
What was her brother’s ex-girlfriend doing at the show?  
She watches as Gina gestures to the man next to her, a huge smile on her face.  
The man turns toward them and Octavia’s realizes that the man in Shaw from the bar.  
She makes her way towards them before she can even think, her mother and Jasper following her.  


“Gina?”  
The girl spins around toward her, the light purple dress spinning around her legs.  
“Octavia!”  
Octavia laughs as Gina throws her arms around her.  


As far as ex-girlfriends went, Gina was her favorite.  
She was kind and sweet and too good for Bellamy.  
Their relationship lasted a year and Gina was the one who broke up with him but it was a happy break-up.  


“It’s so good to see you! Aurora!”  
She hugs the older woman briefly before stepping back and Octavia watches Shaw wrap an arm around her waist before he holds out a hand to Aurora.  
“Miles Ezekiel Shaw, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Gina and Clarke spoke highly about you.”  
“Aurora Blake. So you are Gina’s boyfriend? How long have you been together?”  


Shaw gives Gina a dazzling smile, eyes soft.  
“It will be five years in two weeks.”  
“How did you all meet?”  
“We met at a baseball game. I was on a date and the guy was horrible and Miles was there with his goddaughter, Hope. And well the kiss cam landed on me and my date was on his phone…”  
“ And I asked her I could kiss her because it would be a crime to leave a pretty girl like her that on screen.”  
Gina presses a kiss to his cheek.  
“My date stormed off after calling me a slut and Miles took me out in a date a few days later and the rest is history.”  


Gina is glowing and Octavia is happy for her.  
“I’m really happy for both of you.”  
Clarke says sincerely.  


She nudges Shaw.  
“So this is your mystery woman.”  
He smiles brightly.  
“Yeah, I was telling her about Bellamy and she recognized the name.”  


“Speaking of Bellamy, where is he? Did he arrive yet I know you said earlier he wasn't here yet? Didn’t think he would leave your side.”  
Clarke’s smile dims and Gina’s eyes narrow.  


“He’s not here?”  
“He’s running late.”  
Gina shook her head, her curls bouncing on her shoulders.  
“Don’t, don’t make excuses for him Clarke. The Bellamy I knew always put you first. If he’s not here he better have a damn good reason.”  


Shaw looks at Clarke and she wraps an arm around herself.  
“He’s probably with Echo and just lost track of time.”  
“Echo. What the fuck is an Echo?”  


Octavia raises an eyebrow she has never seen Gina so upset and angry.  
“His girlfriend.”  
Clarke's voice wavers and Aurora frowns.  
“Bellamy hasn’t said a word to me. Must not be too serious.”  


Clarke laughs bitterly.  
“They have been together for about six months and she's always at my apartment. I would say its serious. She told me herself.”  
Clarke snags a glass of champagne from a nearby tray and downs jt.  


Shaw whispers something to Gina and wraps an arm around Clarke.  
“Let’s walk around kid. Gina wants to catch up with the Blakes.”  


He steers Clarke away while Gina and Aurora both look at her.  
“Who is Echo and why is this the first I’m hearing about her?”  
“She’s Bellamy’s girlfriend. I don’t like her.”  


Gina wrinkles her nose.  
“Shaw says that Clarke comes by all upset about Echo sometimes but I didn’t actually think Bellamy could choose a girl over Clarke.”  
“Things haven’t been the same since Clarke left and neither will talk about it. Clarke won’t even tell me why she left.”  


Aurora purses her lips.  
“ Who names this kid Echo?”  
“No clue. I ran a brief google search and nothing. Her social media is on private.”  
“Did Miller find anything?”  
“I haven’t asked him to run a check. But after this weekend I might.”  
Gina scoffs.  
“You better. I don’t like this girl. I always thought and Bellamy and Clarke would figure out.”  
“I think Clarke has. The show is pretty much her testimony to how much she cares about my brother.”  
“Oh please. Your brother is smart but he’s an idiot when it comes to Clarke. He would look at these paintings and just tell Clarke they are nice. You know he’s not good at interpreting art. He’s got Clarke for that. ”  


With that Aurora walks off, phone in her hand, already dialing.  
Gina walks off, phone to her ear and Octavia can hear her saying as she leaves.  
“Raven, it’s Gina.”  
Octavia swipes a glass of champagne.

* * *

Shaw and Clarke walk arm in arm until Shaw pauses in front of a picture.  
“So that’s Bellamy.”  
He jerks his head toward a picture.  
“Gina wasn’t kidding when she said he was cute. I can see why you fell for him.”  
Clarke smiles sadly.  
“He’s more than cute. He’s kind and smart. And …”  
“Clarke. I know. I know all of this.”  
Clarke blushes and Shaw gives her a sad smile. He knows a lot about Bellmay. He’s all Clakre talks about when she’s drunk a his bar.” 

They fall into silence and Clarke leans her head on his shoulder when he wraps his arms around her.  
He presses a kiss to the side of her head.  
“How are you holding up?”  


Clarke blinks back tears not expecting the question to evoke such a strong reaction from her.  
She bites her lip, thinking about her answer.  
“It’s not easy. Pretending to be okay. I just want to curl up in bed and cry you know. But a part of me keeps thinking, hoping that Bellamy is going to come in all late be like sorry I’m late princess.”  
She waves her hand in the air in an exaggerated motion and Shaw laughs.  


But Clarke's shoulders slump slightly.  
“It’s not silly. From what you told me you two care about each other a lot.”  
“I feel dumb for making such a big deal. I mean it’s not like her my boyfriend.”  
“No, but he’s your best friend.”  


Shaw reaches over to wipe away a tear from Clarke's face and she smiles up at him.  
Neither of them notices the photographer hovering bear them.

* * *

_She's out on the corner trying to catch a glimpse _  
_Nothing's making sense_  
_She's been chasing an answer_  
_A sign lost in the abyss, this Metropolis_  
_She says "Yeah, he's still coming, just a little bit late"_  
_He got stuck at the Five and Dime saving the day"_  
_She says "If life was a movie, then it wouldn't end like this"_  
_Left without a kiss_  
_Still, she smiles, oh the way she smiles, yeah_  
_ Waiting for Superman- Daughtry _

* * *

Clarke looks up from her conversation with Becca and her girlfriend Ali to see an old classmate Monroe.  
“Monroe!”  
She hugs the girl tightly, surprised but overjoyed at seeing her.  
“You look amazing!”  
Monroe shakes her head and gestures to Clarke.  
“I look amazing? What about you? You look gorgeous.”  


Clarke blushes under her praise. They chat for a few minutes making plans for brunch later.  
Monroe doesn’t ask about Bellamy which Clarke is thankful for but simply squeezes her tightly and whispering.  
“He’s an idiot.”  
Clarke has to work hard to keep the smile on her face.  


That gets hard when she runs into Bree, Sterling, and Fox all who ask her about Bellamy.  
She finds herself smiling and saying that’s he had to leave early but judging by the look in their eyes she knows they don't really believe her.  
They all give her pitying smiles and it hurts.

* * *

There are only ten more minutes left of the show and people are slowly making their way out the door.  
Clarke has managed to sell ten of her paintings, seven of her sketches, and has several commissions lines up.  
Octavia is quite proud of her best friend.  
The show was a success despite the looming absence of her brother.  


She looks around at their little group.  
Miller looks exhausted, his tie undone while Jackson is talking to Luna who is sitting in a chair, hand in her belly.  
The stress and worry had Roan and Wells hovering all over her, wanting to make sure their five-month pregnant partner was okay.  
Josephine and Gabriel were climbing out of the photo booth while Jasper was with Shaw, mischievous smirks on their faces.  
Gina and Aurora were talking, as they began to gather the various pictures taken during the night form the photo booth.  


Octavia watches as people begin to file out of the room when she catches sight of a girl in a silver dress and her mouth drops open.  
“Oh my god.”  
All eyes land on Octavia and then they follow her gaze.  
Wells stands up straight.  
“Is that who I think it is?  
Josphine exchanges a confused glance with Gabriel and Jackosn.  
“Who is that ?  
“That’s Lexa. Clark’s ex-girlfriend .”  
Octavia watches as Clarke hugs the taller girl and she hurries towards her, ignoring her mother's hand and Well’s “don’t Octavia.”  


“Lexa so good to see you”  
Lexa turns from Clarke and focuses on Octavia and Octavia fights back a shiver.  
Lexa’s eyes are piercing as ever and it makes her feel like Lexa knows every thought in her head.  


“Octavia it’s been a while.”  
Octavia wraps in arm around Clarke’s waist and Clarke returns the gesture and Lexa’s smile drops a bit.  
“What are you doing here?”  
Lexa scoffs.  
“Did you actually think I’d miss Clarke's show?”  
Octavia grits her teeth.  
Lexa was never a bad girlfriend, they just had a lot of differences.  
Clarke beams at her, smile soft.  
“It means a lot that you came Lexa”  
“I wouldn't miss it. You have so much talent, Clarke.”  
There was a pause.  
“I was wrong, this suits you. I can’t, I can’t see you doing anything else. I’m really proud and happy for you, Clarke.”  
Clarke blinks and she swallows hard.  


Octavia knew how much it meant to Clarke.  
Lexa had found it hard when Clarke decided to change her medical degree and opted instead for an art degree and it had lead to several arguments and resulted in a breakup. The fact that Lexa and Bellamy didn't get along didn’t help.  


Lexa wraps in arm around the girl next to her and Octavia feels Clarke gasp quietly when she spots the golden rings on their fingers.  
“Costia, my wife, she’s a huge fan of your work. She couldn’t believe that you and I used to date. She follows you on Tumblr and loves your art Instagram. “  
The girl next to her laughs and presses a kiss to Lexa’s cheek as Clarke blushes.  
“I told Lexa that she was a fool for breaking up with you Miss Griffin.”  
Clarke stiffens next to her and Octavia takes a deep breath as she feels Clarke’s nails digging into her arms.  
“It was for the best. Clarke and I realized that while we did love each other it would not have worked out in the end.”  


Clarke hears the unspoken apology in her words.  
Lexa was right, at the end of the day, all the love she had for Lexa meant nothing.  
Lexa was ambitious and moving up the political ladder, Clarke did not want to be a part of that life and it had caused a lot of strain on them. Clarke had made the decision to end the relationship after Lexa refused to understand why art was so important to her.  
She wanted to be an artist, not a doctor and Lexa with all her plans had a hard time understanding how Clarke could want to waste her life like that.  


“It all worked out in the end. I’m an artist and you are happily married. Congrats Lexa.”  
Lexa smiles and she looks at Costia.  
“The second I met her I knew she was special.”  
“We met a summer camp, funny how things work out.”  
Octavia can’t help but dig her nails into Clarke's skin. She remembers how Clarke had told her about Lexa and how the older girl had been insistent that they had a deep connection and that Clarke was special. 

“Speaking of things working out, where is Bellamy?  
Clarke stiffen but she smiles and relaxes and Octavia is impressed at how easily Clarke can pretend to be okay.  


“Oh he went home.”  
“He went home?”  
Lexa frowns, her eye narrow.  


“Yeah, I’m exhausted and he offered to pick up some take out, get a bubble bath going for me so I can simply go home and relax. You know how Bell can be.”  
Clarke’s lie is so smoothly and believable and is delivered so flawlessly that for a second she believes it.  
She can see her brother doing so something as sweet as that for Clarke.  
It makes the truth hurt even more.  


Lexa laughs.  
“Sounds like the Bellamy I remember. I'm really glad you two figured things out.”  
Octavia interrupts smoothly, a squeeze to waist signaling to her that Clarke has no response.  
“Trust me, we are all happy.”  


Lexa looks around the room.  
“We should get going. It’s a two-hour drive to Polis. Clarke congrats on your show.”  
The couple leave as Clarke sinks into Octavia, resting her head on her shoulder.  
“You okay?”  
“Tired.”  


* * *

  
_How could you make me believe? _  
_That there was something in between you and me, yeah_  
_I look around and I don't see you_  
_Where were you in the morning, baby?_  
_You didn't leave your number for me_  
_Left me without a warning, baby_  
_Where were you in the morning, baby?_  
_Where Were You In The Morining- Shawn Mendes _  


* * *

Clarke pulls away as Roan approaches them.  
“Everyone just left. We should start cleaning up the show is officially over. ”  
Clarke smiles but something is wrong.  


“The shows over.”  
She says it quietly.  
“The shows officially over.”  
She walks away and concerned, Octavia follows her.  
She can hear footsteps bending her telling her that the other she coming.  
“Clarke.”  


Clarke stops in front of a painting.  
“I-I-I kept thinking that he would come. I kept hoping he would keep his promise. But the show is over and he’s not here.”  
And with that she crumbles to the ground, her legs giving way under her, an arm around her own stomach, loud sobs causing her to shake.  


Octavia and the others freeze at the heartbreak in Clarke's voice and at her reaction.  
She is breaking in front of them and there is nothing that can do to fix this.  


Miller has to physically look away, the scene too much like Bellamy’s heartbreak when she left all those months ago.  
But this feels so much worse.  
Jackson reaches for his hand and tugs him it if the room.  
“The faster we clean up the faster everyone can get home.”  
He starts to pick up empty champagne glasses from tables and Miller after a few seconds begins to help.  
They try to ignore Clarke's loud heartbreaking sobs.  


A few minutes later Roans and Wells and Luna rush out. Luna is running her stomach and the men look worried.  
Wells pulls Miller aside.  
“The stress is getting to Luna so we are taking her to the hospital. Let me know if-Clarke.”  
He didn’t know how to finish his sentence but Miller gets his question and nods.  
“I’ll call you.”  
Riley and the other staff work quickly and quietly, various looks of sadness and anger in their faces.  


Five minutes later Gina and Gabriel join them as her sobs die down. Gina excuses herself to the bathroom and Miller catches sight of her tears while Gabriel approaches them.  
“How is she?”  
Gabriel shakes his head.  
“She’s still sobbing. She keeps muttering he promised, he promised. She won’t let anyone near her.”  
Miller closes his eyes and he opens them to see Gabriel closing his hands into fists.  
“I met Clarke a few months ago but she's special you know and it's not because she is Josie's family. I don’t know. I thought Bellamy, I thought he was a good guy from the way Clarke went on and on about him. But now I just want to punch his face in. “  


They are interrupted by Josphine and Aurora Blake. Josphine looks murderous while Aurora looks heartbroken.  
Gabriel takes one look at Aurora whose eyes are red.  
“How about we head to the hotel? Aurora we could give you a ride?”  
She looks up at them breifly.  
“I’m staying with Mr. Miller.”  
Miller raises an eyebrow at this but he steps forward to hug Aurora tightly.  
The older woman holds him tightly and eventually Gabriel pulls her away gently.  


A few minutes after they leave, there a loud scream.  
“He promised!”  
She screams again “He promsied.”  
And then loud heartbroken sobs fill the air again.  


Shaw exits the room a few minutes later Clarke in his arms.  
The other file out of the room, Octavia's eyes are red and she looks heartbroken and angry.  
Jasper is holding her as she cries silently. Gina leans against the wall and ducks her head down, shoulders shaking.  
Miller shakes, Clarke may out of the room but he can still hear her heartbroken screams in his head.  
It's not a sound he thinks he can forget.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
I know it's been a week. October is just full of papers, projects, and midterms so my goal to update twice a week was thrown out the window. Well that and the fact with the exception of the last two chapters, everything else is not fully written. 
> 
> I'm crossing my fingers that I can get an update up by Monday but no promises. 
> 
> Anyway, this pretty much ends the art show. The next chapter will be the day after the art show, so Sunday (aka the day Bellamy and cabinkru go home, call everyone in panic and Octavia throws some hands.) The chapter might be a little shorter than usual.
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos, subscriptions, comment, reads, and everything else. 
> 
> As always, my Tumblr is https://queen-of-the-wallflowers15.tumblr.com  
Ask me any questions you have or just come say hi. 
> 
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	11. Newest Member of the Broken Heart Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is heartbroken.  
The family is there for her.

_ Now the day bleeds _  
_Into nightfall _  
_And you're not here _  
_To get me through it all _  
_I let my guard down _  
_And then you pulled the rug _  
_I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved _  
_ Someone You Loved- Lewis Capaldi _

* * *

Octavia isn't aware that Miller and Jackson have left the room. She isn't aware that Wells, Roan, and Luna have walked out.  
All she can focus on is her heartbroken best friend, who is crumpled on the ground, sobbing.  
She feels frozen, paralyzed by guilt and heartbreak.  
There isn’t anything that she can do to make Clarke feel better.  
This is not something she can’t fix.  
She can’t make her brother appear out of thin air and a hug won’t help.  
She feels helpless. 

Clarke has been there for her, during her fights with Bellamy, during her wedding to Lincoln, when Lincoln died, when she and Jasper got together.  
Clarke had called her once a week during her brief time in rehab.  
But Octavia can't help her.  
She doesn't know how.

She feels a hand on her elbow and she looks over to see Jasper and he jerks his chin to the painting Clarke is kneeling in front of.  
She doesn’t even realize she is walking until she’s in front of the painting hand out in front of her.  
Her fingers brush the frame and she lets out a soft gasp.

She recognizes the street corner.  
It’s the one outside of Grounders across the street. 

There is a couple bathed under a street light, one of them has a hand on the other’s face. There are a few millimeters away from each. The background is blurred and Octavia can see a few raindrops around the couple under the street light. The painting is intimate, it’s beautiful. Octavia can feel the love and the curiosity and the what-if from the painting. She can also feel the heartbreak.  
The couple is dark, two silhouettes under the street light but Octavia knows, without a doubt, who the couple in the painting is.

Her heart breaks and she turns away to see Gina rushing out of the room, Gabriel on her heels.  
Her mother is holding on to Jasper as she watches Clarke cry.  
Josephine is kneeling next to Clarke who is turned away from her, not wanting to accept comfort.

* * *

Josephine looks up at her her eyes dark and angry.  
She is tired.  
It’s been a long night, with one disaster after another.

First, there was the whole Clarke and her might be related issue and she’s not sure how to feel about that. She loves Clarke but from what the girl had told her about Abby, she’s not sure how she feels about the possibility of being Abby Griffin’s daughter.  
She’s not sure that she wants to find out the truth.  
Maybe some things are better left alone.  
Sister or cousin to Clarke, they are family.  
Despite only knowing her for a few months, she loves her. 

Then there is this. Bellamy Blake, who she heard such amazing things about didn’t show up, breaking Clarke’s heart.  
She won’t lie, she’s impressed that Clarke was able to hold in her breakdown till now.  
But it’s devastating to see the strong woman she knows sobbing on the floor.  
It's even more devastating because Josephine knows that the only thing that can fix the situation is the man who caused it.  
And to add to that, the rest of Clarke’s friend group didn’t make it. 

Clarke's special day has done wonders for her career, unfortunately, it also ruined her emotional state.

* * *

Octavia moves toward her best friend and she nods her head to Josphine who stands up and leads Aurora out, knowing that Clarke is in good hands. 

Octavia focusing on Clarke but it still takes her a few seconds to realize that she is muttering “he promised, he promised, he promised”.  
Over and over again.

That’s when she feels it- the hot blood-red fury in her veins.  
She pulls Clarke toward her but the blonde struggles. Octavia lets go of her immediately but the damage is already done.  
Clarke looks up at the painting and Octavia and the others in the room watch as Clarke gets up shakily and walks toward the painting.  
Her hand touches the painting gently and then it’s like someone flicks a switch.

She screams out “He promised”!  
And then she raises her arm and it hits the side of the canvas which seems to make her even more upset.  
“He promised!”

She raises her hand again with the intent to strike and Shaw swoops in, scooping her up and spins her around away from the painting and she crumbles to the ground, her sobs even louder.  
Octavia closes her eyes and Jasper wraps an arm around her.  
She can’t look anymore.

Jasper herds her out of the room and she opens her eyes to see Miller and the others all looking as hurt and upset as she feels.  
Octavia climbs into the car where Shaw has a still crying Clarke on his lap.

* * *

To say Shaw is furious is an understatement.  
He was liked Clarke a lot- she was funny and smart and really cute.  
She had a big heart and was always taking care of everyone that it made him want to take care of her.

He was concerned for when she came into his bar- his big brother sense on alert as she sat down by herself and ordered a round of shots and proceed to knock them all back.  
She didn’t move- not to dance, not to play pool, she just sat at the bar, ignoring everyone.  
When closing time came, he had asked her if there was anyone to pick her up and she had burst into tears.  
So he took her upstairs and laid her in his bed, wrote her a note and slept on the couch.  
She had been gone the next morning and he had told Gina all about it.

She was back there a few nights later, she had a few drinks but spent most of the time sketching.  
She asked him what time he opened and the next day she wandered in early and it became a thing.  
She would sketch and drink in his bar.

Soon she started to talk, she told him about her family- dead father, horrible mother.  
She told him about her friends and then about her sad love life.  
She told him about Bellamy, about their friendship, about how it all began. How she was in love with him.  
He remembers when she told him that she had been swaying, and her eyes were bright but sad when she said “ I love him, I don’t know how to stop.”

A few nights later she had shown up and he had to call Octavia because the bar was busy and he couldn’t watch over her like normal.  
That night he called his sisters and told them that he loved them a lot.  
The next morning he went to Dioyza and took her and Hope out for a family day.  
His former boss was one of the best people in the world and they were his family.  
Dioyza had said nothing as he cuddled with Hope. Hope at the age of twelve could tell something was wrong so she let her uncle Shaw spoil her with buying her a stuffed animal and she pulled him around the zoo.

When they left his house, Gina was home from her conference. Gina had yet to meet Clarke because for the past month that Clarke had become a regular, she had been with her sorority sisters, on a girl’s trip and then she had a work conference of some sort. He had told her and Gina had said that she knew her.  
When he came in she took one look at his face and e turned off the stove and they curled up in bed together, her hand scratching his scalp.

He told her about Clarke and her heartbreak and she told him about Bellamy and how she broke up with him because he knew that he loved Clarke even if he wasn't aware of it or wanted to acknowledge it.  
He had hopes for Clarke and Bellamy, a lot of hope that they would work it out one day.

But tonight it showed him that he was wrong to hope.  
Clarke’s big night was ruined by a broken promise and the big brother in him was screaming for blood.

He carries her into the house and Octavia directs him to the bathroom and she sways as he sits her down at the edge of the tub.  
He leaves them and Gina is waiting for him. She touched his arm gently.  
“Let’s go home, Miles.”

He lets her lead him out and she drives him home but he can’t sleep.  
So he heads to the twenty-four gym that Dioyza owns and he took his frustration out on a punching bag.  
He hasn’t been this angry since he enlisted at the age of 18, now at thirty, his emotions were all over the place.

* * *

Octavia sits on the tub and gently unzips Clarke’s dress and helps her into the bath.  
Then she leaves Clarke there and finds Miller pacing the room, as Jackson watches him warily.

Jasper touches her arm and she collapses into his chest, crying.  
“Where is he? Where is he?”  
Jasper kisses her forehead and Miller’s phone rings and Jackson steps out to take the call.  
He comes back in a few minutes later.  
“That was David. He says Aurora is with him safe and that Josphine and Gabriel went to their hotel room.

Miller punches the wall and Jackson heads to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit.  
He knocks and when he comes back, his face is somber.  
“She’s just sitting there.”  
Octavia pulls away, wiping away tears.  
“Eat, you are of no use to her if you collapse .”  
Jasper steers her to the table. 

They manage to get a few slices down and then Octavia goes to check up on Clarke.  
She calls out.  
“Miller I need a hand.”  
He walks over to the bathroom door concern all over his face.  
“Can you carry her? I can’t.”  
Miller closes his eyes and then nods.  
He removes his shirt and then enters the bathroom and finds Clarke sitting in the tub, naked and shivering.  
He picks her up and she clings to him like a koala. 

Octavia helps her into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt and gets changed herself.  
Miller knocks on the door and carries Clarke out to the living room before Octavia can say anything and when she follows them out.  
She finds that all the blankets in the apartment on the carpeted ground and every pillow in her house is on the floo, creating a huge bed.  
She looks at Jasper.  
“You know the couch pulls out right?”  
Jasper blinks at her and his cheeks turn pink which tells her that no, he didn't know. 

Clarke lets out a soft giggle and all eyes turn to her.  
“Hungry?”  
Jasper asks Clarke quietly and she shakes her head no.

Octavia lets out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding in. Clarke laughs and spoke that’s progress.

* * *

  
_ Oh it's impossible to get you off my mind_  
_I think about 100 thoughts and you are 99_  
_Maybe there's a chance that you will be mine _  
_But right now..._  
_I'm just broken inside._  
_ One Day- Tate McRae _

* * *

Clarke curls up into a ball and they put a movie on, Octavia runs a hand through the blonde’s curls happy that she had stopped crying.  
Halfway through the movie, though Clarke starts to cry again softly and Octavia has no idea why until Miller’s eye widens and he mouths the word princess to her.  
She closes her eyes.  
Star Wars had seemed like a safe bet, clearly, she was wrong. 

This time it’s Jasper who breaks down in tears and hurries out and Jackson is quick to muffle hsi cries.  
Miller heads outside and when he comes back his knuckles are bleeding so she bandages it leaving Clarke alone on the bed.  
“Thank you.”  
He shakes his head wincing as he moves his hand. This is the second punch he has thrown with the same hand. 

They turn to look at the blonde sitting on the huge bed, shoulders shaking, body bent over.  
“I know Clarke hurt Bellamy by leaving but this, this is worse.”

That stick with her as she curls around Clarke in their makeshift bed.  
Miller is on the other side of Clarke with Jackson behind him and Jasper behind her.  
They all wake up various times during the night by Clarke muttering "he promised" as she dreams or by her tears when she wakes up from the dreams.

Sometime during the early morning hour, she wakes up to find Jasper in the kitchen staring at a bottle of whiskey. He turns to her, her in his eyes.  
“I have never been so tempted to drink that I am right now.”  
She holds him and they both cry until they back climb into bed.  
Octavia wraps her arms around Jasper and she falls asleep like that.

* * *

Miller wakes up to the sound of knocking on the door. He entangles himself form Clarke and fixes the blankets around her and Octavia and Jasper and make his way to the front door.  
He peeks out the window and recognizes Gina's hair.  
He opens the door to find Gina carting a bag of groceries.  
Shaw is behind her right two more bags.  
“Figure you could use a good breakfast.”  
He smiles.  
“Thanks just be careful in the living room. They are still asleep.”  
Gina closes her eye when she’s the three sleeping.  
Clarke's face is red making it clear she won’t half the night crying.  
She slams the groceries down on the kitchen counter a little harder than necessary and she shakes her head.  
Shaw places a kiss on her shoulder and three of them began to look for pans. Miller notes that Shaw's hands are bandaged and Gina sighs when she sees both of their hands.  
It’s not long before the smell of pancakes and the sound of bacon sizzling fill the room. Jackson comes out of the shower and he pushes Miller only the shower.  
Jasper is the first one to wake up and he pauses when he sees the unopened bottle of whiskey.  
Jackson tosses it when Jasper goes to shower after Miller.  
Ten minutes later, Jasper is out of the shower and another knock reveals Aurora and David Miller. Miller hugs his father tightly and his father holds him until he’s ready to let go.  
Aurora starts cutting up fruit and Miller sees his father lead Jasper outside and they settle on the chairs.  
He watches Jasper bury his head into his hands while his father pats his back and he turns away.  
Octavia wakes up next and jumps into the shower. Miller takes the time to pick up Clarke and carries her to Octavia's bed not wanting the noise of everyone arriving and cooking and talking to wake her.  


When he gets out she finds that Josephine and Gabriel arrived with donuts and that Wells, Luna, and Roan have also arrived. Luna’s sitting at the table while Wells is setting the table. Roan is making hot chocolate.  


They sit around the table eating quietly waiting for Clarke to wake up. She shuffles out half an hour later and she blinks when she sees them. Octavia sees her scan the room and the way her shoulders fall when she realizes who isn't there.  
“Hi.”  
She says it quiet, fiddling with the hem of her shirt which is actually Bellamy's.  


Aurora is the first one to move wrapping an arm around her shoulder stewing her to table slowly.  
Clarke looks overwhelmed at first but after a few minutes her shoulders relax.  


But Octavia notices the way her eyes flicker to the door every few minutes.  
But as time passes it becomes clear that Bellamy is breaking the rule of Sunday brunch.  
She sees Miller step outside and when he comes back in, he shakes his head and she balls her hands into fists.  
She pulls out her phone and then she remembers the message Raven sent her about missing brunch.  
She rereads it and suddenly Octavia feels a surge of anger.  
Raven's text, Bellamy missing the show, Jasper's almost relapse, Clarke's heartbreak, it's all too much.  


She drops her phone and grips the counter.  
She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths.  
She doesn't want to jump to conclusions but her mind spinning.  
She takes another deep breath.  
But the anger stays with her and it’s dying to come out.  
She needs to get out. So she goes to her room and laces up her gym shoes and changing into running gear and then she's out the door, her feet hitting the pavement.  
She focuses on the sound of her feet hitting the pavement. It reminds her of the sound of punching bags. It takes her a while to calm down.

* * *

The slam of the door as Octavia leave shocks them out of their conversations.  
They all exchange looks and Clarke looks pained before Aurora squeeze her shoulders.  
“Why don't you help me with the dishes?”  
The two head to the kitchen while the others all look at each other.  
“Is O okay?” Miller asks.  
Jasper signs.  
“Her therapist says that when her anger gets too much, she needs to focus it elsewhere. She probably went for a run to get her anger out of her system.”  


“What are we going to bout, Clarke?”  
"She hardly eat. " Shaw points to her mostly full plate.  
“I think all we can do is be there for her, honey." Gina squeezes his hand.  


“I don’t think Clarke should go home.”  
Wells says, arm crossed and Luna nods her head in agreement.  
“I don’t want her to be alone when she finally sees him.”  
“Does anyone know what happened between them?”  
They all look at each other.  


Miller sees the look between Josphine and Gabriel.  
“Anything you want to share with the class?”  
Josphine sighs and perches herself on Gabriel’s lap.  
“Clarke may or may not have mentioned something about them just being friends and that's all they were going to be. She may or may not have mentioned that he rejected her.”  
Jasper scoffs.  
“Bellamy rejected Clarke? No way. He’s been into her for a while. I thought for sure they would have gotten together this year.”  
“Clarke didn't give me all the details but that's what she said.”  


Miller clears his throat, his eyes on the wall and Jackson reaches for his hand, knowing what his boyfriend is going to say.  
“When I when I drove Clarke to the airport I told her she was going to break Bellamy's heart by leaving. She said that he already broke hers.”  
The implication and realization slowly appears on everyone's faces.  
Miller feels relives that his friends know.  
All eyes dart to the kitchen where Aurora and Clarke talking as they wash dishes.  
David squeezes his son's shoulder.  
“I’m proud of you. You have been a good friend to her.”  
Jasper nods.  
“If Bellamy found out, he's going to be upset but I’m glad you were there for her when she needed someone.”

* * *

Gina gets up after Shaw wins Uno for the fifth time, her face apologetic .  
“I’m sorry but we have to get going. Shaw and I have to open the bar. We got a bachelorette party coming in at four."  
Shaw pouts. “Who’s has a bachelorette party on a Sunday?”  
“Fancy people with deep wallets.”  


Clarke smiles at her.  
“It was good to see you. “  


This much was true. It was nice to see everyone. The fact that everyone showed up to show that they showed up here today to support her, meant a lot. It didn’t take the pain away no but it made a little bit better.  
She hugs Gina and no one says a word if the hug goes on for a little longer than normal.  
“You can stay with us if you need a place.”  
Clarke blinks back tears.  
It hadn't hit her that eventually, she would have to go home, to the home she shared with Bellamy.  
After all, she couldn't stay with Jasper and Octavia's pullout couch or with Miller and Jackson.  
Riley had roommates and Wells, Roan, and Luna live too far away. Sanctum, where Josie and Gabriel live was only about two hours away.  


Shaw wraps his arm around her next and she sighs.  
Shaw is no Bellamy, but she feels safe around him.  
He kisses her shoulder and whispers into her neck.  
“You say the word, no matter what time and I'll be there.”  
He kisses her forehead then they are out th door.  
She blinks back tears

The next to leave are Wells, Rona, and Luna.  
It’s a long drive home and Luna has a doctor's appointment on Monday.  
Roan promises to be back sometime within in the next week to handle some business with Clarke.  
Wells gives her a long hug.  
Clarke sinks into his embrace and suddenly she wishes she was a kid again and that she and Wells could go hide in the closet eating oreos, giggling with each other.  
Luna hugs her briefly but it makes her happy. Before she leaves Clarke kisses Luna stomach.  
She’s excited for them. Her friends deserve to be happy and she knows that they will all make amazing parents.  
Luna bushes Clarke's cheek and their eyes lock.  
“It will work out.”  
Clarke wishes that she believes her.

* * *

  
_And lately, been thinkin' maybe _  
_There might be a place we won't feel so crazy_  
_For changing the way you made me_  
_And in a daydream, I let them save me_  
_I'm the newest member of the broken hearts club_  
_\- the broken hearts club- Gnash _

* * *

Josphine digs around in Octavia's bathroom until she finds a pretty purple nail polish. She removes the color on Clarke's toes and gets to work, keeping a steady conversation going with Aurora as Clake sits in silence.  
She has no idea what is going on in the blonde's mind.  
Since the others had left Clarke had been deep in thought.  
Josephine didn’t want to leave her but she and Gabriel had to get back to Sanctum, Xavier was waiting for them.  


She looks up at Gabriel who was scrolling through his phone.  
She got lucky. She is really lucky that Gabriel and her had found each other. She can’t imagine not having him in her life and she can't imagine loving someone more than she loves him. She is going to marry this man.  
Her eyes fly to Clarke, who is staring at the door.  
She wonders if Clarke is still hoping that Bellamy will walk through the door. (She is.)

Octavia comes back just as Aurora is getting ready to leave with David Miller who is driving her back home. Octavia is tired and sweaty but her emotions are under control. Octavia hugs her tightly.  


She hopes that one day her mother would consider moving to Arkadia with them or that David Miller would move Polis with her.  
But for right now, David is happy to drive up to see her and once a month Aurora comes down to see him.  
After Aurora releases her, she hugs Jasper tightly and then Miller and Jackson.  


Aurora engulfs Clarke tighlty and Clarke has to swallow back a lump in her throat.  
Aurora had always been a better mother to her than her actual mother.  
And a part of her had always hoped that Aurora Blake would one day become her mother.  
But that wouldn't be the case.  


Instead, Echo would be Aurora’s daughter and she and Bellamy would eat Aurora’s turkey and spend the holidays together. Aurora would call Echo "my daughter" and Echo would get one of Aurora's handmade sweaters.  
She blinks back tears and buries her head into the crook of Aurora's neck.  
Aurora can feel a few tears hit her neck and she rubs her back.  
She pulls away from Clarke and cups her face.  
“Look at me, Clarke Griffin. You are my daughter, blood relation or not. You are my kid and I love you.”  
Clarke nods, teary eye and then David Miller steps forward to hug her tightly.  


When Aurora gets to the car, David squeezes her hand.  
“She’s going to be okay. The kids are there with her.”  
She says nothing deep in thought as he drives her home. He doesn't press or prod her, he knows that she will tell him what's on her mind eventually. 

“I never, I never thought my son could do something like this. He loves Clarke. But that girl is in so much pain and I feel like it’s my fault.”  
“Aurora you raised him the best you could.”  
“I should have been there for him more, fo both of them. This is all my fault, one of my kids is a recovering alcoholic, the other spent two years traveling the country, one of them had their heart broken, and my eldest is an idiot who broke a girl’s heart.”  


David pulls the car over and grabs her hand.  
“Rory, look at me. None of this is your fault Bellamy is the one who broke Clarke’s heart, you can't stop them or protect them from getting their hearts broken. Octavia loved Lincoln and his death neared killed but it didn’t. She kept in touch with Clarke and Clarke kept an eye on her. You raised good kids. All kids make mistakes. They and we aren’t perfect. Heavens know I made mistakes with Nathan. And he has made mistakes. But they are all good kids. As parents, our job now is to be there for them when things go wrong. But we can’t fix this. Only Bellamy and Clarke can fix this. “  


She presses a kiss to his knuckles.  
“You are a good man David Miller.”  
“And you Aurora Blake are an amazing woman.”  
He gives her a smile before he starts the car again and she can feel the butterflies in her chest.  
She really loves this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
I'm so sorry this took forever!  
I had all my midterm exams and papers within the same week so I had no chance to update.  
I hope to get back to updating 1-2 times a week.  
This chapter was going to be longer but I wanted to get it out to you so I split ut up.  
We got one more Clarke/Bellamy angst before we get back to Echo...
> 
> Check me out on Tumblr: https://queen-of-the-wallflowers15.tumblr.com  
I love to answer questions, tell me about your day, send me a song that makes you think of my story, anything.


	12. I Wanna Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets a few phone calls and finds out the truth of Cabinkru's weekend.  
Miller, Jasper, Monty, and Harper talk.  


The first call comes in around four-thirty.  
Jackson and Miller have gone home half an hour after Octavia came back from her jog but only after Clarke had reassured them that she was fine. 

So Octavia and Jasper order a pizza and the three of them curl up on the couch.  
They put on one of their favorite crime shows and settle in under blankets. They are curled up on one end of the couch, while she takes the other.  
If Bellamy was here, he would have next to her or he would have sat in front of her so she could run her fingers through his hair. 

They are on their third episode when Clarke’s phone goes off.  
She ignores it, thinking its another notification. People had been tagging her in the pictures they took at the show, she hasn’t had a chance to look at them but she has seen some of the names.  
But the phone vibrates and keeps ringing and she realizes it is a phone call.  
She shoves the blanket off her and then leans forward to grab it off the table.  
It’s probably Josie or Wells, checking on on her.  
Or it could be Gina or Monroe. 

But that’s not the case.  
She freezes when she sees the picture on her phone.  
It’s Bellamy.  
It slips out of her grasp, crashing onto the floor.  
She can’t breathe.  
“Clarke?”  
“Clarke?”

She can hear Jasper and Octavia calling out to her but all that she can do is let out a sob.  
She wants to pick up the phone but all she can feel is the hurt he caused her.

Jasper scoops up the phone, which shows one missed call, while Octavia tries to calm Clarke down.  
Jasper stares at the phone.  
Clarke's lock screen is one of her and Bellamy.

She’s perched in his lap, flower crown on both of their heads.  
It was taken before Clarke had taken off. 

They had all gone to the park, to celebrate one of the last warm summer days.  
The two had been more affectionate than usual and when Bellamy had placed the crown of dandelions on her head and called her princess. She had laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then she insisted that he teach her and then she placed that crown on his head.  
Raven has laughed and she had referred to Bellamy as Clarke's knight.  
Bellamy has taken his role seriously, carrying her around the park on his back later on.  
They later went to a carnival that night and Bellamy had won Clarke a huge stuffed lion that Clarke kept in her room.  
Half a month later Clarke had left and no one knew why.

He blinks as the phone rings again and Bellamy's face appears. Clarke's contact picture is of Bellamy with glasses, his special smile, the one that only appears when Clarke was around on his face.  
He types in Clarke's passcode and her screen is her and Bellamy from Halloween two years ago, in which they had come as Gomez and Morticia Addams (Jasper has come as Cousin IT.) 

Jasper has to swallow hard, he has always assumed they would get together.  
It was just a fact of life.  
The sky is blue the grass is green.  
Clarke and Bellamy are meant to be.

But now seeing how much pain Clarke was in he was wondering if that was the truth. Just because they are meant to be, didn’t mean they should be.  
Clarke holds out a hand to him and she rejects Bellamy's calls and it goes to her voicemail.  
She can't talk to him now, not when her emotions are all over the place.  
She's not angry that he didn't come, she's disappointed in herself for being so upset, she's hurt because it has finally sunk in that she's not a priority in his life- Echo is.  
Clarke hesitates a second before she goes to her voicemail, after rejecting yet another phone call.  
She pressed the speaker phone and Bellamy's voice comes through.

“Clarke. Please pick up. I’m so sorry.”  
“Clarke please don’t shut me out. Please pick up. I need to talk to you. I’m sorry, so sorry princess.”

It’s the princess that gets to her, it sounds so desperate and she drops the phone again and she buries her head into her hand, loud sobs making her body shake.  
Jasper reaches for his girlfriend's hand and she’s trembling.  
He can practically feel the anger rolling off her.

Then her phone rings.  
It’s Raven.  
Octavia lets it go voicemail.  
Then his phone goes off and it's Monty.  
Then it’s Harper calling Octavia.  
Monty again.  
Jasper turns off his phone and Octavia heads to the kitchen to take some deep breaths.  
She’s in shape to comfort Clarke, not when the anger is back.  
Her eyes drift toward a framed picture of her, Lincoln, Bellamy, and Clarke at her wedding.

It had been an early summer wedding near the lake where Lincoln has proposed to her. Clarke had been her maid of honor and Bellamy had walked her down the aisle. It had been an amazing day and she remembered how her brother looked at Clarke while they danced.  
He looked so happy, so at peace with her.  
She had been so sure that her brother was in love with her but Bellamy just broke up with Gina about a month ago and Clarke later slept with a hotshot doctor, Cillian (who later got arrested for selling pills).  
Where did they all go wrong?

Losing Lincoln had devasted her but she had known that he would have wanted her to move one and fall in love with again.  
And she did, with Jasper, things had somehow clicked in a way that they didn't click when they first met. They had the case of finding each other at the right time. She knew that a few of their friends had been concerned that she and Jasper were together because of their grief but she loved it. Being with Lincoln had made her brave, being with Jasper made her feel alive, something that she didn't think she would feel after losing Lincoln. 

Octavia comes back to find Clarke clutching her phone, tears streaming as she has the message Bellamy left her.  
Octavia strolls over to her and grabs the phone and turns it off.  
She’s breathing hard and Clarke is staring at her wide eyes.  
“Let’s finish the episode.”  
Clarke hesitates but then nods and Octavia lets out a sigh of relief.  
They curl back up on the couch and Octavia silences all the phones.  
They watch two more episodes but Octavia is busy watching Clarke who is watching the three phone screens from the corner of her eye.  
Her and Jasper's phones have stopped vibrating but Clarke's is still lighting up.

After an hour passes Clarke excuses herself and heads to the bathroom, grabbing her phone.  
Octavia wants to tell her not to, but she can’t.  
They hear the shower going on.  
But it does little to muffle her cries.  
And she feels the anger in her veins.  
It burns bright and she knows that a jog won't stop this, not this time.

She turns to her boyfriend and kisses him hard.  
“Call Miller. I’m going to Bell’s.”  
“O.”  
She shakes her head.  
“No Jas. I need to go. Clarke, she needs clothes and I need to know why. My brother doesn't break promises. Not to me and especially not to Clarke. I need to look him in the eyes and hear what he has to say.”  
Jasper squeezes her hand and kisses her softly.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
And she’s off.

Once she gets to her brother's place, she throws as much of Clarke’s stuff as she can in a duffle bag. She grabs shirts and a few jeans and a few bras and some of Clarke's sketchbooks. She debates on whether or not to grab Clarke’s favorite hoodie which is actually her brother's but decides to bring it just in case.  
Her eyes land on the stuffed lion her brother won Clarke and after moment's hesitation, she packs it.  
She brings the lion to the car and a few of Clarke's things.  
She throws some more things into another duffle bag.  
Then she sits and waits.

* * *

Jasper won't lie, he understands why Octavia had to leave.  
Her anger as Clarke’s heartbreak is apparent from every tense muscle of hers to the way she seems ready to explode.  
But when his girlfriend left it meant that he was left with a sobbing Clarke in the bathroom.  
He has no idea what to do, so he sits outside the bathroom door listening to her cry.

* * *

  
_Is she the one _  
_That I couldn't be for you?_  
_Is she the one?_  
_Mm, I hate that you're the one_  
_That I never get over_  
_That I wanna get closer to_  
_ I Wann Know- Bea Miller _  


* * *

The water does little to drown out her tears.  
Clarke can’t remember the last time she cried this much.  
But then again she has never felt this way.  
Her breakup with Finn resulted in anger and her break up with Lexa was sad but it was also a huge relief.  
Losing her father had devastated her but she had Bellamy there.  
Bellamy had always been there. 

Bellamy was her person,  
He was the one she goes to when her life falls apart, the one she looks to for reassurance, for advice.  
She loves all her friends but her relationship with Bellamy is special.  
She spends so much fo her time taking care of everyone else that letting them in to support her felt strange.  
Bellamy was her rock, he was the one person she could let herself break down in front of and now she didn't have him.  


Leaving him had been the hardest thing she had done and she had gone in hopes that her feelings would have lessened but when she came back and saw him, her heart had begun to pound and she had the realization that no distance would keep her from being in love Bellamy.  
She loved him and she knew a part of him had to love her, he was her best friend, but the truth of the matter was, she wasn't his priority anymore.  
He tried to be there for her, but seeing him with Echo was like digging a needle into her skin.  
There was something about Echo that bothered her.  
She didn't know why it was but Echo managed to hit every weakness, every insecurity she had.  


The idea of Bellamy marrying Echo hurt.  
Because she could imagine their future.  
They looked good together.  
They were beautiful in a way that made her heart hurt.  
She could see entering married, Echo in a lace dress, Bellamy smiling at Echo as he said I do.  
She could just picture the Christmas card they would send.  
Of them a dog, of them and their kids.  
They would have Echo's cheekbones and Bellamy’s curls and his freckles.  
They would call her aunt Clarke and she would have to be happy for them, even though it would break her heart.  
Her idea of Bellamy’s little family made her cry even more.  
Suddenly she was thinking of Echo wearing one of Aurora's handmade sweaters and of her and Octavia going rock climbing or of then taking a dance or yoga class. She could see Echo playing video games with Jasper.  
Echo just fits in better than she does.  
She may be Bellamy's princess but Echo’s the one he wants.

* * *

Jasper knocks on the door to find her sitting in the tub, soaking we, eyes red.  
He turns off the water that is now cold and pulls her out.  
He helps her peel off her wet underwear and finds her a pair of sweatpants and a shirt she can wear.  
Then he grabs every blanket he can find and tuck her into bed.  
She turns to him and looks at him.  
“Will you stay until I fall asleep?”  
He nods, this is the most vulnerable she has ever been.  
He crawls into bed with her and wraps his arm around her.  
She drifts to sleep and Jasper stumble to his kitchen once she's in a deep sleep.  
He takes a deep breath and then he hits the call button.  
“O. It’s Jas. I’m worried. Where are you? Clarke, she’s in bed. She’s not doing good. I don't remember her taking her breakup with Finn and Lexa this bad.”  


Jasper plugs Clarke's phone into the charger and sighs.  
15 texts from Murphy.  
7 from Raven.  
44 texts from Bellamy.  
30 messages from Bellamy.  
A full mailbox.  


He sees his phone and sees all the calls from Monty.  
He doesn't have the energy to express how disappointed he is in his best friend or the energy to talk to him. Not tonight, when his girlfriend is out, anger in her veins and the woman who helped him get through rehab is dealing with a broken heart.  


Octavia gets home half an hour later, a duffle bag over her shoulder, eyes red.  
She drops the duffle bag on the floor and hits the floor with a loud thunk.  
“Camping. They all went camping.”  
“What?”  
“They all went fucking camping. They missed the show because they spent the last few days holed up in some cabin celebrating Bellamy and Echo's six month anniversary.”  
“Six months?”  
Both of their head turn to see Clarke standing in front of the bedroom door.  
They had been so focused, they didn't hear Clarke getting out of bed and opening the door.  
“Clarke.”  
“They went camping?”  
Her blue eyes are blinking quickly and her voice is so quiet and choked up.  
Octavia and Jasper exchange a look and Octavia walks over to her softly.  
“You weren't supposed to hear that.”  
“Bellamy and Echo went to a cabin to celebrate their six months anniversary? Well good for them.”  
She’s barely holding on by a thread and when Octavia touches her arm, she shatters.  
Octavia stumbles trying to keep Clarke and herself upright.  
But she can’t and they crumple to the ground.  
Jasper helps them to bed and Clarke curls up into a ball.  


* * *

Jasper calls off from work and stays home with Clarke on Monday.  
He and Octavia had decided that she needed the company to keep her from crying.  
But she doesn’t cry.  
Instead what she does is much worse.  


She’s silent, distant.  
She won't eat and instead, she erases all of Bellamy's messages after listening to them (she saves three) and doesn’t respond to any of the texts she gets.  
She doesn’t leave the bed, instead spend the day sketching absentmindedly, papers crumpled on the floor.  


He unfolds one and it’s just Bellamy.  
The next one is Monty and Harper laughing.  
Then he unfolds all of them.  
Josie and Gabriel. < br/> Echo with Bellamy.  
The Echo and Bellamy getting married.  
Echo and Bellamy's future Christmas card.  
Then it’s Bellamy cradling a child with dark curls and blue eyes.  
It’s Murphy and Clarke sitting in a treehouse, cigarettes in hand.  
It’s Raven and Clarke holding hands.  
Jasper tosses the ones of Echo but keeps the rest uncrumpling them and placing them under a book.  


His phone goes off and it’s Monty and Harper texting him.  
They want to meet.  
Jasper is conflicted but he's also curious.  
Monty and Harper are good people, Monty's the sweetest one of the group, he would never deliberately hurt Clarke.  
At least he hopes so.  
So he responds and tells them he will stop by their house later. He messages Miller asking him to come.  
Miller agrees and Jasper sighs in relief.  
He goes back to check on Clarke who is now scrolling through her phone, a sad smile on her face.  
He peers over her shoulder and his shoulder slump once he realizes that Clarke is rereading old conversations with Bellamy. Back when they texted constantly and he used princess in every other sentence.  
Before she left.

* * *

To say that Monty and Harper are nervous is an understatement. They had been debated on going straight to Miller's after they woke up, but two things stopped them.  
The first being that Nsyhsn Miller was not a morning person, and somehow Harper didn't think the presence of Miller’s ex-boyfriend (aka Monty) who had been missing from a friend's art show would not be a welcome stop so early in the morning. The second was that he was at work.  
She toyed with the idea of going to Octavia but she had no idea if Octavia would be home and based on how angry she was the night before Harper didn't think it worth the risk.  
So instead they text Miller and then after an hour of debate, they also text Jasper, neither who respond.  
Harper goes on a cleaning spree and Monty heads outside to figure out what he’s planting in the garden for the summer.  


Finally two hours later, Jasper responds with a time and Monty lets out a sigh of relief.  
Then Jasper tells them that Miller is coming along and they feel a sense of panic.  
So Monty begins to make a list.  
He makes a list of things that are bothering him, things that he wants to talk to Jasper and Miller about.  
Echo’s invite to the cabin  
The missing flyer and its replacement  
Clarke’s six-month absence.  
How can they make this right.  


Haper sits next to him scrolling through her phone when she lets out a light gasp.  
He turns to look at her and she holds out her phone out to him.  
It’s a picture from Bree’s social media, the bubbly blonde that Bellamy had slept with for six months.  
She’s dressed to the nines, in a pink dress and Roma who is also in the picture is in a black dress, but between them is Clarke.  
Monty whistles.  
“Bellamy would have died if he had seen her.”  
The caption reads.  
_It feels like just yesterday I asked you to draw me a campaign poster, and now look at you now! So proud of you. Clarke, you never cease to amaze me with your talent and I can’t wait to see where you go next. _  


The next picture is a polaroid picture of the Bree, Roma, and Sterling dancing. The final picture is a painting of two people dancing, heads thrown back.  
The girl's hair is dark and long and the boy's hair is dark and curly.  
“It’s Bellamy and Octavia.”  
Harper goes to Clarke’s profile and sees who tagged her.  


She nearly chokes when hse sees Monroe’s.  
She had lost contact with her best friend years ago, and the girl had been missing for all social media. But apparently, she was back.  


Monroe’s picture is of one of her and Clarke and Octavia, the three standing in front of two paintings. One is the back of woman, her long blonde hair full of flowers, a crown of flowers and bones in one hand, her other hand, stretched to the side of the canvas. And on the canvas is the back of a man, a few dark black curls touching back of his neck, hsi hand stretching towards the woman, red fruit in his other hand, cut open, seeds spilling out of it.  
Suddenly Harper is thinking to one Halloween party in which Clarke and Bellamy had gone as Hades and Persephone.  
They had won best couple costume and most creative.  


Harper looks at her watch, they have three hours until Jasper and Miller come over.  
She nudges her boyfriend.  
“We should go to the gallery.”  
Monty nods silently and they head over.  


To anyone else at the gallery they look like a couple in love, holding hands, standing close to each other, whispering.  
But if one looks closer they would see how tight the grip on the other is.  
They walk around the gallery silently, taking in Clarke’s work.  


Harper’s eye widen when she takes in the Hades and Persephone painting n its fully glory.  
It’s majestic and she eyes the small space between the paintings, if they were moved half a centimeter closer, the canvases would be touching and it would be as if Hades and Persephone were touching. She wonders if it was a deliberate choice.  


Monty is drawn to a painting of wildflowers and a flash of dark blonde running through them. He remembers one of his favorite dates with Harper and how he had gone back and told Clarke all about it and he had told her that night that he was going to marry her one day. Clarke had smiled at him, her eyes flickering to where Bellamy was sitting at the table, typing on his laptop.  


The two head back to the car and once they get home, they curl up on the couch.  
“She’s in love with him.”  
Monty nods, running a hand through his hair.  
“I always knew she loved him but this, I didn’t realize how in deep she was.”  
Harper sighs and leans her head against her boyfriend's shoulder.  
“They have the worst timing, don’t they. Bellamy loved her and she dated Lexa and then Finn, and now Bellamy is in love with someone else and she’s…”  
Whatever she is about to say is interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

* * *

It’s amazing how much can change in a few days.  
Before they had left, everyone had been fine, joking and laughing. Monty and Jasper were making plans to get fireworks for Bellamy’s graduation party in a few months. Harper and Miller had been talking about going to see a horror movie since their boyfriends didn't like them. Now here they were, all perches on the couch or the chairs, tension in the room.  
Monty being the polite person he was offered them drinks which both Miller and Jasper refused.  
They sit there, Miller in his uniform, and Jasper in his jacket faces expressionless.  
Monty has never seen his best friend so serious not since he all told them that Maya had cancer and even then he had hope and saying that Maya was going to fight and win.  
This is different.  


Jasper starts, wanting to rip the band-aid off.  
“So how was camping? Must have been a nice way to spend your weekend? Do you know how I spent my weekend? I went to my friend's art show and then spent the show watching her wait for the rest of her friends to come and then when they didn't come I watched her cry. In fact, when I left earlier, she was still crying.”  
H’s rambling and his voice is getting louder and anger and Miller places a hand on his arm to calm him down.  


“Jas.”  
“No Monty! She’s been crying. Clarke Griffin who doesn't let anyone but Bellamy see her cry, spent all Sayudya, most of Sunday and half of today crying on and off. You should have seen her face when she found out that you went camping.”  
“It was an honest mistake. Raven told us that Echo was taking Bellamy up to a cabin as a surprise anniversary gift and she wanted us to come because she knows how tightknit everyone is.”  
“Then where was our invitation?”  
Miller crosses his arms.”  
“Echo said that you couldn't come because Jackson was working and that she didn't want Bellamy to stress about her and O not liking each other.”  


Miller raises an eyebrow.  
“Funny, I don't remember her asking me anything.”  
Harper’s shoulders slump and Monty groans, running a hand through his hair.  
“That’s what we were afraid of.”  
Monty looks at his ex-boyfriedn and his best friend.  
He stands up and grabs the flyer from where it's sitting on the kitchen counter. He shows it to them.  
“This was the flyer on our fridge.”  
The two boys scan it over, frowning.  
“The flyer is right but the date is wrong.”  
Jasper would know. He had handed out several of them. “It’s been on our fridge for who knows how long. And we just realized its not our flyer.”  
Miller snaps his head up sharply.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Clarke, she was doodled a picture on the back of our flyer and I hung it up. I told her I was going to frame the picture after the show. “  
Monty gesture for them to flip the flyer over and Miller does.  
“It’s blank?”  
Harper nods.  
“It’s not our flyer. Not only did we get one with the wrong date we got one that was missing the picture Clarke drew for us on the back.”  


The bys sit there in stunned silence and exchange a look.  
Something is not right.  
Jasper leans forward to look at his best friend.  
“I’m still upset with you for missing the show and not even thinking of saying a word but if what you are saying is true…”  
Jasper shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.  
“I’m starting to think O is onto something.”  
The four of them sit in silence. Jasper deep in thought, Miller on his phone, Monty fidgeting with Harper’s fingers.  
“We think it might be Echo. She’s the only person to have a reason to want us to miss the show.” Harper says it quickly like she feels guilty for say something  
“But we don't want to jump to conclusions.” Monty says quickly, ever the peacemaker.  


“ O thinks the same. She had to pick Clarke up from the bar once and Clarke kept talking about Narcissus. Also, she can’t find any information about her from before college, which is strange. But O doesn’t want to ruin her relationship with Bell.”  
“I think that ship might have sailed. She slapped Echo yesterday.”  
Harper has a feeling that if Muprhy hadn't gotten involved, that Octavia and Echo would have fought, and she has no doubt that Octavia would have won. Octavia was tough and at times ruthless, she was bloodthirsty.  


Miller snorts.  
“Can’t say I blame her. I have half a mind to punch Bellamy the next time I see him.”  
Monty and Harper exchange a worried glance.  
“Is it that bad? Clarke's that mad?”  
Jasper shakes his head.  
“She’s not mad... She’s…”  
He doesn't know how to finish the sentence, luckily Miller steps in.  
“Hurt. Really hurt. She kept checking her phone and leaving messages. Honestly, I think she’s more upset about Bellamy not being there than you.”  
“And Octavia?”  
Jasper bites his lip thinking about his girlfriend.  
“Tell her about the flyer. She’s less likely to chew you out if you have proof that it was a mistake.”  
“Apologize to Clarke. Just don't mention Echo or Bellamy.” Miller adds in and the couple nod.  
Miller and Jasper stand up. 

“I thought you guys would have been upset. I was expecting a lot of yelling and maybe a punch to two.” Monty jokes.  
Miller shrugs.  
“It’s tempting but honestly, I’m more concerned about Bellamy and Clarke.”

Monty and Harper exchange glances thinking about how happy the couple was. Harper thinks about the fact that Echo had told her and the other girls that Bellamy had asked her to move in.  
Harper had a feeling that it wouldn't go well.  
Not with Clarke.  
Or with Octavia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
Sorry that my updates are taking longer, classes are piling on more work and if I want to graduate next year I have to pass everything. I am also organizing a lot of sorority stuff within the next five weeks, so there's that.  
I'm going to try to update sometime between Friday - Sunday.  
Next, we will see why Clarke left!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, subscribed, left a kudos, or just read. It means a lot to me!


	13. Almost Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke moves on.  
Murphy breaks in.  
Clarke and Bellamy cross paths.

Clarke leaves Octavia’s and Jasper's house for the first time since the art show on Tuesday.  
It freaks them out since they wake up to find Clarke gone and no note.  
Octavia is tempted to call off work but neither one of them can afford to call off, so they decide to wait and see when she will come back.  


Clarke knows that Bellamy has classes all day from 9-4 on Tuesday so he won’t be at home until about 6.  
She decided to head into the house.  


Stepping into the house she feels a pang in her heart.  
Bellamy is everywhere.  
Dishes in the sink, a few books scattered around the apartment.  
His jacket on the chair, his blanket on the couch.  
_Who’s turn to pick the movie?_  
_“Mine!” _  
_“Let me guess, the Heathers? Grease? Love Rosie?” _  


She is everywhere too.  
Her shoes are in a corner.  
Her pencils and pastels scattered on the table, torn pages that she used to draw on tucked in between his books.  
_“You made me bookmarks?” He looks at her wide eyes and she blushes, twirling a strand of hair around her finger._  
_“I got tired of seeing you use old receipts, its sad Bell, just sad." _  


She heads to her room.  
The first she sees are the Christmas lights that she and Bellamy had spent two hours trying to hang up.  
_"It’s for the asesthic Bell!"_  
_Bellamy rolls his eyes._  
_“Whatever you want Princess.” _  


Then her eyes scan all the polaroid pictures of them.  
The two of them at his graduation.  
Her prom- he had taken her after her breakup with Lexa.  
Octavia’s wedding- the photographer had caught one of him dipping her.  
_“You are going to drop me!”_  
_“Don't you trust me, Princess?”_  
_“Always.” _  
Halloween- Morticia and Gomez( with Jasper as Cousin It, Octavia as Wednesday, and Murphy as Pugsley), Persephone and Hades, Sandy and Danny Zuko.  
One of them from the fourth of July, her in his lap, their head bent close together. (Murphy had taken that one.)  


She blinks past tears.  
She had told herself that she was done crying.  
She had work to do.  
She had to move on, this time for good.  


She opens up another duffle bag and starts to pack up more clothes, dresses, skirts, jewelry, the watch her father gave her, a picture of her and her dad, one of the whole group, she throws in some personal items too- her vibrator and a dildo. Her hand grabs one of Bellamy's shirts and she tosses it away, then she pulls out another shirt and it's Bellamy's.  
She keeps pulling shirts out of her dresser and more than half of the shirts are Bellamy's.  
He's so ingrained in her life she doesn't know what to do.  
So she put everything back in the drawers and packs only one of his shirts. She takes three polaroids- Hades and Persephone, the one form the fourth of July and prom.  


She heads back to the kitchen and bites her lip.  
Can she really do it?  
Her hand shakes as she reaches for her back pocket and pulls out a slip of paper.  
She places her check on the kitchen counter under the salt shaker, it’s enough to cover the month’s rent.  
She doesn't want to leave Bellamy but right now she needs space, space to accept that all they ever will be is friends.  
She looks around the house and blinks back tears that are close to spilling from her eyes.  
She hesitates as she’s about to lock the door.  
She closes her eyes.  


_“Are you ready for this princess? Our own place.”_  
_“Thank god. I could not live with Abby for a second longer.”_  
_She shakes her head, long hair a mess around her shoulders. _  
_Bellamy puts the box he is carrying down and as she opens the door, he scoops her up and she laughs._  
_“What are you doing?”_  
_Their faces are close, too close._  
_Her eyes flicker to his lips wondering about what it would be like to kiss him. _  
_ His eyes linger on her lips and he has the same thought. _ _“Carrying you.”_  
_Then he steps through the door and she laughs. _  


_ _ She rushes to the car and throws her stuff in.  
She gets into the car and drives away.  
She makes it to three blocks away befor she had to pull over because she can’t see through her tears.  
She doesn't see Bellamy’s car drive past her, on the way to his apartment, because his remaining afternoon classes got canceled.  
_ _

* * *

_ _  
Once her tears are over, she goes to Shaw’s bar.  
He tosses her some keys.  
“Gina is upstairs setting things up.”  
Clarke blows him a kiss and she hurries up the stairs.  
Gina’s in the guest bedroom smoothing out the sheets.  
“Clarke!”  
She hugs the girl tightly and Clarke gives her a small smile.  
“Thank you.”  
“I told you it was nothing.”  
The two girls unpack her duffle bag in silence.  
Gina goes to make dinner and Clarke decides its time to bite the bullet and heads back over to Jasper's and Octavia's.  
_ _

She stops by to get them a little cake and she misses Bellamy driving away after Octavia refused to open the door.  
When Clarke knock on the door, Octavia is furious and thinking its Bellamy she marches back, ready to fight.  
She throws the door open and instead of her brother she finds Clarke.  
She pulls her best friend into a tight hug, ushering her inside.  
“What's wrong?”  
Octavia shakes her head, a tense smile on her face.  
Jasper hugs Clarke tightly.  
“We were just worried, you didn't leave a note or anything.”  
She pulls away from Jasper.  
“I went to the apartment.”  
Octavia winces, Bellamy had come by to ask for Clarke wanting to know he left him a check for the rest on the kitchen counter. He had begged her to let him see Clarke, desperation in his voice.  
‘Oh.”  
Clarke gives them an odd look before she heads to the kitchen.  
“I brought you a cake. I also want to say… I’mstayingwithShawandGina.”  
“Can you repeat that?”  
Jasper says it quietly and Clarke sighs.  
“I’m staying with Shaw and Gina for now.”  
“Clarke.”  
The blonde holds up a hand to silence her friends.  
“I love you guys I really do and I know you don't mind me staying here. But I can't spend the rest of my days sleeping on your couch. They have a spare room. Besides Monty is your best friend and Bellamy is our brother. I don't want you guys to feel like they can't come over because of me. I just think Bell and I need some space. And I don't want to leave you guys again, so Gina's and Shaw’s is the perfect place.”  
Octavia looks at her best friend and sigh, she can see the stubborn glint in Clarke's eyes.  
Jasper squeezes his girlfriend's hand and looks at Clarke.  
“If you are sure.”  
“I am.”  
They stand in silence before Jasper points to the cake.  
“So cake?”  
They cut the cake and the three of them eat it, then they help her pack the rest of her stuff and they follow her to the bar.  
The three of them hang out at the bar, laughing as Gina and Shaw serve them drinks.  
When its time for Octavia and Jasper to go home, the two best friends hug each other tightly.  
“I love you so much, Clarke.”  
“I love you more O.”  
Jasper presses a kiss to Clarke's shoulder as he hugs and squeezes her.  
After they leave, Clarke stays at the bar for a bit swaying to the music.  


_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene _  
_I'm begging of you please don't take my man_  
_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_  
_Please don't take him just because you can _  
She tenses as the lyric sink in and she closes her eyes thinks about that day.  
The day it all changed.  


* * *

_Bellamy is done with his shift at Grounder and they are walking back to the apartment.  
His car had been making a weird noise the past few days noise so Raven had offered to take a look at it. So Clarke drove him to work befor she went home to paint for a bit.  
But the shift was slow and Bellamy had messaged the group chat asking for someone to stop by.  
Everyone was busy.  
Octavia and Jasper were at a concert.  
Harper, Monty, Miller, and Jackson were on a double-date.  
_

_ Murphy, Emori, and Raven were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. The three of them had been dancing around each other for about a year before Clarke, annoyed with the three of them, had stepped in giving them a much-needed push at Emori's birthday in June.  
The couple was happy but Raven was still nervous, she had a bad track record with Finn and Wick and she loved both of her partners but if something went wrong, she had more to lose. She didn't want to have to move out.  
Clarke told Raven that she was being ridiculous that both Murphy and Emori liked her a lot. She wouldn't have pushed them together if she wasn't sure. She would never have jeopardized Raven's living situation.  
Raven had hugged her when she told her that and Clarke had promised her to always be there for her and to answer any questions Raven might have about being in a poly couple.  
So far the only questions she got were if there was a bed big enough for the three of them. Clarke had to outsource that one to Wells.  
_

_ She had just finished a painting when she saw the message and had debated whether or not she wanted to change out of her pajamas.  
But a chance to spend a night alone with Bellamy watching him make drinks, seeing his forearm flex and seeing that smile of him, and getting to drink, how could she say no?  
Bellamy then messaged her and offered to give her three free drinks if she came so she went.  
Since she was drinking she decided to walk over. It wasn't that far of a walk.  
Clarke spent most of the night talking to Bellamy and watching people flirt and fail with Bellamy. After his shift was over, they walked out.  
_

_ It was starting to rain, it was a light rain, and Clarke laughed tilting her head back. Bellamy watched her with a fond smile.  
Clarke gasped as she heard the music coming from Grounders.  
“Come dance with me Bell!”  
“Clarke, its raining, we should go home.”  
“One dance please?”  
She pouted and he rolled his eyes.  
“One. Just one dance Princess.”  
Clarke smiled brightly at him and then she looked both ways before she dashed into the street.  
“Clarke!”  
“There are no cars Bell. Dance with me.”  
_

_ No matter how much he begged she would not move so he sighed and joined her in the middle of the street.  
He took one of her small hands and began to spin her around.  
Then he pulled her close and they began to sway in the middle of the street. Bellamy kept one eye out for any passing cars.  
She tucked her head into the crook of his neck and hummed and he sighed pressing a brief kiss to her hair.  
Another song came on and Clarke spun herself laughing.  
He loved her laugh so he spun her again. They twisted their bodies back and forth and he twirled around until Clarke got dizzy.  
_

_ They stumbled to the corner across from Grounders and Clarke placed a hand on the lamp pole.  
She spun around it and wobbled and he was quick to catch her.  
She wrapped her arms around his neck, blue eyes wide.  
“Hey, Bell.”  
“Yeah, Princess?”  
His voice was soft.  
_

_ For a brief minute, it was just them in the rain under a lampost.  
Nothing exists outside of their little bubble.  
_

_ “I love you. Not the way I love Octavia or Murphy. I love you because you make me feel safe and warm and you make me happy. I love you."  
Her hand cupped his jaw and she rose to her tiptoes and their eyes meet. As she moved closer, she closed her eyes.  
Two hands wrapped around hers and they pulled her hands away from Bellamy's face.  
She opened her eyes and it's Bellamy.  
He looked at her softly, sadly, and squeezed her hands.  
“Your drunk princess.”  
_

_ It's like she been dumped in cold water.  
Clarke let out a small fake laugh.  
“I’m drunk Bell! “  
She threw her hands over her head.  
“I love you. And I love Murphy, and I love O and Jasper. And Raven and Monty and Harper and Miller and...”  
“Let's get you home, Princess.”  
She giggled again but her heart is breaking  
She spun around the lamp pole and then proceeded to walk along the edge of the curb, hands held out to her sides.  
She showered, crying silently and when she gets out, she finds that Bellamy made her pancakes and she has to blink back tears.  
When she wakes up the next morning, he doesn't say a word and Clarke's heart breaks.  
She leaves a week later.  
_

_ Clarke shakes her head and she blinks back tears.  
She can't stay here any longer.  
She heads upstairs and jumps into the shower and sits, letting the hot water hit her.  
Half an hour later she drags herself out of the shower and curls into her bed, her arms wrapped around a stuffed lion. _  
  


* * *

  
_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_  
_Almost lovers always do_  
_We walked along a crowded street_  
_You took my hand and danced with me_  
_Images_  
_Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy _  


* * *

Octavia finds Jasper sitting on the bed, playing with his chip, turning it around in between his fingers.  
She sits in front of him and hands him a brush, which he takes and he starts to run a brush through her hair.  
“What are you thinking about babe?”  
Jasper pauses his brushing and presses a kiss to her shoulder."  
“I think you should call Charmaine and go back to therapy.”  
Octavia is silent.  
“I spoke to David on Sunday. I’m going back to the AA meetings. This weekend wasn't the first time I thought about drinking. On Maya’s birthday, a few months ago, I drove to a bar and I sat there outside and I almost went in to order a drink... I almost went in. I almost drank. I've been sober for years O. And I almost ruined it. With everything that is going on, not just with Bellamy and Clarke, but the change in Raven, Murphy, and Emori’s relationship, us moving in together, sometimes I feel like its unfair. Maya is dead, Lincoln is dead and they were good people. But me? I got drunk every night to the point that I could have died. I almost wasted my life, something that Maya would have cherished. I nearly ruined my relationship with everyone. I blamed Clarke for everything and she took care of me. I’m going back to AA. I love you and I love our family but I think I still need help.”  


Octavia stands up and Jasper looks up at her wide eye but she wraps her arms around him and he buries his head into her stomach, she can feel his tears hitting her stomach.  
She knows he’s right and if her boyfriend has the courage and the strength to admit that he needs help then she needs to do the same.  
“I’ll call her tomorrow.”  
Jasper nods and pulls away from her.  
He looks up to her and she throws a leg over him and kisses him softly.  
His hands run through her hair gently and his hands are soft, skimming her skin.  
That night the sex is gentle and soft, pressing kisses into shoulders and letting tears fall into the other’s skin.  
The next morning Octavia calls Charmaine Dioyza.

* * *

Clarke goes to the art gallery and holds her head up high when Riley and the other employees look at her.  
Riley later tells her that Monty and Harper had stopped by two days ago. She doesn't say anything.  
She gets a phone call from the photographer who tells her that all the pictures from that night are up.  
She spends her lunch with scrolling through pictures.  
It makes her smile seeing how happy everyone was.  
The photographer caught some amazing moments.  
She sees one of Gabriel and Octaavsi hugging an another of Octavia and Josie laughing. There’s one of Luna with Roan and Wells smiling at her.  
She sends the picture of her and Shaw to him, its a sweet one, the photographer had caught them at th right moment as Shaw had pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Clarke posts the group picture of all of them with the champagne glasses from before the gallery was open.  
The caption reads: _Thank you to everyone who came to my show Head and Heart. Special thanks to the inspiration behind my show and the people in my heart._  


She shares some of her favorite pictures on her story:  
Aurora with her and Octavia, a proud smile on the older woman's face, Her and Shaw. One of her and Bree, Fox, and Roma all blowing kisses to the camera. Jackson in his scrubs looking at Miller. Her and Josie, lips puckered, taken before the show. Clarke and Gabriel arms around each other, mid laughter. Her, Josie, and Octavia, in the famous Charlie’s Angels pose. Her with Luna, Roan, and Wells. Her and Monroe.  
Then she posts two of her in her dress.  


* * *

Bellamy has turned on all his social media notifications after he realizes Clarke isn't taking any of his messages and that no one will tell him where she is.  
His sister won’t let him through the door. Jasper won’t talk to him. He can’t talk to Echo right now and had canceled their plans for the week.  
His entire focus besides his job at the bar and finishing the semester so he can graduate is Clarke.  
He had texted Miller and the boy had told him that he would see him at brunch. He had also told him to give Clarke some space.  
So when his phone lights up and there’s a notification, he looks at it instantly.  
He has not laid eyes on Clarke in a week since before the cabin trip and he misses her.  
He had thought not seeing her for six months was hard, but it was nothing compared to not seeing her for almost a week, knowing how badly he had screwed up.  
The past few days he had been thinking of how his relationship with Clarke had changed and he knew that they could not put off the talk any longer.  
But he was dreading it. 

He nearly drops the phone when he sees the dress.  
It’s red and it’s long but there’s a lot of skin on display. She’s sitting on a bench, one leg crossed over the other, her body titled giving a small glimpse of her bare back and she has a white rose in her hand. In the second picture of her, her hand is in her hair and his eyes widen.  
He swallows.  
She went to her art show like this?  
It’s a simple dress but on Clarke its anything but simple.  
She looks like a goddess.  


As soon as the thought crosses his mind he feels bad for thinking that when he has a girlfriend.  
But in his mind, Clarke is always gorgeous, whether it's in a fancy dress, a pair of paint-splattered jeans, on in his t-shirt throwing popcorn into his mouth during one of their movie nights.  
He feels a pang of sadness.  
How did this happen?  
How did they get here?  
She was his best friend, how they did get so messed up in a span of a year?  


He is curious to see who has tagged her and his hands form a fist when he sees Finn and Roma laughing.  
He can’t believe Finn had the nerve to show up to see Clarke until he sees the comment she left him.  
**ThePrincessClarke **: _It was good to see you two. Meant a lot to me. x _  
Then he feels a surge of jealousy and he clicks on Finn's profile and he scowls until he sees a picture of Finn and Roma kissing, Roma in a white dress.  


Then the jealousy is gone but the guilt is there.  
Clarke shouldn't have to had to deal with Finn on her own , regardless if they are on good terms now. The boy had hurt her really badly.  
_But then again so did you. _  
Bellamy ignores the voice in his head and instead looks through Clarke’s other tagged pictures.  
He sees Bree and he thinks about kissing her right before a football game and how Clarke had chewed him out.  
_"Well princess if you wanted a kiss all you have to do is ask." _  
_"In your dream Blake." _  


When he sees Lexa’s picture come up he feels anger.  
_Clarke’s crying, makeup running as she sits on Octavia’s bed telling her that Lexa and her and broken up because they had different career aspirations and that Lexa did think she would be good artist.  
It made Bellamy mad.  
He has seen some of her work, she was talented.  
Then Clarke says she's not going to prom.  
Octavia jumps up.  
“It's your senior year, Clarke, you can not, not go.”  
“O. I don't have a date, I don't have a dress.”  
“I’ll go with you.”  
Both girls eyes flash to the doorway where he stood.  
“What?”  
“I'll be your prom date Princess.”  
Her eyes twinkle and she smiles.  
“You would do that for me?”  
“Anything for my Princess.”  
She and Octavia go shopping for a dress and when he sees her standing in that purple dress, he feels like as if he’s been punched.  
She’s gorgeous and he’s completely head over heels for her. _  


Bellamy shakes his head.  
There's no point in remembering the past.  
He and Clarke are best friends.  
Best friends who have never been farther apart.  


He pauses when he sees the picture of Clarke and an unknown man caught in an intimate moment.  
He feels this surge of jealousy and he grips the kitchen counter so hard his knuckles turn white.  
He takes deep breaths.  
He has Echo.  
She’s his girlfriend, she’s great, he likes her a lot. He just asked her to move in.  
Clarke is just his best friend. Clarke hs no interest in him.  
He looks at the couch, where her blanket is missing.  
He misses her.  


Without even thinking it through, he grabs his car keys and is out the door.  
He parks in the parking lot of the art gallery and just as he’s about to open his door he freezes.  
He can’t.  
He can’t go in.  
He hurt Clarke, really bad.  
He hurt her to the point that she was crying, to the point that her voice messages haunt him as he sleeps.  
To the point that she won't respond to him, that she won’t come home.  
How can he go see her?  
What can he possibly say to her?  
What can he do to fix this?  
Going to her place of work isn't going to help matters.  
His head is telling him that he needs to give her space.  
But his heart is telling him to go in and beg her to listen, beg for her forgiveness. It's telling him to fight it out with her, get all the things that the never said out to her.  
But they are on the brink of falling apart, can they withstand just a fight?  
Can they withstand all the things that are unsaid between them?  
Does he listen to his head and leave or listen to his heart and fight?  
His chooses his head and leaves.

* * *

**Emori ** : _I know I’m one of the last people you want to talk to….  
But look, what happened, it is messed up. And I’m sorry.  
I know we don't have a history with each other the way you do with everyone else but I think in the last three years, we have gotten to know each other pretty well.  
And I want to talk. Look you can pick the place, the time, if you want me to leave, I’ll go. But please Clarke. I need to talk to you. _  


Clarke stares at her phone screen.  
Of all the people to reach out to her, she didn't expect it would be Emori first.  
She hesitates, not sure what to do.  
Finally, after staring at her phone for ten minutes she sends her a message.  
**Clarke **: _The Bunker- half an hour. _  
Clarke packs up her stuff and she waves goodbye to Riley. 

* * *

Emori doesn’t work on Wednesday  
She usually spends her Wednesdays alone. When you are in a relationship with two other people, alone tiem is good.  
But today she has a mission.  
She doesn't tell either one of her partners about what she plans to do.  
Not that it's hard, Murphy and Raven have been tiptoeing around each other since Sunday night.  
Emori hates it.  


Getting into a poly relationship wasn't easy and they still had things to work out but it was worth it but it meant that she usually ended up in th middle of things.  
Murphy was scared that he would push Raven away with all his screw-ups and secrets and Raven was afraid that she would ruin them with her ability to commit and her insecurities and fear that she would be the one dumped if things went wrong. Emori had no idea how to convince Murphy that Raven wouldn't love him any less if he told her about his past or how to tell Raven that Murphy loved her and that she loved her and that they were in it for the long haul.  
When murphy first realized that he still had feelings for Raven he had been in a panic and Emori would have never know if she hadn't overheard the conversation between Clarke and Murphy.  
It had lead to her talking to her boyfriend and then they made a plan to ask their roommate to date them. Raven had been hesitant but Clarke had encouraged her.  
It was all thanks to Clarke that Emori was in a relationship with two people she loved very much.  
And Clarke was Muprhy’s family, which meant that Clarke was important to her.  


She knew that Harper and Monty had talked to Miller and Jasper who warned then that Octavia was furious and that Clarke was hurt.  
Echo had messaged her but Emori had ignored her. She had bigger things than to worry about her.  
Echo was cool and fun but she reminded Emori too much of a snake, something pretty but dangerous. Something that would strike you when you didn't expect it.  
She likes her just fine but it didn't mean that she trusts her.  
If there was one thing she learned in her time in foster care, it was that people weren't always what they looked like. Echo was a successful lawyer but Emori had noticed the way the girl acted.  
She was a good person to go to the gym with because of her competitive side made you work harder but Emori wouldn't go rock climbing with her.  
She had only agreed to go to the cabin because Raven wanted to go. Raven had taken Clarke's running away badly and Raven was too stubborn to talk it out with the blonde and it was causing a stir in their romantic relationship but also in their friendships with Clarke.  
Emori knew Raven missed Clarke, they were inseparable but after Clarke had refused to respond to her any of her messages during the time she was gone and Raven took it as a rejection.  
So Emori decided to take matters into her own hands.  


She went to the art gallery and walked around it slowly, taking her time.  
It was not easy.  
Bellamy and everyone else was around her.  
Bellamy was Hades, he was the wolf next to Clarke, he was the man outside the window. He was the man behind the book, he was Atlas, he was everywhere.  
There was no denying that Clarke was in love with Bellamy and from what Raven had told her, Bellamy had been in love with Clarke.  
Emori blinked back tears as she took in the drawing of her, Murphy and Raven.  
These paintings were Clarke’s heart.  
When she saw the painting outside of Grounders she could feel the pain, the heartache and Emori shook her head.  
She didn't see how Bellamy or Clarke would be able to sweep this under the rug.  
This conversation about feelings was a long time coming and the time was finally here.  
She just didn't know if they survive it.  
So she texts Clarke and she responds with a place and a time. As Emori makes her way out she sees a flash of blonde and realises its Clarke.  
She watches Clarke leave and as Emori exist the gallery about ten feet behind her, she watches Clarke turn to walk into the parking lot and Bellamy’s car drives past the gallery.  
Emori wants to laugh.  
How is it possible for these two people to have the worst timing in th world.  
They just keep missing each other. 

* * *

Clarke waves to Shaw and ask for two drinks and two orders of fries and one order of onion rings.  
She sits by herself at a nearby table close enough to catch Shaw's eye if she needs to leave but far enough that he wouldn't overhear her.  


Emori arrived exactly on time and she watches the man behind the bar eyes narrow as she sits across from Clarke.  
“Thanks for meeting me.”  
Clare dips a fry in ketchup and Emori sighs.  
“Look I know I’m probably one of the last people you want to talk to but I went to your gallery earlier. Those paintings, they are amazing. John goes on and on about how talented you are and I see he was right.”  
Clarke looks at Emori and her shoulders sink down.  
“Look, we screwed up. We missed the biggest night of your life and there is nothing we can do to fix this, we can't turn back time, though if we could Bellamy and John would. “  
Clarke flinches at the mention of Bellamy and Emori notices.  
“Bellamy, he really regrets it. I have never seen him…”  
Clarke interrupts her.  
“Please, Emori. Don’t.”  


Emori wisely stops and she reaches for an onion ring.  
“You know when you left, John, he was so worried. He spent days waiting for the phone to ring. He almost called your mother. “  
Clarke’s hand tightens around her glass.  
“John told me how when he had no one else, he had you. He told me about what happened that summer.”  
Clarke's eyes close.  
“He told you?”  
“He didn’t tell me until recently before we started dating Raven.”  
Clarke’s eyes flicker to the table and she starts to draw random things with her fingers.  
“I never thought he would tell anyone.”  
Emori reaches for Clarke’s hand and Clarke’s eyes flicker up to meet hers.  
“Thank you, Clarke.”  
“I didn’t do anything.”  
“You were there for him when he had no one else. You believed in him.”  
“He’s my family. I… I’m hurt. I know logically that no one meant to hurt me. But it doesn't change the way I feel. All of you missed out on one of the biggest nights of my life to get drunk and go camping. It hurt. It made me feel like I don't mean anything to any of you anymore.”  
“Clarke.”  
“I left, I know that I left and that running away without saying a word to anyone was wrong and that it hurt everyone here but I had to go. I had to do this on my own and I knew that coming back wouldn't be easy but you all are my family and then I come back I feel like I don't belong anymore…”  
Emori squeezes her hands.  
“Clarke, I get it. You don't have to tell me why you ran away. I get it. Sometimes its easier to run away than to face things head-on first. You are one of the bravest people I know but when it comes to him, you get scared. Bellamy is the most important people in your life and you don't want to risk losing him.”  


Clarke wipes away a few stray tears.  
“I spent six months without him and it was one of the worst times of my life. I came back thinking I could do it, be near him and not want anything but his friendship anymore but I couldn't. I still can’t."  
Clarke gives a soft laugh and shrugs.  
" So here I am. I want him in my life, I saw what life without him was like. But he hurt me. He hurt me more than anyone else ever did and I have been cheated on. I don't know how we can move past this. And I'm afraid, I'm afraid that when I pick up the phone or when I see him that I'll forgive him instantly because that's what Bellamy and I do. We forgive each other no matter.”  
That's when Emori realizes what the problem is. “And if you forgive him for this, what's not to say this won't happen again? Whether its an accident or not?”  
Clake nod and she wipes away a few tears.  
Emori feels bad, not just because they all helped cause her so much distress but because Clarke and Bellamy don't' seem to grasp the idea that the other is in love with them. They just keep missing each other and are too scared to say a word.  
But unlike her, Murphy, and Raven no amount of meddling will get them together. Clarke and Bellamy have to do it on their own.  
They sit in silence for a bit, eating fries and onion rings befor Emori opens her mouth again.  


“For what it’s worth. Bellamy and John really do feel sorry. Everyone does.”  
Clarke smiles sadly.  
“I know, but it hurt. Knowing that everyone easily forgot about me.”  
Emori reaches for her drink.  
“You know that they all love you. When you were all gone they were all worried sick. And then months passed and everyone dealt with it differently. Harper quit going to yoga and no one made hot chocolate at brunch. Jasper and Monty pretty much moped and John threw himself into learning new recipes and Raven, well she became angry. Angy because you left and angry because she was worried, angry because whatever was going on was something that you couldn't tell her or any one of us. She got angry because anger is so like Raven. And Bellamy? Well, he was hurt. He had to be dragged to things and when he showed up he didn't do anything, he would sit and just read a book or he would drink in silence. He never had his pheon on silent unless it was during class in case you called. No one was allowed to use the group chat because the day you went missing and the two days after that, Bellamy blew it up looking for you, asking us if we had seen you, after he realized you weren't coming back, no one ever used it again. When he first brought Echo, no one really liked her. We all figured she as just a fuck buddy but then...”  
“Emori.”  
“Let me finished.”  
“None of us liked her but Bellamy, you leaving hurt him and he got angry once and said that he was dating Echo now and he liked her and she made him happy. He said she's not Clarke but Echo’s special. And so Raven was the first to make an effort towards her because she was lonely and she needed a friend, she needed someone to tell all her problems with us or with her job and Echos was more than willing to listen. Raven reached out to Echo first because it was important to Bellamy for someone to try. Echo, she was there when you weren't but when you came back, John was so happy. So was Bellamy. They all love you so much, don't you realize how important you are Clarke Griffin to this family? You are the head, you are the mom. Without you, things fall apart. And Echo she may be Bellamy's girlfriend but she’s not you. You're his best friend, you are his princess.”  
Clarke looks into Emori’s eyes and gives her a small sad smile and remove he hand,  
“I might be his princess, but Echo’s the one he wants. He loves her.”  
She gets out of her seat.  
“Thank you for reaching out. But its time for me to go.”  
“Clarke...”  
She heads to the door and Emori follows her quickly.  
“Emori?”  
Clarke pauses by the door.  
“Thank you.”  
And with that Clarke is gone.  
Emori’s shoulder slumps.

* * *

Clakre waits for her to drive away before she slips back into the bar and she slips upstairs.  
She changes into her pajamas after her shower and sighs.  
Clarke sighs again and reaches for her stuffed lion when she hears a knock.  
She sighs.  
“I’m fine Shaw!”  
He knocks again and she groans.  
She paddles out of bed.  
She opens the door, took one look at who it was and tried to close it.  
Murphy held the case of Mike’s hard lemonade and bag of cookies he baked a few nights ago up high and move himself in between the door and Clarke gives up on trying to push him out.  
Sh doesn't bother to say anything to him.  
He locks the door behind him.  
He raises the box.  
“I just want to get drunk and pretend that we are back in high school.”  
Clarke snorts but sits on the bed, hands behind her, propping her up and he sits on the floor.  
He hands her a bottle of hard lemonade and Clarke uses her shirt to open it.  
He does the same and they drink their first bottle in silence.  
She reaches for a cookie from the bag and by their second bottle Murphy is on the bed next to her.  


“Emori came to see me.”  
Murphy looks over at the blonde.  
“I saw her driving away.”  
“She said that you took me leaving bad.”  
Murphy snorts.  
“No duh, you left Clarke, without a word in the middle of the night. Do you know what it was like for me? Bellamy called me the next day in a panic because your stuff was missing and you were gone and no one knew where you were. You didn't call, you didn't text, no email, no social media. You just up and vanished.”  
“I had to..”  
“Look I don't know what happened, but you could have told me you were leaving, I would have understood. But not knowing her you were if you were okay? If you were safe? Alive?That what I can't forgive Clarke.”  
“You left last weekend without a word.”  
He looks at her, his shoulders slumped. He takes a long sig of his lemonade.  
“I know and I regret it. You have to know Clarke. I would never hurt you like that. You are one of my best friends. I would never do something like that on purpose.”  


Clarke lets the empty bottle fall from her grasp she grabs another bottle and scoots up to sit against the headboard.  
“I know, Murphy. I know you wouldn't hurt me and I know I should have told everyone but I just couldn't, I couldn't tell everyone why I left because it was dumb and it doesn't mean anything now.”  
“You know you can tell me anything.”  
“No Murphy I couldn't! I couldn't tell you or Raven or O or... I couldn't tell anyone!”  
Clarke has to blink back tears as Murphy reaches for the bottle in her hand, his hand covering hers.  
“Clarke..”  
“No Murphy! Conversation is over you should leave.”  


She gets off the bed and leans on it, hands on the bed head pounding from all the alcohol.  
Murphy gets off the bed to stand up across the bed from her.  
“I’m not going anywhere, not until you and I sort things out.”  
“I don't want anything to do with you.”  
“I’m sorry! What do you want me to say, Clarke! I’m sorry for missing your show? I can't change the fact that I did. I can't change the fact that going to that cabin was a stupid decision. I can't change the fact that I hurt you! But I can apologize.”  
“I don't want your apologies! I don't want anything from you!”  
Murphy slams his hands on the bed and growls and Clarke glares at him.  
“Well too bad, I screwed up Clarke, I screwed up by not going to your show, I screwed up by not trying harder to stop Bellamy from going home with Echo!.”  
Clarke hissed.  
“Don't say their names!”  
“I will say whatever I need to say if it means it gets through your thick skull! It was a mistake Clarke, you have no idea how bad, how guilty I feel about missing your show and I will spend over long you want making it up to you! I tried so hard to be a good friend to Bellamy that I didn't think about how badly I was hurting you. I'm a coward, Clarke.”  
All the anger in his body is gone and he sinks down and cries.  
Clarke sink down across him and she starts to cry.  


After a while, their sobs die down and Clarke crawls over to him.  
“John.”  
He looks up at her and she cups his face and they look at each other.  
He closes his eyes and bends his head down and presses a kiss to her shoulder and rests his head there.  
“I’m sorry Clarke. I’m so sorry.”  
He wraps his arms around her waist tightly like she's his favorite teddy bear and he can't bear to let her go and she wraps her arms around his neck, her hands running through his hair.  


Eventually, she lets go of him and shakily stands up and he looks up at her and she holds out her hands and he stands up.  
He looks lost and Clarke tugs him onto the bed. She puts the cookies on the table and the other can of hard lemonade next to it and then she lays down to face him.  
“I’m tired.”  
Murphy lays downs next to her and it's like they are sixteen again, having a sleepover under Abby’s nose.  
Her eyes drift closer and Murphy follows soon after, his arm wrapped around her waist, his head on her chest, holding her like she’s his teddybear.

* * *

Gina and Shaw head up after the bar is closed to check up on Clarke.  
Gina lets out a cry of alarm when she sees the empty cans on the floor and the lump in Clarke’s bed.  
Shaw steers her away.  
“We can talk to her tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Sorry that it's been a while!  
I had a really rough week and needed to take some time off. But I'm back better than ever. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has subscribed, gave kudos, shared, commented, or messaged me about it. It means the world to me.


	14. I Don’t Want To See You With Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Sunday Brunch!

  
_ Text on 'read', and it ain't no accident  
Boy, I ain't gon' ask again now you got me in my head  
Waiting by the phone at night, that's shit that I don't do  
And I just can't explain what's happening  
Sending all these messages alone at night, on Patron at night  
In the morning different story ain't that right  
I don't know why you play these games  
Come on now say what you wanna say  
Careful when you play these games  
You might find out the hard way that  
Two can play  
Games- Demi Lovato _  


* * *

Echo hasn't see Bellamy in a week, since the Sunday when they came back.  
Every text she sent him has been brushed off and his voice mail is still full, so she can’t even leave him a message. From what Raven told her, Bellamy had been trying to reach Clarke, who has once again dropped off the face of the planet.  
She had driven to Clarke’s gallery during her lunch to see Bellamy sitting in his car head bent over the wheel. She got off work early that day and drive back to see Bellamy driving out of the parking lot.  
Echo was losing her boyfriend and she had no idea how to stop it.  
Her plan for getting Clarke away from Bellamy had backed fire because Bellamy was doing everything he could to see her. The cabin trip succeeded in driving a wedge in the already large gap between Bellamy and Clarke but it also made cracks appear in her own relationship with Bellamy.  
So she did was any girl would do.

She calls her step-sister and explains what was going on.  
Lucky for her she picks up on the first ring.  
“Hello, darling. Can this wait?”  
Echo can hear the sound of movement and she can hear a muffled groan and she rolls her eyes.  
“Did you seriously pick up your phone during sex?”  
“Well, it's not like I'm getting a work out. I can multitask.”  
“Your poor victim.”  
“He’s lucky to have a chance with me. So what do you need.”  
Echo gives her a brief rundown and her step-sister snorts.  
“It’s about time someone puts that bottle blonde bitch in her place. She thinks she's better than anyone. And congrats on landing Blake, he’s such a stud. Man, I wish I had sunk my claws into him.”  
“Back off. He’s mine!”  
Her step-sister snorts.  
“Just need to seal the deal.”  
After the thirty-minute phone call, Echo hangs up and grins.  
She is playing to win.  
The game is not over yet.  
Not by a long shot.

Echo takes great care to look the best for brunch that Sunday.  
It would be the first Sunday that everyone will be together since what had happened. Murphy, Raven, and Emori were supposed to host but they had traded with Miller since Octavia refused to head over there after she and Raven got into a screaming match at Grounders on Thursday and she had refused to let any one of them anywhere near her house.  
No one was sure whether or not Clark would be coming or if brunch rules applied. But after all that had happened, no one was taking that risk.  
But still, Echo wanted to look her best in case the blonde decided to come.  
She blow-dries her hair, squeezes into her tightest jeans and slides on black heeled boots. She throws on a lacy bra under a crop top and throws on one of Bellamy's flannels over it. She paints her nails red and matches her lipstick to it. Then she goes through her jewelry box and after a bit of searching she finds what she's looking for.  
A diamond ring.  
It’s pretty, a lot less shiny that she would have liked but the diamond is enough to get her message across.  
It had been her mothers, but Clarke didn't need to know that.  
She slid on two more rings on her fingers, so the others wouldn’t notice. She only need Clarke to see and notice the ring, the other wouldn’t see anything amiss.  


She calls Bellamy and asks if he wasn't to go together but she gets no response. When she gets to his apartment, he's not there so she makes her way to Jackosn’s alone.  
When she knocks Miller stand up and for a second she thinks he’s going to kick her out but then he shakes his head muttering about a shit show and leaves the room.  
Raven shoots her a smile and Echo feels herself relax.  
Octavas is not here yet, so that’s a bonus.  
She makes her way to the seat next to Bellamy and reaches for his hand and turns her body to talk to Raven. Emori joins in on their conversation, a hand on her girlfriend's leg. Jackson and Miller are in the kitchen when the door opens and Octavia comes in.  
She takes on look at her.  
“You.”  
She lunges for Echo and she stands up quickly ready to defend herself but Bellamy stand up automatically and steps in front of her and Miller bursts in and he drags her out of the room.  
Jasper shakes his head. He was really glad that he had spoken to Octavia but going back to therapy. If Echo kept being a part of their lives, she was going to need to find ways to deal with her anger.  
He glares at her and Bellamy.  
“You should be glad that Miller and Jackson offered to host brunch today. You wouldn't have been allowed within 500 feet of our home.”  
It's not clear who the question is directed to but Bellamy's shoulder slump.  
Jasper is easy-going, the fact that he is angry says a lot. Brunch is supposed to be about family and a time to forget about worries and put aside any drama. Clearly, today that won't be the case.  
“Jasper.”  
The skinny boy shakes his head.  
“I’m not the one who you owe an apology to. Also if you could stop coming to _her _ defense that would be great.”  


The tension in the room is thick and visible.  
Everything is done, the food is cooked, the places, everyone's stomachs are rumbling and everyone but Murphy and Clarke are there.  
They are waiting for them.  
Echo feels like there is a bomb waiting to explode and Echo wonders when Octavia will set it off.  
She squeezes Bellamy's hand and he gave her a nervous smile, but his eyes flicker back to the door right away.  
He hasn't stopped looking there since Octavia had slid into her boyfriend's lap and had muttered.  
“Clarke’s coming.”  
Bellamy had tensed as Echo could help but smile, as she realized that all her primping had not been for nothing.  
A smile that Harper notices and puzzles over as Monty spoke to Jasper. She makes a mental note of it but doesn't say a word. No need to stroke the fire.

At least not today.  
Emori moves her leg up and down until Raven puts her hand on it to steady it. Emori instead interlock the fingers as they wait for Murphy and Clarke. Things had been tense at their home since Murphy had spent the night at Clarke's and since Raven's fight with Octavia. Emori was hoping that her two partners would not start or get into anything arguments today.  
Jackson hovers until Miller pushes him down next to him, he kisses his boyfriend's hands. Jackson likes peace and all the fighting makes him anxious. He had restocked the first aid kit just in case of anything.  
Harper and Monty are sitting on the floor. They try to make conversation but getting people to talk is like pulling teeth. Jasper talking to Monty while he presses kisses to Octavia’s hands every few minutes, trying to keep her calm. Echo isn’t too sure where Octavia and Clarke stand but based on the death glares the younger Blake is sending her every few seconds it is clear Octavia will pick Clarke over every time.

* * *

Murphy waits outside of Shaw’s bar for ten minutes before he goes in.  
He knows Clarke has been dreading this.  
He had to nearly beg her to come.

_Murphy had woken up with his nose pressed to her chest and to Clarke's hand running through his hair.  
He hummed and Clarke giggled.  
He scooted up so he can look at her.  
“Morning.”  
He said it quietly, not wanting to break whatever was going on between them.  
His throat was dry and his eyes hurt and he remembered crying last night but just because they cried doesn't mean things were okay.  
“Morning Murph. No good morning kiss?”  
She teases him and with that, he knows they are okay.  
He smirked and then his fingers went to her sides and she started to laugh as he climbed over her, tickling her.  
Then he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead and then he dropped his body over her. Clarke squirmed, trying to push him off her, laughing as she did.  
“Ugh, get off me, you are so heavy.”  
He shook his head and nuzzled her neck.  
“Think I'm going back to sleep.”  
“Murphy…”  
He rolled off her and turned to look at her.  
“Are we okay?”  
His eyes were wide, a hint of fear and doubt in them and Clarke reached for his hand, interlocking their fingers, reassuring him that they were okay.  
They laid down like that before Murphy stills as he hears the sound of people moving.  
_

_ “Ummm, whose apartment is this?”  
Clarke blinked at him.  
“Did you seriously break into the home of someone you don't know just to see me?”  
Murphy nodded. "I saw you go in and I figured if I got caught I could claim I was drunk and thought you looked like my ex."  
Clarke laughed until she cried and Murphy can't help but join in.  
“I love you, John Murphy.”  
He licked his lips. He wasn't the type to use his words. He was more about showing his love through actions- cooking, shoveling snow, getting Raven a pillow for her leg, offering to braid Emori's hair, letting Octavia practice her makeup skills on him when they were younger.  
But he knew that after everything that had happened, Clarke probably needed to hear the words, she needed the reassurance. “I love you, Clarke Griffin.”  
She blinks back happy tears.  
_

_ “So the house?”  
“Belongs to Gina Martin and her boyfriend.”  
“Gina Martin? As in Bellamy’s ex?”  
“Small world. Found out she was dating my bartender. Anyway, she and Shaw offered to let me stay here until I figure out what to do next. I didn't want to stay with O and Jasper because well he’s her brother.”  
Murphy sighed.  
“Two things. Will I be in danger if I leave the room? And you have been cheating on me and Bellamy with another bartender.”  
Clarke pretended to shove him off the bed.  
“Who knows. I know she’s upset. And, it's like I could have talked to you or Bellamy about what was bothering me. ”  
"Well, you could have. But I get it. Now, should we go outside."  
He placed his hands on her shoulders, steering her towards the door.  
She raised an eyebrow.  
“Are you seriously using me as a human shield?”  
She’s amused and Murphy grinned into her hair as they shuffled out of the room.  
_

_ Gina and Shaw were making breakfast.  
Gina’s curls were a mess around her shoulder and she was dressed in a simple t-shirt. Shaw was in just pajama pants and his back is to them, arms around Gina as they flipped pancakes.  
They look domestic and Clarke feels a pang in her stomach.  
The scene is familiar, the soft music, the simple domesticity.  
Is this what she and Bellamy looks like when they make brunch?  
_

_ Murphy cleared his throat and they spin around, spatula in Gina’s hand.  
Her eyes narrow when she sees him.  
“John Murphy.”  
“Gina, looking as lovely as ever.”  
She pointed the spatula at him.  
“Do not think you can sweet-talk your way out of this! I ought to kick you out after what you did.”  
“Gina! We-- we are good. Murphy and I talked things out.”  
Clarke and Gina looked at each other and after a minute Gina sighed and gestured to the table.  
“Sit, I guess we should feed you.”  
Murphy ducked into the room to pick up the last few cookies and he handed them to Gina.  
“Peace offering?”  
She dropped the bag on the counter and spun back around to the kitchen while Shaw shook his head and held out a hand. "Miles Shaw."  
_

_ Gina and Shaw leave after eating and Clarke and Murphy stand at the sink washing and drying the dishes.  
Clarke can tell that Murphy has something on his mind and she has a pretty good idea what it is but she rather put that conversation off for a while.  
If she and Murphy can avoid having that talk she can die happy.  
_

_ But Murphy had other plans.  
“Do you think you will forgive him?”  
The dish slips out of her hands but Murphy was expecting it, and had caught it.  
“Clarke?”  
“You and I both know I will always forgive him.”  
“And that the problem isn't it? You have to forgive each other for a lot of other things but they different, this hurts you. More than your other relationships have hurt you because its Bellamy.”  
_

_ Clarke placed her hand on the counter and closed her eyes.  
“John. I’m in love with him.”  
He’s quiet, really quiet.  
“I know. I know, Clarke.”  
He touched her shoulder and that's all it takes for Clarke breaks down, sobs coming out. Murph sons her around and he hugs her tightly as they crumple to the ground.  
“I love him, Murphy.”  
He rubs her back.  
This is the first time he has ever heard her say it out loud.  
_

_ They look at each other.  
“So what now?”  
Clarke shrugged and twirled a strand of hair.  
“So I forgive, move back, and learn how to be happy around him and Echo.”  
“Always so selfless.”  
“I tried to be selfish- and now everyone hates me.”  
“No one hates you, everyone is just worried, you just disappeared without a word. Do you know how scary it was not knowing when you were, at least when Octavia took off, she was in contact with you. But no one knew where you were. You turned off your phone, don't even answer your emails. Bellamy was a mess. We all were.”  
Clarke sighs.  
“I just needed space.”  
“Next time you need space, mind telling us first?”  
“I’m not going anywhere.”  
“Good, life tends to fall apart without you Clarke.”  
Clarke nudges his shoulder with a giggle and he nudges her back.  
_

_ After a few minutes of silence, Murphy lets out a deep breath.  
“Please don't get mad or hit me but you should come to brunch on Sunday.”  
Clarke pulls her knees up.  
“I can’t.”  
“Yes, you can. You are stronger than you think.”  
“I can't Murphy. If-if I go, I have to sit there in the same room as her, knowing that Bellamy chose her and he will always choose her. I love him Murphy but I'm not ready to sit there and watch them. I don't want to see him with her and maybe that makes me weak but I think I've been strong way too long. Do you remember what it's like to want someone so bad, so bad that it hurts?”  
_

_ Murphy's mind flashed to Raven. When he and Emori had gotten back together, it didn't mean he stopped having feelings for Raven, what they had was more than just friends with benefits. He loved Emori but he and Raven had something and he had felt bad for still liking Raven while being with Emori.  
_

_ “I remember. But Clarke, if you don't go, if you don't go with your head up high, you will regret it. You don't go, then Echo wins. Are you really going to let her win?”  
“It's not about her winning. It's about me not being ready to see them. It's not easy being near him. When I'm near him I just want to step into his side because that's my spot, I want him to hug me, play with my hair. I want him to pull the blanket over us and make me laugh during whatever movie we are watching. I want him to call me princess with a smile. I want to lay on the sofa with him sketching as he types on his laptop.”  
She taps her fingers on her legs.  
“I have to remind myself that its a bad idea. That its bad idea to cuddle with Bellamy on the couch. That he has a girlfriend. That there is this line that I can't and shouldn't cross.”  
_

_ “What makes Echo different from all the other relationship you two have had? You two never had an issue with being affectionate while being in other relationships”  
“Echo- she’s everywhere. She's in my kitchen eating my food. She’s holding his hand during brunch. She’s just there in a way that Gina wasn't. In a way that Finn or Lexa weren't around. And Bellamy, he made it clear that he didn't like Finn or Lexa but what do I say? Hey, I hate you your girlfriend? I mean Finn was an ass and Lexa could be a bit controlling but Echo? Saying she's a bitch doesn't really count as a good excuse.”  
She doesn't want to tell Murphy about the confrontation she and Echo had.  
“I don't know if he would believe me.”  
“You are an idiot you know.”  
Murphy stand up and Clarke looks up at him.  
“What?”  
”You are an idiot if you think he would ever pick someone over you. Remember when O disappeared? If it was me or Miller who knew where she was and had kept quiet he would have kicked us out of his life so fast our heads would spin, but it was you, Clarke. You are the only person that Bellamy will choose above all others.”  
“You honestly think he would pick me over Echo? He chose her over me just a few days ago! ”  
_

_ Clarke said as she stood up and jabbed her fingers at Murphy and the taller boy grabbed her hands.  
“That was a one-time thing. He will always choose you. He has done it before.”  
Clarke pulled away from Murphy.  
_ when had Bellamy _  
She shook her head. It didn't matter.  
“Come to brunch. Tak to Bellamy. Don't let her win.”  
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and she nodded, giving in.  
“On one condition, the second I say I want to leave, you let me leave.”  
“Deal.”  
He held out his pinky and Clarke laughed as she holds out hers.  
_

“Murphy.”  
Gina looks him up and down cooly. The woman's hair is a mess and she dressed in nothing more than Shaw’s shirt, the man is shirtless on the couch and it's obvious as to what they were doing.  
“Gina.”  
“She’s in her room.”  
She jerks her head and Murphy escapes to Clarke's room quickly and Gina falls back onto the couch, her hands already reaching for Shaw.  


Clarke is standing in her bra, clothes on the bed.  
She's dressed in jeans and fuzzy socks cover her feet, her hair is in a messy fishtail braid.  
Murphy grabs a shirt from the bed.  
“‘How about this one?”  
It’s a flimsy crop top that Clarke has worn to the bar on several occasions. Bellamy had trouble keep his eyes off her whenever she wears.  
Clarke turns around to scowl at him and she snatches the top.  
“Brunch is the not right place to show off.”  
“I can think of a better place to show off. Bellamy won't be able to keep his eyes off you. ”  
He winks at her and she tosses the shirt back at him.  
“He has a girlfriend.”  
“You're showing off your god given body, what's wrong with a little cleavage at brunch?”  
“Murphy.”  
He held up his hands backing off, so much for trying to help her relax.  
“Okay, okay.”  
“So no showing off..”  
Murphy scans the room and then his eyes land on something.  
“How about this?”  
It’s a dark blue sweater, more importantly, it’s Bellamy’s sweater.  
“It’s Bellamy’s.”  
“So? You are the one who doesn't want to show off and I know you. You want to be as covered up as possible because it makes you feel safe. This sweater is your safety net.”  
The words _ Bellamy makes you feel safe _ go unspoken but they linger in the air.  
She holds out a hand for the sweater.  
The second she puts it on she is engulfed by Bellamy’s scent.  
She takes a deep breath, she really misses him.  
She undoes her braid and puts on some light pink lipstick.  
“Ready?”  
Murphy nods and he is about to open the door when Clarke shakes her head, holding out a hand.  


“Gina! Shaw! We are leaving!”  
They hear thumping and some rustling and when they exit the room, Shaw has a pillow on his lap and Gina has a hickey that is partly visible on the top of her left breast.  
Clarke waves goodbye.  
They are already late to brunch but Murphy takes the scenic route anyway, which helps Clarke calm her racing heart down.  
She can do this.  
She hopes.  


* * *

_I just don't wanna meet her  
Are you gonna keep her  
Cause I don't wanna see you with her  
I don't wanna see her face  
Resting in your embrace  
Her feet standing in my place  
I don't wanna see you moved on  
I don't think that I'm that strong  
\- I Don’t Want to See You With Her- Maria Mena _

* * *

Clarke and Murphy arrive half an hour late to brunch. It’s already noon and Echo is annoyed that they had to wait.  
When they arrive, Bellamy sits up straight and tenses as Murphy enters first.  
“Is there any bacon?”  
“We were waiting for you.”  
Miller responds and Murphy nods but everyone else's eyes are on Clarke.  
She is hiding half behind Murphy as she kicks off her boots revealing fuzzy socks with tiny dolphins on them.  
She lines her shoes up on the mat, automatically putting them in her spot by Bellamy's.  


Echo looks at Clarke critically, picking her apart.  
Clarke, Echo notes, clearly went for comfort over trying look nice. Blue jean and oversized blue sweater, her nail polish is chipped and she is paler than normal.  
Echo can tell that Bellamy wants nothing more than to go up to Clarke and hug her. His leg is jiggling and he grabs her hand so tightly, that her ring digs into her skin.  
Clarke looks up and Echo sees the hurt in her eyes when she looks at Bellamy and Echo squeezes his hands again and she sees Clarke's eyes zoom into onto her hand, Echo grins when she sees that Clarke notices the ring on her finger. Clarke's eyes flash with hurt and heartbreak but she shakes her hair out, trying to avoid Bellamy's gaze.  
She turns to Miller.  
“Is there any hot chocolate?”  
“Bellamy brought some.”  
Clarke swallows the lump in her throat and Murphy places a hand on her shoulder.  
“Well, don't know about you but I'm starving.”  


* * *

The tension in the room in suffocating and Miller exchanges a look with Octavia as they gather around the table. Clarke is sitting between Octavia and Murphy while Bellamy is on the other side of the table, looking at her.  


When Bellamy saw her in his sweater heart had skipped a beat. You would think that as best friends and as roommates, he would have gotten use to seeing her in his clothes but his heart could never fail to start racing whenever she wore something of his.  
He wanted to hug her, to talk to her. He had even opened his mouth only to close it.  
But he didn't want an audience.  
What they had to talk about was something better said with no witnesses.  
But he can't stop looking at her. She's wearing his sweater, wearing the fuzzy socks they got each other when they had gone to the Hamptons and he had seen some dolphins. He had fallen head over heels for the animals and she had brought him a stuffed dolphin (that usually ended up in her arms during horror movies or during a sad scene in a tv show). 

Miller and Jackson exchange look.  
Their table was a battlefield.  
One of them will explode sooner or later, the question is when or who.  
Would it be Raven?  
Echo?  
Octavia?  
Bellamy?  
Clarke?  
Or one of the less likely candidates? Jasper, Monty?  


Unlike previous brunches, the conversation is stiff. Jasper and Monty try to keep the mood up, talking about a movie they were hoping to see in a few weeks and when that failed Harper brought up that she had signed up for another aerial class and was wondering if anyone wanted to join her. Octavia's eyes light up and she had joined in the conversation eagerly, asking questions.  
Clarke had no doubt that her friend would force her to attend a class, the chances of it being the same class as Harper was slim as Octavia was still upset about everything but Jasper was slowly helping get Harper and Monty out of the doghouse with her.  


Once brunch is over, no one makes a move to leave.  
So Miller suggests they watch a movie.  
They argue over what movie to see, but the absence of Bellamy and Clarke's voice is noticeable.  
If this was a normal movie night, they would have been arguing over movies or teaming up to make everyone watch a serial killer documentary. They would have been curled up together in the corner of the sofa or in the giant armchair.  


They eventually settle on a romantic comedy and Echo leans back against Bellamy's arm, his hand playing with her hair absentmindedly.  
It's instinctual, but it doesn't bring him peace of mind like it normally does. (But then again, he normally plays with Clarke's hair.)  
Clarke sits next to Octavia who is in Jasper's lap and Murphy who has a hand on her ankle as Clarke had sat with her knees up, arms holding them together. She seemed to be hiding but Echo noticed that Clarke kept looking at them from the corner of her eye.  
It made her smile and she took care to move her left arm to stretch across her body or to use it to reach for something, flashing Clarke her ring.  
A small, subtle reminder that Bellamy is hers and not Clarke's.  


The movie is boring, one they had all seen before, and had only picked because the tension had been getting to people. So no one was really paying much attention to it.  
Raven's playing with Emori’s hair, shooting glances at Murphy, Jackson is taking a nap on Miller's shoulder as he had a shift tomorrow, both squeezed into the armchair. Monty and Harper were talking to Jasper whose excitement during the conversation made Octavia bounce in his lap as he jigged his leg. She doesn't seem to mind, giving him a fond smile. Murphy is whispering to Clarke, keeping an eye on Bellamy who keeps looking at Clarke whenever Clarke isn't looking at him. Echo makes sure to kiss Bellamy's jaw every fifteen minutes when she knows Clarke is looking.  
But after the third kiss, Bellamy had enough.  
“Wil you stop please.”  
Echo feels a flash of anger but she sighs. Instead, she wraps his arm around her chest, holding her to him and uses her left hand to hold him place, the ring in Clarke's eyesight as she pretends to wash the movie while watching Clarke watch them.  


Raven can feel the tension in the room and while she understands why everyone is disappointed, she doesn't understand why or how it had reached that point.  
Missing the show was wrong and an honest mistake but Clarke had deliberately skipped out on them for six whole months.  
Raven’s eyes narrow as she watches her boyfriend make Clarke smile.  
It's all innocent but it still bothers her.  
Murphy had not come home one night and even though Emori had reassured her that he was fine, it made her uncomfortable in a way it had never done before knowing he was with Clarke.  
Logically she knows that Emori and Murphy would never cheat on her, that Clarke wouldn't do that to her.  
But the little voice in her head wouldn't shut up,  
_Finn was family and he cheated on you, you have known him your whole life, what's stopping John, someone you have known for five years, someone who had chosen another girl from doing the same? _  
A part of her wonders if the issue has more to do with Finn cheating in her and getting married and less with the problems she had been having with Murphy ever since Clarke had come back Clarke.  
They always choose her.  


Raven is a genius, she can take anything apart and put it back together. She can fix a car and have it run like new.  
But even geniuses can be stupid.  
No one is watching the movie and no one seems to be willing to be the first to leave. everyone is waiting for something to happen, for the fallout of what happened to occur. Everyone is waiting for either Bellamy or Clarke to make the first move but Raven knows if she doesn't say anything no one else would.  


"I saw that Wells was at the show. How is he?"  
It's a safe question, nothing that will start a fight.  
Or so Raven hopes.  
Silence spread across the room. No one thought that Raven, of all people, would have been the one to start things off.  
Clarke lets out a laugh- loud and fake and bitter.  
"He's fine. Doing good, really good. Luna is pregnant. He and Ron couldn't be happier ."  
Raven smiles despite Clarke's tone, she knows how much having a child means to the trio.  
"Wow, that's amazing, I'll have to give them all my congrats the next time I see them."  


Murphy winces.  
Sometimes his girlfriend didn't think.  
He loved how blunt she would be but at times like this, it made him wince.  
"Well, you could have given them your congrats when they drove up for the show. Not sure when they are planning on making another six-hour trip. It is not easy to do when you have someone on your bladder."  
Clarke's voice is cold and sugary sweet. Her finger dig into her skin and Octavia reached for her hand and squeezes it.  
Raven flinches as if she has been slapped. She opens her mouth to argue but Emori shakes her head, pleadingly. "Please, leave it be."  
Raven wants to stand up and yell but Emori's pleading voice makes her reconsider. 

* * *

Bellamy is conflicted, has so much to say to her but no idea where to start.  
He knows they need to talk, they have reached a point where they had to stop sweeping things under the rug. But things were so fragile and he wasn't sure if they could survive the talk they had been putting off for the past few months and leave with their friendship intact.  
Hurting her had hurt him.  
The entire week, it had felt like a part of him was missing, there was a hole in his heart, and ache in his body.  
But being in the same room, it's like he can breathe again.  
He hasn't been able to stop looking at her, memorizing the way her blonde curls fall around her shoulders and down her back or how short she is, the perfect height for tight hugs. He wants to wrap his arms around her and never let go. He wants to run his hand under his sweater and pull her into his lap. He wants her in his arms, in his home, in their home.  
He misses her,  
He missed his best friend.  
How did they get here?  
How did they get to this point?

He has so much to say and he doesn't know where to begin. Clarke turns to Murphy.  
"I'm ready to go."  
Bellamy feels a wave of panic.  
She can't leave. They haven't talked yet. He still doesn't know what to say. He can't let her leave.  


"Clarke."  
Bellamy's voice cracks at the end of her name and Clarke closes her eyes and Octavia has to blink back tears, the pain in her brother’s voice heartbreaking.  
“Can we talk?”  
“I don’t think there is anything to say right now.”  
“Please.”  
“I can’t Bellamy.”  
“Then will you just listen to me, please.”  
Clarke has her eyes closed, her fingers clenching the hem of her sweater.  
Bellamy doesn't want to do this in front of people but Clarke isn't moving and he can't let her leave, not without saying something to her. 

"Princess it was an accident. I got the dates mixed up. I must have out the written the wrong date in the calendar or something, I would never miss your show, you know that, you know me .”  
It’s the wrong thing to say and the second the words are out of his mouth, he wants to take them back. It's not an apology he's giving but an excuse.  


She whips her head around, blue eyes dark, a spark of fire in her that the others haven't seen.  
"How did you get the dates mixed up? I have been talking about the art show for a month Bellamy! A damm month. It's on my social media and you were the one taking care of me making sure I didn't kill myself over this art show. So tell me how on earth did you possibly forget? Hell, I even picked the date especially for you. Cause I wanted you there and know how stressed out you get with midterms and I figured it would be a fun way to finish off your spring break. And for someone apparently busy with midterms, you weren't exactly around the apartment."  
"How would you know? It's not like you are there either."  
"Because you and your girlfriend are always there!"  


Bellamy isn't sure what to say. Yeah, they were around the house together but only because Echo always came over and he was hoping that the two girls would eventually become friendly with each other.  
But that had nothing to do with the fact that he had missed the show. "This show was really important to me and you weren't there."  
Bellamy feels a stab of anger.   
She was this upset because he missed her art show? Well he was upset she missed six month of his life.  


"And I said I was sorry, how many more times do you want me to apologize. I got the dates mixed up, it was a mistake. You know that I'm not on any social media when midterms and finals are around/ I'm sorry. How many more times do you want me to say that? I'll keep apologizing if it helps but I don't know why you are making such a big deal about this. I can't change the past.”  
It's the wrong thing to say and he knows it.   
But he's itching for a fight.   
And as her best friend, he knows exactly what buttons to push and what strings to pull and Clarke knows what levers to pull to get him going.  
By now, both of them are on their feet glaring at each other.   
Everyone is silent.  
Frozen in half horror, half suspense.  
"It'a big deal because this art show was important and I needed you there. And you didn't come, you broke your promise. Everyone getting asking about you- Monroe, Ginna. Lexa, my mother. I stood there and talked about the people who inspired me and you weren't there."  
Bellamy feels a stab of worry and guilt about hearing that Abby had gone but it is brief and overshadowed by anger.  
"I messed up! Can't you forgive me? I forgave you for running away. I forgive you for just taking off without a word, a note, or even a goodbye. I missed your show, you disappeared for six months! Six months Clarke! Don't you know how much that hurt me? You promised. You promised me that you wouldn’t do what O did to me. But you did. You left me. The Clarke I know doesn't run away. “  


Everyone is frozen. It’s like watching a car crash.  
Echo knows she should say something, do something, anything to keep Clarke form saying the one thing that could make her lose Bellamy  
She is frozen and powerless.  


"You left Clarke. You left without a goddam word."  
Bellamy runs a hand through his curls and removes his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
His shoulder slump, the fight in him gone.   
Clarke's voice is soft.  
"I had to Bellamy. I had to."  
Bellamy shakes his head.  
"Why? Why did you leave? I'm your best friend Clarke? What was going on that you couldn't' tell me?  
His voice breaks and he looks at her and he takes two steps towards her.  
Clarke's arms are wrapped around her like she's holding herself together. She shakes her head. She steps back until she is against the wall.  


"Clarke."  
His hand reaches for her arm and gently pulls her towards him. He cups her face, his fingers tracing her cheekbone, down to the mole near her lip.  
Clarke closes her eyes briefly at his touch and Echo can tell she trying not to cry  
“Why did you leave?”  
Bellamy’s voice is so soft, so gentle, and he’s touching Clarke like she's the most precious thing in the world, like he doesn’t want to break her.  
Echo has never heard Bellamy speak to _her _ in that tone.  
Clarke trembles as he looks at her, begging her for answer.  
"I fell in love."  
Bellamy releases her and steps back dropping his hand from her jaw, a bitter laugh escaping from his mouth.  
"Are you kidding me? You left because you fell in love?"  


He doesn't let Clarke say anything else and walks away from her, a hand in his curls and Echo closes her eyes, hoping that Clarke doesn't say it.  
She wants to say something, but Echo's mouth is frozen shut.  
The only two people who exist are Bellamy and Clarke.  
If Clarke says it, it will change everything.  
The room is silent, everyone is frozen, watching the two duke it out. It's been a long time since the mom and dad of the group had a major fight in front of everyone.  
Tension fills the room and Echo watches Clarke's shoulder slump and her heart sinks.  


"I fell in love with you."

Bellamy stills.  
Octavia raises a hand to her mouth, Jasper squeezes her other hand. Emori sinks back into the couch and Raven reaches for her girlfriend's hand, her heart pounding.  
"Fuck, she actually said it," Murphy mutters to himself but Octavia hears it anyway.  


“I fell in love with _you _, Bellamy Blake.”  


Her voice is firm, chin jutted out, arms wrapped around herself like she is trying to hold herself together.  
"I woke up one morning and found you making chocolate chip pancakes and you smiled at me and say "Morning Princess" and it hit me then that I-, this what I feel for you, it wasn’t some stupid crush. I was _ I am_ in love with you. And that I wanted this every day, I wanted to wake up every day and find you making me breakfast, I wanted to wear your shirts and not wearing about having anything under them and sit on the counter and talk as you cook. I want to curl up on the couch with you every night as you rant about the inaccuracies in the history movies we see. I want to stand there when you cross that stage and get the degrees you are working your ass off to get and say that's _my _ boyfriend. I want to draw you as you grade kid's papers mumbling how they are going to fail or how they don't understand the importance of Greek and Roman history and kiss you to make you shut up. I want to drink wine from the bottle with you at two am when we are binge-watching Criminal Minds and take kiss you every time Derek calls Penelope baby girl. I want to have kids with you. I want the white picket fence, growing old together life with you, I want to have kids with your dark curls and my blue eyes and adopt a few dogs an cats which we name after Greek and Roman myths or famous painters. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to kiss you good morning and good night and know what it is like to fall asleep in your arms and bed and wake up in them and have you fuck me until I scream. I fell in love with you Bellamy Blake or maybe I always loved you and didn't realize it till then. “  


Her voice trembles.  
“But you don't do serious, how many times have I heard you say that. How many times in the past have I heard you stumble home with some girl, to find her in the kitchen the next morning drinking coffee from my mug and seeing you kiss her goodbye, offering to call her again but you don't. I couldn't be that, I couldn't be just a girl you fucked, I couldn't just be a one night stand. I wanted all or nothing. And I told you how I felt, I almost kissed you and you pushed me away. I waited for you to say something, anything, that would tell me that _you_ felt something for me, but you never did and ...And it broke me. "  
Tears are coming down faster, mascara leaving streaks down her face, nose red, and her body is trembling.  
Bellamy looks like he has been hit with a truck.  


Echo feels frozen- she's not sure what to do. She is angry at the fact that Clarke actually confessed to Bellamy.  
That she couldn't stop it.  
That the blonde actually had the nerve to tell Bellamy how she felt after their little talk at the art gallery.  
Echo's hands form into fists.  
She will not lose Bellamy, not to some rich blonde princess who had never taken the chance.  
She had missed out on her chance, Echo was not giving Bellamy up without a fight.  


Clarke takes a deep breath and her tears slow down and Bellamy stares at her, his breathing ragged. He wants to move to her but he feels like his legs are rooted to the ground.  
He is stunned by the depth of her confession.  
Everything she is saying to him are all things he has thought about her, about a future with her, a future he never thought she would see.  
But she had.  
"I left thinking that I come back up and not be in love with you anymore. But I couldn't do it. Couldn't watch you and Echo fall in love and pretending to be happy became harder as days passed. I couldn't see you with her when I wished it was me instead. I love you Bellamy and I don't know how not to. You are it for me Bell. You are it. Believe me, I tried, I tried to move on. But you are it. "  


Echo can feel the collective intake of breath that comes everyone does.  
Bellamy hasn't said a word, too stunned to move or even open his mouth. His mind is racing, how can he even begin to respond to her confession.  
He wants to sweep her up in his arms and kiss her. Tell her that he's in love with her.  
But he has a girlfriend.  
And after all, he has done, how can she still possibly love him.  


Echo watches Clarke’s face fall as Bellamy doesn't say anything.  
Clarke runs a hand through her hair.  
" And I'm sorry, I know it's not right to tell you because you are in a serious relationship but you asked and I can't stand the idea of you hating me.”  
Bellamy still doesn't say anything, his eyes just looking at Clarke and Echo isn't sure what to think. He looks at her like he can't believe what she is saying, like she's a dream.  
Clarke tilts her head, blinking back tears.  
Her voice is quiet.  
“I’m starting to think that coming back was a mistake. "  
The door clicks behind her as she leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!
> 
> Sorry that this took so long. I had a lot of rewriting to do and I got frustrated which ended up in me cranking out a couple of other fics but I'm back and hopefully, if all goes well, I can actually get back to a semi-normal update schedule.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	15. I'll Find My Way Back To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Bellamy does a lot of thinking as his world shifts under his feet.  
-Raven tells a little lie

_  
It's been a long day and I'm trying to figure it out  
The way those words left your mouth  
I feel broken, shattered and blue  
And it's all because of you  
And I'm trying, trying to figure it out  
-If This Is Love By Ruth B.  
_

* * *

_Thirty. _  
Thirty seconds.  
That's how long it takes for Bellamy to react.  
That's how long it takes for him to move his feet.  
He shakes his head and then he is scrambling for his shoes.  
“Clarke!”  
He pounded down the stairs. There was a chance that Clarke would take the elevator but he decides to take the stairs as Jackson and Miller lived on the fifth floor, it would be faster than waiting.  
“Sorry Mrs. Walter.”  
He calls out as he nearly ran over the little old lady who lived two floors down from Miller and Jackson.  
He hurries past an arguing couple and two kids.  
He smiles as he holds the door for Ms. Spencer who is carrying an arm full of groceries.  
Then he is out.  
He scans the sidewalk, looking searching for her.  
His mind is whirling and all he could think about was her confession.

_I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want the white picket fence. You are it for me Bell, you are it. _

* * *

He could hardly believe it.  
He had been in love with Clarke since she was sixteen and he was eighteen. He had always planned to tell her one day but that didn't happen.

_Bellamy smiles as Clarke comes barreling towards him. She throws her arms around her and he catches her with a small “oomph”. She drops her pom-poms to hug him tightly, burying her nose into his neck, pressing her lips to his skin.  
When she pulls away, her smile is bright, like the sun.  
“Did you see?”  
“He sure as hell did.”  
Bellamy glares at a smirking Murphy.  
“Murphy!”  
She launches herself at him just as a group of girls passed him, all with long dark hair and heavy eyeliner. They scowl when they see the cheerleader hugging Murphy.  
Murphy caught her, of course, and he puts her back on the ground and scowling.  
“Really?”  
Clarke laughed and Bellamy looked at her starstruck.  
She’s gorgeous, her long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail, curls over her shoulder, the paint on her face, blue eyes bright.  
Her eyes focus on something behind her and she beams.  
“Lexa!”  
Bellamy watches as Clarke takes off at a run to kiss a dark-haired girl.  
Bellamy stiffens and he can feel his heart shatter.  
Murphy looks at him, pity on his face.  
“Bellamy...”  
“I’m heading home. Tell Clarke... I don't make something up. I just can't not today.”  
He can't, he can't sit in front of Clarke and see her laugh with her girlfriend and pretend to be happy for her.  
He can do it tomorrow but not today.  
He heads to his car he doesn't seem the smile on Clarke’s face disappears and the way Lexa’s eyes narrow. _

That was the night that his heart broke as he realized he was in love with Clarke.  
To be fair, a part of him had always known that he loved her but that night was the night it hit him full force that she was it.  
(It was also the night that Murphy met Emori, and the first time he broke Clarke’s heart by leaving.)  
He was proud of Clarke for being brave enough to date a girl, despite what her mother would think. He was proud of Clarke for being true to herself.  
But it doesn't change the fact that his heart is broken.

The next time he saw her, he apologized for leaving early and offered to meet Lexa.  
He wanted to like her, he really did. But the truth was that he couldn’t stand Lexa.  
He wasn’t sure what it was about her that got under his skin. (It wasn’t like the way that Murphy did.)  
Lexa felt the same towards him.  
They were cordial to each other but Bellamy saw the pointed, sharp glances Lexa sent him and the way Lexa would act when he was around.  


After a while, Clarke began to sense something was wrong and she started to spend time with them separately.  
And it was fine.  
Clarke for her part she tried to split time between the equally and Bellamy tried not to feel hurt everything Clarke had to cancel plans.  
He had to learn how to share her eventually. 

Then Clarke's father died that summer and she retreated into herself, pushing everyone away.  
Bellamy tried to be there as much as he could but once the school year started it got hard. Suddenly he was in college and Clarke was a senior and it got hard to find time to spend together.  
Clarke turned to Lexa and Bellamy pretend that it didn't hurt when the few times he was free, Clarke was busy.

But when Lexa and Clarke had their big fight that resulted in a major breakup right before Clarke’s Senior prom, Bellamy hadn't even hesitated about taking her. He dropped everything - including a date with his pretty older classmate Gina- to be there.

_Clarke was the most gorgeous girl in the room. He could not take his eye off her, not since she had come down the stairs looking like a goddess in a deep purple gown.  
His heart had never pounded so fast and his fingers shook when he slipped the corsage over her wrist. Her hands trembled and when she accidentally pricked him she giggled and it was the best sound in the world.  
In that moment, with his arm around Clarke, Bellamy felt invincible.  
Bellamy ignored the looks Murphy and Emori sent him and the giggles coming from Jasper, Monty, and Octavia, who were all sitting at the table. He couldn’t take his eyes off her and he let her take as many pictures as she wanted, posing for each. This was her night, he wanted it to be special.  
She dragged him out to dance, her arms around his neck and they laughed as they watch Jasper try to avoid stepping on Octavia's toes. And at that moment, when they danced and laughed he wanted to kiss her.  
He almost did. _  


But what stopped him was the fact that Clarke had just broken up with Lexa.  
So he pressed a kiss to her forehead and wrapped an arm around her waist when they went to eat pancakes with Murphy and Emori.

* * *

That summer after she and Murphy graduated they had gone to the Hamptons. Abby wanted Clarke out of the house, Murphy was nursing a broken heart because Emori couldn't go with them on vacation.  
That summer was supposed to be the best summer. No adults, a beach house to themselves?  
They all went- him, Clarke, Murphy, Octavia, Jasper, Monty, and Wells.  
They spent the days at the beach or simply walking around. They went on long drives and for the first time, he was actually spending his summer vacation relaxing instead of constantly worrying. 

It was the summer of fun.  
The summer that changed everything.  
The summer when Octavia met Lincoln- she was 16 going on 17 and he was 19.  
The summer that Jasper bumped into a pretty girl and got her number.  
The summer that Monty had kissed a guy and realized that he wasn't as straight as he thought he was.  
The summer that Well made a move on Roan, despite the age difference.  
It was the summer that he and Clarke almost slept together.  
It was the summer that almost destroyed them. 

That night was a night he could never forget, Roan had invited them out to a party, to say goodbye to the end of the summer. It was not the first party they had gone to but it was the last one that summer.  
Roan was in a snit, his mother was off in Europe with his soon to be new stepfather and stepsister.  
This was to be Nia’s fourth husband in six years.  


When he found out that his mother was coming home with an engagement ring, he wanted to piss her off. He and invited them all out but Octavia said she was tired and Jasper had a date with Maya and Monty was going to stay home.  
So he, Wells, Murphy, and Clarke all went around 9 pm.  
_Wells disappears to play beer pong with Roan almost instantly. Clarke grabs his and Murphy's hands to get some drinks and then they find themselves playing a game of flippy cup.  
Then he and Clarke play against Roan and Wells about an hour later at beer pong while Murphy takes off to play pool.  
After Roan and Wells won, Clarke had been pouting so he let her drag him to dance floor.  
_

_ It's hot and everyone is in shorts and tank tops or like Clarke, in bikini tops.  
They are both drunk, and it is hot but she pulls him closer, her arms around his neck as she moves her hips against his. He can feel her ass against his groin, the smooth bare skin between her shorts and her bikini top under his fingertips.  
They are surrounded by other people but all Bellamy can see, all he can focus on is her.  
Before he can stop himself, he kisses her shoulders and she moans and her head falling to the side, so he kisses her neck and she thrusts her hips back. He sucks a hickey there and feeling bold, cups her breast and she’s panting.  
His fingers slip under the top part of her shorts simply feeling her hipbones and then she is pulling away and grabbing his hand.  
_

_ They stumble up the stairs, pausing so he can kiss her neck and collarbone, and she giggles.  
There seems to be an unspoken agreement not to kiss each other on the lips and he grabs her ass and grinds against her and she’s whining in his ear.  
He pulls out a key from her back pocket and she nods pressing a kiss to his jaw, her hand cupping him.  
Roan had given in to her because no one was supposed to be in any of the rooms but the key is in case any of them need a breath of air or a bed.  
Bellamy is sure that him and Clarke sleeping together wasn't why Roan gave them the key but what the older boy doesn't know won't hurt him.  
They stumbled to Roan's guest room and Bellamy keeps nuzzling her shoulder as Clarke fumbles with the key.  
When she got it opens, they both stumble in and both freeze.  
“Murphy?”  
“John!”  
_  


Bellamy shakes his head, not wanting to think about that night.  
There were two things that he would never forget that night- the way he and Clarke almost slept together and the way Clarke scream Murphy's name when they saw him in the room.  
He decides to keep walking, needing time to get his thoughts in order. He knows that when he goes back, everyone will have something to say. Echo will have questions and he can't deal with any of that right now.  


He and Clarke never spoke about what happened between them that night and when he went to college, he bumped into Gina a few months into the fall semester and she had given him another chance.  
Their almost no longer mattered, he had Gina and Clarke met Finn and they were busy dealing with a heartbroken Murphy.  
And while Clarke was busy with Finn, he found himself falling for Gina.  
She was cute and funny and smart. She liked to read and she made him smile. She was great with his friends and Clarke liked her.  


And after Christmas break, when they found about Finn and Raven, he had been there to pick up the pieces. Gina was great at the time, not making him feel guilty for canceling and trying to be there for Clarke. She instead encouraged him to invite her to their movie nights and to go out with them to the aquarium and the arcade, whenever Clarke was having a rough day.  
But what happened whenever he did that, was that he and Clarke would get wrapped up in the games or the seahorses and Gina would eventually drift away, a small smile on her face.  


Gina broke up with him after Spring Break, a sad smile on her face.  
_  
“You are in love with her.”  
Bellamy ran a hand through his hair.  
“I love you, Gina.”  
He needs her to know that his feelings were there, that he wasn't an ass, stringing her along.  
She kisses him softly.  
“I know, but you love her more. Let yourself be happy Bellamy Blake.”  
She walks away and Bellamy’s heart breaks.  
_  
Gina is the first person to call him out, but not the first to assume.  


He finds himself at an empty park and without taking a second to think, he sits down in one of the swings.  
When he had told Clarke about his break up, she had shoved him into a car.  
_Bellamy turns to look at Clarke who is singing along to the radio, her hair pulled into a bun, two colored pencils stuck in there.  
“Where are we going?”  
It’s five in th afternoon and all he wants to do is go back to bed.  
He’s tired and he has to study for an exam next week.  
But Clarke had insisted that he always had a hard time saying no to her.  
She parks on a little side road and he's immediately on guard.  
“‘Clarke.”  
She takes his hand.  
”Stop worrying.”  
She drags him around the corner and he finds himself at an empty park, it’s quiet and she pulls him towards the swings.  
She immediately starts pumping her legs and he laughs when she leans her head back and her bun falling down, her hair spilling down her shoulders.  
She’s beautiful.  
She slows down as he simply pushes himself softly.  
She doesn't ask him about Gina or say anything, she simply sits next to him on the swing.  
After an hour, they head to get some milkshakes and burgers and he thinks to himself that he loves her enough to simply keep her in his life like this- as his best friend. _

* * *

He sits down on the swing and uses his feet to push himself gently.  
She loved him. He had spent so long being in love with her that the idea that she felt the same was a lot for him to wrap his head around.  
She loved him.  
She, Clarke Griffin was in love with him, Bellamy Blake.

He stops swinging and buries his face into his hands.  
She loved him.  
He loved her.  
It should be easy.  
But them loving each other does not change the fact that they hurt each other.  
That they broke each other.  
That he has a girlfriend.  
Echo.  


Bellamy feels a stab of guilt towards his girlfriend.  
He knew taking Echo home was a mistake but with Clarke gone with no explanation, he had gone to drown his sorrows at the bar. He had no plans to go home with anyone but she made him smile and laugh and for a few hours, he could forget that his best friend had disappeared and when it was time to leave he felt sad about going back to his empty apartment.  
He doesn't want to be alone and Echo was there, interested.  
He had planned to cut her off the next morning but she walked out naked and kissed him.  
Things with Echo were easy.  
She made him forget.  
And somehow it turned into her coming to brunch because she spent the night and it was rude for him to kick her out of bed and not invite her to eat.  
And then she started coming over with Chinese food and they settled into a routine.  
Echo wasn’t supposed to be more than a one night stand.  
But every time he thought about cutting her off, all he could think about was sleeping in his empty apartment, waiting for a girl who had disappeared in the middle of the night, while he had a girl who was interested in him and the sex wasn't bad.  
His friends were no help, half worried about Clarke, half worried about him and he saw the way they looked at each other and the way the avoided saying her name. It made him want to yell and scream, to pick a fight.  


Then Clarke came back and Bellamy felt himself come alive again.  
He wanted to be angry but all he could care about was that she there, in front of him and when he hugged her he felt something settled on his chest.  
He couldn't and didn't want to stop touching her and the second she was back in his arms, everyone else ceased to exist.  
When he turned back to the table and saw Echo his heart had dropped because he forgot about her.  
He wasn't sure how to introduce Echo to Clarke.  
This is the girl I slept with because she made forget about you?  
Girlfriend didn't seem like the right word but there was nothing else to describe her- they had been sleeping together and eating take out and going out on dates for a few months.  
It was the first time he referred to Echo as such (because everyone else assumed) and the word felt heavy, wrong on his lips.  
But he couldn’t take it back.  
And every time Echo kissed him, marking her territory the way Lexa and Finn did with Clarke, he told himself to relax, not to look at Clarke.  
Clarke was best friend and Echo was his girlfriend.  
But as he watched Miller help a stumbling drunk Clarke, his heart sank.  
He told Echo to go home and then he helped carry Clarke to her room.  


_ She nuzzled his neck, arms around his neck as he entered the apartment. Her bedroom was cold, the blankets a mess, so instead he carried her to his room. He laid her down and gently took her shoes off and helped as she struggled to peel off her jeans. He was changed into his pajamas and she looked at him, a smile on her face. "Sweet dream princess." "Bellamy." She reached for him sleepily and he didn't have the willpower to say no.  
He crawled in next to her and she nuzzled his neck and he sighed into her hair.  
“Please don’t leave me again.”  
She pulled herself closer and he wrapped his arm around her tighter.  
_

After that the urge to touch Clarke, to be around her was overwhelming.  
He needs to touch her, to hug her, to press his lips to her forehead, wrap his arms around her waist, to reassure himself that she was there, that this was real. She was real.  
Clarke moved back in and it felt like everything was alright.  
Except that they don't talk about why she left.  
He wasn't sure how to ask her without telling her how broken he was after she had left.  
Without telling her how important she was, how much she meant to him, how much he loves her.  


Bellamy takes out his phone to see that it’s been almost two hours and he knows that he probably should start heading back. Judging by the texts from Echo and Octavia and a few from Murphy they are worried.  


* * *

"Whiskey ?"  
She hears Harper mutter "yes please" and she and Monty follow Jackson into the kitchen.  
Murphy bursts into laughter and all eyes turn to him.  
“What?”  
He pats his jacket.  
“She has my car keys. She’s probably long gone.”  
Octavia stands up and pulls out her phone, trying to get ahold of Clarke.  
The confession had caught her by surprise.  
She couldn't even imagine how her brother was feeling.  
She's worried about them both and feels helpless because she can't force them to talk, she can't force her brother to break up with Echo, she can't force Clarke to stay if she decides to run away again.  


Jasper is tense.  
He’s never been a big fan of fighting and Clarke and Bellamy fighting has always gotten to him, even before rehab.  
He needs to leave.  
He goes toward Octavia who hangs up her phone with a look of frustration.  
“I’m taking off. I’m going to a meeting. I need... I just need some air.”  
Octavia cups his face and presses a light kiss to his jaw and then another on the corner of his lips and then on his lips.  
He closes his eyes because times like this it reminds him how lucky he is to have her in his life.  
“Drive safely.”  
He presses a kiss to her lips, his fingers combing through her hair, needing to feel her all of sudden, needing the reassurance that she's there and that he loves her as much as she loves him.  
“I love you.”  
There’s an AA meeting at 4 pm, it’s only 2 pm but he needs to get out of the house.  


Echo’s cheeks feel hot and she’s still not quite sure what has happened.  
Clarke confessed and Bellamy ran off after her.  
The lies she told, the story she created, the house is cards she built is crumbling down.  


Raven and Emori wrap a hand around her arms and steer her to the kitchen.  
There she grabs the bottle and chugs, letting it burn the look on Bellamy's face during Clarke's confessions away. Ravn wraps an arm around her, leaning in to whisper in her ear.  
“He loves you. You make him happy. He’s just in shock. He loved her for a long time.”  
Echo wants to shake her.  
She wants to say that Raven is wrong hat Bellamy saves Clarke. Present tense.  
Not loved- past.  
He still loves Clarke.  
And she feels guilt spread all over her body because it's a lie that Raven believes. Raven believes that Bellamy loves her because that's what she told Raven. 

But the truth is, she’s the one who pushed.  
Echo could tell that Bellamy was thinking of breaking up with her, the kissing wasn't the same, he didn't touch her the same.  
And so the cabin trip had another purpose besides making sure they missed Clarke's art show.  
It was a way to make sure that Bellamy didn't break up with her.  
Because anyone who broke up with their significant other after such a large and loving gesture would be considered an ass and Bellamy Blake was not an ass.  
He wouldn't be able to break up with her after the trip with feeling completly, utterly guilty.  


* * *

Bellamy walks back to Miller’s slowly, guilt about Clarke and Echo weight down on him. Bellamy walks back to Miller’s slowly, guilt about Clarke and Echo weight down on him.  
He knew what Echo was doing everything she came over. He had seen the way she looked at Clarke, the way she was more affectionate.  
He had seen that behavior before.  
Clarke’s sophomore year, Lexa came back into the picture briefly, wanting to try again. Clarke accepted her girlfriend with open arms. It wasn't easy because Lexa was always around. Bellamy would come home to them snuggling on the couch, Lexa's hand on her thigh, nuzzling Clarke’s neck. He simply said hello and then head to his room. Lexa made Clarke happy and he figured he had no say in their relationship because at the end of the day all he wanted was for her to be happy.  
Being around them was hard and he found himself drifting away, trying to give them space. There was this distance between him and Clarke that he didn't know how to breach.  
And now, years later, he and Clarke had switched places. She was one now sure what to say and he was the one turning a blind eye.  
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  
Could he have been a worse best friend? A worse boyfriend?  


* * *

Echo curls up on Raven’s couch.  
The tension in the room was too much and nobody was saying anything so Monty and Harper left. Fifteen minutes after they left, Emori suggested that they leave too.  
Raven thought it was an excellent idea but Murphy decided to stay behind to talk to Bellamy once he came home.  
Echo didn’t want to leave, wanting to wait for Bellamy but Raven lured her away with the promise of more alcohol.  
Emori had disappeared into the shower once they got to their home, and Raven got to work making them margaritas and they played some shitty romantic comedy on yet neither were paying much attention to it.  
“Do you think it will change anything?”  
Raven bites her lip, thinking of her answer.  
She's not sure what to say.  


Bellamy and Clarke had always been inevitable.  
They had something between them that Raven had never seen them have with others. Clarke and Lexa were happy together until Lexa's plans for their future included what she wanted (Havard law and medicine, Senate) and not what Clarke wanted (art). Gina and Bellamy were happy together, Raven could see them having a long and happy future. But Clarke and Bellamy's friendship, their bond was more than their relationships. They were each other's people. Raven didn't really believe in the concept of soulmates but if she did, Bellamy and Clarke would have been the perfect examples. But then they fall apart and Echo was there to pick up the pieces and she made Bellamy happy. Clarke and Bellamy like Murphy and Emori, take one look at them and you could see that they just belonged to each other, they completed the other in a way that other partners would never be able to.  
Her and Echo on the other hand?  
They were the extra pieces, the weird dash of color on the otherwise flawless masterpiece, the ones who looked good but didn't always fit. Somedays Raven felt like and outsider in her relationship.  
If Bellamy and Echo didn't last, what's to say that she, Murphy, and Emori would?  


“No, he loves you.”  
But the words sound weird to her and Raven wonders if she trying to convince Echo or herself.

* * *

_  
I'll be by your side  
And everything we used to know  
Crashed into the great unknown  
One step closer  
We're gonna be alright  
Cause even underneath the waves  
I'll be holding on to you  
And even if you slip away  
I'll be there to fall into the dark  
To chase your heart  
No distance could ever tear us apart  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
I'll find my way back to you _

* * *

Bellamy pauses outside Miller’s apartment.  
A part of him is relieved to see that Raven’s and Jasper’s cars are gone- which means that everyone else is probably gone. He can’t imagine that Miller would let Echo or the others keep hanging out in his house, after all, that happened.  
But a part of him wishes that Echo hadn’t left.  
On his way back, he thought about his relationship with Echo.  
It was supposed to be one-night that somehow turned into something more.  
And it shouldn’t have.  
But he had found himself falling into a groove with Echo.  
She was safe in a way that Clarke wasn’t.  
He should have broken up with her sooner but every time the words were on his lips he would remind himself that he and Clarke were just friends.  
That Echo wanted him.  
And Echo proved she wanted him.  
That the almost moment at Roan’s party was a mistake, never to be talked about.  
That the night at Grounders was nothing more than a drunken thought.  
Clarke never brought it up and he couldn't stand the idea of her rejecting him.  


He should have kissed her.  
He had so many opportunities to kiss her and he didn't take a single one because nothing was more important to him than their friendship.  
And now, their friendship was on the brink of destruction.  
And it didn't matter that he loves her or that she loves him.  
Not when things between them were like this.  


But in order for him and Clarke to fix things, he had to break up with Echo.  
Their relationship was long over and he needed to stop leading her on.  
Clarke had always been his first choice and it was time that he started doing that.  
Time that he started to prove to Clarke and to everyone that Clarke was and always will be his first choice.  
And in order to do that, he needs to break up with Echo.  


His car keys are inside Miller’s house so he makes his way inside. His sister is on the couch, her feet on Miller’s lap as he and Jackson watch a movie. Murphy is asleep in the armchair.  
Octavia raises an eyebrow at him and Miller ad Jackson excuse themselves, they know better than to get in between the siblings.  
“Everyone else left. Jasper's my ride and Murphy wanted to stay... Not sure if he wants to talk to you or punch you. Plus Clarke took his car.”  
Bellamy swallows, he had been expecting her to yell.  
“Has she called you? Do- do you know where she is? Is she okay?”  


Octavia opens her mouth but her phone rings.  
She leans over to grab it.  
“Speak of the devil.”  
“Clarke?”  
She tilts her head, eyes wide, and her jaw drops.  
“Oh my god.”  
She sits up quickly, her feet making a loud thud against the hardwood floor and Miller and Jackosn come hurrying into the room as Murphy opens an eye to see what all the commotion is about.  
“Oh my god.”  
Octavia takes a shuddering breath, a hand over her heart.  
She nods her head and Bellamy watches with a sinking sensation in his stomach as Murphy straightens up and Miller reaches for Jackson's hand. Every nerve of his is tingling.  
Something is wrong.  
“We’ll here there as fast as w can.” Octavia hangs up quickly. “O?” “Octavia?” She looks at them eye wide, tears in the corner of her eyes and her hand reach for Bellamy only to fall.  
Bellamy's heart drops.  


There are some moments so dreadful, so horrible, so heartbreaking that Bellamy will never be able to forget in his lifetime:  
Clarke's piercing scream of Murphy's name the night of the party;  
The way Murphy shows up to his house on his 17 birthday with a black eye and a broken wrist and said in the smallest voice imaginable that he had nowhere else to go;  
The way Octavia fell apart when Lincoln died,  
The first phone call from the hospital that Jasper had overdosed,  
And the way his heart pound and his blood turned cold at Octavia's words, at this very moment.  


“There was an accident... Clarke…”  


Bellamy didn't even bother to let him finish her sentence.  
He scoops up his keys and runs.  
_Thirty.  
Thirty seconds.  
Thirty seconds and his entire life exploded._


	16. Knocking on Heaven's Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy drives and thinks.  
Some phone calls are made and an email is sent.  


  
_  
Ma, take this badge off of me  
I can't use it any more  
It's getting dark, too dark to see  
Feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door_

* * *

Bellamy can’t describe the emotions that go through him at Octavia’s words, there are far too many- panic, fear, worry, sheer utter heartbreak are just a few.  
He knows that he shouldn’t be driving, not when his emotions are all over the place.  
Jake Griffin had taught him that.  
_  
“I really appreciate you doing this sir.”  
Bellamy wants to smile at the man, but he’s too busy concentrating on the road in front of him, fingers clenching the steering wheel. Jake smiles at the fifteen year old.  
“It’s not a problem, son.”  
Son.  
Bellamy likes when Jake Griffin calls him that, which is weird because anyone else who says those words to him are usually met with anger.  
But Jake Griffin has always had a calming effect on him.  
He’s kind, patient, and smart.  
He’s the kind of man that Bellamy wants to be one day.  
_

_ “Make a left here.”  
Bellamy flicks on the turn signal and turns the wheel carefully.  
“Good. You are doing good son.”  
Bellamy taps his fingers on the wheel nervously.  
“What if I don’t pass?”  
“Then you try again. There is no shame in failing something. All it means is that you have a chance to do better.”  
“What if I can’t do better? What if I worse than everyone?”  
“Park here.”  
Bellamy maneuvers the car into the parking spot and Jake places a hand on his shoulder.  
“I want you to look at me son.”  
Bellamy turns to look at him.  
“The only person you should be competing with is yourself. Every morning when you wake up, ask yourself what can I do today that will make me a better person than yesterday. Somedays its as small as making your bed, other days it can be giving someone a smile. You don't pass, that's fine, you try again, you get better you do better, not for others but for yourself.”  
Bellamy nods.  
“Alright let's go. Also son, some life advice- always use the turn signal, never drive when you are upset, angry, or drunk, and always use the words I love you._  


Bellamy feels a lump in his throat.  
Never has he really wished that Jake Griffin was there.  
He really could have used the man’s advice the last few months.  
Jake had a way with words and a way of making you feel better while still being stern.  
Bellamy says a silent ‘I’m sorry” to Jake as his fingers tap the steering wheel and he urges the car to go a bit faster.  
He knows he should slow down, be safe, that him getting into an accident won't help anyone.  
But he just doesn’t care.  
He needs to get to Clarke.  
He needs to see her.  
He needs to know that she's alright.  
He needs to touch her.  
Feel her heart beating under his hand.  


All he can hear in his head in a loop are:  
_There was an accident... Clarke…  
I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want th white picket fence. You are it for me Bell, you are it.  
There was an accident... Clarke…_  


This is his fault.  
If he had kissed her at Grounder’s they wouldn’t be here.  
They would have been curled up on Miller’s couch or they would be at home in their apartment and he would have been kissing her, making her wrinkle her nose and giggle.  
If he hadn’t missed the show, she would have come to brunch in his car, she wouldn’t have run out of Miller’s house after confessing her feelings and breaking his heart.  
If he had said something sooner, done something the second after she confessed, she wouldn't have ran out, she would not have gotten into her car.  
She wouldn't have gone into the accident.  
This is his fault.  


_I’m starting to think that coming back was a mistake… _  
His mistake was not telling her how he felt, he had so many chances yet he was too scared to do so.  
He should have said something at prom.  
The night at Roan’s party.  
The night in front of Grounders when they almost kissed.  
He should have said something every time she curls up with him while they watch a movie, fuzzy socks rubbing his thighs, her warmth sinking into his skin.  
Whenever she laughs and tells him to get out of her way while they make brunch for everyone, whenever she wakes up late and rushes out the door, a quick kiss to his cheek.  
Now he may not be able to tell her.  
It’s a mistake.  
It has to be.  
Clarke- she can’t.  
She can’t be hurt, she can’t be dead.  


His phone beeps with a message from Murphy and he picks it up.  
**Murphy **: Sanctum Hospital  
He tosses his phone to the seat and goes onto the highway.  
Sanctum is about a two-hour drive away from Arkadia.  
It’s five in the afternoon and rush hour is going to hit but luckily Sanctum is the opposite direction of Polis which everyone seems to be going to.  
But whether it's two hours or two minutes, it's still too much time for him.  
He needs to know if she's okay.  
He needs to see her.  
His fingers tap on the wheel impatiently.  


_“Tapping your fingers won’t make you get there any faster, Bellamy.”  
He tosses a glare at Clarke.  
“Well, excuse me, princess. We won’t have gotten stuck in traffic if someone hadn't decided to sleep in.”  
She sticks her tongue out at him.  
“I don't remember you complaining this morning.”  
Bellamy huffs trying to hide the smile that is threatening to spread across his face.  
What was there to complain about?  
He had woken up to Clarke's hair in his face, her nose in his chest, and her arms hugging him tightly. She had been wearing his shirt and her cold feet were under his leg seeking out his warmth. When he had tried to get out of bed, she had turned around and pulled him back with a whine and buried her nose into his neck, her thighs wrapping around his waist as her arms went around him, clinging to him like a koala.  
“Stay.”  
“We have to be on the road in an hour.”  
“Please.” She nuzzles his neck and he sighs.  
He’s the one driving them, what are they going to do, leave without him?  
He closes his eyes. _

_He shakes his head and shoots her a little glare.  
“Well, I’m complaining now.”  
Clarke rolls her eyes at the interruption.  
“Shut up Murphy.”  
Bellamy sees him flip her off and he sighs as Octavia's head hit his shoulder.  
Murphy shoots him a glare but he doesn't move as the younger Blake uses his shoulder as a pillow. Bellamy wants to laugh.  
Then his fingers start to tap th steering wheel again and Clarke huffs.  
“Give me.”  
She reaches for him and he holds out his hand and she interlaces their fingers as he drives.  
He looks over and he can't help but think that he would gladly drive across the entire country if it meant she would be by his side, holding his hand as she tries to read the map._  


He shakes his head and his eye catches onto the chain hanging from the mirror as he pulls onto the highway.  
_Two hands over his eyes as he sits on top of the picnic table.  
“Guess who?”  
He laughs.  
“Hmm, well too short to be Octavia. Jasper and Monty are in detention with her. Hmm, Murphy?”  
Clarke buries her head into his shoulder and moves to sit down next to him and then shakes her head, blonde curls in her cheerleading ponytail. She nudges his shoulder.  
I got you something.”  
She’s small for a fourteen-year-old, but what she lacks in height she makes up in enthusiasm and unfortunately in her chest. Bellamy has already had to warn away several seniors who were talking about the freshman with the killer rack.  
“Close your eyes.”  
Bellamy rolls them but closes them to humor her.  
"Okay, open them." She holds out a little box and he opens it so see a dog tag with their picture on it.  
He recognizes the picture, she's on his back, the first football game was over and she had insisted that he carry her cause her legs hurt. He had spun her around and she had laughed and Jake Griffin had taken the picture at the right movement.  
“I figured once you get a car, you could hang it up on your mirror.”  
“I love it.”  
When he gets his own car, at eighteen, the dog tag is the first thing he puts in there._  


Bellamy blinks back tears.  
Clarke has to be okay.  
She has to.

* * *

Octavia blinks as her brother takes off.  
And then she bursts into laughter, tears streaming down her face and all three boys exchanged frightened glances.  
Murphy slides out of the armchair and sits next to her and wraps an arm around her and Octavia’s shoulders shake.  
“My- my-my brother is an idiot.”  
Miller sends a text to Jasper to see where he is.  
He then texts his dad to tell Aurora because the woman would kill them if one of her babies was hurt and no one told her.  
“Octavia?”  
She takes a few deep breaths and Jackson hands her a bottle of water and she drinks greedily, Murphy rubbing her shoulder.  
“That was Clarke. She’s at the hospital. Josie, Gabriel, and Xavier were in a bad car accident.”  
Her eyes are red and she thinks about her best friend’s voice.  
Clarke had been frantic, crying, panicking at receiving a phone call about Josie  
_What if I lose her? What if I lose my sister? _  
Octavia starts to cry again and she buries her head into the crook of Murphy's neck.  


Miller’s phone rings and it's his dad.  
He steps to the kitchen.  
“Nathan? Clarke is she okay?”  
“She’s fine. Josie’s the one hurt. Clarke called Octavia and Octavia fumbled with the delivery of the message. Bellamy took off.”  
“Well, it's a relief to know that Clarke is okay but poor Josephine. Aurora’s on her way over. She should be in Arkadia in about an hour and a half. We will meet you in the hospital?”  
Miller froze, he hadn't even though about them going to the hospital.  
It was a given, of course, but someone had to tell the others and most of them don't know who Josie was.  
Would Clarke want everyone support or would it hurt her that they didn't come?  
“We will be leaving soon. Octavia's calming down.”  
He hangs up and calls Monty.  
“Hey Monty, Clarke’s.. Friend is in the hospital. We are heading to the hospital in Sanctum if you want to come.  


He heads back to the living room where Octavais is now on the phone.  
“Jasper.”  
Jackson mouths to him and he nods.  
Miller places a hand on Murphy's shoulder.  
“You should call them.”  
Murphy runs a hand through his hair.  
“Echo’s with them. If they come they’ll bring her and…”  
Miller sighs.  
It’s a tough call. He doesn't want Echo anywhere Clarke especially when she is vulnerable but he knows that not telling Raven and Emori will cause more trouble.  
“Call them. If she comes, she comes. O will probably punch her if she says anything remotely awful to Clarke and well it would save us a trip.”  
Murphy cracks a smile and then steps away to call them.

* * *

Monty and Harper are in the middle of sex when they get the phone call. Harper groans and buries her head into the crook of his neck and he laughs.  
They can wait.  
Thirty minutes later, he finally reaches for his cellphone to see he has a voicemail. He sits up and Harper is sitting up behind him, pressing a kiss to hsi back as he listens.  
“Hey Monty, Clarke’s.. Friend is in the hospital. We are heading to the hospital in Sanctum if you want to come.  
His body tenses up and Harper knows something is wrong.  
“Monty?”  
“Clarke’s friend is in the hospital. Miller says they are heading over to Sanctum.”  
“I didn't realize she had any friends near Sanctum?”  
Harper's already pulling her shirt over her head.  
They may not know Clarke's friend but they will be there for her.  
Monty shrugs as he zips up his jeans.  
His phone beeps and it's Jasper.  
“Jasper wants to know if we want a ride.”  
“A car ride with Octavia? Sure, maybe she actually will listen to us.”  
Octavia has been cold with them. She doesn’t seem to mind at Jasper is talking to them and she will talk but it’s colder and Monty knows that Octavia is still upset, on Clarke’s behalf because that's who Octavia is. She protects her family with everything she has.

* * *

Octavia’s going to marry Jasper one day.  
The second she called him and told him that Clarke was at the hospital because of Josie and that she's heading there to be with Clarke, he hadn’t even hesitated about them going.  
Octavia was ready to suggest that he stay home.  
He hates the hospital.  
He has not stepped foot in one since Maya's death.  
But he was willing to go because Clarke needed them.  
“Are you sure? I know how much you hate hospitals, and Clarke she would understand.”  
“No, Clarke- she’s family O. And Josie is her family, regardless of what the blood tests say. I can handle it. We are going to the hospital.”  
Octavia blinks back tears.  
“I’ll be at Miller’s in twenty okay.”  
“Okay. I love you, Jas.”  
“I love you too, O.”

* * *

It’s baseball season and the bar is busy and Gina is serving drinks when her phone rings.  
She signals to Riley to take over when she sees Octavia's number.  
“Octavia?”  
“Gina, so sorry to call. Josie and Gabriel have been in an accident and Clarke's a mess. I know you guys a most likely swamped at th bar but I wanted to give you a heads up.”  
Gina's heart breaks for both girls.  
“Keep us update okay?”  


Gina takes a deep breath as she hangs up. Gina wants to pull Shaw away.  
She needs to hug him.  
One of their other workers, Mbege sees her.  
“You okay boss?”  
“Can you get Zeke for me?”  
Mbege nods and her boyfriend appears almost instantly.  
“Gina? What's wrong?”  
She shakes her head and wraps she arms around him and he pulls her closer, his palm on her lower back, firm, as her hand clutches his shirt.  
When she pulls away he looks at her, concern in her eyes.  
“Josie and Gabriele were in an accident.”  
He fiddles with the cross around his neck.”Clarke?”  
“The others are going to her. Octavia says she would text updates. I wish we could be there.”  
He hugs her again, his lips pressing against her forehead.  
“I know. I know.”  
Gina feels better.  
They hear cheering but Shaw holds her tighter, his hand on her back, one hand in her curls.

* * *

Raven and Echo are drunk.  
Emori shakes her head as her girlfriend goes into one of her rants about how dumb horror movies are because no girl is that dumb when they are running for their life.  
It’s endearing.  
Days like this, when Raven is relaxed, she reminds Emori of the girl she first met.  
Smart, feisty, snarky, beautiful.  
She won’t deny that she had been jealous of John’s roommate.  
Raven and John fit, she was just as snarky as him and she felt embarrassed coming back especially considering how their relationship ended.  
But then Murphy made it clear that he loved her, that he still loves her.  
But Raven had always been around.  
Emori expected to feel jealous whenever the girl was around but she found herself intrigued with the girl.  
She wanted to get to know her.  
She wanted the girl to hang out with them on the couch, go the movies with them, dance with her at the bar.  
And John didn't seem to mind, watching them interact, a bit nervous but he had a gleam in his eye.  
After a while, Raven seems to relax around her.  


Emori saw the way John looked at Raven and had asked him if they had slept together and John had admitted to it. She had felt jealous but then she realized that the jealousy was about the fact that John had slept with Raven and it had hit her then that she had feelings for her boyfriend's roommate.  
Feelings that her boyfriend also had.  
It took John a conversation with Clarke for him to bring up the subject and Emori had kissed him hard, a yes.  
It had taken two months of them talking Raven out to bring up the subject.  
The day Raven agreed to be their girlfriend was one of the happiest day of her life.  
But lately, Raven had not been the girl she fell in love with and Emori wasn’t sure how to bring it up. (She was all for personal growth but Raven wasn't growing.)  
John and Raven had enough problems and she knew that Raven felt a bit uneasy with her place in their relationship.  


The ringing phone jolts her out of her thoughts.  
“John?”  
“Mori.”  
She sits up and Raven and Echo look at her, noting in their tipsy minds that something is wrong.  
“What's wrong?”  
“A friend of Clarke is at the hospital. She’s not doing so well. We are driving down to Sanctim be there with her.”  
He sounds stressed and worried. “We are on our way.”  
She hangs up and hand both girls their shoes and hurries to get them water bottles.  
“We need to go to Sanctum. Clarke needs us.”  
Echo frowns and is about to open her mouth but Raven beats her.  
“What's wrong?”  
“Car accident? Someone that Clarke knows.”  
Echo snorts, rolling her eyes.  
“So we are going to be there for the girl who left us and we don't even know who the person is.”  
Emori has never wanted to smack someone more that she wants to smack Echo at that second but to her surprise, Raven stands up glaring at Echo.  
She jabs a finger at her.  
“Clarke needs us. We are going. If I needed her, she would be there.”  
Echo stands up, both girls squaring off.  
“Where was she when you needed her huh? Where was your friend when you needed advice? She hasn’t exactly been there for you.”  
Raven turns away silent, hurt and angry tears in her eyes and Emori wraps an arm around her girlfriend.  
“Let’s go.”  
Emori doesn't want to bring Echo with them, knowing it might cause more problems but she doesn't trust nor does she want Echo in her house alone and she doesn't want to take the time to drop her off at her apartment, as it would take more time.  
Hopefull Echo will fall asleep and she can leave her in the car.  


* * *

Octavia shoves her way past Miller.  
“Call Roan, Wells, and Luna.”  
She locks herself into the bathroom and places her hands on the sink, chest heaving, tears streaming down her face.  
The last time she made so many phone calls was when Lincoln died.  
_  
Octavia has her feet on Jasper’s lap as Monty tosses popcorn at him. She likes their dorm room, it’s small and cozy and it's her safe haven when Lincoln isn't around. She loves her husband, she loves being married to him.  
It’s hard to believe that it’s almost been a year, it feels like only yesterday that she said: “I do.”  
A lot of people thought she was making a mistake, getting married so young but she didn't know how to explain it. The moment she hit Lincoln with a volleyball and he laughed as he handed her the ball and their fingers brushed.  
She just knew.  
She was going to marry him.  
And she didn't care that she was seventeen and he was twenty. Lincoln had been furious when he found out that she had lied about her age.  
He hated himself for taking advantage of a girl but Octavia had been stubborn.  
She asked him to wait till she was eighteen, that she loved him.  
That they had something special and there was nothing wrong with them texting.  
She could see him waver and he agreed to text but only text and nothing sexual.  
And she did.  
She texted him every day and the day she turned eighteen, he called her to tell her that he was in love with her.  
Bellamy had blown up but Octavia was so happy.  
Marrying him at nineteen would never be a mistake because Lincoln was her soulmate.  
_

_ Jasper squeezes her foot and she looks up.  
“Your phone has been vibrating.”  
It’s probably Bellamy.  
“Hello?”  
“Mrs.Woods?”  
“Yes, this is she?  
“I’m sorry to inform you but your husband was in a terrible fire. He’s being rushed to Arkadia Memorial right away.”  
Octavia can’t breathe.  
Lincoln.  
Jasper takes the phone from her and he cups her face.  
“Octavia. Ocatavsi.”  
She looks up at him, eyes worried and she whispers.  
“Lincoln’s at the hospital. There was a fire.”  
Jaspers pulls her up and he and Monty rush her out the door. Monty drives while Jasper holds her hand as she calls her brother.  
When they get there, Bellamy and Clarke are already there, Miller behind them.  
Jasper sits on one side of her still holding her and while Bellamy sits on her other side of her, with her other hand.  
When they ask for the family of Lincoln, Octavia stands up and they follow her.  
The doctor's face tells them everything they need to know.  
Octavia breaks and Jasper crumples to the floor with her.  
She pulls herself together to make phone calls- the funeral home, flowers, friends- Nyko, Anya, Indra.  
Bellamy and the others offer to help but Octavia refuses.  
A few days after the funeral she is gone. _  


Making all those phone calls took more out of her than she thought. It didn't matter that Clarke was okay and that she didn't know Josephine or Gabriel or their son very well, it still affected her.  
Octavia keeps crying even as someone knocks on the door.  
She wipes her eyes quickly and when she opens the door, fake smile on her lips, her eyes widen, it's Jasper.  
He steps into the bathroom and hugs her tightly and she buries her head into his shoulder as he rocks her.  


Jasper can’t describe the emotions he felt when he got the phone call or how he desperately wanted to tell Octavia to go to the hospital without him.  
He hasn't stepped foot in a hospital on his record since Maya’s death.  
And the idea of going now terrifies him.  


But right now, with his girlfriend in his arms, he feels better. He closes his eyes and takes in the smell of her hair.  
She rubs his back and when he pulls away, she rests her forehead against his.  
He closes his eyes as their fingers interlace.  
She makes him stronger.

* * *

Wells places a hand on Roan’s back.  
“Roan.”  
His partner turns away from him and slams a fist into the wall.  
“Roan!”  
Luna’s yell seems to startle him as he blinks at them.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“What is it?”  
“Roan runs a hand through his long hair and he twists it up into a bun.  
“Monroe sent me some information.”  
Luna places her hand on her bump and she walks towards him, hand on his bicep.  
“Information on what?”  


Roan's phone goes off and he picks it up.  
“Yes, oh Miller.”  
His entire demeanor changes, he stands up straighter, his shoulder stiffen. Luna steps toward Wells. “What? That’s horrible. There’s no way we can make the six hour drive tonight. Let me think. I can probably be there in two days at the earliest. I would go tomorrow but Luna has a doctor's appointment. I'm going to make some calls.”  
He hangs up and looks at them. His hand reaches for theirs.  


“There’s been an accident.”  
Wells’ heart jumps in his throat and Luna squeezes his hand, her other hand on her bump, rubbing it soothingly.  
“Josie, Gabriel, and their son.”  
“We need to be there."  
Roan shakes his head and presses a kiss to Luna's lips softly.  
“My love, you have an appointment tomorrow. Wells has a big project at work. I'm going to call the hospital to arrange for private rooms. Then I'm going to figure out this Monroe thing.”  
“Can’t you leave after the appointment? Please?”  
Wells wants to go but Roan’s better at being level headed, he's the one best equipped to deal with hospitals and bills. Clarke will argue but Roan won't back down about paying for them.  
Roan sighs.  
“Alright, I can leave after the appointment. I need to stop by the gallery anyway. Riley has something for me that I completely forgot about.”  
Roan kisses Well’s and Luna's foreheads.  
“She will be fine. They will be fine.”  


Roan thinks about the email Monroe sent him.  
He needs to read it throughly and he plans to but he's not sure if he can drop this bomb on Clarke, not with everything going on. Not until he is sure.  
He sighs.  
It’s going to be a long night, reading the document and cross-checking things. Monroe still has to send him some more things but first, he needs to call the hospital.

* * *

Bellamy’s phone is dead and he wants to punch the steering wheel.  
Now he has no way to get in touch with anyone and of course, he can't find his charger.  
The fear in his chest expands.  
What if Clarke gets worse?  
What if…  


He shakes his head.  
He can't let his head go there.  
He sighs.  
Car accident.  
What are the odds?  
Jake Griffin had been in a car accident when Clarke was sixteen and a few weeks later, days after her seventeenth birthday Abby had pulled the plug on her comatose husband-something Clarke could never forgive her for.  


Bellamy swallows.  
If Clarke hadn't changed her information, he’s still her emergency contact. But not only that, Clarke had named him as her health care proxy. She trusted him to honor her wishes and be the one to make the tough decisions.  


_He curls up behind her and she sighs.  
It’s the day after the funeral. Clarke hasn't spoken to her mother in a week, anger in her body. She had even refused to stand next to Abby instead choosing to stand in between him and Murphy, her hands in Murphy’s as Bellamy comforted his mother.  
Jake and Aurora had become good friends and his mother had been devasted by the loss of a good man who had always been kind to her and good to him and Octavia.  
After the funeral, Clarke had locked herself in her room.  
Lexa had tried to get Clarke out of her room but she refused so Bellamy decides to go through the window.  
Clarke simply shifted to the side and he crawls in next to her.  
“What’s on your mind.”  
“She didn't even tell me. She just decided on her own. How can she do that to me?”  
He lets his hand slid up her shirt and linger on her bare hip and she shifts close to him, nuzzling his neck.  
“What if something happens to me? Will she get rid of me just as easy?”  
“Don't say that.”  
“I don’t trust her.”  
He's not sure what to say. Abby is her mother but they have never been close.  
Clarke pulls away slightly to look at him.  
“Can I put you down as my emergency contact?. As the person, I trust to make the decision... I'm not sure what it's called but I'm pretty sure Roan will.”  
He swallowed.  
“Clarke, I--”  
“I trust you.”  
He closes his eyes, he hates the idea of having to be the one to make such a decision but he can't say no to her.  
“I trust you too, princess.”  
He kisses her forehead._  


His fingers tap the wheel faster.  
He’s only thirty minutes away from the hospital.

* * *

Octavia is in the car on her way, when she remembers to call her brother to tell him that it's not Clarke in the hospital but his phone is dead.  
She runs a hand through her hair because of course his phone would die.  
Her stupid idiotic brother has probably worked himself into a frenzy worrying about Clarke and she’s fine.  
Octavia can't and won't call Clarke because Clarke has bigger things to worry about than the fact that her brother is on his way.  
She sighs again and squeezes Jasper's hand as Harper drives.  
He raises her hand to his lips, his hand trembling slightly.  


Emori sighs in relief as Echo drinks water and as Raven reaches for her hand. Emori presses a kiss to it.  
“Clarke needs us.”  
Raven nods.  
“I love you okay. Try not to start a fight, not tonight.”  
Raven frowns but nods.  
“I won’t I promise.”  
Her voice is soft, quiet, worried.  
“And try to keep her away from Clarke.”  
There’s no question as to who _her _ is.  


Murphy’s fingers drum on the seat next to him. He had gone with Miller and Jackson, both who were talking quietly. Miller had tried to include him in the conversation but Murphy couldn't respond.  
All he could think about was what happened at brunch and if all of them showing up to the hospital was a good idea. He knows they need to be there to support Clarke but what were the chances that everyone can keep it together and not get into a fight at the hospital.  
Emori had texted him that Echo and Raven had gotten drunk and fought on their way over.  
Murphy isn't sure how a drunk Echo would react to Clarke.  
But he smiles because he remembers that Echo will be meeting Aurora Blake.  
He can’t wait to see that play out.

* * *

Bellamy feels like he’s going to fly out of his skin.  
He wants to scream.  
First, there was no parking so he had to park far from the elevator and then he had to take several deep breaths becuase he got dizzy. It's about to six in the evening and he hasn't eaten since brunch at noon. ( Not that he had eaten too much then because he was too busy staring at Clarke.  
Then he had to walk from the car to the elevator.  
And then the elevator takes forever and his heart is pounding loudly and quickly.It feels like it's going to burst out of his chest.  
_Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, Clarke _

He runs to the front desk.  
“Excuse, my friend was in a car accident. Clarke Griffin. G-R-I-F-F-I-N. Clarke with an e. Please is she okay?”  
The words are rolling out of his mouth and he can’t stop.  
The woman is typing slowly and his fingers tap on the desk impatiently.  
"Sir, we don't have a Clarie Griffin."  
He shakes his head and forces his fingers to stop moving.  
He knows not to get mad at the woman, that getting upset or frustrated won't help him or get him to Clarke faster.  
"No her name is Clarke.  
"C-L-A-R-K-E."  
  
The woman types slowly and Bellay runs a hand through his curls.  
“Please, I need--”  


“Bellamy?”  
Time seems to stop.  
He turns around.  
Air fills his lungs and his heart pounds.  
_ Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, _  


She’s right there.  
Clarke.  
Her eyes are red, her nose is pink, her blonde hair is pulled into a loose ponytail, and she has a bag in her hand.  
She’s in one piece.  
He doesn’t know who takes the first step but one minute he's by the desk and the next thing he knows they have collided with each other.  
His face in is her neck and his arms wrap around her squeezing her tightly to him and she's in his arms holding him just as tight, nuzzling his neck. Her lips press against his skin and his hands slide up her shirt, feeling her soft skin under his fingertips.  
She’s okay.  
She's safe.  
Her bag falls to the floor with a muffled thump as her hands clutch his shirt and they sway side to side, not caring that people are staring at them or that people have to walk around them.  
All he cares about is that she's in his arms.  
“You came Bell. You came.”  


_Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door  
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door  
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door  
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!
> 
> Not going to lie, reading all your reviews knowing that it was Josie and not Clarke made me feel bad because of how worried everyone was but it also made me cackle like an evil Disney villain.
> 
> All the reviews have inspired me and I was able to plot out some of the next things to come.  
I have some good new- we have a rough chapter count- I did the math so yeah. This might change if I decide to add things,but yeah chapter count!
> 
> Also, I'm back in school, so I will be updating between classes and assignments.  
Thank you, everyone, for reading, commenting, leaving kudos, messaging me on various social media. It all means a lot.


	17. So Lay Your Head On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets a phone call that shakes her world but Bellamy's arms are her safe place.
> 
> Jasper deals with his own demons regarding the hospital, Miller reflects on some things never change and news is given.  
  
Also more flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding a small trigger warning for flashbacks in which alcohol, drugs, death, homophobic acts of violence (not in detail) and suicide are mentioned briefly

Clarke doesn’t have a clear destination in mind, she just knows she needs to leave.  
It’s how she ends up the conservatory.  
It’s one of her thinking places.  
No one except for Bellamy will look for her there and she doubts this will be the first place he looks.

Clarke heads to the souvenir shop and buys a pencil and a notebook then she heads inside.  
There are a few people there, admiring the plants, posing in front of trees as they take pictures.  
Clarke makes her way to the koi pond which is surprisingly empty and sits down on the bench.  
She picks a fish and starts to draw it but her mind is thinking about brunch.  
Her skin burns from where Bellamy touches her.  
All she can see is his face- hurt but soft, worried about her.  
Seeing him was like a jolt to her stomach.  
She was angry at him but she also wanted him to wrap his arms around her and not let her go.  
She wanted nothing more than to bury her head into the crook of his neck and simply just stay there. 

She flips to another page to her notebook sketching absentmindedly.  
She shouldn't want him not after he hurt her and not after she saw the ring on Echo’s finger.  
Echo kept flashing it and Clarke kept waiting for someone to say something. 

She shakes her head trying to get the image of the diamond for her mind.  
She was just surprised that Bellamy got Echo a diamond ring.

_  
Clarke is on her phone, her feet on Murphy’s lap.  
Bellamy comes and he presses a kiss to her head.  
“Hey, Bellamy.”  
“What you doing?”  
“Looking at engagement rings."  
Bellamy's eyes widen and he nearly chokes.  
“Excuse me?”  
Murphy rolls his eyes and lets out a snort of laughter. Clarke shoots him a look.  
“Do you remember Glass?”  
Bellamy pauses and then wrinkles his nose at the thought of her.  
Blonde, tall, kind of a bitch.  
“Isn’t she a friend of your family Clarke?”  
Clarke nods.  
“She and Luke are getting married… and she was showing off her ring everywhere and don't get me wrong, it's gorgeous with a huge diamond, not really my style and I was just curious about engagement rings.”  
Bellamy sits on the couch's arm and she titles her head back to look at him, her head on his leg.  
They look at each other for a second before Bellamy shakes his head, hoping that Clarke can't see the pink on his cheeks, he can feel the tips of his ears burning.  
“And?”  
"And Clarke is worried about rings even though she's, you know, single."  
Clarke tosses a pillow at Murphy and he bats it away.  
“I think that if I ever got engaged, I wouldn't want a diamond ring. I mean they are pretty and everything but I don't know.”  
Clarke looks at Bellamy who gives her a soft smile and she feels her heart pound.  
“I get that. Octavia's ring was a small diamond but it was a family heirloom. I think that if ever got married, I would want to give my fiance something like that, an heirloom. Like my mom’s ring.”  
_

Clarke looks down at her paper to see that she has drawn Aurora Blake’s ring.  
It’s gorgeous, with a blue sapphire with two diamonds.  
When she thought about her dream ring. It was alway Auroa’s that popped in her mind.  
A part of her is glad that Echo isn’t wearing Aurora’s ring but it still hurts to think that he might have proposed to her.  
Clarke suddenly gets up, needing to get away from the pond.  
She heads to the desert room and sits down on a bench sketching cactus. But they bore her so she heads to another room.  
She goes from room to room feeling restless which has never happened before and she decides to leave.

She doesn't want to eat at Gina and Shaw’s because Octavia or Murphy will be able to find her there and she's not in the mood to talk, not yet.  
There isn't a lot of traffic and before she can overthink it, she heads onto the highway. There is no traffic which means the two-hour drive to Sanctum is now an hour.  
She looks at the clock and calls Josephine.  
“Can I come over for a bit?”  
“Key’s under the flowerpot. Gabriel and I are picking Xavier up from a playdate, we will pick up some pizza. Be home in about an hour maybe longer. We need to pick up some laundry detergent."  
"Sounds good, thanks. Love you."  
"Love you more."  
"Love you most."  
Josie laughs and Clarke hangs up.  
She smiles to herself her father used to end calls like that with her.

* * *

“How was your playdate?”  
Xavier groans.  
“I’m thirteen. I'm too old for playdates.”  
Gabriel snorts.  
“You played video games with your friends... Playdate is accurate.”  
Xavier slumps in his seat.  
"Ugh, You are so annoying.”  
He puts his headphone in and Josie catches his eyes and he smiles at her.  
She’s lucky that he likes her.

Gabriel reaches for her hand at the stoplight and presses a kiss to the head, her engagement ring glittering from her finger.  
He can't believe he gets to marry her, he can't believe he gets to spend the rest of his life with her. He gets to wake up every morning to her face and shes the last thing he sees at night.  
How did he get so lucky to have someone like her love him?  
Someone who was willing to be there for him, to help him shoulder the responsibilities.  
It would have been easy for her to leave him after Xavier but instead, she stayed.  
She stayed because she loved him because she loved Xavier, she loves them.  
How did they get so lucky?

_  
Thirty.  
Thirty seconds.  
All it takes is thirty seconds.  
_  
He presses another kiss to her hand and she laughs.  
Then her eyes widen and she screams.  
“Gabriel!”  
He looks up to see a car speeding towards them.  
Josephine reaches for the wheel and the car hits her side first.  
Xavier is screaming and the force behind the car has them hit another car.  
Josephine is bleeding and he can hear crying and as his eyes flutter closed, the blood on Josephine's face is the last thing he sees.

* * *

Clarke’s curled up on the couch, Gabriel’s cardigan covering her like a blanket when she gets the phone call.  
She’s not quite sure how she gets to the hospital.  
One minute she's on the couch trembling, feeling the floor disappear under her feet and the next she's at the hospital asking for a doctor.  
All they can tell her is that they are in surgery.  


As she sits in the waiting room, Gabriel's cardigan pulled tight around her all she can think about besides being worried about Josephine, Gabriel, and Xavier is how she really wishes that Bellamy was with her.  
She really needs him to be there and hold her hand, for him to hug her.  
She needs him there to tell her that everything will be okay.  
She had called Octavia as soon as she got the phone call but she hadn't been able to dial Bellamy's number.  
She wanted to but after everything that had happened only hours ago, she was too scared to call him, not sure where they stood.  


* * *

_  
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door  
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door  
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door  
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door  
_  


She knows Sanctum is a two-hour drive (maybe more considering the time and traffic) and after a while, she can't sit in the chair any longer.  
She gets up, her stomach growling to get a croissant or a muffin.  
As she leaves the bakery and heads back to the room, she hears him.  
"No, her name is Clarke.”  
"C-L-A-R-K-E."  
“Please, I need to know.”  
She stops, taking him in.  
His hair is a mess like he had been running his fingers through it and his fingers are tapping on the desk.  
“Bellamy”  
He turns to her, his eyes are red, glasses crooked.  
She’s not sure who makes the first move but they collide into each other, her croissant falling to the floor, her hands are wrapped around him tightly and he's burying his face into her hair, a soft sob escaping from his throat.  
"You are okay?" It's so soft that she almost misses it.  
His arms are around her pressing her close until not even a thin piece of paper can fit between them. She nuzzles his neck, breathing in her favorite smell in the world.  
“You came.”  
She’s crying, sobbing from relief that he’s here and because she’s so scared for Josie and Gabriel and Xavier and because she can't hold it in any longer.  
Bellamy’s here, he’s holding her. She’s safe.  
Bellamy can feel her tears on his neck and he’s pretty sure a few of his tears of relief have hit her hair but when he tries to pull away she whimpers and he sighs and runs a hand through her hair.  
“I’m right here, princess. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here."  
He runs his hand through her hair and down her back, soothingly until she calms down.  
" Let go sit down. “  
She nods, her cheeks pink and she bends down to pick up her bag and he wraps an arm around her and they make their way back to the waiting room.  
Clarke pulls off the cardigan and drops it to her side.  


There’s a few minutes of silence, both of them aware of everything that has happened between them only hours earlier.  
Bellamy knows now is not the time to bring up her confession or for him to tell her how he feels.  
He owes it to Clarke for them to have a good fresh beginning. He needs to fix their friendship, apologize, and sit down and talk with her. He also owes it to Echo to break up with her properly.  
But right now Clarke needs her best friend.  


_ Little do you know  
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep  
Little do you know  
I'm still haunted by the memories  
\- Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra_

He wraps an arm around her running a hand through her hair, his other hand reaching for one of hers.  
“You know when O, when O said you were at the hospital, my stomach, it dropped. I pretty much flew out the door. I thought- I thought...”  
Clarke stiffens at the implication before she feels a way of love rush through her.  
He had rushed all the way because he thought she was the one hurt, he hadn't even hesitated.  
“O didn't tell you I was okay?”  
“I was out the door before she said anything and my phone died halfway through the drive.”  
He presses a kiss to her hair and Clarke sighs.  
“I’m so happy that you are okay. I can’t lose you.”  
Clarke's phone vibrates and she looks at the message.  
“Octavia says that she will be here in about 45 minutes.”  
He looks at her, she looks tired and like she is about to break down again.  
“You should rest.”  
“Bellamy.”  
“I promise to wake you up as soon as there is news.”  
Clarke nods after a minute of looking at him and she lays down the sweater under her head but after a few minutes, she frowns. She moves to lay down with her head on his lap and he runs his fingers through her hair but after a few minutes she sighs.  
“I can’t.”  
Bellamy bites his lip, hesitant about what is on his mind.  
“Come here.”  
He holds his arms out of her and pulls her into his lap, her head in the crook of his neck, his arm cradling her. He places the sweater over her as a large blanket and Clarke sighs happily.  
She falls asleep with the sound of Bellamy's heartbeat soothing her.  
Bellamy has no clue who they are waiting for but he doesn't have the heart to wake her up. The black cardigan is warm and he can’t help but wonder where Clarke got it. It would be perfect for when he’s teaching in the winter months.

* * *

_ I want to hide the truth  
I want to shelter you  
But with the beast inside  
There's nowhere we can hide  
~~~~~~~  
When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
\- Demons by Imagine Dragons_

The closer they get to the hospital the sicker Jasper feels. The last time few times he was there was when he overdosed and Clarke had come into his room and begged him to go to rehab.  
_ Jasper stares at the white wall. This is not his first time waking up in a hospital. It's not the first time he has had nurses and doctors checking up on him, muttering about the levels of alcohol in his system. It's not his first time under a suicide watch.  
Nor will it be his last.  
There's a knock on his door and he figures it a doctor.  
But the door pushes open and it's a familiar blonde.  
Clarke.  
Her eyes are red and she's wearing Bellamy's hoodie.  
"You almost died."  
Her voice trembles and Jasper pushes away the brief pang of guilt he feels at the unshakeable Clarke Griffin being vulnerable.  
"I wish I did."  
She closes her eyes and lets out a shuttering breath.  
"They had to pump your stomach. Do you know how terrified I was when Monty called me to say that you had been found unconscious and you were on your way to the hospital? How terrified I was when the doctor said that you had alcohol poisoning again. That you had taken god knows what with your drinks. You can't keep doing Jasper. I can't watch you try to kill yourself. This is not what Maya would have wanted.  
It's a low blow and she knows it.  
"Fuck you, Clarke. You don't know anything about me. I'm just another charity case, another thing for you to fix. Why don't you be a good princess and just leave me alone."  
She wipes away a tear.  
"No. I get that you are angry that Maya died. I get that you blame me for not telling you guys to go to the doctor sooner, I get that. But Maya died and no amount of drinking is going to bring her back. Maya was all about life. she would hate and be disappointed to see that you are throwing away your life. She would want you to live for yourself for her. I can't watch you kill yourself."  
She's openly crying and Jasper watches her sink onto the bed.  
"I love you so much Jasper, I hate seeing you like this."  
He doesn't realize he's crying until Clarke wipes away some of his tears.  
"I miss her so much."  
She smoothes his hair back.  
"I know baby. I know."  
They sit there crying until she sniffles.  
"The doctors are putting you under watch, for a few days."  
He nods.  
"Then what?"  
She digs through her purse until she finds a piece of paper.  
"I looked up some rehab centers. Some are near, others are far. I want you to choose to live, to chose to get better. I can't force you to go because the only person who can make the decision is you."  
Jasper bit his lip.  
"I can't afford..."  
She shakes her head.  
"That's not an issue. You want this, you got this. Money isn't an issue."  
He nods. Clarke is using her mom voice.  
"Okay."  
"Okay"  
She presses a kiss to his forehead and leaves him staring at the white walls.  
_ Then there was the time before that had been Maya’s death.  
When they had found about Maya’s cancer it had been a punch to his stomach. When he had met her at seventeen, it was love at first sight. They had done long-distance and had made plans for the future and her cancer had derailed it.  
Maya had been feeling sick but she had figured it was stress from school. By the time they had gone, it was too late and it seemed like overnight she was getting worse. On the day she died, she had sent him out for a milkshake and the doctor gave him permission to get her one.  
_  
Jasper watches as Maya drinks her milkshake, her hands shaking.  
“Tired?”  
She nods.  
“The milkshake is even better than I remember.”  
She hums and he reaches for one of her bony hands.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
He starts to tell her about how everyone is doing. How Octavia is still missing and how Bellamy and Clarke are worried sick.  
Maya listens to it all with a smile on her face.  
“Jas. Promise me that if something happens.  
“Nothing is going to happen, you are going to be okay.”  
“Promise me you will find someone who makes you happy again.”  
“Maya.”  
“Please.”  
She sounds desperate and she starts to cough and Jasper is quick to rub her back and he presses a kiss to the side of her head.  
“I promise okay. But you need to focus on fighting.”  
She passes away a few hours later.  
_  


“Stop the car.”  
Harper looks at him.  
“Jasper.  
“Stop the fucking car,”  
Harper pulls over and he throws the door open and throws up.  
Octavia is there and she rubs his back, she has a good idea where his thoughts went.  
Harper drives them to a gas station so he can get a bottle of water and he takes a deep breath as he looks at himself in the bathroom mirror.

The mirror is cracked and dirty and he throws up in the sink again, his hands bracing himself on the sink as his shoulders shake.  
He doesn't even realize that Octavia has entered the bathroom until her arms encircle his waist and she presses a kiss to the back of his shoulder.  
She doesn't say anything letting her silence speak volumes.  
She simply presses kisses to his back and he closes his eyes.  
"Clarke will understand if you can't."  
He nods, taking a deep breath.  
"Do you think we can just hang out at the food court for a bit."  
"Of course."  


They climb back into the car, her hand squeezing his.  
Monty and Harper say nothing as they drive to the hospital.  
They are about ten minutes away when Octavia clears her throat.  
"Thank you for driving."  
Her voice is less cold.  
As angry as she is about Clarke, Monty is Jasper's best friend.  
He's his brother.  
Monty is to Jasper what Clarke is to her.  
Best friend and family.  
"What are friends for?"  
Octava licks her lips.  
"We aren't friends."  
Haper freezes a the wheel and Monty meets Jasper's eyes in the mirror.  
"We are a family. And no matter how upset or how we hurt each other, we always find a way back."  
It's the closest they will get to an apology from Octavia.  
It's a one day it will be okay.  
It's enough fo Harper and Monty.  


* * *

  
_ Hey Momma, how do you get a red wine stain  
Out of your favorite dress?  
Black mascara off a pillow case?  
Cure a one-too-many headache?  
Momma can I come and maybe stay a few days  
This weekend or next?  
And hey, how do you get a red wine stain  
Out of your favorite dress  
-Die From A Broken Heart by Maddie and Tae  
_

As she and David make the drive, Aurora starts to think about how she hates being so far from her kids.  
She hates not being able to see them all the time.  
And at times like these she hates being so far.  
Her kids, all of them mean the world to her.  
Sometimes she feels bad for not being there as much as she could.  
She wasn't there for Belmay and Octavia to give then dinner every night but she tried to make up for it by going to Octavia's dance recitals and getting Bellamy the books he had his eyes on. She tried her best but she felt she failed a lot.  
She failed when her daughter too off after Lincoln's death, her anger making her dangerous.  
She had failed Bellamy when he thought it was okay to shoulder the world on his shoulder.  


But if there was one thing she learned from Jake Griffin was that all parents failed their child in some way.  
There was no such thing as the perfect parents.  
Parenting did not come easy, it always has been hard and it always will be.  


She blinks back tears thinking about Jake.  
He had been much more than the father of her son's best friend.  
Jake Griffin had been one of her closest friends if not her best friend.  
He had been a father figure to Octavia and Bellamy, teaching Bellamy how to drive, taking Octavia and Clarke to the father-daughter dances.  
She had felt bad for not being able to do that but Jake had simply pressed a kiss to her forehead and told her that it never bothered him and that's what friends were for.  
His death had shocked her to the core and she had promised herself that she would take care of Clarke the way Jake took care of her kids.  


_  
When her phone rings at ten pm, Aurora jumps, fear in her throat. She isn't expecting anyone and it's late. A part of her is expecting a police officer, telling her that something bad has happened. What she's not expecting is to hear a crying Clarke on the other end.  
"Clarke?"  
The girl is sobbing and she can't understand a word that Clarke is saying.  
"Honey, what's wrong?"  
She had heard from Bellamy that Clarke had disappeared a few weeks ago and her poor baby boy wasn't doing so well.  
She hears Clarke take deep breaths.  
"Can I come over? Please? I can't stay here anymore."  
She can hear someone yelling.  
"Of course."  
Ten minutes later, a trembling Clarke is at her door.  
Her eyes are red and her cheek is pink.  
Aurora opens her arms and Clarke bursts into tears stumbling into them. She rubs her back as the blonde woman tries to get herself under control.  
Once she's better, Aurora helps her up.  
"Go shower."  
Aurora lays out some of Bellamy's clothes for her and makes her some tea.  
She debates about calling Bellamy but decides not to. Whatever is going on between them can wait.  
Clarke is sitting in Bellamy's bed when she comes in.  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
Clarke bites her lip and then she hands her a picture.  
There's a blonde girl in a prom dress with pin-straight blonde hair.  
Aurora flips the picture over and the word Josephine is written on the back.  
Clarke hands her a letter.  
"Mrs.Griffin. As requested, this will be the last time we will contact you in regards to Josephine Lightborne. She will be attending the University of Sanctum and ..."  
Aurora stops reading and looks at Clarke.  
"Clarke, honey, I don't understand."  
"She looks like me."  
Aurora looks back at the picture and realizes that Clarke is right, the girls are similar in appearance.  
"I was looking for something in dad's office and mom came in and she saw me looking through it and she got really mad. She yelled and said a lot of things..."  
"And she slapped you."  
Clarke nods.  
"I can't stay there anymore. Can I please stay here for a bit until I figure out what to do. I need to know who she is, I need to know why there are pictures and files hidden in my dad's office. I need to know who the hell Josephine Lightborne is and why does she look like me and why my mom had someone following her."  
Aurora hugs her tightly.  
"Oh, honey. Of course, you can stay. You will always have a place here. This is your home too."  
She pulls away to look at her.  
"Can I get you anything? Do you want water? Another blanket?"  
Clarke's lip quivers.  
"I want Bellamy."  
Aurora tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek.  
"I can call him. He will be here ..."  
"No please, you can't call him."  
She's clutching the blanket tightly in her hand, eyes wide and Aurora is startled by the girl's tone.  
Aurora hums trying to calm her down.  
"Okay, I won't call him. But can you tell me what happened? He misses you."  
She bites her lip, not looking Aurora.  
"I-I miss him too."  
Clarke's voice is soft and her eyes land on a picture frame.  
"Why did you leave?  
Clarke licks her lips.  
"I'm tired."  
Aurora nods, not wanting to push her. She smoothes the blankets but Clarke grabs her hand.  
"Will you stay, just until I fall asleep?"  
Aurora's eyes soften and she slips under the covers to wrap an arm around her and presses a kiss to her hair.  
"I got you, sweetheart."  
_

* * *

By the time Murphy gets to the hospital, Octavia and her car are already there.  
He sees Jasper sitting on a couch near the small bakery, a drink in his hand.  
Jasper points them in the direction that everyone is in and Murphy hurries towards the others, fear in his throat.  
He knows that Octavia said that Clarke was okay but he needs to see her.

He freezes when he sees then all.  
Clarke is fast asleep in Bellamy's lap, a large charcoal black cardigan covering her. Bellamy has a soft smile and look on his face as he looks down at her.  
It hits him on much Bellamy loves Clarke. He has always known it, known that they love each other.  
Clarke has said it and Bellamy has told him at one point but never has that been clearer than now.  
As Murphy looks at them, he thinks that Bellamy and Clarke will be okay.  
They are going to be okay.  
They will make it back to each other.  


Miller stops behind him and he sighs, a wry smile on his face.  
"God it feels like college all over again."  
_  
Miller freezes as the blonde girl enters the room.  
"Can I help you?"  
She shakes her head yawning and kicks off her shoes and jeans and crawls under the covers.  
Miller blinks and he looks around, looking for someone, a note, something to tell him what to do about the blonde girl that just crawled into his roommate's bed.  
Bellamy comes into their room about half an hour later to find him looking at his bed.  
"Miller? You good?"  
"Some blonde girl just walked in and is now sleeping in your bed."  
Bellamy shakes his head and pulls back the covers.  
He gets a soft smile on his face. He bends over to run hand on her cheek.  
"Hey princess."  
She blinks sleepily her mouth curving into a smile when she sees him.  
"Bell."  
"Go back to sleep okay."  
"Sleep?"  
Bellamy laughs softly.  
"Sounds good."  
She nuzzles back under the covers and Bellamy kicks off his shoes.  
"So I didn't know you had a girlfriend."  
Bellamy's cheeks turn pink and he scratches the back of his neck. "Clarke, she's not my girlfriend."  
Miller raises an eyebrow and Bellamy sighs.  
"She's my best friend that all there is to it."  
Miller's eyes widen as he recognizes the girl from Bellamy's pictures, he didn't get a good look at her face when she stumbled in but has seen that picture of Bellamys' desk every day during their freshman year, how could he not recognize her?  
Miller rolls his eyes.  
He doesn't believe him.  
There is no way they are just friends.  
Not with the way Bellamy looks at her.  
Or the way she looks at him.  
_ Not much has changed since then. They still looked at each other in the same way, still acted the same.  
At least before Clarke left and Echo became Bellamy's girlfriend.  
But right now with Clarke asleep in his lap, head tucked into the crook of his neck, it was like being back in college. It brings him back to the night that he met Jackson.  
_ The bar was packed considering the fact that finals were near.  
There were tons of freshmen with fake ids around them but Miller was in a good mood.  
Bellamy and Clarke were already at the booth with Monty and Harper, heads bent close whispering as he approaches their booth. "Started without me?"  
"Clarke wanted to fight a girl for a booth."  
Clarke rolled her eyes.  
"I wasn't going to let any freshman take our booth."  
They sit and joke and drink and Clarke pull Bellamy up to dance for a bit. Raven and Murphy stumble in to see them. Miller goes to get another round of drinks and he notices Bryan, his ex-boyfriend, they had dated back in high school, secret make-out sessions under the school bleachers. Neither were ready to come out and they had parted ways after graduation.  
It's great to see him again.  
Miller forgets about getting his friends drinks, he's too busy getting talking to his ex.  
The attraction is still there but Miller knows that they are a thing of the past.  
The days of thinking about raising chickens on a farm are long over.  
But there is nothing wrong with some flirting.  
Bryan leans in close.  
"Look I should get going. I got to drive back tomorrow. It was really nice seeing you, Nate." Miller walks him outside to wait for his uber and leans in to give him a soft kiss. He forgets that the bar is crowded and that it's full of drunk people, not all that are friendly.  
_

_ Miller can't remember what was said but he does remember Bryan getting in the car and then turning back to the bar and the feeling of someone punching his cheek. He remembers stumbling back in shock before throwing a punch, of yelling and screaming. He remembers Clarke stepping in, eye blazing, voice angry. He remembers her stumbling back into Bellamy and how Murphy and Bellamy get involved instead of trying to pull them away. He remembers someone wrestling Bellamy away as someone grabs him and Murphy and the boys who started it all.  
Miller is frozen as people look at them, as the police sirens can be heard.  
Logically he knows that there are people who hate him, people who hate people like him but he has never experienced it like this.  
He has gotten the hushed whispered and disgusted looks, those who get his face but never has he had someone have such a violent reaction to it.  
Clarke touches his face and he jumps.  
"The police are going to be here soon. We need to go to the hospital."  
Her voice is shaky but soft.  
_

_ He remembers sitting in the waiting room, Bellamy next to him with Clarke curled into his lap, Murphy on the other side of him when they are seen by someone.  
Jackson is cute, with kind eyes and a gentle touch.  
He hums soothingly when Miller flinches as he stitches him up.  
_

_ David Miller comes rushing in and he stops when he sees his face. Miller can't breathe.  
He's never had the chance to tell his father that he's gay.  
His father is a single father, a busy cop, he has much bigger things to worry about that his gay son.  
"How? Who did this to you? Why?"  
His eyes are frantic, worried.  
He looks at all of them and Miller sees Jackson steps closer to him.  
"What happened?"  
Clarke licks her lip as she steps forward after Miller is silent.  
"It's my fault, some guys were.."  
Miller shakes his head and cuts her off.  
He had to tell his dad eventually, right? Is night has already been bad, how much worse can it get?  
"Clarke... They attacked me, dad, they attacked me because I'm gay. I was kissing someone and they attacked me cause I'm gay."  
The anger on his father's face terrifies him. He sees anger and disbelief and then sadness and Miller closes his eyes not wanting to see the disappointment on his father's face.  
Miller hears the sound of footsteps and Clarke lets out a soft gasp and then his father's arms are around him, holding him tightly.  
Miller starts to cry and he can feel his father's tears and him whispering. "I love you, I love you so much, Nathan."  
_

_ David Miller steps back and he holds his son's face.  
"I love you so much, Nathan. You are my son, no matter what."  
It's only then that Miller realizes that his father is in his uniform.  
The fact that his father had come straight after work or during a shift hits him hard.  
"I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm so sorry."  
_

_ David drives them all home as Miller looks at Bellamy and Clarke in the backseat, Clarke in his lap, asleep, head tucked into the crook of his neck.  
_

* * *

Murphy sits down next to Bellamy.  
He rubs Clarke's ankle and she lets out a soft sigh.  
"How are you?"  
Bellamy swallows.  
"I was so scared and then seeing her, god Murphy, I never want to be that scared again. Seeing her, I felt like I could breathe again."

Whatever Murphy is going to say is interrupted by a doctor.  
"Family of Xavier Santiago?"  
She repeats it again and Octavia stands up.  
"That's us."  
Bellamy shakes Clarke away and she blinks up at him.  
"Who?"  
"X."  
"He's my nephew. I have a letter stating that..."  
"Yes, your lawyer gave us a call."  
Clarke frowns as the nurse cuts her off.  
Bellamy squeezes her shoulder as she sinks back against him, letting him be her strength.  
"Xavier is out of surgery. We are currently moving him to his room. We will let you know once you can go see him."  
She turns away but she only gets half a step away when Clarke calls out, "And Josephine Lightborne? Gabriel Santiago?"  
"Ms.Lightborne and Mr. Santiago are still in surgery."  
She walks away and Clarke feels sick.  


She turns around, eyes wide and Bellamy is quick to wrap his arms around her.  
Octavia steps forward to hug her and Clarke finds herself being comforted by her two best friends. Bellamy's arms holding her tight while Octavia whispers reassurances in her ear.  


* * *

Emori has never been happier to see Harper.  
"Give me a hand?"  
Harper wraps an arm around Echo's waist as Emori guides, Raven to get some food.  
Raven keeps insisting on going to see Clarke but Emori wants food in her girlfriend before they see the blonde.  
The last thing she wants is for Clarke or Bellamy to start worrying.  
She manages to get a muffin into Raven's hands while Harper tries to convince Echo to get something.  
In the end, it's Jasper who tells them to give up.  
"If she wants to be drunk, we can't force her to sober up. If she wants to embarrass herself, that's on her."  
Octavia rolls her eyes when she sees them.  
"Why am I not surprised."  
"How is..."  
"Clarke and Bell went to see Xavier."  
Jasper reaches for her hands.  
"We should go sit with the others."  
Octavia kisses his hands.  
"In a bit, I need some air."  
The two of them wander off and Emori leads a slightly sober Raven and tipsy Echo to where the other are.  


* * *

Teenagers are not meant to be quiet.  
They aren't meant to look so small.  
Xavier looks so small laying in bed.  
His left leg is wrapped in a cast.  
"He's lucky."  
Clarke runs a hand through his hair.  
"He's okay."  
Bellamy places his hands on her shoulders and Clarke sighs.  
The second the nurse told her she could see Xavier, Bellamy was right there. He had squeezed her hand but didn't follow her until she held out a hand to him. He took it and followed her to the room silently.  
Bellamy still has no idea who the kid is but he remembers Clarke calling him her nephew and a part of him is confused and he wants to ask but another part of him is hurt that she never said anything to him.  
But how he feels is the least of his worries, his main concern is Clarke.  


The room is huge, it's a private room and when Clarke saw it she had rolled her eyes and muttered "Roan" under her breath.  
She tilts her head back to look at Bellamy and he bends down to kiss her forehead and her eyes flutter close.  
His hands move from her shoulders to her hips and his fingers slip under his sweater and he feels her skin under his fingertips.  
"I got you, princess. I got you."  


_ I promise, you don't have to be afraid, I'll wait  
Love is here, and here to stay  
So lay your head on me _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, ya'll!  
Happy Belated Valentine's Day!
> 
> Been super busy with my last semester of college! Countdown to graduation is starting!  
I'm working on my capstone and taking 3 online classes in addition to the 3 classes I have on campus so I doubt I will be up able to update every week but I will try my best to update quickly. 
> 
> Next update is going to be great. 
> 
> I'm also going to point out that I have added some tags and a trigger warning. I will be letting you know once that chapter is coming and will have a warning for that chapter, much like this one. Also, if you ever read something and think that I need to add a warning or a tag please let me know.  
If you have any concerns and absolutely need to know you are welcomed to message me on Tumblr or my twitter.
> 
> Also, if anyone wants to make a moodboard or help me figure out how to make one that would be nice. 
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos, comments, messages on various social media, reading this far, sending other people links.All of this means the world to me.


	18. Keep Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper hates the hospital. Raven, Murphy, and Emori have a moment. Bellamy is Clarke's rock.  
Echo schemes.

Echo is not happy when she realizes that Bellamy is with Clarke.  
When Octavia tell them where Bellamy is, with who he is with, she opens her mouth to say something but someone digs their nail into her skin and she closes her mouth.  
It annoys her and she wants to file a complaint because she knows that its family only and Bellamy and Clarke are not family.  
They never will be if she has her say in it.  
But the look on Octavia’s face tells her that the girl will gladly deck her if she opens her mouth so Echo settles for letting herself be lead to the couch where she sits, pouting on the couch, she knows there is no point in raising a scene, at least not yet.  
Instead, she sits and decides to plan what she can do next.  
Clarke’s confession has seemed to knock Bellamy off his feet and changed all her plans.  
She still can't believe the blonde took the risk she did confessing to Bellamy and she can't believe that Bellamy had dropped everything to be with Clarke now, especially after the bomb she had dropped.  
Her future was spiraling out of control and she needed to act fast if she wanted to get things back on track.  


She pulls out her phone to send a quick message.  
**Echo: ** You knew Clarke when she was younger right?  
**Ontari: ** Yes, why?  
**Echo: **Do you have her mom’s number?  
**Ontari:** Abby Griffin’s her name. Here’s her number.  
Echo grins.  


_  
Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you  
I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through  
_

Murphy runs a hand through Raven’s hair. As soon as she had seen him she had stumbled into his arms, her arms around his waist as she buries her head into his neck, “Clarke?”  
“She went in with Bellamy.”  
He leads her to the couch and she sinks into his lap, tucking her head into the crook of his neck and he sighs, his fingers playing with the strands.  
Emori gives them a soft smile and presses a kiss to his lips before she settles next to them, her hand reaching for thiers.  
“Is she okay?”  
Emori asks quietly, the trio in their own little bubble.  
Murphy is quiet.  
“She’s tired. But Bellamy’s got her.”  
“Bellamy’s always got her.”  
Raven whispers to herself and sighs and she feels Murphy tense under her and it reminds her of how things are not okay with them.  
Emori is quiet as the thinks about how to best approach the situation at hand. But it’s Murphy who beats her to the punch.  
“After all of this is over, I think we all need to sit down and talk.”  
Raven swallows, suddenly she wishes she's' still drunk.  
She buries her head into Murphy's neck trying to hold back her tears but she’s always been a more drunk. More angry more emotional, more loving- it all depends on the situation.  
Murphy tenses when he feels her tears hit his neck.  
“Rae?”  
“I’m just worried about Clarke.”  
It's a lie.  
He knows it.  
But he also knows that now is not the right time.  
So he lets it slide.  
His arm tightens around her.  
“Me too.”  
_And that's the problem, you seem to care about her more... At least more than me. _  
Raven tries to push the thought away but it lingers.  
She's never had an issue with Murphy and Clarke's friendship before, but for some reason, Clarke being back is making all her insecurities rise to the surface.  


Octavia closes her eyes as she feels Jasper comb his hands through her hair.  
Her head hurts, her body is tired, and she feels sick.  
They had stepped out into the small outdoor area in the middle of the hospital to get some fresh air.  
“You okay?”  
She yawns.  
“Just tired.”  
Jasper looks at his phone.  
It’s barely seven.  
“Tired?”  
He presses a kiss to her forehead before he pulls away to look at her.  
She looks tired, a bit pale.  
Octavia has always been energetic, full-on energizer bunny but lately, she been more tired. Jasper was sure its the stress of everything getting to her but it worries him.  
She lets her hand slides up his back, under his shirt and Jasper shivers.  
“You are so hot.”  
“Way to charm a girl Jordan.”  
Jasper chuckles and shakes his head.  
“No, Octavia, I mean you...O!”  
He watches in horror as she gives him a dazed smile, her eyes fluttering shut as she slumps forward into his chest. "O? O?" He picks her up and runs in.  
“Hi! My girlfriend passed out! Can someone help me?”  


Jasper’s freaking out.  
He can't lose her. He can’t.  
He hates hospitals.  


* * *

_ You're not alone  
Together we stand  
I'll be by your side  
You know I'll take your hand  
When it gets cold  
\- Keep Holding On- Avril Lavigne _

David knows it’s an abuse of his power but he turns on his lights and sirens anyway.  
Aurora sits in the passenger seat next to him. S  
She’s calm, worried for Clarke but calm.  
She has to be.  
But all she can think about is Clarke’ tearstained face the night she came to her house and how Clarke had been so happy after meeting Josephine.  
Clarke is so strong, but even strong people can break.  
Aurora can only hope that her kids will be there when she does.  
She bites her lip and David reaches for her hand at the light.  
“It’s going to be okay. Clarke’s strong.”  
“If what Abby said was true…”  
“We don’t know if it.”  


Aurora sighs and he pulls his hand away as the light changes and she tucks some hair behind her ear.  
“I feel like as a mother she should know that her kid is... But after the stuff, she said to them, to Clarke… the stuff Jake told me… Abby…”  
Aurora trails off not sure what to say and David sighs.  
He knows that Aurora has mixed feeling towards Abby- she doesn't understand how the women can be so cold, so indifferent to her daughter, but she is also envious that Abby had it all- the home, the husband, the ability to provide for her child without worrying about needing to take on another job or if today would be the day that the landlord came by for her rent extension.  
They pull into the parking lot about thirty minutes later and Aurora gets out of the car quickly but before she can take two steps way David is by her side cupping her face kissing her.  
She lets herself sink into the kiss and her hand clutching his elbows and when he pulls away he rests his forehead against hrs.  
“It’s going to be okay. And if it’s not then I’m right here”  
She nods, letting the fear she feels slip away.  
“I love you.”  
He kisses her softly, tenderly before he wraps his arms around her tightly, hugging her.  
Then when he lets her go she reaches for his hand and they walk into the hospital, hand in hand.  
He stands behind her in the elevator, arm wrapped around her and she closes her eyes taking a few deep breaths.  


* * *

Jasper’s not sure how much time has passed.  
They had taken her from his arms and he had followed them until he couldn't anymore.  
Someone is shaking him, he can see their mouths moving but he hears nothing.  
When they took Octavia away, he had followed them desperately, needing to know what was going on, if she was going to be okay, and where she was being taken to.  
Short of telling him that they are going to run some tests, he had no idea what was happening.  
His mind is whirling, thinking of Maya- one minute she was fine and the next she wasn't.  
He can feel his heart racing, he can't lose her, he just can't, he can't lose Octavia, he can't lose another woman that he loves.  


Jasper knows he should call someone.  
But he doesn't know who.  
Everyone is already here worried about Clarke who is worried about Josie, Gabriel, and Xavier and Bellamy who is worried about Clarke.  
And the last thing he wants is for Bellamy to know and have to worry about Octavia he doesn't just need Monty he needs David. 

David's phone rings as they wait for the person behind the desk to give them a visitor's pass.  
He steps aside to answer the phone, giving Aurora's hand a quick squeeze and she nods.  
The person behind the desk is taking their sweet time and Aurora lets out a breath, trying to stay patient. Aurora looks over to see David on the phone, his eyes furrowed, lips pressed into a thin line. He looks up and she sees the panic in his eyes and her heart pounds.  
Something is wrong.  


David is torn, should he tell Aurora about Octavia?  
Should he not say a word?  
If he doesn't tell Aurora, she can focus on Bellamy and Clarke and not be worried about Octavia but if he does tell her, she will be worried about all of them and he’s not sure she will be able to keep her fears about Octavia away from Bellamy and Clarke.  
He looks up to see her and he takes her in.  
Long dark hair, pretty green eyes. She's dressed in jeans and a police sweatshirt she had borrowed from him that had been in the trunk of the car. She’s absolutely beautiful and he loves her.  
And he knows without a doubt that he has to tell her.  
He can't, hasn't kept a secret from her and he isn't going to start now.  
"Aurora."  
She turns as he tugs on her elbow, giving the person working the desk a quick smile.  
"David?"  
He grabs her forearms and she freezes at the look on his face.  
"David? What's wrong?"  
He bites his lip and Aurora braces herself for the news- it was actually Clarke, not Josie. Or that Josie died.  
"That was Jasper. Octavia fainted and the doctors are running some tests. He's not doing good."  


Aurora’s face pales and David holds her arms tightly, not wanting to let her go in fear she would crumple.  
Octavia.  
Fainted.  
Tests.  
Her mind is whirling, thinking about the last time she saw her.  
At the art show, she looked fine.  
A bit stressed from all the drama that was going on but she looked fine, healthy.  
“I need to see her. Then I’ll go to Clarke.”  
She loves Clarke and Clarke is pretty much her daughter, but she has Bellamy.  


The person behind the desk directs them to where they need to go and they rush to where Jasper is sitting with Monty. Aurora has to blink past tears.  
He looks terrible, eyes wide and red, fingers shaking and Aurora feels her heart break.  
Jasper’s already lost Maya, he can’t lose her daughter.  
“Jasper.”  
She holds her arms up to him and he buries his head into the crook of her shoulder as she wraps her arms around him tightly.  
She combs the hair on the back of his head soothingly as he cries into her shoulder.  
She knows how much he hates hospitals, this-Octavia hurt in the hospital in his worst nightmare.  
She’s known him since he was young, he was one of Octavia's best friends, another son to her. She’s patched him up, watched him grow up, watched him mourn. She’s seen him fall in love twice, she had put bandaids on his scraped knees when Octavia convinced him to try skateboarding. When Octavia and Jasper announced they were together she had been one of their biggest supporters, knowing that her daughter needed someone like Jasper in her life.  


Comforting Jasper forces her to calm down, she’s always been the type who better when she has something to do, someone to take care of.  
She hums, and David runs a soothing hand down his back and she gives him a soft smile.  
She’s lucky, she thinks that she has someone who supports her in all the way he can.  
Their relationship isn't easy the distance is hard on them both.  
Some night after work, all she wants is to crawl into bed with his arms around her but they can't cause she’s in Polis and he’s in Arkadia.  
She hasn't told her kids yet but she has been looking into jobs and an apartment in Arkadia, she wants to be closer to David, to her kids, to her family.  
But she's not sure if she can afford to move into a new place and she doesn't want to assume that David wants her to move in.  
But she's looking.  


* * *

_Tell me does your heart  
Beat for something it can't have  
Like its fallin' apart  
And all it needs  
Is me to put the pieces back  
\- Just Friends - Ally Barron_

Bellamy's fingers are warm or maybe its the blush that is spreading all over her body.  
Clarke turns around and wraps her arms around him and laying her head over his heart letting his heartbeat soothe her.  
on of Bellamy's hands finds its way to her hair, his thumb on her neck holding her close to him, rubbing circle while his other hand remained under his sweater.  
She's safe.  
Bellamy makes her feel safe.  
And with that she lets herself cry.  


Bellamy pulls her closer as he feels her body shudder and he can feel her tears hitting his shirt.  
He smells a bit like Gabriel which she realizes is because of the cardigan which reminds her of Gabriel wearing it as he reads a book while she and Josie paint and Xavier watches a movie.  
That cardigan was one of his favorites- although Clarke wasn't sure why since he had the same styles in gray (and blue and white) .  
Josie liked to tease him calling it his old man sweater.  
Clarke let out a soft sob as she remembers Gabriel pulling Josie towards him, pressing a kiss to her nose and smirk on his face.  
"Well, you like my old man body."  
Clarke remembers covering Xavier's eyes as he groans.  
Bellamy lets his chin drop onto her hair and his hands hold her tighter.  
There are no words that he can say to her but he can hold her.  
Neither of them notices the stirring from the bed or the eyes that opens behind them.  
They are too caught up in each other.

* * *

The first thing Xavier hears is the beeping of the machine and the bright light that hurt his eyes.  
It takes him a few seconds to adjust to the light and he scans the room, the plain wall, the mounted tv, the beeping of machines.  
He's in the hospital.  
Then he focuses on the couple in front of him.  
The blonde woman is crying and he recognizes his older brother's cardigan but the man wearing it, his hair is different. The man's head is tilted downward as if he kissing her hair and his hair is curly so he knows its not hsi brother, and the woman's hair has little more curls, longer and he knows its not Josie .  
He struggles to remember who it could be.  
He closes his eyes trying to remember what happened and why he was at the hospital.  
Josie and his brother in the car, picking him up from a friend's house.  
The jolt of something hitting them.  
Pain.  
Crying.  
His brother crying out...JOSIE! His eyes fly open.  
Gabriel.  
Josie.  
He needs to know if they are okay.

Clarke feels a bit embarrassed that she's getting Bellamy's shirt wet but the tightening in his arms around her banishes that thought.  
She never wants to leave his arms.  
She feels safe like as long as Bellamy's arms are around her, nothing can hurt her.  
_ Nothing but him _  
Clarke pushes away the thought in her head and nuzzles his chest and she feels him press on the base of her neck, keeping her head there, soothing circles making her let out a soft sigh and she can feel him nuzzling her hair.  
She loves him.  
She loves Bellamy so much that it both hurts and makes her feel like she's flying.  


Xavier's panicking.   
He knows that's not his future sister-in-law and he doesn't see her in the room. br /> The rapid beating from the heart machine causes them to break away and Clarke turns in Bellamy's arms to see Xavier, eyes wide and she rushes to his side and runs his hand through his hair.  
"Hey, hey, it's alright, it's okay."  
But it doesn't calm him down and Bellamy sees his eyes darting looking or something, someone.  
Doctors and nurses come into the room and Clarke gets pushed out of the way and Bellamy pulls her into his arms, watching from th corner, as the doctor tries to calm him down.  
"Sir, you need to clam down or we may have to sedate you."  
Clarke lets out a soft whimper and Xavier's eyes find hers.  
He reaches a hand and Clarke pushes past them to grab his hand.  
"Xavier, you're in the hospital. You were in a car accident."  
Bellamy steps up behind her, his hands resting on her hips, giving her support.  
"J-jo-sie?"  
Clarke bites her lip and Xavier's eyes fill with tears and Clarke shakes her head.  
"No, she- she's still in surgery, shes fine. And so is your brother."  
But it's too late.  
Xavier's crying and he lets go of her hand.  
Clark reaches for him but he shoves her hand away and Bellamy's heart breaks.  
"Let's step outside for a bit okay? Get some news. He'll feel better if you have something more to tell him."  
Clarke doesn't want to leave Xavier's side but she knows that Bellamy is right, she needs to find out about Gabriel and Josie.  


They make their way down the hall, his arm around her holding her close and they stop by the nurses' station, where two police officers are.  
"We are looking for Ms.Grififn."  
Clarke interrupts them.  
"I'm Ms. Grffin."  
The officer opens his mouth but she shakes her head and turns to look at the nurses.  
"Any news on Josephine Lightbourne or Gabriel Santiago?"  
The nurse nods.  
"Mr. Sanitago is fine, they will be taking him to his room in about an hour."  
"And Josie?"  
"She's still in surgery."  
Clarke swallows, trying to blink back tears and Bellamy squeezes her hip and she looks up at him.  
He gives her a soft look and presses a kiss to her forehead and she closes her eyes.  
Everything is going to be okay.  
Josie is alive and that's enough.  
The officers pull her aside and even though it's the last thing he wants to do, Bellamy is about to let her go when she grabs his hand tighter and pulling him closer to her.  
They raise an eyebrow at him and Bellamy notices one of the officer's disappointment and has to keep a growl from coming out of his throat.  
Clarke's gorgeous even in a crisis.  
And while he knows its a bad idea, he wraps an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to her shoulder and Clarke looks away from the officers to give him a soft smile.  


Bellamy doesn't pay too much attention to the conversation.  
He’s too busy focusing on Clarke.  
It's been a while since they have been like this, close enough to touch, comfortable enough with each other to fall back into old patterns.  
It's funny he never realized how natural, how right she feels tucked into his side.  
Or it's more like he hasn't realized it in a while, because it- they used to be so natural it was like breathing.  
He lets himself get lost in her.  
The way she leans into his him, her hair tickling his nose, the smell of strawberries filling his brain.  
How small she, she fits into the crook of his neck when she is on tiptoes, her head resting on his heart when she's on solid ground.  
The way her fingers grip his like she doesn't want him to leave her.  


It hurts because this is all normal for them, the closeness, the touching but it's been so long and it's his fault. He's the one who hurt her, _ but she hurt you first. She left _  
Bellamy lets out a soft huff at the thought and without thinking he pulls her drops her hand and Clarke looks at him but his arm wraps around her waist and pulls her towards and kisses the side of her hair.  
Clarke feels the worry and tension in her shoulders disappear and she smiles softly and reaches up to stroke his jaw with her thumb and she mouths "Thank you".  
She turns back to the officers, her cheek pinks at the look in his eyes and sees that the officers also seem to be blushing.  
One of them clears their throat.  
"We will call you with any more information. Have a nice night."  
__

_ _ They walk away and Clarke sighs.  
"What did they say?"  
"The driver was drunk. A- another family was hit. I'm going to ask if they are okay."  
Clarke is about to walk away but Bellamy wraps his arms around her as she lets out a soft sigh as she buries her face into his neck.  
Before she moves away from him, she presses a kiss to his neck and Bellamy lets out a soft gasp.  
_ _

_ _ The nurses can't tell Clarke much but the looks they exchange tell her that it's not a lot of good news. She presses a little more and the nurse admits finally admits that besides the driver died on the scene and that Gabriel is now in the room.  
_ _

_ _ Clarke lets out a gasp when she sees Gabriel.  
His face is cut up and his right arm is wrapped and Clarke picks up his chart and reads that he has a couple of bruised ribs.  
She approaches the bed shakily and her hand skims his face gently.  
Bellamy tries to stomp out the flash of jealously that flares up at the sight of Clarke touching the man- Gabriel's (at least that what he thinks Clarke said his name was) face gently.  
"Gabriel."  
Her voice is soft, loving and Bellamy feels like he has been stabbed in the heart.  
"But he sits on the chair quietly while Clarke talks to him quietly and after awhile she curls up in his lap, her hand still holding onto Gabriel's. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

  
_ Remember when I cried to you a thousand times  
I told you everything  
You know my feelings  
It never crossed my mind  
That there would be a time  
For us to say goodbye  
What a big surprise  
\- Remember When - Avril Lavigne _  


* * *

_ __ _

_ __ _

_ __ _

_ __ _

_ _  
"O? Honey?"  
"Mom?"  
Octavia looks up as Aurora enters the room.  
Aurora scans her for any injuries and she opens her mouth but then Octavia shakes her head and holds out her arms and Aurora simply hugs her, running a hand through her hair as Octavia cries into her stomach.  
She has no clue what is going on, all she was told that Octavia wanted to see her.  
Her heart is pounding as she keeps combing her fingers through her daughter's dark hair.  
Eventually, she stops crying.  
"I'm so scared."  
Aurora's heart breaks for her.  
"It's going to be okay."  
__

_ __ _

_ __ _

Jasper's not sure what to think when Aurora comes out and tell him that Octavia wants to talk to him.  
But when he enters the room, he sees her sitting on the bed, cheeks pink and eyes red and he doesn't hesitate.  
He walks over and cups her face in his hands and kisses her hard.  
She parts her lips and he deepens the kiss, her hands on his arms while he stands in between her legs.  
When he pulls away she doesn't let him go far.  
"You scared me so much. I love you. "  
She closes her eyes.  
"I have something to tell you."  


* * *

Echo is texting Ontari who has decided that she wants to come by the next day to say hi (and stir up some drama) and Echo is excited to see her.  
She is so happy to have her in her life and while she doesn't have much luck with girls- Raven being the exception, what she has with Ontari is special, different, sister-like.  
She's also sent a few texts to Bellamy telling him that she's thinking of him and how much she loves him and that she trusts him in light of Clarke's confession.  
She doesn't want to come off an afraid or insecure so she refrains from calling him.  


Monty and Harper are whispering with Miller, the three of them looking like they are in the middle of a serious conversation. Jackson is asleep on Miller's shoulder but he had refused to leave earlier when Miller suggested they go, about half an hour ago.  
Echo looks at the time and sighs.  
She knows it's ridiculous but she's not sure why Bellamy and Clarke have been gone for the past two hours.  
But no one seems to be concerned about it, or at least concerned in the way she is.  
Raven is dosing off quietly in Murphy's lap while he and Emori watch something on her phone, heads leaning against each other.  


Suddenly, a dark-haired older woman breezes in and all eyes fly to her.  
Echo tilts her head, confused as to why Miller is shaking Jackson awake and Murphy sits up.  
"Aurora!"  
The name sounds familiar and it bothers her.  
Didn't Clarke's mother's name start with an A?  
Is this her?  
She doesn't look like Clarke.  


Monty is the first to hug her and then Harper. She hugs Miller tightly, whispering something to him that has him nodding. Jackson is next and she seems to be asking him some questions.  
Echo takes the time to study the woman.  
She's short with long dark hair and piercing green eyes and a kind smile.  
She's dressed in jeans and an Arkadia Police Academy Sweatshirt, which made Echo even more confused.  
Echo watches as Aurora hugs Raven who is looking a little more awake.  
She hugs Emori and then Murphy, who pulls away from her a sheepish look on his face. They talk for a bit before Aurora hugs him again and Echo watches as Murphy lets out a sigh, hugging her back.  
Echo stands up, annoyed that they have seemed to have forgotten her.  
She smiles brightly and holds out a hand.  
"Hi, I'm Echo."  
The woman looks at her and Echo can't help but shiver at the cold look in the woman's eyes. They scan over her and Echo feels a flash of discomfort and then the woman opens her mouth but whatever she is about to say is interrupted by a loud "Mom!"  


Echo looks up to see Bellamy and Clarke and she frowns when she sees that Clarke is pressed to his side but it only lasts a second because then Clarke is rushing forward and Echo watches as Aurora hold out her arms to her as Clarke nearly dives into them and then as Aurora wraps her arms around the blonde woman, rocking her side to side.  
Echo's jaw is probably on the floor as she watches Aurora hug Clarke who is quietly crying into her neck.  
Echo looks up to look at Bellamy who is looking at Clarke and his mother with a soft fond smile and not looking at her.  
Aurora looks up and she nods at her son and Echo is still trying to wrap her mind about the fact that she is finally going to meet Bellamy's mom and of course, it's Clarke who ruins it.  
Echo grits her teeth but then she sees Bellamy steps towards them pressing a kiss to Aurora's cheek, his hand on Clarke's back, when he steps away, a hand shoots out and Bellamy grabs it and then he moves, his back towards Echo, almost shielding them from her view.  
It's an intimate gesture, a little closed up family setting and Echo's blood is boiling.  


_I see she's got, I see she's got some thing I don't  
You know I'm jealous in my head  
'Cause you'd look so good in my bed  
But you really like the bitch  
\- Dirty, Dirty- Charlotte Cardin  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit shorter than I wanted it to be but I wanted to post something after being gone for a month but I hoped you all liked it.
> 
> With all that is going on, I should have more time to write. I will try to get another chapter up by next week.  
Coming up next chapter we got a lot of heart to hearts and a little bit of drama. 
> 
> I have also added a few more chapters so that number has been uped but it's a rough estimate. Please read the tags and if you have any immediate concerns please message me and I will be happy to tell you what to expect and I also will be using trigger warnings to let you know of anything that may bother you. 
> 
> Be safe everyone, drink water, and please wash your hands.  
Love y'all.


	19. I Want You To Be Happier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora is tired.  
Octavia confesses something.  
Drama.  
Things fall apart.  
Softness.  
Bellamy comes to a decision.

  
_ I really hate to let this moment go_  
_ Touching your skin and your hair falling slow_  
_ When a goodbye kiss, feels like this_  
_ Don't you wanna stay here a little while_  
_ Don't you wanna hold each other tight_  
_ Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight_  
_ Don't you wanna stay here a little while_  
_ We can make forever feel this way_  
_ Don't you wanna stay_  
_Don't You Want To Stay- Kelly Clarkson _  


* * *

Clarke can't take her eyes off Gabriel.

In the past months of getting to know Josie, she and Gabriel had bonded.  
He had in many ways reminded her of Bellamy and the first time she had seen him, she had nearly burst into tears when he had hugged her because if she closed her eyes she could pretend it was him.  
Over the months, they had gotten to know each other. Both she and Gabriel had once considered medical professions, both enjoyed art, and they weren’t big fans of horror movies.  
They had good talks about books over coffee and she could see why Josie had been willing to give everything up to be with him.  
Gabriel was good. Kind, loyal, a good brother, and even better boyfriend and friend. He had tried to break up with Josie so she wouldn't be tied down with him but she had refused.

He was just like Bellamy in so many ways and in other ways, they were so different.  
The biggest being that he lied to Josie with all he had, Gabriel loved Josie in a way that she only wanted Bellamy to love her. 

He had been willing to let Josie go for her own sake, but Josie being the stubborn person she was had refused and insisted on standing by his side, helping to raise Xavier, even if it meant being disowned by her family.  
It reminded her of how she and Bellamy had been there for each other all- through Octavia’s disappearance to Jasper’s rehab. She and Bellamy had always found a way to stick together, no matter what.

And maybe that's the issue. She and Bellamy have never had to deal with something like this. They have never been at such odds. They weren’t always on the same side but she could always count on him to have her back. He was her partner, her best friend.  
They may not always agree but they did things together.  
To go from together to not- it was unsettling.

She had spent six months missing him, feeling as if she was missing an important piece of herself.  
Things weren’t easy but she kept herself busy, drawing, getting to know Josie and Gabriel and Xavier but there was always this feeling of emptiness.  
Bellamy was her best friend, her family, she loved him.  
Realizing that she loved him, all she could see was how it all could go wrong. Every what if, every almost moment, it was just bad timing, something was always getting in the way and the things happened the easier it was to pretend and push her feeling away.  
But that night, that goddamn night.  
It was just them.  
No-one stopped them.  
There were no friends to look after, no one to bother them.

And he didn’t kiss her.  
Bellamy hadn’t kissed her.  
He had pulled away.

He broke her heart and Clarke knew that she needed to get over him.  
She needed time and space to fix her heart.  
She had gone home and thought of Bellamy smiling and kissing pretty girls- Gina, Bree, Roma, and of him smiling and laughing and getting married and living behind a white picket fence and it became hard to breathe because she wanted that.  
She wanted the happily ever after, the children, the dog, the white picket fence (even though she hates the idea of white picket fences because the fence would get so dirty and it sounds like a nightmare to be honest) but she wants that all with Bellamy.  
She wants a life, a home, a future with Bellamy.  
And clearly, he didn't want that with her.

Leaving was both one of the best and worst decisions she had made.  
It brought her to Josie but it also screwed up some of her other relationships.  
She and Bellamy- they are dancing around each other hurting the other without meaning too.  
Even her friendship with Octavia is different. Octavia may have been her support system the last few weeks, but she knows that under it all, Octavia is still angry and hurt that she left.  
And she had the right to be.  
As for Raven, their friendship was based on the fact they had been cheated on by Finn and while they had become close, sharing secrets and offer advice the truth was Finn would always be in between them.  
The fact that Finn had wanted her and not Raven would always remain between them, eating away at Raven’s insecurities about not being chosen and feeding Clarke’s guilt of hurting people  
It had put Miller in an uncomfortable position and while her relationship with Murphy had not changed, they had hurt each other.  
All she did was hurt them.  
Trying to protect her heart had ended up hurting a whole lot of people.  
She swallows and lets out a shuddered breath and then she’s aware of Bellamy’s thumb rubbing over her knuckles, his breath against her hair and she leans back against his chest, pulling Gabriel’s hand towards her.  
If she lets go of Gabriel’s hand she might do something dumb like run a hand through Bellamy’s hair and press a kiss to his jaw and she can’t do that.  
They aren’t like that.

“We should go see the others.”  
Bellamy pauses and says carefully, “Are you sure? We can stay here longer.”  
She closes her eyes, she wants to stay here longer, in Bellamy’s arm, where she feels safe but she can’t.  
Gabriel won’t be waking up any time soon and she needs to see how Josie is doing and she could use another drink, something to keep her awake and focus.  
“I’m sure. I could use a drink.”  
He lets go of her hand and pushes her off his lap gent;y, his hands curving around her hips as he stands up behind her. He rests his chin on her shoulder looking at Gabriel.  
“He’s going to be okay.”  
“You really think so?”  
“He’s breathing isn’t he?”

* * *

Aurora is tired.  
She’s not sure how to describe all the emotions she is currently feeling.  
There is Octavia and her situation, which she hasn't been able to process properly because Octavia isn’t sure how to feel and Aurora’s job is to support her, not to tell her how she should feel.  
But she’s both worried and excited for her. 

She’s also nervous about sitting down with David and talking about her wanting to move to be closer to the kids.  
She loves him and he loves her.  
But they have been doing long distance for a while and while she knows he won’t mind her moving and would welcome the idea, it still is a conversation they need to have.  
Would she move in with David or would they look for a separate place together? Would she move by herself? Live with one of her kids for a while. Stay where she is?

And then there’s Bellamy and Clarke.  
A mother knows when her kids are in love.  
But its’ not her job to tell them that or to fix it for them.  
The only one who can get the other of the mess is each other.  
Though she really wants them to fix this and soon.  
She wants to see her son happy and in love.  
Aurora runs a hand through her hair and smiles when she sees them all sitting in the waiting room chair.

Her eyes scan them looking for Bellamy and Clarke.  
She hugs them all, Murphy being the last one.  
She pulls away, keeping her hands on his arms.  
“How is…”  
“She was asleep in Bellamy’s lap. They got called in.”  
“That’s good. How are you feeling? I heard you enjoyed the fresh forest air?”  
It’s a soft dig and she doesn't say it to be mean or to be cruel but because she wants to hear his thoughts about what happened.

His expression falls.  
“It was nice to get away, I just wish…things are a mess. Clarke, Bellamy. Raven''  
He trails off and Aurora squeezes his arms.  
“Clarke and Bellamy will figure it out. They always do. And you and Raven… you need to sit down and talk to her, both of them. I know it’s not easy. But you love them and they love you. “  
She hugs him again and she feels him let out a soft sigh before he hugs her back tightly.

A voice causes Murphy to pull away from her.

She looks the girl up and down.  
She’s tall, with light wavy brown hair, she’s dressed all in what she recognized in her son's shirt.  
She holds her hand out and Aurora registers the name.  
Echo.  
So this is the Echo Clarke and Octavia were talking about.  
This was her son’s new… girlfriend.  
She opens her mouth.

“Mom!”  
Aurora turns toward the voice, spotting her son, Clarke nestled into his side.  
She looks like she's about to fall apart as if Bellamy is the one thing holding her up, his arm around her waist, her leaning into him.  
But that changes as soon as Clarke sees Aurora.  
She seems to perk her and her face changes, relief on her face.  
Aurora takes a step toward her, arms open and then Clarke in her arms and Aurora runs a hand through her blonde hair, rocking her back and forth.  
“Shhh it’s okay baby. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

Aurora registers Bellamy pressing a kiss to her cheek and one of Clarke's arms lets go of her to reach for her son and then he is next to them both arms around him, lips pressed to Clarke's hair and Aurora closes her eyes, letting a few of her own tears slip away.  
She hates seeing her kids like that and Clarke as much as her kid as the others.  
“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.”  
She hugs her a bit tighter wishing she could take away all of her kids, not just Clarke’s pains and worries away.  


Clarke can’t quite describe the relief she feels in Aurora’s arms.  
She is not sure what it is about the Blake family but they feel like home to her.  
With Aurora holding her in her arms and Bellamy’s hand on her back, Clarke lets herself relax.  
When she does pull away, Aurora cups her face, brushing her tears away.  
“No more tears, okay?”  
Clarke nods, biting her lip and Aurora gives her a soft smile.  
Aurora steps back and then Bellamy is there wrapping an arm around her waist and Clarke tucks herself into his side. Aurora watches her son and Clarke as he presses a kiss to her hair and she lets out a soft sigh.  
Clarke would be content to stay like this in his arms but a sharp cough breaks her thoughts and she focuses on everyone in the room.  
Miller, Murphy, Raven. Emori, Jackson, Harper, Monty, Echo.  


She eyes land on Echo, who raises an eyebrow at them and Clarke stiffens, back stiffen and she can feel Bellamy’s eyes on her and she pulls away from him a bit but his fingers squeeze her hips instinct, keeping her close and Clarke looks up to see Bellamy looking at Echo.  
His jaw is clenched and Clarke wants to press her fingers on his jaw, smooth it out but it's not her place.  
She remembers Murphy being next to Bellamy when she woke up and she remembers Ocavai hugging her but she didn't’ realize that they were all there.  
“You guys didn't have to come.”  
She tilts her head, biting her lip.  
It’s a bit of a shock.  
They had all missed her art show but had all showed up to the hospital.  
She feels a wave of affection for them.  


Murphy holds out his arms and she steps away from Bellamy to hug him.  
His hand is firm on her back and he’s warm and she can feel him let out a loud sigh in her hair.  
Murphy is a different type of safety, a Wells and Roan type.  
Harper and Monty are next, both of them, surrounding her, hand locked behind her back.  
After then is Miller and Jackson then Emori and to her surprise Raven.  


* * *

While Clarke is busy hugging everyone, Echo takes the chance to snuggle up to Bellamy.  
She wraps an arm around his waist and presses a kiss to his jaw.  
“Are you okay?”  
His eyes are on Clarke watching her hug the others and Echo rolls her eyes.  
One confession and one hospital trip later and Bellamy is slipping away quickly.  
She might have been able to fool Clarke with her fake engagement ring but she has to do something to keep Bellamy’s focus on her and only her.  
She cups his face and pulls him in for what she intended to be a long, not hospital appropriate kiss but he pulls away quickly and she pouts at him.  
“I love you, you know that.”  
Bellamy swallows, guilt and discomfort in his stomach and he nods.  
“I know that.”  
Echo waits to see if he says it back but his eyes flicker over her head, checking in on the blonde.  
She reaches for his hand, giving it a squeeze.  
“You know, you should introduce me to your mom.”  
Bellamy’s flicked back to her in shock and lets out an annoyed sigh and pulls away from her.  
“No offense Echo, but now is not the time.”  
“If not now then when?”  
She frowns, crossing her arms across her chest, and Bellamy runs a hand through his hair.  
“Can we not do this now?”  
Echo snorts, she knows that she needs to tread carefully but this is ridiculous.  
“For fuck sakes, Bellamy I'm not asking you for a ring. I'm asking you to tell your mom that I'm your girlfriend.”  
“And I’m saying this is not the time. For fuck sakes Echo, we are at the hospital because of Clarke...”  
“Because of Clarke what? Because she needs you because she claims to love you and suddenly you have this obligation to her…”  
Echo’s angry and for once she isn’t worried about trying to be good or putting up this sweet mask around Bellamy.  
Their faces are close, voices hushed, and then a hand touches Bellamy’s arm.  


“Everything okay honey?”  
It’s Aurora.  
Bellamy lets out a sigh.  
He’s happy she interrupted their fight because he's not sure either of them would have been able to keep their cool if it had continued on.  
Echo turns to smile a bright smile at the woman.  
“Everything is fine ma’am.”  
She tucks her hair behind her ear, shooting her a smile that has won over courtrooms.  
Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to have the same effect on Aurora.  
Bellamy watches in dismay as his mother, tilts her head to the left, a fake smile appearing on her lips and her fingers squeezing on his arm briefly.  
He’s a bit amazed at how fast Echo went from being angry at him to being charming with his mother.  
Echo holds out a hand “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Echo. Bellamy’s girlfriend.”  
Aurora shakes her hand politely, “I’m Aurora, Bellamy’s mother.”  
Echo lets her mouth drop in surprise, eyes wide.  
“Really? It’s so nice to meet you!”  
She steps forward to hug her, arms going around her and Aurora pat her on the shoulder, arms slack around her.  
Echo pulls away, disappointed that Aurora didn't hug her back the way she hugged the others but she smiles, brightly.  
She has time to win her over, she’s charmed courtrooms, Bellamy’s mother will be a piece of cake.  
“I’m been looking forward to meeting you and I'm so happy that we finally had the chance.”  
Aurora raises an eyebrow and her lips curl into a tight smile.  
“Shame about the circumstance we are in.”  
Echo runs a hand through her hair, laughing.  
“Things always have a way of working out for me.”

Aurora stares at her in disbelief.  
She admires confident people.  
After years of working her ass off, she has grown a backbone. She has seen her kids grow up to be confident and she is so proud of them.  
But there is a difference between confidence and arrogance.  
And Echo is more arrogant than confident at least in her opinion.  
In fact, she would say that Abby and Echo would get along.  
“That’s nice.”  
Aurora sees Clarke running a hand through her hair and she can tell the girl is feeling overwhelmed by everyone and she gives Echo a smile and pats Bellamy on the arm.  
“If you would excuse me.”  
She wraps an arm around Clarke’s shoulder.  
“Wanna go for a walk?”  
Clarke hesitates and Aurora rubs her shoulder.  
“Let’s get something to drink and we will be right back, someone will call us if anything.”  
Aurora starts to lead her when a voice calls out to them.  
“Mind if I come with?”  
Echo gives them a huge smile as she approaches them.  
“I’m dying for a cup of coffee.”  
Clarke wants to say no as does Aurora but there is really no polite way of doing it and so they reluctantly leave.  


* * *

  
_ Lately, I've been, I've been thinking_  
_I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier_  
_Even though I might not like this_  
_I think that you'll be happier, I want you to be happier _  
_Happier- Marshmello _  


* * *

Bellamy collapses into the chair as soon as they leave.  
He’s tired, exhausted, drained, confused, and just way in over his head.  
Between his fight with Clarke and her confession, to her taking off to finding out that she was in the hospital and thinking that she was hurt, dying to find out that she was okay, to being in the room with her, his arm wrapped around and she let herself be vulnerable to his argument with Echo now, it’s kinda been a very very low day.

Murphy feels bad but considering that all they have to do now is wait, there is time to talk.  
Gods know how many times Bellamy had been there for him to talk about whatever is on his mind, the least he can do is extend the favor.

He pulls Muller aside to tell him what he is going to do.  
He‘s going to need backup and Jasper isn't in any shape to help and Monty is sitting next to him and Octavia making the boy laugh as his feet tap the ground. Miller is his only option but it’s good because Miller is more levelheaded than both of them combined.  
Miller is calm, Bellamy is authoritative but emotional and he’s sarcastic and a pusher.  
Both men approach him and Bellamy looks yo at his two friends.  
“Let’s go for a walk?”  
They don’t give him a chance to say no and they make their way to an empty hallway, close enough that Bellamy can get back to the others quickly but far enough that they can have a private conversation.  
If there is one thing that both Murphy and Miller now from being friends with Bellamy for a while is that they have to let him start.  
Push Bellamy and he turns the conversation on you.  
But to his surprise, it’s not a long wait.  


Bellamy sinks onto the couch.  
He runs a hand through his hair and looks at Murphy as Miller leans against the wall.  
Bellamy looks older, exhausted, drained.  
“I screwed up. Screwed up so badly Murphy.”  
Murphy wants to say something but he's not sure what to say or how Bellamy can fix this.  
After years of dancing around, all the cards are on the table and they can’t ignore it or go back to the way things were.  
He knows that even if Bellamy broke up with Echo it doesn't change the fact that they Bellamy and Clarke have reached a turning point in their relationship.  
It doesn't take away the month of hurt Bellamy has been storing or the way Clarke feels.  
It doesn't change the fact that they both hurt each other unintentionally.  
Bellamy looks down at his knees, shoulder slumped forward hand squeezing his thighs.  
“I went to the art gallery twice.”  
Miller lets out a shaky breath and Murphy sits down next to Bellamy.  
“The first day couldn't even walk through the door. The second time I barely got through half of the first room before I left.”  
“Why did you leave Bellamy?”  
Miller's voice is soft, calming.  
Murphy was confused, the gallery was Clarke's love declaration to th world. It was Clarke being open to someone who wasn't Bellamy.  
If Bellamy had seen it he would have known her feelings and maybe brunch would have turned out differently.  


“Because it doesn’t change anything. Me going to the art gallery now doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t there for her big night it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt her, it doesn’t fix anything. I can go to the art gallery I can apologize over and over it’s not gonna change the way I made her feel. It's not going to change the fact that you hurt me when she left for six months, it's not going to change anything.”  
His hands gesture angrily, trying to get his point across.  
"So you aren't even going to fix things? Does your relationship with her mean so little?"  
"Shut up Murphy."  
Bellamy's on his feet and Murphy rises to join him, both of them glaring at the other. Miller hovers in the back, not wanting to make a move unless absolutely necessary. This is how things work, they argue, push each other around and he calms them down. It's what Murphy did when Bellamy found about Lincoln's age, its what Bellamy did when Murphy  
"Screw you. You want to be with Echo then be with her. You want to fix things with Clarke because you care about her, then you do it. But don't be a coward."  
"Screw you."  
Miller tried to get between them, hands out.  
"Guys, take a breather, okay."  


Murphy shakes his head at the other boy and holds his hands up, surrendering.  
"I'm not going to fight you. I’m not going to do that because the truth is you're not mad at me or at your sister or at a Clarke, you are mad at yourself. You are mad because you broke each other hearts and you are scared that this time she won't forgive you. You are mad that you didn't kiss her that night, that that night screwed it all up, you are mad that about your relationship with Echo because you care about her but not in the same you do Clarke and it makes you feel guilty. You are mad at Echo because the trip was her idea but you are mad because you didn't remember Clarke's show. And you are also mad at the fact that you are made at Echo because it makes you feel like a horrible person for being mad that she had a role in your and Clarke's mess."  


Murphy takes a deep breath as Bellamy stands in front of him, eyes wide, lips parted in shock. All the tension from Murphy pushing his buttons in his body is gone.  
Murphy's voice is softer as he takes a step towards him, Bellamy.  
"You have been in love with Clarke for years Bellamy, years. I've seen it. And now you got a chance, a chance to do something about it, a chance to be happy. “  
Miller steps closer, squeezing Bellamy's shoulder. "You've done so much for us, Bellamy. Don't you deserve to be happy too?"  


Bellamy is quiet, too quiet and both Miller and Murphy exchange a look wondering if they pushed him too far. He sinks back down onto the couch, his head in his hands, fingers in his curls.  
“What do I do? I'm with Echo, I just asked Echo to move with me. Echo loves me, she wants to be with me. But Clarke- she's the one, she's always been the one. I just never thought I would get a chance? How do I fix this? Echo loves me, she wanted to be with me and it's nice to be wanted. I didn't know how Clarke felt. But it's not fair to Echo, for me to want Clarke when I'm with her. But I can't lose Clarke, I rather have her a friend than anything else. ”  
"I can't tell you what to do but who makes you happier?" 

* * *

Aurora can feel the tension radiating from both girls.  
She has no interest in getting to know Echo.  
It’s not that she doesn't like Bellamy's girlfriends because she does.  
Gina was a lovely girl and Bree and Roma and the girls Bellamy brought home (and tried to sneak in and out) on occasion were sweet. But there was something about Echo that bothered her and she wasn't sure if it was because of everything that had happened with Clarke or because of something else. She didn't like to make assumptions but Echo was not off to a great start.

But Echo had wanted to come and she didn't know how to say no politely so Aurora decides to focus on Clarke.  
She tucks her arm around Clarke's.  
“Do you know what happened?"  
"The officers said it was a drunk driver, it hit Josie and then another car crashed into them. It doesn't look good for the other car."  
Aurora sighs as they head to the bakery, Echo trailing after her.  
"I'm going to get some tea, do you want something?"  
"Hot chocolate?  
Clarke digs out her wallet but Aurora stops her, "I got you."  
She turns to look at Echo, "Can I get you something?"  
She smiles brightly, "A large black coffee would be great thank you. I'll sit here and keep Clarke company."  
Clarke doesn't look to please but she nods to Aurora and the older woman heads to get the drinks.  


Echo is annoyed.  
The fact that Aurora and Clarke had been walking arm in arm and not paying her attention bothered her. She thought that the mother of her boyfriend would want to get to know the girlfriend of her son.  
But clearly, she was wrong.  
She gives Echo a smile and then she reaches to pat Clarke's hand the ring on her finger in full view, the cold metal of it touching Clarke's skin.  
"I'm really sorry.I can't imagine how you are feeling. First that outburst at brunch and then this? Wow, you really don't have good luck do you."  
Clarke's eyes are on the ring and Echo presses on.  
"You're lucky that Bellamy values your friendship enough to look past you silly little outburst at brunch and come here. He's amazing, you know."  
Clarke knows all too well how amazing he is.  
"He's a lot more thna amazing. He's... he's my best friend."  
Echo gives her a pitying look, "Your friendship, it's weird, you know that. It's not healthy for you to be so dependent on Bellamy. What are you going to do when Bellamy and I get a place together?"  
Clarke freezes and Echo smirks triumphantly, knowing she hit a nerve.  
"So you and Bellamy."  
Echo taps her ring.  
"I don't want to say anything, figured we should wait a little. Don't tell him I told you, I know he was dying to tell you himself."  
Clarke's mind is whirling.  
Bellamy moving out.  
Bellamy and Echo getting married.  
Her being pushed to the side.  
Then she thinks about Echo confronting her, the way it hurt.  
"Bell...Bellamy and I have never had an issue with past relationships." Echo clicks her tongue.  
"A girlfriend is a lot different from a wife."  
There's some truth to that statement and Clarke wants to say something to Echo, but she doesn't want to be asked to leave nor as selfish as the thought is, she doesn't want to give Bellamy yet another chance to pick Echo over her.  
Although she supposes that a ring signifies that choice.  


Aurora's eyes land on the girls' hands and she notices the way Clarke is subdued as they drink their drinks.  
Echo dominates the conversation, asking her questions, and telling Aurora about herself.  
She's right.  
Echo and Abby are a lot alike, both are charming but a lot of what is being said leaves more questions in her mind.  
When she finds out that Echo is a lawyer she wants to laugh.  
She has seen Abby charm a courtroom before and clearly, Echo is good at it too.  


* * *

Bellamy taps his foot on the ground, fingers drumming on his leg.  
Murphy wants to throttle him.  
Bellamy had suggested that they leave but there was no way he was going too.  
Jasper and Octavia, however, had left with Monty and Harper, they had felt bad but both Jasper and Octavia had been quiet and Bellamy's big brother instincts kicked in.  
Jackson and Miller were talking to David, David had spoken to a few other officers asking about the situation and had been told that two of the three passengers in the other car were not doing well, they were not expected to last the night.  
That information of course had kicked Bellamy's heart into a rapid beating because he didn't want to think of Clarke's reaction is something happed. They had gotten lucky with Xavier and Gabriel, but there was no word of Josephine except that she was in surgery but would be coming out soon.  
Bellamy still isn't sure as to who they are but he knows they are important to Clarke and that's enough. (Even though the way she looked at Gabriel was stuck in his mind.)  
It doesn't escape his notice that he is still wearing the man's sweater but it is warm and soft so he chose to ignore it.  


It happens a bit like a movie.  
There's the sound of heels on the floor.  
_ tap tap taptaptaptaptap _  
The sound gets louder and louder and Bellamy looks up to see a woman enter.  
Abby Griffin.  


Bellamy blinks, sure that this is a nightmare.  
It's not.  
Abby is still there and is looking at him.  
Her lips curl into a smile.  
"Bellamy Blake. Where is my daughter?"  
She says his name the way someone might use to refer to trash like he's nothing to her.  
Her voice is sickly sweet and annoying to his ears, but he's biased.  
"You aren't supposed to be here."  
Abby rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.  
"Where is my daughter?"  
He stands up, he's ware of Murphy pulling his phone out.  
"She's not here and you aren't supposed to be here. No one invited you."  
"I'm here to see my daughters."  
_ Daughters _  
The word spins in his head and Bellamy's not sure he liked that.  
"You need to leave now."  
Abby arches an eyebrow, "Excuse me?" "You heard me. You need to leave. Clarke would not want to see you."  
Her lips curve into a sneer and it looks out of place next to her perfectly maintained hair, nude lipstick, and a business suit.  
But he knows better, he has seen Abby wear that sneer one too many times.  
"Where were you when I came to the art show? Where was that puppy-like sense of loyalty?"  
Bellamy feels shame and guilt and he opens his mouth to respond to her but someone else beats him.  


"Abby?"  
Bellamy turns his heart pounding as he recognizes the voice.  
It's Clarke.  
Abby smiles when she sees her daughter but her smile disappears when she sees Aurora.  
"Well, well, if it isn't Aurora Blake? Why am I not surprised? You always did enjoy taking what isn't yours."  
Aurora doesn't like to stoop to her level, but the implication that Clarke is something that she can take, the implication that Abby is making about her, makes her angry.  
"Abby Griffin. Nice to see you once again, at a place you were not invited to."  
"Why wouldn't I be here for my daughters."  
Aurora opens her mouth but Clarke grabs her hand and shakes her head at the woman and turns toward her mother.  
"Like you were there for me at the art show?- Oh wait, you came to berate me and tell me that I'm a failure and that my friends don't care. Like you were there for Josie- oh wait you gave her up."  


Bellamy stiffens as he realized who Abby is referring to when she says daughter and who Josie is and Emori squeezes his arm, as she can practically feel the guilt coming off in waves but he shrugs her off making his way to Clarke's side.  
She tucks herself into his side, her hand slipping from Aurora's arm to her hand and Bellamy's arm wraps around her waist.  
"You need to leave now, Abby."  
She's proud that her voice isn't trembling and that there are no tears in her eyes.  
"I'm your mother."  
"Aurora is more of a mother to me than you are. She has always supported me, been there for me."  
"I'm your mother! I worked my ass off to give you a good education, a good proper job, and instead, you threw it all away, for what? For a stupid boy? A silly dream?"  
"Her art is not silly!"  
Both of the Blakes snap out.  
Their eyes are dark, body stiff, and Clarke squeezes Aurora's hand and leans into Bellamy more. She feels nothing but affection for both of them.  
The Blakes are her family, they always have been.  


"You need to leave, now. Before I have security escort you out."  
Clarke can see her mother debating what to do.  
If she leaves, she will have lost against her and the Blakes but if she stays she risks being escorted out and the news of Abby Griffin being kicked out would be huge news, it would have an effect on her reputation.  
"This is not over. Josephine is my daughter and I will be back. And you, you are an ungrateful child and your father would be ashamed with you."  
It happens before Clarke can even blink.  
One second her hand is in Aurora's and the next thing she knows her hand is slipping from the older woman and Aurora is stepping forward.  
_ SMACK _  
Abby and the others all look at Aurora in shock.  
David hovers unsure if he should get involved because he is an officer or not because he enjoys seeing Aurora defend her kids.  
"Your daughter asked you to leave at least three times. You insulted me, my son, and your daughter. You are right, Jake would be ashamed. He would be ashamed at you!"  
Abby takes a step forward, but someone interrupts them.  
"I'm sorry but you need to leave."  
Aurora nods, not sure if they mean her or Abby but she will leave.  
"Of course."  
She turns to Clarke and wraps her in her arms and Clarke's arms are tight around her.  
"Call me if you need anything, honey."  
"Thank you. For everything."  
Aurora pulls away to hug her son, "You stay with her, she needs you."  
Bellamy chuckles in her ear.  
"You're kinda a badass."  
Abby meanwhile leaves in a huff, brushing past Echo who is fuming that Bellamy had rushed to Clarke's side. But it had given her a look into the Griffin family and she now knew what other buttons to push if she needed to get Clarke out of Bellamy's life.  
"I'll walk you to the exit."  
Clarke leaves, David and Aurora and Miller following her and Bellamy runs a hand through his hair.  
He hates having to deal with Abby.  
He hates that Clarke has to deal with her that he hadn't been there when Abby showed up to her art show.  
He leans against the wall and closes his eyes.  


* * *

Echo makes a beeline for Bellamy.  
Clarke is gone and Bellamy looks exhausted.  
She slides her hands up his chest and let out a soft sigh  
“You look so tired, why don't we go home and I'll take care of you baby.”  
Bellamy's hands wrap around her wrist and he pushes her away, putting more distance between them.

"Bell?"  
She steps closer to him and cups his face and he turns his head away.  
"Not now Echo."  
He doesn't need her comforting him, because the truth is he missed the art show because Echo wanted to go on a trip. Yes, it's his fault for getting the date wrong but she had insisted on no phones during the vacation.  
He has mixed feeling about it all and Echo's low voice is more seductive than anything which bothers him considering they are at the hospital.  
It's not fair.  
But between Clarke's confession, the accident, Abby's appearance, it's a long day and he just wants to go to his apartment and pull Clarke's blanket over him and curl up on the couch with her.  
And that's the problem.  
He should want to curl up with his girlfriend, not his best friend.  
But is it worth the risk?  
He's many things but Echo deserves better than an impulsive breakup, he needs to think about it.  
But he can't leave Clarke alone.  
Echo can't get a read on what he is thinking which annoys her because she can't really tell what her next move should be- soft and comforting? Low and seductive? A guilt trip?  
"Bellamy I know you are upset."  
He ducks his head, his voice regretfully.  
"I can't do this, I can't do this with you right now, not tonight. "  
Echo rolls her eyes, guilt trip it is.  
"Are you serious? I'm trying to be a good girlfriend and you are making me feel like shit."  
She runs a hand through her hair and she feels satisfaction at the guilty expression on his face.  
"I can't do this. We are at the hospital Echo. This is the last place where you should be flirting with me, not to mention, you know how important Clarke is to me, did you not think I would spend the night here. "  
"Are you kidding? Do you honestly think I would let you stay here with Clarke?"  
He shakes hsi head in disbelief.  
"Do you even hear yourself. Let me? Since when do I need your permission to hang out with one of my oldest and longest not to mention the best friend?"  
"Since she confessed that she's in love with you."  
"We are at the hospital. Her family is not doing good and you really think she is going to make a move on me here, now?  
"I don't trust her."  
Echo doesn't mean for it to slip out and she wonders how she can fix that.  
Bellamy shakes his head.  
"You mean you don't trust me."  
Echo crosses her arms, eyes glaring.  
"Can you blame me? The way you act with Clarke? The way you are hesitant about moving forward with me? Do you even see a future with me?"  
The others are quiet, eyes on them. Raven squeezing Emori's hand as Murphy exchanges a look with Jackson.  
Where were Clarke and Miller?  
"Go home Echo. I'm not doing this now. We will talk about this later."  
His voice is firm, unwavering, and his eyes shift to something behind her and it tells her that it's Clarke.  
"Fine."  
She places her hands on his shoulders to kiss him but he turns his head to press a kiss to her cheek instead.  
"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"  
He looks past her, "Murphy make sure she gets home safe?"

"Family of Josephine Lightbourne?"  
Bellamy turns as Clarke approaches the nurse.  
"That's me."  
She turns to look at Bellamy and he's at her side instantly and Echo takes a deep calming breath.  
She can't make a scene.  
She needs to come up with a way to get Bellamy to stay with her and a way to make sure Clarke ruins her friendship with Bellamy.  
She knows when to concede.  
She went to law school, she knows when to retreat and come back with a new plan.  
Her eyes scan the others are who waving goodbye to Clarke and Bellamy who are heading off with the nurse.  


* * *

“Octavia, please talk to me. Come on tell me what you're thinking I'm not going to be mad... I can never be mad at you for making this type of decision.”  
“I wanted to go back to school,” she turns around to face him, tears in the corner of her eyes. Jasper freezes I mean to brush her cheek and she closes her eyes.  
“O?”  
“I wanted to go back to school. I was just thinking you know you went back to class you took classes after you came out of rehab and Bellamy got his degree I want to go back to school .”  
“You can still go back to school. “  
“ I can't do it if I'm pregnant.  
“Yes, you can there's nothing that you can't do.”  
“ how am I supposed to go back to school if I'm going to have a baby”  
“ other people have done it.”  
“ that's not fair. It's not fair to put that type of my child.”  
“ if you don't want to have a kid I'm not going to be mad I would never make you do something like that I love you, Octavia."  
Octavia turns over to look at him and he reaches for her hand pulling himself closer to her and placing a hand on her hip.  
“The truth is Jasper I don't know what I want, I want to have kids, I thought about having kids with Lincoln one day and with you. But what if I mess them up?”  
“ I'm going to be right there with you and Octavia, you can have whatever you want. Octavia if you want to go to school can you go to school. If you want to have a child and you can have it. If you don't them we won't. I will support you in whatever you decide.”  
“But what about what you want? You have a say too, this is your kid too.”  
“You're the one that's going to be carrying someone for the next 9 months if you're not ready then we're not ready. I love you, whether that means having a kid now in the future or never that's okay Octavia. Do I want kids yes, i do it would be nice but its not the end of the world if you don’t.”  
He presses a kiss to her hand and Octavia smiles softly.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too...And O, you, we don't have to decide anything today or right now okay?”  
She nods and scoots closer to him until she’s nestled in his arms, one of his hands moves to cover her hip and he places her other hand around her own stomach.  
She really does love him.  


* * *

  
_ Hurt people hurt people_  
_Hurt people, so lethal_  
_Around and around we go_  
_Guess we're used to the pain_  
_Everybody heart breaking_  
_Hungover, love wasted_  
_It's too much we can't take it_  
_Yeah, we all feel the pain_  
_Hurt people hurt people _  
_\- Hurt People by Jack and Jack_

* * *

The drive home is not as long as there is not a lot of traffic.  
So Echo decided to use the pitying looks the other gave her as a strategy.  
Jackson and Miller are in their car and she is with Raven in the backseat while Emori and Murphy sit in the front, Emori driving her car.  
Echo thinks of her mother- dead, and of the anger, she felt at Clarke when they were kids and then again now and it's not hard to make the tears come.  
She covers her face, letting her shoulders shake with heaving sobs and Raven is quick to wrap an arm around her, comforting her.  
"It's going to be okay.  
"I'm just worried. Bellamy, we been fighting and I'm worried."  
"Hey, he loves you. He wants you to move in right?"  
Echo nods and Raven squeezes her, pressing her lips to her hair.  
"Bellamy loves you and it's going to be okay."  
Murphy wants to say something but Emori gives him a look and he sighs.  


Echo closes her eyes, pretending to fall asleep on Raven's shoulder.  
Murphy waits until they are about ten minutes away from Echo's apartment to start the talk.  
"Why are you giving her false hope?"  
Raven's walls go up and she rolls her eyes.  
"It's not false hope. She's his girlfriend."  
Murphy snorts, "Oh come on Raven, you are smarter than that. It's Clarke, it's always been, Clarke. Are you really going to let your friendship with Echo and anger at Clarke blinded you to that?"  
"Bellamy loves Echo. They are moving in together, he wants to marry her for fuck sake."  
Murphy raises an eyebrow.  
That's news to him and he doubts its real news.  
"Bellamy will pick Echo, Clarke broke his heart and he loves her."  
Murphy doesn't know why she is like this, why she is so stubborn about this.  
"He won't and you know that."  
"Why are you like this? Echo is your friend."  
"No, she's yours, Raven. I put up with her because she makes you happy. Clarke is my friend. She's has always been there for me. I'm sorry but I will choose Clarke over Echo."  
That hits a nerve.  
It hits her insecurity.  
"Of course, everyone picks Clarke. Well, I'm sure if you ask she will sleep with you, she always did have a thing for sleeping with other people's boyfriends."  
The second it comes out she knows that it was a mistake.  
She shouldn't have said that.  
The silence from Murphy tells her that and Raven licks her lip,s her heart pounding in her chest. "John?"  
“Fuck you, Reyes. You don’t get to say things like that. You know how upset Clarke was when she found out about what Finn did to you, she hated herself. She literally hated herself for what happened. She blamed herself for not picking up the sigsn. She would never ever sleep with a friend's significant other and if you think I would ever cheat on you and Emori then you are not the girl I fell in love with. Clarke is the whole reason you even became me and Emori’s girlfriend. Or did you forget how she kept telling us all to make a move and she helped you out... Clarke's a good friends, to you, to Emori, to me. And you actually said that about her? I can't/ I'm not doing this."  
“John?”  


They pull up to Echo's apartment and Murphy crosses his arms as Emori gets out to help Raven out of the car, shaking Echo who gives off a loud fake yawn.  
"Thanks for dropping me off."  
"Hey, Echo, I don't think you should stay by yourself. Why doesn't Raven stay with you."  
Echo nods as Murphy's jaw clenches.  
Raven’s heart breaks and it's her worst nightmare come true.  
They are going to leave her.  
Emori presses a soft kiss to her lips. "I'm going to calm him down, okay. I love you. Call you tomorrow."  


Echo changes into some pajamas and hands some of he clothes to Raven.  
Echo pretends that she doesn't hear Raven sobbing in her shower and when the girl crawls into bed next to her Echo closes her eyes and pretends to be asleep even as Raven tries to shake her away. Raven gives up and turns away from her, trying not to cry.  


* * *

Even without his mother telling him, he had planned to stay.  
Clarke needed him and that meant more than trying to keep his distance and figuring things out.  
Bellamy can't quite describe the way Clarke's body sunk into his at the news that Josephine was okay.  
She had made it out or surgery and was being kept in another room for the time being.  
They were allowed to see her and Bellamy was stunned by the resemblance.  
Same blond hair, same soft smile.  
"So she's your sister."  
Clarke nods and he presses a kiss to her hair.  
"It's a long story and we aren't sure of it. She might be, she might not. Who knows with my mother."  
Visiting hours are over but they are not going anywhere so Bellamy asks for a blanket so Clarke can sleep on the small couch in Gabriel and Xavier's room. He was planning to sleep in a chair.  
But plans change.  
Clarke had checked up on both of them, fussing with blankets and then she told him a few funny stories  
about her and the Santiago family and it made his heart ache.  
He had missed Clarke but she had gotten to know her family during that time.  
He was happy for her.  
She needed more people in her corner.  
Clarke tries to fight the need to sleep.  
She's not sure she can do it.  
Sleep alone, not when everything has come crashed around her.  
Between her confession, the accident, her mother- she's a mess.  
And she just wants someone to hold her. She shouldn't ask Bellamy.  
It's not right.  
It would make things more confusing.  
But she can't sleep and she knows he's not either.  


“Bellamy,” her voice is hesitant, unsure how to ask him.  
Clarke licks her lips “Can we pretend I never said anything... I just really need you to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay?”  
Bellamy knew it would make things more confusing and more complicated but he knew that Clarke needed this, that she needed him.  
He gets off the chair and makes his way to the small bed, kicking off his shoes, and lays down next to her on the little sofa bed, fixing the blanket around them.  
Clarke scoots closer to him and Bellamy wraps an arm around her waist pulling her closer until she presses against his chest. Clarke can feel his breath on the back of her neck and she lets out a soft sigh.  
She turns around and she tilts her head back to meet his eyes.  
“Tell me it's going to be okay. Tell me..”  
Bellamy tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and lets his finger brush her cheek, softly.  
Clarke lets out a shuddering breath and he presses a kiss to her forehead and she closes her eyes.  
“It’s going to be okay.”  
Her hands are clutching his shirt and she shakes her head.  
“What if…”  
“No no no no, you can't think like that princess. You're a fighter and so is she. She's going to be okay. They're all going to be okay.”  
He cradles her face, “It’s going to be okay.”  
Clarke turns her head, pressing a kiss to his palm before wrapping her own arm around his waist and tucking her face into his neck.  
It’s a tight squeeze but there is nowhere else Bellamy rather be. He lifts the blanket over their heads, shielding them, shielding her.  
As her breathing even out, he lets out a soft sigh.  
He thinks about his conversation with Miller and Murphy.  
_ You deserve to be happy._ _ Who makes you happier? _ He has his answer.  
He knows that to do.  


* * *

_  
_Tell the world that we finally got it all right_  
_I choose you..._  
_I will become yours and you will become mine_  
_I choose you_  
_I choose you_  
_I choose you_  
_You_  
\- Chose You by Sara Bareilles _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, sorry.  
So for starters, I graduated which is kinda crazy considering that I started this last year when I was starting classes.  
So I've been busy with finals and resting but I'm excited to be back.  
Can't promise when I will update because I do have other WIPs to update and I do have something with a deadline that needs to be finished ASAP, but I will try not to disappear for months.  
Best estimate: Beginning of May/end of June. 
> 
> I'm hoping the show will inspire me to write but just for this but other fics as well. I tend to work best when I'm emotional and considering that most of the news related to the show is making me feel strong emotions, expect to see a lot and I mean a lot of fics coming your way. I got a few ideas in the works and of course, I am always willing to take prompts. 
> 
> Umm. I currently making my way through all the comments so if you get a response from a comment left chapters ago, I'm sorry that it took me this long.
> 
> I hoped you liked this.  
We got an exciting long-anticipated chapter up next and I'm excited!
> 
> I also wanted to take the time to tell you that you can both message me on Tumblr or on twitter about the fic- whether it's a qustion or a concern.  
I saw a few comments asking me about trigger warnings which I will be posting for that chapter and will be designating that part of the fic differently in case anyone wants to skip, I'm going to summarize if but if anyone absolutely needs to know I will be more than happy to tell/spoil that for you. I would never want to hurt or trigger anyone of you because i know that feeling and I would be horrible if I did.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for sticking with me during all this time.
> 
> It's currently about to be 6AM so i look foward to reading comments or messages or just knowing that for many of you this was an unexpected surprise.  
Also Happy Show day!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading!  
Hope you all liked this!  
Let me know what you think!  
-Queen


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